my mom is SO old

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > my mom is SO old

Brexit the Frog

her name is Doris

she was born in 1943 and that's the kinda name you gave a child then I guess

please feel free to share cool mom facts in this thread

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:29

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 18, 2024 02:31

Barco Fiesta: a fantasy of olives

my mom helps underprivileged kids and autistics find ways to express themselves through music :3:

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:48

pig slut lisa: irl is good

my mom had her abdominal muscles sliced open by a knife so they could pull two squalling infants out of her belly, and then 9 years later this happened again (only one infant), and now 18 years later she goes to the YMCA for classes named like "body extreme" and "core domination" and "fat thrash" and reports say she kicks rear end

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:52

pig slut lisa: irl is good

also: she really likes to find diet coke cans/bottles that have the names of poeple she knows on them, to the point that she's gotten snippy with wage slave cashiers because they didn't have like a "wendy" in stock that she could buy, photograph, and tag on facebook

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:53

ChairmanMeow: Fire up the grill everyone eats tonight!

My mom is super into whittling.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 05:12

dumb crambo: Can't post for 3 years!

Glass Bottom Boat posted:

my mom helps underprivileged kids and autistics find ways to express themselves through music

that's cool

# ? Jul 30, 2015 05:57

joke_explainer

she died of brain cancer like 17 years ago. she was a really incredible lady though, really smart, had a masters degree in geology and had worked in a school library for years before getting married... she was so insightful and quick witted, it was really disturbing watching her decline into total gibbering insanity and confusion by the end... she was only like 44.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 06:04

pig slut lisa: irl is good

joke_explainer posted:

she died of brain cancer like 17 years ago. she was a really incredible lady though, really smart, had a masters degree in geology and had worked in a school library for years before getting married... she was so insightful and quick witted, it was really disturbing watching her decline into total gibbering insanity and confusion by the end... she was only like 44.

i bet she loved you forever

# ? Jul 30, 2015 06:11

Ayatollah Hermione: by Cyrano4747

my mom jersk me off while i play megaman

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 06:20

pig slut lisa: irl is good

Ayatollah Hermione posted:

my mom jersk me off while i play megaman

i bet she loves you forever

# ? Jul 30, 2015 06:21

pogi

Doris is a pretty good album, OP.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 07:24

Casio_knight

Ayatollah Hermione posted:

my mom jersk me off while i play megaman

which megaman is your favorite?

# ? Jul 30, 2015 08:10

dumb crambo: Can't post for 3 years!

Casio_knight posted:

which megaman is your favorite?

megaMOM!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 08:15

Theglavwen: Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

My mom is so old she's 4.5 billion years old, and so is all of your mom, because we're all star children.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 08:44

Cinderful

she is one year younger den my grandmama

# ? Jul 30, 2015 09:01

Casio_knight

My Mum is so old humankind has twice forgotten her face and let her slumber undiscovered with her children.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 09:47

Theglavwen: Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Casio_knight posted:

My Mum is so old humankind has twice forgotten her face and let her slumber undiscovered with her children.

Nah we only wish we could forget her face ahahaha

Yer mum's ugly.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 10:17

cat_herder: BE GAY
DO CRIME

my mom is nearly sixty, had two c-sections and a hysterectomy in the span of two years, defeated a barbituate addiction that nearly killed her, divorced her abusive husband, and has run some pharmacy or another for most of her life. She's also a grandma to four cats and a teensy micro-preemie girl, and in mourning over the death of the micro-preemie twin.

In 7 or so hours she will be here to help me move and will outwork my husband and I, and I'm both terrified and excited to see her. I hope she's not mad about the state of my apartment :ohdear:

# ? Jul 30, 2015 10:35

Brexit the Frog

great moms everybody, nice hustle

# ? Jul 30, 2015 13:02

Tebulot: im hip now bois

My mum decided to learn how to make bread from scratch and had my old man put together a giant flour grinder so she could grow her own wheat and really start from scratch

# ? Jul 30, 2015 13:27

Tebulot: im hip now bois

It's good bread hey

# ? Jul 30, 2015 13:27

Qwerinty: by zen death robot

she had me in her mid twenties, she's old as gently caress. I rollerblade circles around her, like I do at the roller derby, saying "bet you wish you were teen pregnant huh, GRANDMA" and grind on her dentures

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 13:28

Minster: Right, right.

My mom shares pictures of Turkish men in facebook. I have no how should I react or deal with that.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 13:37

Tebulot: im hip now bois

Qwerinty posted:

she had me in her mid twenties, she's old as gently caress. I rollerblade circles around her, like I do at the roller derby, saying "bet you wish you were teen pregnant huh, GRANDMA" and grind on her dentures

gnarly

# ? Jul 30, 2015 13:42

Brexit the Frog

my mom had me when she was 43

which is pretty crazy tbh

# ? Jul 30, 2015 13:47

fuck. marry. t-rex

Qwerinty posted:

she had me in her mid twenties, she's old as gently caress. I rollerblade circles around her, like I do at the roller derby, saying "bet you wish you were teen pregnant huh, GRANDMA" and grind on her dentures

lol

# ? Jul 30, 2015 14:23

fuck. marry. t-rex

*wishing my parents had been teen pregnant*

# ? Jul 30, 2015 14:24

ron color

Rusty Staub posted:

great moms everybody, nice hustle

Qwerinty posted:

she had me in her mid twenties, she's old as gently caress. I rollerblade circles around her, like I do at the roller derby, saying "bet you wish you were teen pregnant huh, GRANDMA" and grind on her dentures

# ? Jul 30, 2015 14:32

ulvir

yo momma so old she made fun of napoleon's height to his face

# ? Jul 30, 2015 15:24

bog pixie

almost all moms have had sex
:d:

the majority of moms are dead. strangely, this never changes even with an exponential increase in living moms
:d:

moms are smarter than you, and have a 75% chance of being really badass wearing leather jackets all that stuff
:d:

bird moms, snake moms, mouse moms. its all there. bateria moms. tree moms
:d:

evil moms are out there, but they can be easily identified by the red eyes

Collaboration between the Motherhood Association & Wikipedia

# ? Jul 30, 2015 15:45

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

My mom is very BYOB in that one time when I was a baby she got so high that she couldn't get me out of my play-pen and had to call my dad home from work because she couldn't figure out what was going on. Keep in mind that this was 70's weed, so she was smoking a gently caress-ton.
Other than that, though, she was a great mom and took great care of us. She was always there for us even though we had a big family and none of us felt left out. She survived cancer twice and has been declared officially cancer free. She was just diagnosed with Parkinson's, though and is starting to decline, which makes me very sad.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 15:48

cat_herder: BE GAY
DO CRIME

your mom is cool af gsjg, I like her.

I wonder if medical marijuana helps with Parkinson's.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 15:56

smoobles

my mom has a phd in microbiology and is researching a cure for Hepatitis C

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 16:09

smoobles

if you want to be really confused and feel stupid ask my mom what she's working on lately bc it's all technical jargon that sounds made up

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 16:11

cat_herder: BE GAY
DO CRIME

smoobles posted:

if you want to be really confused and feel stupid ask my mom what she's working on lately bc it's all technical jargon that sounds made up

I want to hang out with your mom, I love microbiology

I wish I could've hung out with joke_explainer's mom too, I love geology as well.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 17:06

titties: They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

I want to hang out with megaman hand job mom and by hang out I mean my dong except it's too short to hang very well, when people say to whip it out i'm like "it doesn't really whip it just kind of shimmies a little". what I'm trying to say is that I want a handjob from that dude's mom

# ? Jul 30, 2015 19:34