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SixPabst
Oct 24, 2006

some butthole was laying down really eggy, spicy farts on my train to work this morning. really not cool.

places you should hold farts:
  • airplane
  • public transit (bus, train, gondola, etc..)
  • elevator

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JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

mintskoal posted:

some butthole was laying down really eggy, spicy farts on my train to work this morning. really not cool.

places you should hold farts:
  • airplane
  • public transit (bus, train, gondola, etc..)
  • elevator


who are you the loving fart police?

Train/Plane ride too long to hold it

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

huevos rancheros

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
I'll hold it in an elevator because I'm not 100% confident I can release it silently and whatever it's 30 seconds but lol if you think I'm clenching my butthole for 10 hours on an international flight to avoid offending your nose.

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.
for a while now ive had to fire off my stanky storage while going down the hall at work cuz i dont have a place that is "mine" but ima have an office area pretty soon and you know that place is gonna be a goddamn disaster zone for any poor unfortunate soul who walks in

SixPabst
Oct 24, 2006

look i can see on a long flight if you need to let one go in the bathroom or something (or seat if not stank) but letting ripe ones float around the cabin is pretty rude.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

mintskoal posted:

look i can see on a long flight if you need to let one go in the bathroom or something (or seat if not stank) but letting ripe ones float around the cabin is pretty rude.

Whatever as soon as I see someone dragged their 2 year old onto a 10 hr flight for a 2 month international holiday vacation the farts are gonna come flying with no remorse.

Maybe they can stuff the kid into a carrier like a dog and put him in cargo and then we'll talk.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
I farted in my car once. Then almost immediately got out. When I came back 10 minutes later it smelled pretty bad. I laughed.

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

mintskoal posted:

some butthole was laying down really eggy, spicy farts on my train to work this morning. really not cool.

places you should hold farts:
  • airplane
  • public transit (bus, train, gondola, etc..)
  • elevator


another passive aggressive thread where a goon retreats to SA to complain about something mundane instead of laying the smackdown on eggfarter and corking the hole

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

Waltzing Along posted:

I farted in my car once. Then almost immediately got out. When I came back 10 minutes later it smelled pretty bad. I laughed.

life is short so treasure these memories :)

welcome 2 Clown Town
Aug 1, 2006

GALAXY'S #2 SCULL*!

*scrunt skull

Waltzing Along posted:

I farted in my car once. Then almost immediately got out. When I came back 10 minutes later it smelled pretty bad. I laughed.

lol






do not come into my office any time after lunch unless you just really dont like yourself


esp if ve ben eanting onions or a big sandwich

SixPabst
Oct 24, 2006

Robo Reagan posted:

another passive aggressive thread where a goon retreats to SA to complain about something mundane instead of laying the smackdown on eggfarter and corking the hole

couldn't identify the eggfarter or i would have corked that hole real good. think of it as a PSA because the farter was probably a goon.

Nfcknblvbl
Jul 15, 2002

Airplanes are very well air-conditioned from my experience, so a nasty fart won't last very long, so just let 'em rip.

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

mintskoal posted:

look i can see on a long flight if you need to let one go in the bathroom or something (or seat if not stank) but letting ripe ones float around the cabin is pretty rude.


you crazy if you think im going to go to the bathroom to fart

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Nfcknblvbl posted:

Airplanes are very well air-conditioned from my experience, so a nasty fart won't last very long, so just let 'em rip.

yeah they are air filtered as gently caress anyway

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Benjamin "Bernie Sanders" Franklin posted:

I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year, viz. “Une figure quelconque donnee, on demande d’y inscrire le plus grand nombre de fois possible une autre figure plus-petite quelconque, qui est aussi donnee”. I was glad to find by these following Words, “l’Acadeemie a jugee que cette deecouverte, en eetendant les bornes de nos connoissances, ne seroit pas sans UTILITE”, that you esteem Utility an essential Point in your Enquiries, which has not always been the case with all Academies; and I conclude therefore that you have given this Question instead of a philosophical, or as the Learned express it, a physical one, because you could not at the time think of a physical one that promis’d greater Utility.

Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.

That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it.

That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.

That so retain’d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself. Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses.

My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix’d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.

That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses; and if he can manage so as to avoid the Report, he may any where give Vent to his Griefs, unnoticed. But as there are many to whom an entire Vegetable Diet would be inconvenient, and as a little Quick-Lime thrown into a Jakes will correct the amazing Quantity of fetid Air arising from the vast Mass of putrid Matter contain’d in such Places, and render it rather pleasing to the Smell, who knows but that a little Powder of Lime (or some other thing equivalent) taken in our Food, or perhaps a Glass of Limewater drank at Dinner, may have the same Effect on the Air produc’d in and issuing from our Bowels? This is worth the Experiment. Certain it is also that we have the Power of changing by slight Means the Smell of another Discharge, that of our Water. A few Stems of Asparagus eaten, shall give our Urine a disagreable Odour; and a Pill of Turpentine no bigger than a Pea, shall bestow on it the pleasing Smell of Violets. And why should it be thought more impossible in Nature, to find Means of making a Perfume of our Wind than of our Water?

For the Encouragement of this Enquiry, (from the immortal Honour to be reasonably expected by the Inventor) let it be considered of how small Importance to Mankind, or to how small a Part of Mankind have been useful those Discoveries in Science that have heretofore made Philosophers famous. Are there twenty Men in Europe at this Day, the happier, or even the easier, for any Knowledge they have pick’d out of Aristotle? What Comfort can the Vortices of Descartes give to a Man who has Whirlwinds in his Bowels! The Knowledge of Newton’s mutual Attraction of the Particles of Matter, can it afford Ease to him who is rack’d by their mutual Repulsion, and the cruel Distensions it occasions? The Pleasure arising to a few Philosophers, from seeing, a few Times in their Life, the Threads of Light untwisted, and separated by the Newtonian Prism into seven Colours, can it be compared with the Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels? Especially if it be converted into a Perfume: For the Pleasures of one Sense being little inferior to those of another, instead of pleasing the Sight he might delight the Smell of those about him, & make Numbers happy, which to a benevolent Mind must afford infinite Satisfaction. The generous Soul, who now endeavours to find out whether the Friends he entertains like best Claret or Burgundy, Champagne or Madeira, would then enquire also whether they chose Musk or Lilly, Rose or Bergamot, and provide accordingly. And surely such a Liberty of Expressing one’s Scent-iments, and pleasing one another, is of infinitely more Importance to human Happiness than that Liberty of the Press, or of abusing one another, which the English are so ready to fight & die for. — In short, this Invention, if compleated, would be, as Bacon expresses it, bringing Philosophy home to Mens Business and Bosoms. And I cannot but conclude, that in Comparison therewith, for universal and continual UTILITY, the Science of the Philosophers above-mentioned, even with the Addition, Gentlemen, of your “Figure quelconque” and the Figures inscrib’d in it, are, all together, scarcely worth a

:siren:FART-HING.:siren:

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie
Fart with pride anywhere you are. Never hold them in.

Darf
Jun 6, 2011

You have quite a treasure there...
I fart AS a form of transit

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Jose Oquendo posted:

Fart with pride anywhere you are. Never hold them in.

i work with plasma-fied argon every day so for me this is pretty bad advice

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

i work with plasma-fied argon every day so for me this is pretty bad advice

i think it's good advice for you

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

i work with plasma-fied argon every day so for me this is pretty bad advice

get a loving job where you can fart then

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
There's nothing as nice as ripping lovely rear end right before you get off a crowded subway car and watching people try to pile in like they're all fighting over your brown air.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
I sometimes fart on the Washington DC Metro, but then again sometimes it smells like farts to begin with. Particularly in the old trains with that orange carpet from the 60s.

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

i work with plasma-fied argon every day so for me this is pretty bad advice

jesus christ i'd rather get a job sucking off homeless drug addicts than work in a place where I couldn't fart.

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Jose Oquendo posted:

jesus christ i'd rather get a job sucking off homeless drug addicts than work in a place where I couldn't fart.

lol well duh yeah youd rather have your dream job than one you arent near qualified to work for since the latter would probably result in a pretty big explosion eventually

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

lol well duh yeah youd rather have your dream job than one you arent near qualified to work for since the latter would probably result in a pretty big explosion eventually

your dad would be my #1 client.

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

lol well duh yeah youd rather have your dream job than one you arent near qualified to work for since the latter would probably result in a pretty big explosion eventually

this loser's dream job involves not being able to fart lmao

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.
but in reality there is no danger as i do not regularly put my rear end into the plasma torch housing i was just jokin around

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

lol well duh yeah youd rather have your dream job than one you arent near qualified to work for since the latter would probably result in a pretty big explosion eventually

At least a bunch of boring science bitches would get blown up in the hilariously stinky explosion

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
okay so you were just bragging about your inane job that nobody cares about got it

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.
but now im kinda wondering what would happen if someone farted into it. theres a door + a pane of glass that has to be present or the argon cuts off

wonder if theres a way around it

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Robo Reagan posted:

okay so you were just bragging about your inane job that nobody cares about got it

lmao sorry about whatever lovely job you work

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
lol

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

lol

RISCy Business
Jun 17, 2015

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Fun Shoe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYoigdZnl44

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

lmao sorry about whatever lovely job you work

i sit in a private office farting and shitposting on the internet

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

JakeP posted:

i sit in a private office farting and shitposting on the internet

i was talking to roboreagan i have no quarrel with you jake

Darf
Jun 6, 2011

You have quite a treasure there...
smart farts are the way of the future

Howling Bells
May 10, 2007

Dear Pat Monaghan and that other guy,

We believe 'Hey Soul Sister' to be a ponderous and heartless money grab. You should be ashamed. It's not enough that you used the I-V-VI-IV chord progression, Beato, but you do it on a ukulele? It sounds like a Vonage commercial. Stop the Train!

JakeP posted:

i sit in a private office farting and shitposting on the internet

leave him a lone guys hes a great autist afterall. like Pablo Picasso or d l hughley

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corpuscollossus
Apr 19, 2007
This was supposed to be a chill discussion about dropping clangers on the tram and you fuckspuds have to make it salty

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