Rejected story pitches

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Rejected story pitches

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

British customs agents deny Wolverine entry, because six built-in knives make him the scariest man they can imagine, and also because the British people are terribly suspicious of a well-connected old man who hangs out at a boarding school developing very close relationships with a succession of pubescent girls.

Guardians of the Galaxy time-travel adventure in which we learn that the biblical bush that said "I AM" was actually Groot.

Booster Gold, PUA superhero.

Alex Trebek stalks and kills the Question.

The Brain and Monsieur Mallah have an uninhibited discussion with a sex therapist, a 128 page prestige format release.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 22:28

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 17:23

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Rocket Raccoon says a lot of racially charged things about Earth raccoons' culture and refusal to adapt to the human way of life is the reason they keep getting shot and have highly communicable diseases

Booblord Zagats fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Jul 29, 2015

# ? Jul 29, 2015 22:31

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

Other members of the Justice League grow uncomfortable with how freely Wonder Woman uses the c-word, but no one can figure out how to tell her.

Squizzle fucked around with this message at 01:58 on Jul 30, 2015

# ? Jul 30, 2015 00:08

Wanderer: Nov 5, 2006; our every move is the new tradition

Through an elaborate series of time-travel adventures, we discover that James "Bucky" Barnes was both gunmen on the grassy knoll, a third shooter on the roof of the book depository, three members of the crowd, the guy driving JFK's car, and Jackie Kennedy.

It's complicated.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 02:21

DrPaper: Aug 29, 2011

An even whiter Spider-man.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 03:14

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Professor X goes inside the Punisher's head and makes him think he's Stephen Segal

Omega Red becomes a libertarian

Colossus gets hit int he head and wakes up with the mannerisms of the Macho Man, Randy Savage

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:10

Dario the Wop: Oct 11, 2007; Hell-Sent, Heaven-Bent

A fun Superman story, featuring larger-than-life sci-fi concepts, and our hero outwitting the villain(s) and performing incredible feats using his powers in creative ways.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:32

Four Score: Feb 27, 2014; by zen death robot; Lipstick Apathy

Batman gets tired of loving around with his dumb rogues gallery, lets Superman take care of them, and instead goes after systemic poverty by attacking the obscenely rich and forcefully redistributing their wealth.

Dario the Wop posted:

A fun Superman story, featuring larger-than-life sci-fi concepts, and our hero outwitting the villain(s) and performing incredible feats using his powers in creative ways.

Morrison

# ? Jul 30, 2015 05:02

TwoPair: Mar 28, 2010; Pandamn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta; Grimey Drawer

Squizzle posted:

Other members of the Justice League grow uncomfortable with how freely Wonder Woman uses the c-word, but no one can figure out how to tell her.

Members of Batman Inc grow uncomfortable with how freely Knight and Squire use the c-word, but no one can figure out how to tell them.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 06:23

goldenoreos: Jan 5, 2012; Take care of my animals while I'm gone

Shazam ends up getting sued by Gomer Pyle for calling himself Shazam and calls himself by a new name every issue out of fear of getting sued again.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 06:53

Cartridgeblowers: Jan 3, 2006; Super Mario Bros 3

The Joker, under the guise of animal psychologist Joe Kerr, begins a very successful public relations campaign for the Gotham Zoo that has the people of Gotham no longer afraid of bats, actually finding them quite cute. The people become very interested in bat biology and behavior and a bat pet craze sweeps the city. Bruce Wayne spends hours rethinking his gimmick but says "gently caress it."

Pyslocke flashback story about the time she used the UNfocused totality of her psychic powers. Hundreds of Brits die horribly. She's sad about it but she's Kwannon now so eh.

Swamp Thing is revealed to have been Alec Holland but the entire time, as in from birth as a human. His mother had sex with a swamp and that's why he became Swamp Thing. The same origin is used months earlier for Man-Thing, whose mother had sex with a man.

The Squadron Sinister and the Sinister Six are invited to a dinner by Mr. Sinister in a mysterious castle. Members of the dinner party begin vanishing throughout the night, and the Sinisters have to learn what's happening to their Sinister pals but also just what it truly means to be Sinster! Introduction of the new Sin Eater and the Sinister Sin Sister.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 07:45

Genetic Toaster: Jun 5, 2011

Cyclops has a good day.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 10:38

Archer666: Dec 27, 2008

Tony Stark travels back in time to get into a drinking competition with Andre the Giant

Tupac becomes Captain Universe

Reed Richards uses his genius in ways that benefit the common man

# ? Jul 30, 2015 12:24

Dario the Wop: Oct 11, 2007; Hell-Sent, Heaven-Bent

Four Score posted:

Morrison

Besides him. Though it should be noted Greg Pak was doing good work for a while there.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 12:31

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Age of Sensibility mega event

Bullseye gives up his life of crime and dominates on the PGA circuit

Taskmaster rethinks his business strategy and becomes the QB coach for the San Diego Chargers

Peter Parker patents his webbing solution for use in military and construction contracts

Wakanda, at the behest of Namor, starts sharing it's green energy technology with China, Russia and the US to eliminate a massive amount of pollution

Magneto's Genosha let's itself be annexed by Latveria to create a hyper secure state that won't be getting hosed over by international anti-mutant sentiments or SHIELD fuckery.

Beast, Pym and Doc Ock start a company using the techno-organic Phalanx virus to cure cancer, replace damaged organs and limbs as well as eliminate most forms of disease.

Captain America and Wolverine become pretty loving useless

# ? Jul 30, 2015 16:07

Harold Fjord: Jan 3, 2004

Real

quote:

DAZZLER: BIG IN ATTILAN

While Alison Blaire�s life as a costumed adventurer is on the rise, her career as the world�s first mutant superstar has collapsed to Trance toilet-venues. It reaches a new low when, after playing a Student Freshers week gig, she�s savaged in an extended review in a broadsheet newspaper by a M-day depowered ex-mutant critic � that it�s a tragedy that the sole surviving artist from the mutant community is the one who, instead of making Mutant Art, crouched in the gene closet for most of her career making derivative Human music. It�s unfair, she knows, but it cuts her legs from under her. Why be an artist at all?

It�s then her agent her with an unusual � nay � unprecedented gig. A diplomat from Attilan has requested that Dazzler play the Inhuman�s city on the moon. No human has ever done this. It�s like being the first band to play behind the Iron Curtain�

Accepting causes problem. In the aftermath of the Silent War a US citizen traveling to Attilan is a touchy matter anyway. Her government warns her off � but, of course, there�s a reason why Allison isn�t living in the US at the moment. This Blair isn�t the sort to do something just because America tells her so. Riding a wave of hype, she�s elated pretty much until she actually reaches Attilan.

At which point a few problems come to light. Firstly, yes, she�s popular in Attilan. That it�s isolated means that in terms of culture, they�re at least 10 years behind the rest of the world.. That�s why Disco Dazzler is still the No. 1 foreign artist. That she�s moved on from Disco immediately alienates her from the fans. Secondly, the No 1 foreign artist in Attilan means little. It�s an isolationist state, and the dominant traditionalist factions are outraged at any outsider. This is made worse when it becomes clear she was invited under false pretences� the Diplomat wasn�t actually an diplomat. It was a young Inhuman who runs small club gatherings for Discophiles. This outrages traditionalists more, and all that stops Dazzler being ejected is � somehow � despite the DJ not being an actual Diplomat, Black Bolt did give permission for her to come. Why? No-one knows, and Black Bolt � as always � isn�t talking. Thirdly � and the particularly foul cherry on the whole cake � is that her agent invited the critic who tore her apart on the journey, to report on it and in hope the level of access will make him change his position. Alison and him don�t exactly get on.

In short, with stresses both inside and outside the visiting party, the situation�s a powderkeg. Her first gig, a small warm-up to the main performance, is a fiasco. Her fans don�t want the music she plays and it descends into an Inhuman brawl when traditionalists try and stop the performance. After the smoke had cleared, the critic smugly notes that this sort of disaster is what you�d expect with such a minor talent as a cultural ambassador. All that stops Allison from finally snapping at him is some unexpected news.

An enormous figure has appeared outside Attilan. A Celestial: Arishem, specifically.

Already the powder-keg, matches start flying. That he doesn�t appear to be doing anything only makes people more paranoid. What does he want? What caused this? What can they do? Is there anything they can do? Black Bolt keeps as calm a hand on the society tiller as possible, but the pressures show. Many fingers, understandably, point at the presence of Dazzler. With the Celestial�s silent presence not sublimating into something specific, life continues nervously on.

The next major event is at an inhuman ball which Alison is present. A traditionalist function, the music is provided by one of the Inhumans who�s been most outspoken against the debauched, immature and corrupting nature of Dazzler�s work. Half way through his performance of ornate classic Attilan sonnets� the Celestial rouses outside. Shortly afterwards, the performer disintegrates.

Panic.

The military plans step up hugely, as the race of metahumans works out how it can possibly take on a Celestial. The pressure around Dazzler amps up further, as she fends off an assassination attempt. Attention is only distracted when a couple more inhumans are disintegrated� also during their performances.

Talking to the venomous critic, Alison has a moment of insight. As is their nature, the Celestial is here to judge, yes. But somehow it�s here to judge art. This isn�t something she can fight like an X-man or a member of Excalibur. She has to somehow put on a show that�d please the Star God that towers over the city.

She puts her plans into order, disappearing into hurried practice. Her stage before the towering Celestial in one of the enclosed domes of Attilan. A crowd of her previously disappointed faithful and the disgruntled disbelievers gather.

She steps on stage. And it�s in her old Dazzler gear. The band steps out. She introduces herself to the crowd, promising a very special show, and then calls forth an new addition to her band. Black Bolt steps out of the shadows. The Prime ruler of the Inhumans is, for this show, backing vocals.

Dazzler starts her set. It�s old school Dazzler, but merged with the her more modern take, her classics reinvented � it�s populist, crowd pleasing, communal, a world away from the austere chamber music of the people. You can dance to it. You can cry to it. You can live to it, y'know. And - as Black bolt sings - Allison absorbs all the energy into the biggest lightshow on earth, her body growing in energy, growing in intensity, just growing� until, at the song�s apex, she�s literally the star she�s always wanted to be.

The song finishes, laser light dripping off her like sweat.

The Celestial stares. Notably, no-one is disintegrated.

At which point the rest of the Celestial host materialize and join Arishem in his vigil. The gig continues, the Inhumans dance and� while the Celestials don�t, they watch.

As the gig finishes, a handful of the Celestials disappear. Some remain. �What do they want?� �I think� they want an encore�. Dazzler plays the coy star, saying that she�d only really be able to play another song if a few extra people were in the audience. You know � the ones you disintegrated a few days ago.

A moment�s tension.

The celestials rematerializes the judged ones, then return to their Vigil.

Dazzler tears off her blonde wig, gestures to Black Bolt to start singing and she kicks into a rapturously achieved encore.

The story picks up the next day. The Celestials vanished at the close of the gig. The party continued through the night And now, Dazzler and party are about to leave. In the farewells Medusa inadvertently reveals the information everyone was wondering � why Black Bolt would actually allow the DJ to invite her to Attilan. It�s very simple.

�Black Bolt would like to know how pleased he was to be able to perform with you last night. A chance to see you live was all he was hoping for, but that� was too much. You always were his favourite�.

Dazzler leaves Attilan with her faith in the importance of music � and her relation with it, as a performer � restored and those her mocked her well and truly humbled. It doesn�t matter what a little critic makes of her when Arishem the Judge understands.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 16:48

Timeless Appeal: May 28, 2006

In a massive six month crossover, Batman and his crew are being slowly picked off by some mysterious force. In the end, it is revealed that the culprit is Tim Drake who feels that he can better the mantle of Batman, but only if he wipes the slate clean. Drake becomes a villain under the title Dark Robin.

Can I work for DC now?

# ? Jul 30, 2015 17:12

khy: Aug 15, 2005

Batman finally reaches his breaking point when fighting and imprisoning the Joker four times in five days, and finally just stops using nonlethal gadgetry.

Arkham shuts down due to lack of business in three weeks. Gotham's crime rates virtually disappear within two months. Batman retires and Bruce finally realizes that sleep deprivation has been the cause of all his idiotic decisions in the past few decades.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 17:17

Timeless Appeal: May 28, 2006

Bruce decides to basically break up with the Joker. Any time he shows up, Bruce just directs Superman through how to handle it.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 17:29

Wanderer: Nov 5, 2006; our every move is the new tradition

The Croatoans and Rip Hunter team up to solve history's greatest mysteries, beginning with the Case of Who Wrote the Book on Love.

The answer to an irritatingly high number of their questions turns out to be Vandal Savage.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 17:44

Cartridgeblowers: Jan 3, 2006; Super Mario Bros 3

The Green Lantern Corps finds a planet where colors, emotions, and light-bringing devices are unheard of. They move on, figuring it's just not worth the trouble.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 19:15

Timeless Appeal: May 28, 2006

Jack Kirby vs. The Marvel Universe

Kang the Conqueror brings together Marvel's greatest villains to travel back to our world in 1931 to kill Jack Kirby and stop him from creating Captain America and their other enemies. With the combined fighting techniques of every neighborhood in New York City, Jack fights back every single villain the Marvel universe can throw at him. Of course he can't do it without the help of the courageous Skinny Steve and the kind hearted Ugly Benny, poor latchkey kids who join Jack's fight and inspire his greatest creations.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 19:24

Endorph: Jul 22, 2009

a woman *doesn't* get raped

# ? Jul 30, 2015 20:13

TwoPair: Mar 28, 2010; Pandamn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta; Grimey Drawer

Rip Hunter and Booster Gold get really drunk one day and start loving with the timestream. Booster saves Thomas and Martha Wayne from death just to see if Batman creates his own villains or if Gotham's a shithole either way. It turns out Gotham still sucks just in new and exciting ways and Rip has to give Booster $20 because it was all a bet

Power Girl gets a costume that's less revealing only to discard it when it's really really uncomfortable.

Galactus eats like five worlds in one day and gets really stuffed and has to send Silver Surfer to Earth to buy out the world's supply of antacids.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 23:38

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

Nevvy Z posted:

Real

Hahahah holy poo poo.

quote:

Black Bolt steps out of the shadows. The Prime ruler of the Inhumans is, for this show, backing vocals.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 02:16

Esplanade: Jan 6, 2005

Captain America is felled by a mysterious assassin in the wake of Civil War. Soon after, four new heroes burst upon the scene, each appearing to take up his shield. Could one of these mysterious figures be Captain America reborn?

"So, Mr. Hickman, we know you've got your Secret Wars thing all planned out but we've got this new toy line coming out and it would be really good synergy if you could just add one little scene..."

# ? Jul 31, 2015 05:22

Dr. Hurt: Oct 23, 2010

Doctor Strange decides to open up a private practice with the Night Nurse catering to all sorts of weird Marvel Maladies. The clinic quickly gets shut down and forgotten when the series gets inevitably canceled after the 6th issue.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 06:26

TwoPair: Mar 28, 2010; Pandamn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta; Grimey Drawer

Dr. Hurt posted:

Doctor Strange decides to open up a private practice with the Night Nurse catering to all sorts of weird Marvel Maladies. The clinic quickly gets shut down and forgotten when the series gets inevitably canceled after the 6th issue.

He said rejected story pitches.

_{(Wait what? That's actually not a published comic? Well gently caress me. )}

TwoPair fucked around with this message at 06:31 on Jul 31, 2015

# ? Jul 31, 2015 06:28

Clipperton: Dec 20, 2011; Grimey Drawer

Still one of my favourite things ever

# ? Jul 31, 2015 18:05

Diesel Fucker: Aug 14, 2003; I spent my rent money on tentacle porn.

Clipperton posted:

Still one of my favourite things ever

It's a crime that this twitter account doesn't post any more.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 19:47

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

Giraffe Spawn

Milleresque crime-noir revival of Herbie the Fat Fury

Mystery-driven summer event: Why is Superman punching children?

# ? Nov 20, 2015 17:22

ImpAtom: May 24, 2007

What if Superman walked across the country instead of flying

# ? Nov 20, 2015 17:43

Hollismason: Jun 30, 2007; Feel free to disregard this post.

It is guaranteed to be lazy, ignorant, and/or uninformed.

Superman goes slowly insane because he constantly hears people being raped all day long across the world with his super hearing. He then kills all men.

# ? Nov 21, 2015 19:23

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

Claw & Order, feat. Detective Logan and EADA Hank McCoy :doink:

# ? Nov 21, 2015 19:28

Wanderer: Nov 5, 2006; our every move is the new tradition

Luke Cage discovers his life and the rumors surrounding it are the basis for a surprisingly successful series of gonzo, superhero-themed porn films called Black Capes. He is not amused.

# ? Nov 21, 2015 20:50

TwoPair: Mar 28, 2010; Pandamn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta; Grimey Drawer

The Hulk needs to get stronger to fight Galactus so he hangs around with a guy who's really into Bitcoin just to get angrier.

# ? Nov 21, 2015 21:01

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

Spider-Man India must defeat a class revolt led by Unus the Untouchable.

# ? Nov 21, 2015 21:21

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

Wolverine's life falls apart when all his underage girl sidekicks come forward and speak up about what the "training" in China and Madripoor really was.

# ? Nov 22, 2015 00:37

JediTalentAgent: Jun 5, 2005; Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!

Red Skull has taken over factions of several terrorist groups in the Marvel Universe and instead of striking a typical blow at the US and its heroes, he targets Genosha, Latveria, and Wakanda.

The result is the normally isolationist and sometimes openly antagonistic nations find themselves in cooperation and competition with one another on the world stage to get justice for their respective nations with mixed global reaction.

However, is there a shocking secret Dr. Doom is keeping from them that will have horrific consequences for the entire Marvel Universe?

...No...

# ? Nov 22, 2015 00:58

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 17:23

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

Batman and Jim Gordon have strong opinions about model train scales while drinking coffee together—an eight issue mega-event

e: strong but differing

# ? Nov 22, 2015 01:28

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