How anal sex ruined my relationship

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circ dick soleil: Sep 27, 2012; by zen death robot

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

http://www.salon.com/2015/07/13/how_anal_sex_ruined_my_relationship/

the ending makes me cry every time.

you read that whole thing

# ? Jul 14, 2015 07:38

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 06:32

My Q-Face: Jul 8, 2002; A dumb racist who need to kill themselves

Baracula posted:

Does poo sometimes go in the dick?

It could pack your dickhole like a pipe if you're not careful

# ? Jul 14, 2015 07:46

the worst thing is: Oct 3, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

Can get UTI from butt stuffing...this is not something theoretical that i know

# ? Jul 14, 2015 07:59

My Q-Face: Jul 8, 2002; A dumb racist who need to kill themselves

FIRST TIME posted:

Not the Fluggen-klingen-kien!?

# ? Jul 14, 2015 08:07

porkchop_express: May 27, 2004

My Q-Face posted:

It could pack your dickhole like a pipe if you're not careful

thats called smoking the peace pipe

# ? Jul 14, 2015 08:09

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Robo Reagan posted:

thus spoketh OMGVBFLOL, king of San Francisco

get out

# ? Jul 14, 2015 11:44

FogHelmut: Dec 18, 2003

did we find out if Jeff was a surgeon or executive or what?

# ? Jul 14, 2015 12:03

OMG JC a Bomb!: Jul 13, 2004; We are the Invisible Spatula. We are the Grilluminati. We eat before and after dinner. We eat forever. And eventually... eventually we will lead them into the dining room.

FogHelmut posted:

did we find out if Jeff was a surgeon or executive or what?

i'll tell you what he isn't

a man who will ever get anal

# ? Jul 14, 2015 12:40

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

porkchop_express posted:

thats called smoking the peace pipe

No it's called the poop noodle

# ? Jul 14, 2015 14:00

Knight: Dec 23, 2000; SPACE-A-HOLIC; Taco Defender

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

It�s New Year�s Eve.... I�m at the W Hotel in Manhattan with a boyfriend I�ll call Liam. We�ve been together for over a year ...The night so far has been perfect. We�ve just come back from a party. The champagne arrives from room service in a silver bucket. Liam hands me a glass. His piercing green eyes and jet-black hair are striking against his white tux... My heart is pounding as I stare at the twinkling Manhattan skyline....That�s when Liam whispers, �Tonight, I want to do it up the butt.�

When I first spied him at a swing dance at the Supper Club in Manhattan, he was leaning against the mahogany bar drinking a martini in a neatly pressed button-down shirt. He asked me to dance a lot that night and we exchanged numbers...he rode his motorcycle three hours in the pouring rain to come to my party. He gave me a limited-edition swing music CD box set and gray pearl earrings...We had amazing sex and talked for hours over cannolis at an Italian restaurant in the North End. Liam was 29, and he was already an executive at a top engineering firm. I�d found my prince...He said, �I really like you,� and kissed me deeply. Then he wrapped my arms around his waist as I sat behind him on his motorcycle. We drove through Harvard Square, blasting through piles of red and orange leaves. I was in love...Liam acted like I was the most important person in his life. He monopolized me at swing dances. He took me on romantic picnics. We had great sex, ...he asked me to spend New Year�s with him.

Liam excuses himself to go to the bathroom. I hear water running. He yells, �Oh god!� �Is everything OK?� I ask. Silence.�Sure, if you�re cool cleaning poop off your dick,� he says when he comes out of the bathroom. He just stops calling. It�s over.

Of all the ridiculous things in this story, I can't get over the massive disconnect between her romanticized ideal of how rich and classy Liam is and then how his sociopathic behavior and crass dialogue reveal he is a cartoon 4chan meme.

# ? Jul 14, 2015 14:08

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

FogHelmut posted:

did we find out if Jeff was a surgeon or executive or what?

She settled for a 3-D artist

He doesn't make enough money for anal.

# ? Jul 14, 2015 14:08

ZombieParts: Jul 18, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT VISITING PROSTITUTES IN CHINA AND FEELING NO SHAME. MY FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY THE (PATHETIC) YODA OF PAYING WOMEN TO TOUCH HIS (AND MY) DICK. THEY WOULDN'T DO IT OTHERWISE.

Knight posted:

Of all the ridiculous things in this story, I can't get over the massive disconnect between her romanticized ideal of how rich and classy Liam is and then how his sociopathic behavior and crass dialogue reveal he is a cartoon 4chan meme.

he seems like a very direct and honest person to me. what's wrong with you

# ? Jul 14, 2015 14:12

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

should never have let this guy cut another hole in the sheet

# ? Jul 14, 2015 14:13

Knight: Dec 23, 2000; SPACE-A-HOLIC; Taco Defender

ZombieParts posted:

he seems like a very direct and honest person to me. what's wrong with you

Don't let him deceive you with his charms, my friend. He's the kind of man that would gently caress you in the rear end and not have the common courtesy to give you a reach-around.

# ? Jul 14, 2015 14:17

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

My Q-Face posted:

It could pack your dickhole like a pipe if you're not careful

Epididymitis is no joke. Butt bacteria gets in your pee hole during anal and hurts like hell. Ever been kicked in the balls or slipped off your bicycle seat? Imagine that for like 2-3 days.

# ? Jul 14, 2015 14:22

plain blue jacket: Jan 13, 2014; IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

What sort of sexual depravity would she be down for if he were a billionaire?

# ? Jul 14, 2015 15:09

Fuck da Mods: Jun 27, 2013; fina get poz'd?

Hell Yeah posted:

seriously who writes this bullshit. i read this whole thing and was just barely able to cum.

lol

# ? Jul 14, 2015 15:21

Fuck da Mods: Jun 27, 2013; fina get poz'd?

Hell Yeah is a godo poster.

@Hellyeah You're cool lol

# ? Jul 14, 2015 15:21

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

plain blue jacket posted:

What sort of sexual depravity would she be down for if he were a billionaire?

She'd probably let him trepan and skullfuck her.

�Sure, if you�re cool cleaning brain off your dick,� he says when he comes out of the bathroom.

# ? Jul 14, 2015 18:53

SEX BURRITO: Jun 30, 2007; Not much fun

If only there was some way to prevent getting poo poo on your dick and protect yourself from STDs. Oh well, Liam will just have to keep on raw dogging.

# ? Jul 14, 2015 19:11

The Protagonist: Jun 29, 2009; The average is 5.5? I thought it was 4. This is very unsettling.

a noble sacrifice

# ? Jul 14, 2015 19:12

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

netally posted:

If only there was some way to prevent getting poo poo on your dick and protect yourself from STDs. Oh well, Liam will just have to keep on raw dogging.

This is the real moral of the story. Always remember to sheath up before slamming dirty Jew holes.

# ? Jul 14, 2015 19:47

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Solice Kirsk posted:

This is the real moral of the story. Always remember to sheath up before slamming dirty Jew holes.

# ? Jul 19, 2015 07:34

Gibberish: Sep 17, 2002; by R. Guyovich

what could go wrong trying anal sex for the first time with a big ole dick in your little butthole?~?~

# ? Jul 19, 2015 10:55

old fat bird: Oct 27, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Solice Kirsk posted:

This is the real moral of the story. Always remember to sheath up before slamming dirty Jew holes.

you don't even have to waste a condom. always check with your middle fingle before you dip your nasty dingle

# ? Jul 19, 2015 11:18

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

I like that she didn't even entertain the idea of starting with a finger or a buttplug, it was just "I'll let this guy stick his dick up my rear end once and then he'll marry me". It seems like the way she writes she sees sex as nothing more then a transaction to reach her desired goals. Every time she fucks a new guy it's only after she weeps and begs him to marry her.

Internet Feminism 101.

# ? Jul 19, 2015 12:26

Honky Dong Country: Feb 11, 2015

You know, I never saw the big deal with anal. If she wants me to, okay. Personally I'm not big on shitdick so I just use a condom. Otherwise I don't really go for anal. It's a butthole with poo poo in it, doesn't really have any appeal for me. But hey of that's what gets my partner off I'm just glad they aren't into something that'll genuinely make me uncomfortable.

But holy poo poo that woman is hosed in the head.

# ? Jul 19, 2015 14:02

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

No she is hosed in the butt, pay attention

# ? Jul 19, 2015 14:51

Dave Concepcion: Mar 19, 2012

this is the reason I'm extremely suspicious of women who don't gently caress on the first date, which in less sexually repressed countries than the US thankfully aren't many

I've had anal on several first dates and they've all been squeaky clean, this horrid person must have as bad personal hygiene as her personality

# ? Jul 19, 2015 14:59

The Fattest PI: Mar 4, 2008

I've cleaned a bit of poop off my dingdong when you slam rear end enough times it's bound to happen, it's like russian roulette

Russian poopette?

# ? Jul 21, 2015 02:50

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

lol if youre not folding your dick down to touch your lovely rear end in a top hat when youre on the toilet to desensitize yourself to poopdick

# ? Jul 21, 2015 03:16

The Fattest PI: Mar 4, 2008

I saw a picture of some dude with his own wiener in his rear end and I got curious. Mostly about the logistics involved because you have to twist your dick 180 degrees. For the record it's pretty much impossible to do it while you have a full boner, so you have to do it with like a half boner and then complete the boner from there.

Shamefully, my dink couldn't reach my butt. I'm not really sure what I would have done if it did, but I never got to that bridge.

# ? Jul 21, 2015 03:25

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

it's okay I'm sure you just have a long taint

# ? Jul 21, 2015 03:42

Fiend: Dec 2, 2001

You wanna get rear end hosed? Watch this!

*opens a $15 bottle of water from the mini bar*

# ? Jul 21, 2015 03:47

a dog from hell: Oct 18, 2009; by zen death robot

Baracula posted:

Women are weak??

they're strong because they grow callouses and knots

# ? Jul 21, 2015 04:17

BottledBodhisvata: Jul 26, 2013; by Lowtax

You can get poop on your dick even if you don't do anal

# ? Jul 21, 2015 04:22

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Fiend posted:

You wanna get rear end hosed? Watch this!

*opens a $15 bottle of water from the mini bar*

lol

# ? Jul 21, 2015 10:33

Bedevere: Jun 24, 2005; Grimey Drawer

I thing I just read a story where a guy fucks the poo poo out of her....

:downsrim:

# ? Jul 21, 2015 20:41

dogcrash truther: Nov 2, 2013

Fiend posted:

You wanna get rear end hosed? Watch this!

*opens a $15 bottle of water from the mini bar*

# ? Jul 21, 2015 20:56

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 06:32

Irradiation: Sep 14, 2005; I understand your frustration.

BottledBodhisvata posted:

You can get poop on your dick even if you don't do anal

false

# ? Jul 21, 2015 21:26

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