how good are your beans?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > how good are your beans?

penus penus penus: Nov 9, 2014; by piss__donald

Terrible. All beans are terrible. The best beans can only be described as bland poo poo, mediocre filler on a mexican plate at best.

F-

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:15

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 00:07

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Holy Frijoles!

What a horrible thread!

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:21

im pooping!: Nov 17, 2006

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXBN9zzI0uI

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:22

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

THE DOG HOUSE posted:

Terrible. All beans are terrible. The best beans can only be described as bland poo poo, mediocre filler on a mexican plate at best.

F-

what about green beans?

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:24

penus penus penus: Nov 9, 2014; by piss__donald

Big Beef City posted:

what about green beans?

misnamed. green beans are good

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:24

Drunkboxer: Jun 30, 2007

The world was built on beans you jerk.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:32

Drunkboxer: Jun 30, 2007

I like beans. Baked beans, Lima beans, black beans... Gimme them beans!

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:33

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

THE DOG HOUSE posted:

Terrible. All beans are terrible. The best beans can only be described as bland poo poo, mediocre filler on a mexican plate at best.

F-

you are loving dumb as poo poo

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:33

Drunkboxer: Jun 30, 2007

http://youtu.be/vr17ZStF4KQ

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:35

Pulvis Sumus: Jul 27, 2011

Chinatown posted:

you are loving dumb as poo poo

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:23

Bardeh: Dec 2, 2004; Fun Shoe

delicious, OP

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:41

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Beans are pretty solid OP lots of protein for a plant, even as filler they're good. Cheap too if you get dried ones.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:44

Shirley Crabtree: Aug 8, 2012

op what about human beans

we are all wonderful in our own different ways if you think about it

things that make you go hmmm...

your welcome namaste

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:47

Vastarien: Dec 20, 2012; Where I live is nightmare, thus a certain nonchalance.; Buglord

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:48

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

THE DOG HOUSE posted:

Terrible. All beans are terrible. The best beans can only be described as bland poo poo, mediocre filler on a mexican plate at best.

F-

dont grade your own posts.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:49

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

drat, such a promising title.

My beans so good they can swing above or below the frank with no screaming.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:59

Twistershift: Feb 7, 2007

THE DOG HOUSE posted:

Terrible. All beans are terrible. The best beans can only be described as bland poo poo, mediocre filler on a mexican plate at best.

F-

Chinatown posted:

you are loving dumb as poo poo

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:02

Seaniqua: Mar 12, 2004; "We'll see how the first year goes. But people better get us now, because we're going to keep getting better and better."

Real good. Delicious beans. Put beans in your chili

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:07

poopzilla: Nov 23, 2004

Chinatown posted:

you are loving dumb as poo poo

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:11

CuteJen96: Feb 23, 2015; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 3 years!)

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:13

corpuscollossus: Apr 19, 2007

A study done on the places where people live longest found the only thing they had in common was a daily portion of beans. Wine, little meat and low stress were highly correlated but beans makes you live healthy to 100.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:20

corpuscollossus: Apr 19, 2007

bean rear end

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:21

Rahu: Feb 14, 2009; let me just check my figures real quick here; Grimey Drawer

My beans are cool, op. They are cool beans.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:27

The Fuzzy Hulk: Nov 22, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT CROSSING THE STREAMS

Bees?

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:38

penus penus penus: Nov 9, 2014; by piss__donald

of the three nearly identical threads I made

-Clothes
-Genetic makeup
-Food

the only one to make it was the one about food

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:50

penus penus penus: Nov 9, 2014; by piss__donald

you all failed this scientific social experiment

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:50

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

THE DOG HOUSE posted:

you all failed this scientific social experiment

*FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART*

Hehehe Guess why I did that?

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:52

Libelous Slander: May 1, 2009; ... you're just creepy ...

i like beans in chili

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:55

corpuscollossus: Apr 19, 2007

They're basically a hug from nature

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:57

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

i like some beans and dislike other beans. im pretty even keeled about beans

# ? Aug 4, 2015 21:58

Drunkboxer: Jun 30, 2007

THE DOG HOUSE posted:

you all failed this scientific social experiment

At some point you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that beans are more interesting than you

# ? Aug 4, 2015 23:09

Hobohemian: Sep 30, 2005; by XyloJW

Drunkboxer posted:

At some point you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that beans are more interesting than you

So is a fart. It all works out.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 23:13

raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

The Romans hated beans and had a saying "Hunger sweetens beans" because they thought beans were really terrible.

That said I make the best beans of anyone, people eat my beans before they eat the meat, they are popular at parties despite the risks of eating beans at parties and of bringing beans to parties and the fact that they're an awful party food logistically.

How to make beans:

Soak in salted water overnight then drain and boil until soft. That's it.

How to make good beans:

Beans are bullshit, you need to know how to make sofrito. Here is how you do it. For one pound of beans you cook three peeled / sliced red bell peppers and one giant sliced up sweet onion and about ten cloves of garlic and 1/4 lb diced ham or other pork. You do this correctly so that each item browns. I'm not telling you how to do that because you'll gently caress it up anyway but you can't boil them, you have to use high heat and some oil and stir the right amount which is "sometimes." You do this until you have almost a mush. This is called a sofrito. If you want it spicy you add spicy chilies. If you want it pungent you swap out a red pepper for a green one. Etc. You clear a little place in the middle of the pan and put oil there and let it heat up and then add just a little too much cumin in the oil and let it fry for about ten to twenty seconds then stir it into the sofrito. You dump the drained beans into this. You add enough water to almost cover the beans and then stir / mush them around until the water threatens to turn thick. You add bullion cubes (or use stock instead of water earlier) to adjust the salt level. If you want to be on my tier you also add one heaping spoon of miso paste, but you won't do this because you're loving stupid. Incorporate. Serve with a bowl of finely chopped white onion mixed with finely chopped cilantro on the side. You can add cheese also at the end as a topping if you're a fat loving goon but I never do.

This can be done with any bean. I usually use black beans.

# ? Aug 5, 2015 01:36