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So based on an earlier post I made in the GDT and an experiment, I've come up with a list of guidelines for actually enjoying wrestling given the shitshow that the last month or two have been. They seemed to work well tonight, and I've expanded them in the hopes that you, too, can enjoy wrestling again! 1) Watch Smackdown instead of Raw. (If you do nothing else, do this) 2) The endings of live TV matches don't matter. 3) The endings of midcard PPV matches don't matter. 4) Belts don't matter (except as a plot device to pit two good wrestlers against each other). 5) Treat a John Cena or Triple H in-ring interview as an opportunity to get a drink, use the restroom, mow your lawn, etc. 6) Treat Cole as a heel commentator. 7) John Cena is going to win. It'll be a really good match, but he's going to win, and it'll be clean. Sorry! If this will upset, depress, or cause you to meltdown, you probably ought to skip it. You'll miss some good action, though. 12) Get drunk as fast as possible at all times 9) Avoid all Big Show matches Even though I violated #1 my Raw experience was far superior than the last few weeks. ymmv
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Jul 28, 2015 04:37
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^^^Alternate: Don't watch WWE for the wrestling^^^Midnightghoul posted:Yes but if you push new talent and still have John Cena winning some of the time you end up with their increased merch sales + John Cena's merch sales, instead of just John Cena's merch sales that probably would not go up significantly since he is a known and static quantity. If you give people a reason to like more than one wrestler, chances are they might buy merch from more than one wrestler. If WWE was a wrestling company anymore that might matter. WWE is about wrestling the way DC is about comic books. edit: I watch RAW every couple months and enjoy it, so I don't know...
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Jul 28, 2015 04:38
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oatgan posted:it was the best thing on the show Cena/Rollins was cool, but I'd like to see Seth hit that phoenix splash and win a match with it one day. I'm still hopeful that we'll see Rollins get an interesting opponent for Summerslam, ideally not The Marine John Triton.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:39
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Midnightghoul posted:Yes but if you push new talent and still have John Cena winning some of the time you end up with their increased merch sales + John Cena's merch sales, instead of just John Cena's merch sales that probably would not go up significantly since he is a known and static quantity. If you give people a reason to like more than one wrestler, chances are they might buy merch from more than one wrestler. John Cena lost to Kevin Owens once and Cena's merch started to go down. So he had to win the feud so his merch could go back up because we can't have Cena look weak. Also, blah blah blah millennials blah blah VINCE MCMAHON.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:39
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Gonz posted:John Cena is a satchel of pig diarrhea, and I hope he goes to blow his nose backstage, and it turns into the elevator scene from The Shining. How does it feel to have a poo poo opinion?
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Jul 28, 2015 04:39
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WWE: gently caress it, *throws fish*
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Jul 28, 2015 04:40
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Jonny Nox posted:^^^Alternate: Don't watch WWE for the wrestling^^^ I am trying to forge meaning out of the absurd existential hell that is being a WWE fan, please don't crush my hopes
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Jul 28, 2015 04:41
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Chokes McGee posted:So based on an earlier post I made in the GDT and an experiment, I've come up with a list of guidelines for actually enjoying wrestling given the shitshow that the last month or two have been. They seemed to work well tonight, and I've expanded them in the hopes that you, too, can enjoy wrestling again! If you have to set like 9 rules to enjoy something, you probably aren't really enjoying it.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:41
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Onmi posted:How does it feel to have a poo poo opinion? I have numerous opinions regarding the kind of actual poo poo John Cena consists of.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:42
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Blast Fantasto posted:If you have to set like 9 rules to enjoy something, you probably aren't really enjoying it. It's alright. I've won the battle over myself, and I've come to love John Cena.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:42
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Chris James 2 posted:WWE: gently caress it, *throws fish* The fish is the newest member of ISIS
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Jul 28, 2015 04:43
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The saddest part about the merch deal is that kids don't care if their guy loses enough to not want the shirt. It was probably dipshit adults who got so huffy of Crna losing that they left before hitting the merch truck. Oh also that Vince is unable to see that the 2% drop was easily offset by the huge spike in KO shirt sales. Why have a lucrative heel that sells merch along with Cena at 98% when you could have Cenas at 100% and nobody else selling shirts?
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Jul 28, 2015 04:44
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Mons Hubris posted:The fish is the newest member of ISIS How long until the company makes headless fish plush toys and tshirts? It sounds like something a deranged Vince would sign off on.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:44
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Gonz posted:How long until the company makes headless fish plush toys and tshirts? It sounds like something a deranged Vince would sign off on. he should b/c I would buy a WWE Branded Lana-fish
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Jul 28, 2015 04:45
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Hey everyone I'm a big loving idiot. I realized after I uploaded the image and everything that you were already quoting 1984.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:46
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Love him or hate him, you have to respect Big Brother. meh I mangled the quote anyway and it bears posting in response
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Jul 28, 2015 04:47
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You guys realize that this confirms Vince's thoughts, right Ambrose got squashed, Seth tapped, and Cena wins. So everybody complains that this Raw sucked The Raw that didn't have Roman Reigns Which will make his triumphant return next week boost opinions and ratings
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Jul 28, 2015 04:49
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Charles Gnarwin posted:The saddest part about the merch deal is that kids don't care if their guy loses enough to not want the shirt. It was probably dipshit adults who got so huffy of Crna losing that they left before hitting the merch truck. Cena "matters" and it's his magical aura that makes this so. Some fat dork named Kevin Owens will never "matter" like Cena is able to due to mystical circumstances beyond explanation. So he has to be kept strong.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:50
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Chris James 2 posted:You guys realize that this confirms Vince's thoughts, right I would rather have Roman Reigns because it would at least be a new person winning a bunch.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:50
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Gonz posted:I have numerous opinions regarding the kind of actual poo poo John Cena consists of. No one cares about your scat fetish.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:51
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Chokes McGee posted:Love him or hate him, you have to respect Big Brother. New! Speak sucks!
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Jul 28, 2015 04:51
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SamuraiFoochs posted:Hey, it's at most the fifth, give me at least a LITTLE credit here. dont worry Lowtax will be shutting down PSP soon when he gets a call about all the hilarious isis jokes
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Jul 28, 2015 04:52
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oatgan posted:Tthe idea here is to instill doubt that seth rollins can win at summerslam because the crowd is going to be violently pro-rollins/anti-cena at summerslam and because he's retaining the title. I dont hate the angle by itself, but it feels like the same old poo poo with cena winning a match he really didn't need to again. That's my 2 cents There's no way Rollins leaves as champion. He's been booked like poo poo and ratings are tanking. They're going to run back to Cena because that's what they always do. There are no credible champions right now besides Brock and Cena, and Brock sure isn't gonna get the belt. Anyone else who could have been championship material has been neutered by poor booking or by being put up against Cena.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:52
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Chris James 2 posted:You guys realize that this confirms Vince's thoughts, right He truly is a master manipulator! (Or just an old rear end man who has luckily fumbled into success for the past 10+ years, if not longer)
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Jul 28, 2015 04:54
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Chinston Wurchill posted:New! Speak sucks! And when I say black, y'all say white black
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Jul 28, 2015 04:54
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I really really really excited to see how John Cena can beat Seth Rollins (the guy he just easily beat) at SummerSlam. Stories are always better when the good guy wins right out of the gate, never faces a real challenge and has enemies that have no hope of ever posing a threat. Storytelling at it's finest.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:56
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RAW was terrible, WWE is terrible, we are all terrible for continuing to support them
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Jul 28, 2015 04:58
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Efexeye posted:RAW was terrible, WWE is terrible, we are all terrible for continuing to support them oh I'm terrible for so many more reasons than that
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Jul 28, 2015 05:00
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Efexeye posted:RAW was terrible, WWE is terrible, we are all terrible for continuing to support them I don't have a Nielsen box and I also space and do other stuff during Raw so my viewership doesn't really count. I like watching NXT and old Nitros so they are fine having my Network money.
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Jul 28, 2015 05:00
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I wasn't even watching, I've been in classes at uni all day.
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Jul 28, 2015 05:01
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lol at the disparity between the quality of the workrate and the booking
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Jul 28, 2015 05:01
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mkay0 posted:lol at the disparity between the quality of the workrate and the booking This is what kills me, the matches are passable to fantastic but the endings and storylines are  .
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Jul 28, 2015 05:03
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So which of these two and ONLY two possibilities is going to happen? 1. John Cena is right about to beat Seth clean again when Kane or somebody shows up and causes some kind of a gently caress finish. 2. John Cena wins clean then in the midst of the confetti and Cole sucking his dick while JBL tickles his balls, Sheamus cashes in.
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Jul 28, 2015 05:04
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RIP Dean Ambrose lost a lot and died.
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Jul 28, 2015 05:04
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the_american_dream posted:dont worry Lowtax will be shutting down PSP soon when he gets a call about all the hilarious isis jokes Lowtax's friends in isis are mad at us for making jokes? They have phones?
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Jul 28, 2015 05:04
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Chris James 2 posted:
who?
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Jul 28, 2015 05:08
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Pariah Rex posted:So which of these two and ONLY two possibilities is going to happen? Is he currently tied with Flair for most reigns or one fewer? If he's one fewer, #2 actually makes a lot of sense because then he can tie record at Summerslam and beat it at Mania.
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Jul 28, 2015 05:08
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OP hated the Sasha/Paige match, a foolish man
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Jul 28, 2015 05:08
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Blast Fantasto posted:I would rather have Roman Reigns because it would at least be a new person winning a bunch. roman reigns doesn't even win anymore!!!
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Jul 28, 2015 05:08
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flair's kid has a negative rear end. how is that even possible?
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Jul 28, 2015 05:10
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