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DoubleNegative posted:[i] Doesn't she stand up for herself in the Human CentiPad episode?
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Aug 11, 2015 20:06
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ChaosArgate posted:Doesn't she stand up for herself in the Human CentiPad episode? Yeah she does in a few episodes. It's not often however. It's fairly cool when she does.
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Aug 11, 2015 21:28
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Broken Loose posted:If you beat the poo poo out of him while he's laying there he has more dialogue. Cartman's dialogue if you beat him with a stick. Also included is a fight with three dudes. Jimmy also has dialogue if you smack him with a stick, but it's nowhere near as funny as Cartman's impotent rage. DoubleNegative fucked around with this message at 21:34 on Aug 11, 2015 |
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Aug 11, 2015 21:30
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Poil posted:It's such a Southpark bad song. It's a joke that a 10-year old boy would make, but with a level of execution beyond what a 10-year old could do. I was watching the video and thinking "Oh that's neat, he's singing to buff them and he's actually playing a s--wait, what did he say?"
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Aug 12, 2015 04:46
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I beat this game last year and it was great, i'm especially looking foward to your reaction to later things in the game 
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Aug 12, 2015 06:01
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C-Euro posted:It's a joke that a 10-year old boy would make, but with a level of execution beyond what a 10-year old could do. That's pretty much south park in a nutshell
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Aug 12, 2015 11:34
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On the subject of Jimmy, I wish to point out that this was yesterday's Facebook recommended episode:
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Aug 12, 2015 14:24
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Pixeltendo posted:I beat this game last year and it was great, i'm especially looking foward to your reaction to later things in the game The next update should be interesting--
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Aug 12, 2015 16:19
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 THIS UPDATE IS EXTREMELY NWS DO NOT READ THIS AT WORK YOU WILL GET FIRED Video:  Of course it wasn't going to be as easy as just going to bed.   This is the town of South Park. Nothing is ever easy.     Are you guys ready for the real final dungeon of the first day?  It may seem like I'm jumping between shots too much. Between each shot, Douchebag blacks out and wakes up again.   Also I want to stop here and address you, the reader. Hello. Are you from Australia? If so it's illegal for you to read this next part. Instead I want you to click on the link I've buried in the next image and watch that video instead. Once this video is done, just do a Ctrl-F for "AUSTRALIA" and join the rest of the world on the other side.  Are they gone? Good.    : Uhh I'm having the dream again... mkay... this is dreamy...I should probably warn you guys this update is really NWS. There are a lot of shots of people being probed rectally. Violently so.    : What's... happening?   : Aaah... Oh Jesus... JESUS CHRIST! Oooho, could we try the big silver one again? Oooohhh!!   I briefly considered making a GIF of these next two scenes, but then I realized that was probably a really bad idea.  You can understand why, I hope.    That black   If that image doesn't make you involuntarily clench your butt cheeks, then you are made of stronger stuff than I am.   The explosion broke the probing device, and the probing table.  Uh... not gonna pull it out?   You know, that really has to hurt.   : Is this your first time getting probed? : Yeah, it's a pain, but this is the kind of stuff you put up with living in a remote little mountain town. At least we don't have to deal with traffic. : Hey, you broke free! Kid, you have an incredible control of your rear end in a top hat. Get me loose too! So the giant black dong stuck in Douchebag's rear end lets us teleport. But first...  Much better. Now, look around. See that device on the wall? We've seen them all over South Park.  : Wow, look at that! You must have broke off part of the probe and now you can control it with your sphincter muscles. Pretty cool.   : I'm surrounded by some kind of force field. Go find a way to shut it off. When you break me free I can show you how to get off the ship!There's a chest over next to Randy with some new equipment in it.   We look so ridiculous. It does add 10% to weapon damage, though. So it is really useful. Randy also has some dialogue if we speak to him. : Man I'm gonna be sore tomorrow.    I guess he doesn't want us going over there. Okay, sure. Let's go investigate that other room instead.   Not very much in here. Except for that tape recorder in the background. It has an audio log for us to listen to.  : Uh, hello. Is this recording? If you are hearing this I've been taken hostage on some kind of alien ship. The aliens did - unspeakable things to my rectal cavity. But I've broken free. I'm so scared and alone. I must find a way off this ship. Oh god, they're coming! Why am I standing here making an audio log?? I don't have time for this!! Leave me alone!I hope he got away. Anyway, let's go make some intergalactic friends.    That took care of one of the aliens. Also you can probably infer that we teleported with the probe. There'll be a lot of that from now on.  I meant to show off the aliens here, and what they can do.  It, uh, didn't pan out.   This weapon is not good at all. Almost no enemies on this alien ship stand in a row, so you don't get the penetration benefit.  : Oh hey, there you are. Oh, yeah. Yep. That's the lambda containment block. Take that elevator next to you. The probe in your rear end in a top hat SHOULD interface with it.   The alien ship is a very short dungeon. There are seven rooms in total, and we've now been in nearly half of them. : Great, you're in! You're looking for a security console. Should be one above you in Probe Maintenance and another below you in the Atmospheric Processor. Yeah, I know this stuff. Can't remember which one you want, though. Been a while since I did this. The alien set is permanently missable. That includes the gun we found upstairs.  This central platform controls the platforms above and below us.   We also have several opportunities to take out enemies in here. Their loot also gets destroyed, but they're only carrying generic trash and health restoratives.  Another audio log is down here. : Day 2... so hungry... I've searched for food but the only thing I've found are other people's annoying useless audio logs. Why did they bother when they clearly were in terrible danger? Each audio log I find is more irrelevant and boring than the last. I must keep looking for a way to survive.There's no way this is not poking fun at Mothership Zeta.  We can drop an alien to its death with this blue switch.  And over to the left, we can trip a switch that...  Brutally kills another alien.  Moving on... : Great, you're there. See if you can free me from that console. Probably not, though, it's incredibly advanced alien technology... no way some kid could work it. First let's get this loot.  As the icon may suggest, this deals shock damage. Aliens are weak to shock damage! : Score! Aliens HATE electricity! To rescue Randy, we need to play Simon.  We need to play it twice. It starts off really easy. : (when you make a right move) Keep going, I think you're on to something.: (when you make another right move) I knew I could trust you. Keep it up!: Uh, I'm still stuck. Better try the other console.Of course, you can also fail this. If you do so, Randy gets violently probed. : (if you mess up) There! I think that's -- ooOOH NO NO THAT DOH NO THAT KILLS! SWITCH IT BACK SWITCH IT BACK!: (if you mess up again) NO MORE! NO MORE! PLEASE! You- you're gonna have to find another way.: (if you mess up again) YAIEEEIII!! Oh god no, no! Shut it off!!: (if you mess up again) AAAUUGHGH NO! Not that way!!For his sake, try to not mess up.  : (if you go back to the console, he gets probed) AHGHGHGH! Why? WHY?!! NOOOO! Go find another way!: (when you teleport back to the main platform) Okay, let's try the other console. God, I hope this works.There's an audio log on the platform above the Simon game. : Day 4... I've looked everywhere but can't find anything to eat... or a clue to get me off the ship. Just more audio logs. They're everywhere! For some reason, I listened to every minute of every one of them thinking there'd be some useful information, but it's like they're just FILLER! USELESS FILLER... THEY'RE FILLER THAT'S DRIVING ME TO MADNESS! Up top we can smack the lone surviving alien in the room.  He doesn't live long enough to do anything.  Another audio log over to the right. : Day 7... Okay, I DID find one audio log that was mildly amusing. A woman trapped on this ship left an audio log about some papers she had left in an alien cabinet and she told me the code was 776. That was kinda cool because I didn't know the code before that. Though when I opened the cabinet there was only some kind of power up I didn't really need. : Oh god. Oh god I got an itch. Oh god that is the WORST! Agh. AGH! Oh, poo poo. I forgot. Uh, time to talk to you guys directly again. Hello reader! Are you enjoying this? Um, if you're from anywhere in Europe please raise your hands. Uh hi... yeah... listen, um, you reading this far? It's kinda also illegal. So you need to click on this next image and watch the accompanying video. When you're done just Ctrl-F for EUROPE. Yeah, in all caps just like that. We'll be waiting for you on the other side!  Are they gone? Good. The rest of us in... I guess the Americas and Asia? We'll continue onward. Video:  The first round of Simon is pretty easy. : There! I think that - ARGH! You've gotta be close... Come on... Try again!Regardless if we mess up or succeed, he gets violently probed.  See where it looks like a long press? That's the button flashing so many times in one second that it was impossible to capture how fast it flashed. There is no way we can hit all of those buttons. As such...  : AAAUUGH!! O-Okay... Next time's gotta be the charm... Give it all you've got! I feel like this one should almost be doable. It just flashes by too fast to reliably input. Kind of like the last Blockhead in Okami.  : YEEAIIII!! You've got to keep trying! I believe in you! I think we can handle that.  : Okay, that one doesn't work either. Head back towards the elevator. : Okay, I didn't want you to have to do this but there's one more console you can try in that room across the bridge. The alien who works there is REALLY tough so be careful and remember to use electricity. So there was a broken monitor in this room. In my flailings, I accidentally hit it. Twice. If you don't mess up like I did, you can take out two of these three aliens before the battle even begins. On the other hand, this lets me finally show off what these guys can do. You know, for the last group of them.  The naked aliens can, as a free action, apply a 3-strength shield to anyone.   Space Rage always catches me off guard. I try to block as he starts the attack instead of when the shield appears. As a result, I tend to take a lot of damage from it.  Naked aliens can also spend their turn healing their comrades. This "space medicine" is really powerful. It dispels all debuffs and heals the target for more nearly 100 damage.  They can also mind blast you three times. The miniboss's last action is to toss a grenade at us. So watch out for that.  The gloves are the last part of the alien set. Be sure to grab them!  : Hey, that did it! The force field's down. Come on back and we can get outta here. : Smitten on a Saturday night, feeling alright, feeling okay, la-do ... Hey, that pit wasn't open before. Let's go explore!  : Success! I found something that looks to be food! It's some sort of green, fluorescent goo... I'm- I'm gonna have to try and eat some... It's not so bad. It's tangy and nutty, would probably go well with a- l- w-hey, what's happening to me? What's it- (speaking German)Oookay... Well, our audio log friend is hiding over here. Let's beat him up.   He's a regular hobo, like the kind we beat up earlier. Explaining exactly what else he is massive spoilers and as such I will not show off too much. Though you can look at him and see that he's obviously dead. Yeah, he's a zombie.   This tinfoil hat drops when we beat him. This is the only place you can get this item, so be sure to grab it.  : Great, you made it! Okay, use this panel here and we can all go home.Back in the starting room we can release Randy. After one more (easy) game of Simon.  AUSTRALIA & EUROPE rejoin us here. : Ah! Oh! Oh you did it! Thanks, kid! I don't know who you are or if you're real, but consider me... your friend. : Until we meet again!With that, Randy adds us on Facebook!   We'll need this crystal in a minute, so grab it.   : Hey, there's an elevator in the hallway to the right of the room we were trapped in. You can get out that way, but I might have broken the elevator when I used it, so you'll have to fix it first. Sorry about that. First, be sure to loot this chest. It's the only place to find this, also permanently missable, melee weapon.  It's okay. I prefer the raw damage that our sword can deal, though.  Put the crystal in the door and use the probe to activate it.  This is the last room of the ship. See that tiny item on top of the monitors that I'm targeting?  Yeah, kind of a dick move. Well then... time to move on to the real final boss of the first day. Video:  The video link has the boss fight if you're into that sort of thing. It also has the cutscene after the boss.     We're not gonna get very far until we take out this shield generator.  These guys also hit really hard.  With the generator down, the bosses don't have an automatic defense buff.   That's not to say they aren't dangerous. This fight can be difficult.  They do eventually fall.      Ever get the feeling that you probably shouldn't have done something?    Yeah, same.    That can't be good.  The phone says "Confidential Not Available" on the display.    : Yes? ...At what location? How many people in the town? ...Get in there and cover it up. This could change everything. (he hangs up and talks to a GUARD behind him) Get everyone moving. We've got another UFO crash.See you guys next time for the start of day 2.
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Aug 13, 2015 20:34
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The censorship was actually only in the console versions here in Europe, those of us playing on PC (and not in Germany) got the full experience with all the probing and... other stuff we'll see later. Frankly, I thought the censored scenes were funnier.
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Aug 13, 2015 20:39
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It's nice that you let the aussies see that vid at the start but not the screenshots. Anyway, I googled about that censorship and it seems quite weird. There's a Guardian article about it (which I won't link, because spoilers), that say the uncensored game was allowed by the European game ratings board as an 18+ game, then the publisher Ubisoft got it censored, and it was still released as 18+ so there was no real point, and then the PC version was released without censorship (except for Germany). Why?  Ubisoft wouldn't tell the press anything about their choice, and even the South Park creators are completely quiet about it, while usually they speak out against censorship. I think there's something going on they don't want us to know... 
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Aug 13, 2015 21:27
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Those scenes are so uncomfortable to watch.  Carbon dioxide posted:It's nice that you let the aussies see that vid at the start but not the screenshots.
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Aug 13, 2015 22:01
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Huh, that's odd. I could have sworn that the hobo zombie dropped the broken bottle weapon...
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Aug 13, 2015 22:19
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GilliamYaeger posted:Huh, that's odd. I could have sworn that the hobo zombie dropped the broken bottle weapon... We'll find that a little later on, in a location we have yet to visit.
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Aug 13, 2015 22:34
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IIRC, that hobo counts as one of the hobo camps you must disrupt to make South Park beautiful again. Despite that hobo not being in South Park proper. I know it peeved me off once I realized it. Fart on the burning bosses already!!!
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Aug 13, 2015 23:22
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Wait, does Europe miss out on those permanently missable pieces of equipment since those sections are censored, or is it literally just the Simon games that are removed?
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Aug 14, 2015 00:03
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Roro posted:Wait, does Europe miss out on those permanently missable pieces of equipment since those sections are censored, or is it literally just the Simon games that are removed? Its just the scenes described on the sad koala/flag images that get cut.
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Aug 14, 2015 00:05
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Welp, if you're not on any watchlists yet.... 
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Aug 14, 2015 00:23
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GilliamYaeger posted:Its just the scenes described on the sad koala/flag images that get cut. Christ, how pointless. If it's already an 18/R, why censor it?
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Aug 14, 2015 00:39
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Germany actually has a strict law against depicting Simon says on a home console. Laws tend to get weird sometimes.
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Aug 14, 2015 00:39
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They consider it simony and therefore illegal to portray.
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Aug 14, 2015 01:07
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I liked the jab at audiologs in video games.
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Aug 14, 2015 02:12
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Blind Sally posted:I liked the jab at audiologs in video games. I thought it was a joke about Dead space and it's millions of logs, didn't think it was Mothership Zeta.
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Aug 14, 2015 03:38
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It's a common occurence for sci-fi games. Dead space, Mothership Zeta, System Shock, etc...
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Aug 14, 2015 03:49
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mauman posted:Dead space, Mothership Zeta, System Shock, etc... Yeah, it's not a reference to any one game, I would think.
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Aug 14, 2015 04:35
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Neige posted:Fart on the burning bosses already!!! I record gameplay in chunks. So the first 6 or 7 updates all had yellow subtitles because I recorded those all at the same time. Likewise, I recorded everything after the school up through the alien ship at the same time. So I haven't actually had the opportunity yet to record farting on a burning boss. So just sit tight and chill. I'll show it off the next chance I get. paragon1 posted:The various Bioshocks, Alien:Isolation, Watch_Dogs, The Talos Principle... The reason I thought it was mothership zeta in particular was because of the similar circumstances. You're kidnapped by aliens out of the blue, taken to their mothership, and experimented upon for no clearly discernible reason. Though thinking on it a little more I think Blind Sally has it right, and it's just a jab at audio logs in general.
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Aug 14, 2015 16:13
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I'm a few updates behind but I just wanted to point out that you can actually wait out Jimmy's stuttering and the game WILL eventually continue on without pressing the skip button. I was just stubborn and assumed there'd be an achievement or something for doing so 
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Aug 16, 2015 09:07
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I think the Steam version is uncensored regardless of location. I didn't see the the censor pictures when I played it. I kinda wish it was censored.
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Aug 16, 2015 15:36
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This play-through is reminding me that you don't need to know much about South Park to appreciate the game proper
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Aug 16, 2015 16:33
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I got past the spaceship a couple of hours ago, and the European censoring is actually pretty hilarious. Plus, I got to avoid the Simon Says minigames.
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Aug 16, 2015 22:51
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   Hello everyone. Welcome to Douchebag's second day in South Park. Seems like it's awfully late in the morning, though. I hope we're not late for school.  Some of the animations in this game are pretty adorable.  I guess that answers the question of if last night was a dream. Though I have serious questions about how Douchebag got back to his bed after that awful crash and explosion.  I briefly consider assigning the upgrade point, but decide against it. There's nothing right now I really want to upgrade, and I'm itching to try out the new Funnel of Frost ability. : Thanks again for getting me out of there. I tried to tell them to stop, but I'm just too polite. : Hey, New Kid! Thanks for playing with us yesterday. It was really fun! Hope you'll play with us again today!Token and Craig like this.   : Good morning, champ!: GOOOD MOORNING.: Ugh. : School's been cancelled for a few days, sweetie. Go check it out on the news!: Looks like you have a couple days off school, honey. More time to meet some new friends in the neighborhood.: Come on, honey. It's a whole new town. Go outside!: That's worse than before! You look like a girl!I have no idea what you need to do to trigger this response. In all the times I've played through this game, I've never seen it happen, and my script just throws it in there without comment.  : C'mon, son. Get out there. Make friends.: Maybe you could try calling one of your friends today on your new phone! Just- just a thought.While we're here, let's talk to mom and dad. : You can't expect me to pat you on the back just because you've made a few friends. As soon as you have a LOT of friends, then I'll be proud.: You're really gonna go outside with that hair?: So you realize that your hair looks like that?: C'mon, son. Get out there. Make friends.: Hmm. You're not as ugly as I remember.: Son, I'll give you twenty dollars if you talk right now.: Go play with your new friends today.After saying the last bit, dad adds us on Facebook! The script claims that he only does so after you beat the main plot, but I've been able to get it to trigger on day 1. I think you need somewhere north of 50 friends before he'll add you, though. : Oh, look, you've made friends! I'll be your friend too, sweetie. It'll make you look popular.: Go look around the neighborhood.: Go on outside, sweetie.: Watch out for strangers.: I hope your new friends are well behaved.Mom adds us after the first line. But we're now Facebook friends with both of our parents! I think that puts us at 58? That's nearly half of the available friends in the game. When we try to leave the house... Video:   : AGHGH!! MY GOD!! They came outta nowhere! : There was a huge earthquake and then, and then there was burning in my yard! Didn't you hear about it?! It's all over the news! Here look!   : ...and that a large earthquake and several fires in the South Park area last night woke many residents from their sleep. Here with a report is a midget in a bikini.  : Tom, government workers here are assuring everyone nothing out of the ordinary has happened. They claim that the only reason huge tents have gone up to cover this area is to mask the construction of a new Taco Bell which will open sometime later this month. : Thanks, Midget, I do love me some Taco Bell. The mayor of South Park states that last night's tremors and fires are under control and that hopefully schools and businesses can open again soon. : It's horrible. You don't understand. The elves... THEY TOOK THE STICK! And it's BULLSHIT, because that is TOTALLY CHEATING! We specifically said no trying to take the Stick at night! Elves are DIRTY LITTLE LIARS! And we have to lay waste to their ENTIRE BASE! You have some incredible quality to make friends quickly, Sir Douchebag. I'm sending you on a quest to go out into the lands of Zaron and recruit a whole 'nother FACTION to Kupa Keep. Find the goth kids and give them this letter. : Get them to join our kingdom and we shall lay waste to the Drow Elves once and for all! : loving cheaters... Goth kids, huh? Sure, we can do that. : I was just coming over to see if - well, if you wanted to come play with us again.Try and tell me that Butters isn't condensed  Anyway, we'll get to the goth kids in short order. In the last update, which you may or may not have been able to legally read, we acquired a movement ability.  You can see the "new Taco Bell" in the background. It looks an awful lot like a crashed spaceship, but that could just be me.   We also get a chance to raid Jimmy's garage.  I've never actually used the Jester's Cap. It's not part of any particular armor set, just one of the many random hats you'll get. If you haven't done so, you still appear to have a chance to raid Jimmy's house. I'm not sure exactly when, but his front door will eventually be blocked off with police tape.  Over next to Kevin Stoley's house...  We can beam into the upper room of that locked house.  This patch returns 2PP when you deal a ranged attack.  When reviewing my recording for this, I realized that I missed a collectible outside of the community center. We'll be back for it eventually. Anyway, the Goth Kids are in here. Video:    : Who's that?  : I think it's that new kid people are talking about. : Beat it, New Kid, this area is strictly for goth kids.  : What's this? : "Join the Kingdom of Kupa Keep to battle the wicked elves. All recruits welcome." : Sorry, Frodo, we don't play Dungeons and Douchebags.: Yeah, beat it, New Kid.  : Aw, come on, let's do it. We never do anything.: No WAY! We can't do what this kid asks us to do! He's a conformist! Look at his clothes and his hair!: Yeah, tell you what, New Kid. Get the right clothes and some cigarettes and coffee and then talk to us again.: Yeah, if you wanna prove you aren't a conformist then you need to look exactly like we do. Then MAYBE we'll consider hanging out with you. Right. Our next stop on the re-tour of the town is Stark's Pond.  See that probe way off in the distance?  Yeah, it's kinda important. : Hey, if 20 people like this post, some site said I'll win a free iPad!Randy likes this.   Raise your hand if you were expecting to see Santa hacking into the police database.  : Ho ho ho! Well looks like you caught Santa checking the police database to see who's been naughty. You wouldn't tell on Santa would you?: I hope you haven't been farting on anyone's balls. That would be very naughty. We're now friends with Santa! The Demon Sticker adds 20 damage to attacks, while the Samurai patch gives you 10 armor.  Way over on top of the bank we can find a series of probes.  Enemies that spawn on top of the bank, at least in my experience, tend to be more difficult than others. Luckily there's only one occasion you will ever need to go up there: this one.  This is the next set I'm going to be equipping. I didn't really experiment with armored, well, armor until I did a play-through as a warrior, and it was pretty nice.  I'm sure you all have noticed this cracked window. Let's break it.  Hey, a probe!   : Wow, breaking and entering! That was awesome!: I hope I can destroy property someday.Douglas is pretty difficult to find. It's not immediately apparent that you can beam into the building. There's also a chest over to the right, on top of the Photo-Dojo.  The Snowflake patch adds 2PP each time we deal frost damage. This is just as absolutely broken as the fire patch we found a few updates ago.  The next probe is way over here, above Butters' storage locker.   That's 2/3 of the Squire set. : Hey, I tried to send you a link to a clip of a rabbit playing with a cat, but it's not working. It's pretty cute. You should look it up later. The last piece is up here, above Token's house.  See the cracked chimney on the left? Beam up to it and smack it. There's a chest inside.  The Wooden Grip is also really nice. It adds 80 damage to any attack. However, we need to be level 10 to even equip it.  We look kinda dumb, but we have a small measure of armor now. If we continue on as a heavily armored battlemage, we can get some really nice armor soon. It has, I believe, somewhere north of 90 armor.  This took me a while to get a proper capture of. I had a lot of difficulty with the timing, and I can't really explain why.  The idea is you're supposed to release A the second the hose starts to vibrate. Also look at how many times we deal damage (and heal ourselves). This move is really nice.  Now that we're (mostly) done exploring around with the probe, let's make ourselves look more goth.  Well that's handy. $16 is pretty cheap for story-required armor.  Mmm. Taco Bell.  We could approach the crowd, and it would show us a cutscene. But right now there's no reason to care. Besides, we're on a mission to recruit the goth kids.  That looks suspicious.   It kinda looks like a Pansage, only less dumb.   : (6th Grade Leader) Last cigarette. You guys got more?: (6th Grader w/ Blue Cap) Yeah, we just stole a fresh pack.: (6th Grade Leader) Not the girl kind again.: (6th Grader w/ Blue Cap) Yeah, they're slims. Smoke two if you're such a big man, rear end in a top hat.: (6th Grade Leader) (when you pass) Get lost, kid. We're trying to smoke here.: (6th Grade Leader) (when you talk) Take your stupid hair and leave!What kind of insult is "take your stupid hair and leave"? I was going to anyway for story reasons, but these guys need to be taught a lesson in general.  : (idle) I got all the time in the world, bitch.: (idle) Make your move.: (idle) Stalling won't save you. The battle goes as well as you'd expect. We're armed with weapons. They're not and they've been smoking.   One of them was even nice enough to donate his lighter to our cause. This adds 25 fire damage on hit. It feels like we're forgetting something. What was it?  Oh right, coffee. Dark roast in particular.  Well let's get some.  $1.00 for a cup of coffee is pretty good, especially from Tweek's Coffee.  Alright let's re... turn... Uh, hi guys. Video:   : Hey there he is! New Kid!: New Kid, the Elf King has requested your presence. You can either come quietly or you can fight. But I warn you, fighting this fight at this point in the game is a complete waste of time and you might as well skip it and just come with us.Well he does make a good point. Let's go quietly. : You chose wisely, New Kid. Come with us.Yeah right. Let's throw down. I can take all four of you!  : There is NO WAY you can win and fighting will be a complete waste of time. Are you SURE you want to fight?  : (sigh) Okay, let's get this over with... This is a perfectly normal random encounter, there's just four enemies. We fought this exact same group at the start of the game when had a lovely weapon and abilities. We're now kitted out in some of the best poo poo you can have at this point in the game.  Guess how it goes.  This next bit happens regardless if you win or lose that fight. : We tried to warn you it was useless but you just had to go and try and fight. : Let's go.       In case anyone was wondering where Kyle and Stan were. Of course it makes sense that Kyle would be leading the faction that opposes Cartman's.  : So... you're the new kid everyone is talking about. What's your name? : He doesn't talk, Elf King, he thinks he's hot poo poo or something. : You're playing for the wrong side, dude. : What did Wizard fatass tell you? That we broke the rules and took the Stick last night? He's lying.  : Cartman is the one you should be fighting against. He's hiding the Stick -- which is cheating -- and acting all betrayed and sad to get you to recruit more people for him. : We tracked a Twitter raven who says you are currently trying to recruit the goths for the Wizard. Go recruit them -- but bring them to US. Then we can ransack Cartman's stupid kingdom and get the Stick back once and for all. I'm trusting you to do what's right. : And kid... if you betray us, we'll tell everyone you're a butthole. : I am sending our best ranger to help guide you. The Bard is also at your disposal now.: Don't let Cartman use you.Until further notice, there are no more random encounters in the town. We can also call on both Jimmy and Stan as combat buddies. Both are really useful to have, especially Stan who can hit multiple targets with his massive sword.  So now that we've got the Elf Kingdom open to us, let's poke around. Several sidequests open up and we can access their vendor. So let's start on the far left with this dirty kid. His name is DogPoo.   : The humans have raised banners around town, claiming elf territory for their own. So sayeth the Well of Insight. Plus it's all over Twitter. The Well says balance can be restored only if a Chosen One were to gently caress up their banners.: These human banners are dark tidings. Will no one break the poo poo out of them? The final Timmy flag is in the middle of Kyle's backyard. When we find it, we get Timmy as a facebook friend.  : Our king may trust you, but that doesn't mean I have to.  This "wand" seems pretty nice. Innate frost damage is pretty handy. I don't use it, though.  We can get something right here that has a hell of a lot more raw damage and deals bleeding on each hit.   : Any ally of the Elf King is an ally of mine. And my shop is open to you.: We elves craft the finest poo poo in the land. Yeah, this poo poo's pretty good. Yeah. This poo poo is really good. Four hits means four stacks of bleeding on one target!  The armor is also pretty nice. The Woodsman set is pretty heavily armored.   Finally the new weapon attachments. They're kinda really good too.  Our new sword is on fire and adds a stack of bleed on perfect attack.   Our new bow hits really goddamn hard and adds 4 stacks of bleeding on perfect attack.  Finally, Jimmy and Stan both have quests for us to complete.   : You know what every good bard should have? A flute. If I had a flute, I could play f-f-fantastic melodies. If I only had a flute. My Facebook says the rancher might be selling one. You know where the ranch is? I'd love to see if I can buy that flute.: Hey, you wanna go to the ranch? Maybe I can finally get that - get that flute.: Perhaps you would like the services of a level ten bard? I am a m-master in the art of songs and jokes. There w-was a f-fair maiden from S-S-Stonebury Ha-hollowwww. I'm your hu-huckleberry. : All is lost. My contacts, my maps, my friends list. All taken from me by the She-Ogre. She has no soul. You will help me battle the She-Ogre and reclaim my iPhone? Perhaps you ARE one to be trusted. Very well. Let us end this.: Need my help with anything? Well guys, we're now at a crossroads. On one hand we have Cartman and the KKK. He befriended us and has been, if nothing else, courteous. On the other side we have Kyle and the Drow Elf Kingdom. From the start, his Elves have been harassing us at every turn. He also threatened to tell everyone we were a butthole if we didn't join him. But he also called a temporary truce and put his best warriors at our disposal. That link, by the way, is to a poll. You should probably vote in it. Voting will remain open until 19:00 (EST) on August 19th, 2015. That's three days from now, after I post the next update. EDIT Aug 19, 2015 - 19:13 PM, EST.  We're siding with the elves. I'll still record whichever side doesn't win the popular vote. We'll just see what happens with them in a bonus update after the end of day 2. So don't worry about missing out on anything. DoubleNegative fucked around with this message at 00:14 on Aug 20, 2015 |
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Aug 17, 2015 01:27
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Hey, listen. We're new here, and we gotta start off our rep right. And that ain't gonna happen if people think we're a butthole. Make the right choice.
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Aug 17, 2015 01:47
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I feel we've been with Cartman long enough to recognize he's a huge tool. Plus, it'll be more hilarious betraying that arrogant butthole.
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Aug 17, 2015 02:00
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Cartman named us Douchebag, gently caress that guy.
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Aug 17, 2015 02:06
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Do we lose Butters as a companion if we go with the Elves? He's my favorite
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Aug 17, 2015 02:08
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It's worth the loss. Stan and Jimmy make up for it.
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Aug 17, 2015 02:10
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Kyle 2015
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Aug 17, 2015 02:14
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Who is this kid?
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Aug 17, 2015 02:30
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That's Chris Donnely. He showed up in the second update, leading the attack that stole the stick. He's also the permanently pissed off one on the right.
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Aug 17, 2015 02:46
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gently caress up the Elves!  Y'know,because elves are always douchebags-don't ya gits know your fantasy?
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Aug 17, 2015 03:02
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