itt we are playing dungeons & dragons

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PotatoManJack: Nov 9, 2009

I cast Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:07

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 18:54

Junkfist: Oct 7, 2004; FRIEND?

I shake my wand and summon a cum golem

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:07

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

i kill a lot of scro with my sword and steal their dreadnaught or whatever and i fly away and crash into that gnomish place thatss a huge mountain while screaming and masturbating. im a chaotic evil mage btw

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:07

frogge: Apr 7, 2006

do i roll to see if i catch fantasy herpes after my lvl 6 halfling rogue is done banging out the drow elf chick?

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:08

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

were playing 3.5 edition right

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:08

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

bobthedinosaur posted:

do i roll to see if i catch fantasy herpes after my lvl 6 halfling rogue is done banging out the drow elf chick?

drow are immune to disease so you dony need to roll. but your dick might turn to ash in the sunlight from now on

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:09

frogge: Apr 7, 2006

lonesomedwarf posted:

drow are immune to disease so you dony need to roll. but your dick might turn to ash in the sunlight from now on

won't be a problem IRL but my d n d character is gonna have to remember the time of day before he goes on epic sexors sprees

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:16

Buce: Dec 23, 2005

i need to know if my thac0 and ac should be going up or down

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:22

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

your ac needs to go dow..... oh you nearly hhad me there ha ha ha. i do not know ask a nerd!

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:36

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

I slowly raise my head just enough to see the newcomer under my hood. A massive tome of spells lies in my lap.

I nod at the newcomer. "Greetings."

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:54

Uncle Wemus: Mar 4, 2004

requesting that picture of the hosed up looking elf guy giving flowers to the shocked girl while tom cruise laughs

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:55

Uncle Wemus: Mar 4, 2004

frazetta and vallejo art owns post more of it

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:56

Tato: Jun 19, 2001; DIRECTIVE 236: Promote pro-social values

*repeatedly rolls something that should kill the entire party, but it took the DM several months to find enough people willing to start a campaign and he doesn't want to go through that again so he just keeps letting it slide*

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:58

Uncle Wemus: Mar 4, 2004

# ? Jul 21, 2015 07:58

Brave New World: Mar 10, 2010

Good thing I'm wearing this chainmail bikini, even though it's making my nuts feel kinda uncomfortable

# ? Jul 21, 2015 08:44

MonkeyHate: Oct 11, 2002; Dance, monkey, dance!; Taco Defender

You were dropped off to play tonight by a living human woman girlfriend who exists and also you brought beer instead of soda. The other players stare at you with the same look of confused horror as they did that time you said you'd never read the dark tower. They recoil from the beer as if it were a football. Suffer 3d10 passive aggressive nerd rage comments and be forced to watch your "friends" nervously slurp their way through 4d4+2 cans of mountain dew while being unable to make eye contact with you for the duration of the evening.

# ? Jul 21, 2015 09:08

Ivor Biggun: Apr 30, 2003; A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula; Lipstick Apathy

lonesomedwarf posted:

were playing 3.5 edition right

1st ed or nothing, anything else would be heresy.

# ? Jul 21, 2015 09:14

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

Uncle Wemus posted:

im the square cut black mane

# ? Jul 21, 2015 09:20

TOOT BOOT: May 25, 2010

i smell like cat piss

# ? Jul 21, 2015 09:32

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

im the bad guy that keeps feeding xp in the form of my underlings to the party instead of showing up myself to stop them at low levels

# ? Jul 21, 2015 09:34

Pebergehund: Jan 21, 2010

I cast Dry Spell on the party

# ? Jul 21, 2015 09:35

Ivor Biggun: Apr 30, 2003; A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula; Lipstick Apathy

Pebergehund posted:

I cast Dry Spell on the party

Bigby's Chafing Palms

# ? Jul 21, 2015 09:47

TOOT BOOT: May 25, 2010

i cast enlarge on my penis

# ? Jul 21, 2015 10:05

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

Thunder Moose posted:

I cast ~magic missile!~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zng5kRle4FA

haha, i didnt know that that was written by dan harmon

# ? Jul 21, 2015 10:11

Buce: Dec 23, 2005

Ivor Biggun posted:

Bigby's Chafing Palms

you have to do ... just awful things to get a spell named after you.

# ? Jul 21, 2015 10:18

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

I am an elf.

Pebergehund posted:

I cast Dry Spell on the party

I have not been laid for three thousand years. I attempt to fix this by seducing the party leader with song and elven poetry

# ? Jul 21, 2015 10:30

Fat-Lip-Sum-41.mp3: Nov 15, 2003

I quickly get disillusioned as to how much fun I thought this would be.

# ? Jul 21, 2015 10:33

IronClaymore: Jun 30, 2010; by Athanatos

Pebergehund posted:

I cast Dry Spell on the party

I cast permanency to make it last forever.

TOOT BOOT posted:

i cast enlarge on my penis

Also permanency. Apparently it'll turn black and fall off after 8 hours in that state.

# ? Jul 21, 2015 10:50

HackensackBackpack: Aug 20, 2007; Who needs a house out in Hackensack? Is that all you get for your money?

I want to be a bard and just hang out with the party and sing songs and play my lute. I will not contribute to combat in any way, but still take a share of all the loot.

Lute for loot.

That's the name of my song, btw.

# ? Jul 21, 2015 11:30

klapman: Aug 27, 2012; this char is good

MonkeyHate posted:

You were dropped off to play tonight by a living human woman girlfriend who exists and also you brought beer instead of soda. The other players stare at you with the same look of confused horror as they did that time you said you'd never read the dark tower. They recoil from the beer as if it were a football. Suffer 3d10 passive aggressive nerd rage comments and be forced to watch your "friends" nervously slurp their way through 4d4+2 cans of mountain dew while being unable to make eye contact with you for the duration of the evening.

roll to drink all the beer myself

# ? Jul 21, 2015 11:34

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

/rolls saving throw vs. shitpost
/rolls 1

Welp, business as normal

A WANDERING MODERATOR APPEARS

# ? Jul 21, 2015 11:39

klapman: Aug 27, 2012; this char is good

guys, we've been playing for like, five hours. its 2 in the morning. can we please call it a night now

# ? Jul 21, 2015 11:42

Bardeh: Dec 2, 2004; Fun Shoe

can we just go to the pub instead? this seemed like it might be fun but it's not. it's not at all

# ? Jul 21, 2015 11:44

Ivor Biggun: Apr 30, 2003; A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula; Lipstick Apathy

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

/rolls saving throw vs. shitpost
/rolls 1

Welp, business as normal

A WANDERING MODERATOR APPEARS

Number appearing: 1D20-1

# ? Jul 21, 2015 12:23

a star war betamax: Sep 17, 2011; by Lowtax; Gary’s Answer

I'm a magic frog

# ? Jul 21, 2015 12:38

STABASS: Apr 18, 2009; Fun Shoe

Hi I'm dungeons, has anyone seen my brother dragons?

# ? Jul 21, 2015 12:55

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

I'm a cool bard I look as handsome as Bono but I got big titties and all the lads fancy me when I riff a jam 'pon mine magical lute by thine river quay

# ? Jul 21, 2015 12:57