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Frijolero
Jan 24, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
INTRO

*CAIRO, EGYPT*

An anatomically incorrect pterodactyl perches atop a pyramid and lets out a wilhelm scream.

*Minnesota or some poo poo*

Our hero is playing ball with his boy when his hot Caucasian wife calls him to come watch the NEWS.

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vyst
Aug 25, 2009



The hero announces he is gay

Roll credits

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW
Stop being such a loving nerd and watch the dinosaurs eat people.

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
I want to see a dinosaur eat a house wife. Yellow dress and pearls. It will make my day if jimmy buffet will be the hero.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
*looks at wreckage of the statue of liberty* you blew it up! you drat dinosaurs! you blew it all to hell!

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Edgar posted:

I want to see a dinosaur eat a house wife. Yellow dress and pearls. It will make my day if jimmy buffet will be the hero.

I want to see Jimmy Buffet, eat a house wife, the size of a dinosaur.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
i want to see a dinosaur put on a hat and dance around

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010

Mozi posted:

i want to see a dinosaur put on a hat and dance around

there you go! There are dinosaurs all over the place. You just have to go outside

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
HOLY poo poo

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Decebal posted:

there you go! There are dinosaurs all over the place. You just have to go outside



Even combed it's hair :haw:

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret

VendaGoat posted:

I want to see Jimmy Buffet, eat a house wife, the size of a dinosaur.

Yes!

At the utah hogle zoo, they have robot dinossurs

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

Las Vegas:

an overweight and disheveled looking axl rose, accompanied by a substandard group of session musicians, half-heartedly goes through the motions of performing some classic gnr hits. the camera pans to axl's point of view where we see a packed house filled with velociraptors. the raptors look annoyed with the quality of the show.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

Las Vegas:

an overweight and disheveled looking axl rose, accompanied by a substandard group of session musicians, half-heartedly goes through the motions of performing some classic gnr hits. the camera pans to axl's point of view where we see a packed house filled with velociraptors. the raptors look annoyed with the quality of the show.

You're gonna die!

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

VendaGoat posted:

You're gonna die!

Cracked_Gear
Nov 4, 2013

Disney buys the rights

characters and dinosaurs break into song every 20 minutes

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret

Cracked_Gear posted:

Disney buys the rights

characters and dinosaurs break into song every 20 minutes

Death scenes where you see is nothing but shadows

ZombieJesus
Feb 26, 2005

He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS
15 minute slow motion zoom in on a Mercedes symbol

Roy
Sep 24, 2007
Young couple is having nasty pre-martial sex.

Guy: "Ohh baby you're so good"

Girl: "SKREEE!!"

The camera changes angle to reveal that a velociraptor has killed the girl and is now giving the guy a freaky dinosaur handjob. The camera fades as the raptor begins eating the guy.

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid
what if the park is the dinosaur??

Frijolero
Jan 24, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Roy posted:

Young couple is having nasty pre-martial sex.

Guy: "Ohh baby you're so good"

Girl: "SKREEE!!"

The camera changes angle to reveal that a velociraptor has killed the girl and is now giving the guy a freaky dinosaur handjob. The camera fades as the raptor begins eating the guy.

PG13

Frijolero
Jan 24, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
*THE MIDDLE EAST*

Terrorists have created their own Dinosaurus Rex.

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

The camera rushes through tall grass, bobbing to give the impression you're seeing a human's field of vision. A reptilian foot stamps down, long talons on each of the three legs. The camera slowly pans up to reveal a chicken cocking it's head. Cut to a shot of the chicken picking up a beetle and eating it.

Alan Grant: Why do you have these things? They're like...they're like raptors except worse.

Jeff Goldblum: Alan Grant, despite everything I believe in, I own them because it gives me the illusion of control over something similar to my most frightful memories. Sometimes to live with the truth, you have to let yourself believe the lie.

[Alan Grant's iPhone 6 rings]

Alan Grant: ugh, Ellie insisted I get one of these. How do you...there. Hello?

[garbled voice]

Alan Grant: You want me to go where...? I...why would she...yes. I'm on my way.

[Alan Grant looks at Jeff Goldbum with a look of seeing the ghost]

Alan Grant: Lex...

Jeff Goldblum: I'm going with you.


[cut to dinosaur island]

Chris 'Raptor' Pratt: Welcome to the remnants of Jurassic World. Nice to meet you, Dr. Alan Grant. Mr. Jeff Goldblum.

Alan Grant: where is Lex, the ltitle girl?

Chris 'Raptor' Pratt: She's no little girl anymore, Alan Grant. She's a grown woman with big boobies. It's been twenty-four years after all since you last saw her

Alan Grant: We've got to save her no matter the costs

Jeff Goldblum: Alan, could she survive? She's been here before but with what kinds of dinosaurs they made...ankylosaurus, gallimimus, pterodons?

Chris 'Raptor' Pratt: If anyone could survive, it's Lex. She's got a strength in her...a fire I haven't seen in years. The darkness and fear that she's held inside for years, bound by a legally binding NDA...it forged a fury and a strength with a hunger for adventure. With the team we have, and her moxy and tenacity, she'll be alright.

Alan Grant: Speaking of teams, is it just us?

Chris 'Raptor' Pratt: Actually, I have one more person you may be interested to see.

[a woman walks up]

Sattler Jr.: My name is Sattler Jr. I'm Ellie's daughter

Jeff Goldbum: Hello there I'm jeff goldblum. How'd you like to hear about chaos theory and how anything can happen, even if you initially decide against it?


this is all I got so far thanks :)

Roy
Sep 24, 2007
Needs a sassy female role played by Girl's star and famous molestor Lena Dunham

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
Replace t-wrecks scream with the child like delight scream of the unix park programmer newman.

Frijolero
Jan 24, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Instead of Dino DNA, Dino I-Am-Gay

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Frijolero posted:

Instead of Dino DNA, Dino I-Am-Gay

CockASoarAss Rex

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
tyranna-saur-us rex

no, wait

Hub Dirt
Apr 26, 2008
Aeris dies.

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


were there any black dinosaurs?

aside from ankylosaurus because lol obviously black there

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot
crossover with planet of the apes

jurassic world vs. the planet of the apes

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
king kong fights the king of lizards from that journey to the center of the earth movie. Why don't they glue wings and horns on poor lizards anymore in movies?

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

A rival company finally gets its hands on the can of embryos stolen by dennis nedry in the original film and uses it to clone dinosaurs for a rival mainland park. However what they didn't realise is that the dying nedry's blood had contaminated the embryos with his genetic material and all their dinos turn out to be horrible wayne knight dinosaur hybrids with voracious insatiable appetites. The nedrysaurs run rampant in a very Gremlins-esque horror comedy mix. At one point jerry Seinfeld is air dropped in as part of a plan to use him as bait but he is swallowed whole by a flying nedry-pteranodon and realises in his final moments that he is the airline food, saying "whats the deal with..." right as the dinos mouth snaps shut.

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Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!
A chronicle of the life of a wealthy iguanadon that serves as an allegory for Randolf Hearst. The plot is framed by a biographer who is attempting to dicipher the meaning of his mysterious last words, "rose bud."

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