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whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations
We dont always get to gently caress the ppl we want to gently caress in our tragically human-length lives -- sometimes they live far away, or are happily married, or in prison, etc.

And sometimes, they are dead and gone before we even realize we totally want to bang them.

Let's talk about some of the gentlemen and ladies who have come and gone before our time :rip: who we would go full hammer and tongs on.

Nikola Tesla, goddamn genius

We have Tesla to thank, or blame, for the ability to shitpost today. He was a brilliant physicist who was able to transform his ideas from paper to reality. He famously predicted the near future would enable people to communicate instantly over long distances with small and portable devices. May god have mercy on his soul for this.

Smart is sexy, and Tesla was a dark-haired cutie. I would be the first in line for his electric moustache ride.


Simo Häyhä, humble and deadly sniper

A tiny Finnish hunter and farmer, Häyhä was the deadliest sniper in history, confirmed to have killed over 500 Soviet troops during the Winter War of 1939-1940. The more men Häyhä killed, the more Soviet countersnipers were sent to kill him, and he killed them, and more were sent, etc, until finally the Soviets called in artillery strikes on him, shelling vast areas of the forest, and still failed to hit him, much less understand that they were dealing with a single man who stood proud at 5'3".

Exactly one week before the war was over, the Soviets finally managed to tag Häyhä with an explosive bullet in his face -- IN HIS FACE -- that blew off his cheek and much of his jaw, but STILL failed to kill him. He was evacuated by fellow soldiers and spent a week unconscious, waking on the same day peace was declared and the Russians went home like the pussy bitches he had made them.

Russians couldn't kill him or my ladyboner for him - he was still a beautiful, deadly man. Plus hes short like me so we could kiss and gently caress at the same time.


Empress Theodora, bold and beautiful

She was a lowly Constantinople dancer/actress/concubine before she won over the future Emperor Justinian's heart with her beauty, charm, and mastery of political savvy. She was streetsmart, charismatic, and the imperial public face for more goony and introverted husband.

During the Nika Revolts, Justinian had a ship prepared to evacuate them from the city. Theodora told him to find his balls and stay and fight to the end as befits a man of his title, remarking famously that 'imperial purple makes the finest death shroud.' History proved her boldness to be correct. I would totally smash pussys together with her.


Well thats mine, lets hear about your most highly fuckable dead people! Pls respect modern values regarding legal age of the dead lads and lasses youd like to gently caress to 18 or older (their age at death, not what they would be today).


thanks ~Salmiakki~

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Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
Joan of Arc
Helen of Troy
Cleopatra

That's prolly it

Corn Glizzy
Jun 28, 2007



crispix
Mar 28, 2015

Grand-Maman m'a raconté
(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)

Hello, dear

Flo Cytometer
Apr 20, 2015

by Ralp

hi and welcome to topping your pops!

Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

by XyloJW
good thread topic, very middle school

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

Stoic Commie posted:

good thread topic, very middle school

thanks!!!

so have u thought about what dead person or people you would like to gently caress? if ur not sure u can think about it and maybe check wikipedia and come back later?

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot
you posted my person already (theodora)

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack
i'm not going to look but I'm 100% positive there is a subreddit about necrophilia

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp
Id do stuff with Ibn Battutah.

glowing-fish
Feb 18, 2013

Keep grinding,
I hope you level up! :)
Uh....I think I am going to choose some of the more decadent of the renaissance ladies. Maybe Lucrecia Borgia?

jarofpiss
May 16, 2009

would NOT gently caress a skeleton

Lawrence Gilchrist
Mar 31, 2010

whoflungpoop posted:

smash pussys

get beefy takes on new significance

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

Lawrence Gilchrist posted:

get beefy takes on new significance

:eyepop:

Ramsus
Sep 14, 2002

by Hand Knit

jarofpiss posted:

would NOT gently caress a skeleton

Fojar38
Sep 2, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

clopping and cumming
Jun 24, 2005

Who is this dreamboat?

a dog from hell
Oct 18, 2009

by zen death robot

something clever posted:

Who is this dreamboat?
A very short man who did things.

Fojar38
Sep 2, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

something clever posted:

Who is this dreamboat?

like most attractive people from his country, he didnt age well

Homo Simpson
Oct 21, 2014

by Smythe
Lipstick Apathy
I want to gently caress jesus

pixelbaron
Mar 18, 2009

~ Notice me, Shempai! ~

something clever posted:

Who is this dreamboat?

stalin of course

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

i would let stalin systematically purge every bit of empty space from my yoni! great choice!!

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



As long as you get in there when they're fairly fresh it's actually pretty good. If all else fails you can also just break up the rigor mortis manually, and then just warm them up by leaving them right by, but not in, the cremation chamber.

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

TheJoker138 posted:

As long as you get in there when they're fairly fresh it's actually pretty good. If all else fails you can also just break up the rigor mortis manually, and then just warm them up by leaving them right by, but not in, the cremation chamber.

Figures you're an expert on the matter.

Kirk Vikernes
Apr 26, 2004

Count Goatnackh

A can of Crisco and a string of Christmas lights to warm up the orifice is all you really need. Hth, op.

naem
May 29, 2011

They liked gross fat girls in the past because most people were skinny b/c poor, so probably there were dozens of supermodel looking present girls all over the place who weren't considered attractive because only one chin and no cellulite. Like Helen of Troy def had a FUPA

rejutka
May 28, 2004

by zen death robot

Jimmy Jangle, yes. Who does not want to be the thing you want to gently caress?

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
would want an orgy with the cast of the golden girls and the cast of designing women (including the men in each show). think it'd have been a lot of fun.

Secks Cauldron
Aug 26, 2006

I thought they closed that place down!
Tesla is indeed a hottie.

I also like Leopold I of Belgium. He was the first king of the Belgians (they like calling them that instead of the king of Belgium). Dig those muttonchops and that sexy tousled hair. :swoon:

Macasaurus
Oct 12, 2012

helen of troy

or eva peron

fuccboi
Jan 5, 2004

by zen death robot
did anyone say le hitler?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

Secks Cauldron posted:

Tesla is indeed a hottie.

I also like Leopold I of Belgium. He was the first king of the Belgians (they like calling them that instead of the king of Belgium). Dig those muttonchops and that sexy tousled hair. :swoon:



And those kissable lips!! Great fuckable choice!!

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

OMGVBFLOL posted:

i'm not going to look but I'm 100% positive there is a subreddit about necrophilia

You know what there probably is and you know what Tesla and that Finnish sniper are probably 1 and 2 on their top submissions as well.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
who's that French queen that died loving a horse I bet she got freaky

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
There ain't a lot of famous girls in history so I guess I'd like to gently caress Patti Smith when she was 25 or so.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0brHGJ6xqbk

I'd probably also dump one real greasy like in Flannery O'Connor.



I don't want to gently caress no princess ladies because punks have the loveliest dreams. Maybe Si Suriyothai because she rode a war elephant into the middle of combat to fight the guy who was going to waste her husband and died doing it.

raton fucked around with this message at 04:28 on Jul 11, 2015

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
Jane Fonda was smoking hot back in the day

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
- did you know that dead people do not care if you have sex with them?

- did you know that if nobody knows that you did something, it didn't happen?

- did you know that the dead tell no tales?

- did you know that you yourself are dead but do not know it yet?

- did you think that you were masturbating a live penus? think again

Crusader
Apr 11, 2002

the dead are evil

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unnLg1TPCYM

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Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





How much internet porn do you have to have gone through to start fantasizing about loving dead people.

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