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You are sitting in a chair. It isn't too comfortable, but you really don't mind. The oppressive shade of white everything in this office is far more irritating, not that you mind that either. Even the potted fern in the corner is white, though if you looked closely you'd notice it was just plastic. White carpet, white shoes, white generic gown, you're even wearing a white bracelet. The band flows with a golden script that twists around itself and dances in ways that make your head spin, a shame it's cracked. Something was bugging you, you had to do something, there was pain, maybe, it's all foggy but one thing stands out. "You're dead, stop thinking so loudly dammit, I need a minute." Curses the black robed figure hunched over the painfully IKEA, his skeletal hands clamped over his face. Oh, now he's vomiting into the basket under his desk, is he, "Nope, but I wish I hadn't." The robed skeleton slides something underneath his desk, opens the drawer and pulls out bottle of whiskey and begins sipping while rubbing his forehead. "Okay, let's get the basics out of the way quick. Don't interrupt because this is a script we have to do and if you do interrupt I have to start over." You nod.  The skeleton rolls his lack of eyes, puts on a fake grin and starts his spiel, drawing it out with as much sarcasm infused false-cheer and as he can muster. " Hello <say name here>, do not worry. Feelings of panic, fear and confusion are normal. You are dead. I'm sure <living loved one> is okay and <dead relative> is very happy to see you soon. Please be patient as your personal Afterlife Inc representative, <Murray>, inputs your personal soul data into our database. Your personal afterlife will be generated and everything will be okay! Thank you for choosing Afterlife Inc, the most trusted soul handling service in 67,000 universes!" Murray pauses, holds up a boney finger and then ducks under the desk to vomit again. You think you should feel angry? Upset? It's hard to think really it's all a blur, but you're dead?Murray pops back up. "Yup, six feet under and rotting like a bag of spoiled ham, and I will be too. Look I was drunk, I grabbed your soul and I kinda...dropped it? Messed up your soul record real bad there. Hence why everything looks like it was bought in the generic isle of a knockoff Walmart and why I'm dressed like some medical woodcut rear end in a top hat. I hosed up, so lucky you I got a place I can stash you till your band fixes itself. I don't need this kinda heat right now, but I'll make it up to you. Now focus real hard and answer these for me. "What's your Name?" "What did you do for a living?" "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." "What was your Childhood dream?" "What did you fear most?" "How did you die?" "Now c'mon quick. I only got so much time before I have to file your report."
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Aug 4, 2015 19:27
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Arkanomen posted:
"Johnson" "I was an accountant" "Laptop, phone, charger, ballpoint pen, notebook" "To be a nondescript cog in the machinery of society" "IRS audits" "Choked on Chinese take-out" Theantero fucked around with this message at 20:07 on Aug 4, 2015 |
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Aug 4, 2015 19:47
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Mortigan Lockman Cultist Ritual dagger, soul jar, pendant of dark power, unholy book, and soul credit card. World Leader God Lost control of summoned demon, bleed to death from exploded butt
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Aug 4, 2015 20:01
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"What's your Name?" "Frank" "What did you do for a living?" "Oh, you mean, like a job? I never had one of those. But I did have a popular YouTube channel. Nearly had a million subscribers, too, so the ad revenue kept me nice and warm." "What kind of videos did I make? You know. Internet stuff." "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." "A gun, three bottles of vodka to make the pain go away, and a single bullet". "What was your Childhood dream?" "Acceptance and approval." "What did you fear most?" "Look, I once filmed myself getting waterboarded and people liked that poo poo. That video was a desperate cry for help. Humanity is hosed up, man". "How did you die?" "Unloved and miserable." "..." "Oh. Well, I suppose there could have been something wrong with that cake."
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Aug 4, 2015 22:09
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"What's your Name?" John the Confessor "What did you do for a living?" I tended the sick, hoarded the secrets of the guilty, comforted the dying. "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." Walking stick, Bedroll, Towel, Robe, and a dose of poorly manufactured mutagenic serum. "What was your Childhood dream?" I wanted to see the stars and the things behind them. The secrets that the unknowable must hold. "What did you fear most?" Ennui, stagnation, a life that never changes. A world without change is a world without new things to discover. "How did you die?" Some sec̡r̢e͞t͠s̛ d̦͚͍͚͙̕i͉̗̝͉s̷̫̺̮̖c͔̺͎͖̪̹͚o̶̘͈͖̗v͖̰e̙̹͉̞r͎̼̠͕ ͔̘̪̗̭ͅy͙o͏u̮ a͠s͊ͯ̂̒̿͐͆͝ ͒̈m̵̅͗͛̾̐̏u͂̓ͤ̑c̅̔ͤ̊̇̒͏ĥ̋ͯ̎ͭͭ͑ a̴̸̟͎̕s҉̮̥̼̭͙͘͠ ̢̳̝̭̠͎̙͟t͇h̷̹̜̲e̲̖̗̱y̩̖͍͉̰̬ a͜re̶ d͎ͤ̿͛̑i͎̖̤ͮ̇̀̋š̪͉͕̩̣̆́c̞͇̘̩̹͈̯͑ͮ̍ͮͭ́o͈̗̟̺͈͋́̇ͯ͌̾v̢̹͙̗̲ͩ̍͗ḙ̐r̬̄̏̊͝e̦̬̞̔̍d̼̬̖͇̍̀̊̆
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Aug 5, 2015 04:23
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"What's your Name?" Marcus Ulpius Traianus. "What did you do for a living?" Civilian management, public works, conquest. "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." Sword, armor, a Greek slave of diverse knowledge, loaf of bread, skin of wine. "What was your Childhood dream?" A life of travel and adventure at the edges of civilization and beyond. "What did you fear most?" That my works would be lost, or my life forgotten. "How did you die?" Wasting illness; death caused specifically by an edema.
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Aug 5, 2015 05:05
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My name is Richard Dawkins.  I was a a scientist. I wrote a series of famous books and gave lectures about atheism! Did I mention that this is pretty embarrassing? I did not see this coming, but hey, beats being a corpse! Five everyday things I would take on an adventure are a laptop, a full copy of wikipedia on the laptop, a solar powered battery charger for the laptop, a taser and an expensive gold necklace with gems and jewels in it. My childhood dream was to be a scientist and unlock the mysteries of the cosmos! The thing I feared the most was um... I don't know! gently caress! How did I die? A tree fell on my home during a storm and crushed me. This was probably ruled an act of god by the insurance companies. That kind of sucks and is not at all ironic, hey, stop snickering, I can hear you, you know! Diogines fucked around with this message at 13:54 on Aug 5, 2015 |
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Aug 5, 2015 13:33
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.....and here is a second one! I like this premise! My name was Markus Crassus Orelius! I was a Roman General! (Don't think so three dimensionally guys, we got a fourth dimension! Or perhaps this character is mentally ill? DM gets to decide which and not tell us!)  On an adventure I would bring my sword, my shield, my armor, the banner of my Legion and my idol of Jupiter, father of the gods! Is this Hades? This sucks! I was supposed to go to Elysium! Send me upwards at once foul specter or I swear I shall rend you anew! My childhood dream was to become emperor! The thing I feared the most was spiders. I don't like spiders! They are icky and have all of those legs!
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Aug 5, 2015 13:38
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"What's your Name?" "Snowsparkle Ultrahitman" (Thanks random name generator!) "What did you do for a living?" "I was a scavenger, taking what was left and putting it to use." "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." "Mass. Just any amount of coherent atoms in one place." "Five units of mass, I guess.. however much I could take." "What was your Childhood dream?" "To find a real Star." "What did you fear most?" "Running out of energy." "How did you die?" "Together with everyone else, at the Heat Death of the Universe."
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Aug 5, 2015 13:49
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"What's your Name?" The Boogeyman "What did you do for a living?" Scaring humans "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." A bloody butcher's knife, a mask, a sack, a candle, and matches. "What was your Childhood dream?" I am a living embodiment of fear. I had no childhood. "What did you fear most?" Myself, obviously. "How did you die?" With the extinction of humanity, I lost my purpose in life and ceased to be.
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Aug 5, 2015 16:44
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#1 "What's your Name?" Jim Dawson "What did you do for a living?" I was the man inside of the catfood company mascot named Mr. Whiskers. "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." A good jacket, my phone, a multi-tool, fire steel, a fistfull of cash "What was your Childhood dream?" To go to space. "What did you fear most?" The open night sky. "How did you die?" I was shoved into traffic. #2  "What's your Name?" Roberta Scott. "What did you do for a living?" Serial Killer "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." Mr. Stabs, a spray bottle full of bleach, a roll of duct tape, a bundled up tarp, my mother's wedding ring. "What was your Childhood dream?" To make my mark on history. "What did you fear most?" Being forgotten. "How did you die?" My last victim managed to cut his bonds and strangled me to death. #3  "What's your Name?" Ellen Hartman. "What did you do for a living?" Retired doomsday prepper. "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." Shotgun, ammo, first aid kit, hand crank charger, and water purification tablets "What was your Childhood dream?" To outlive the end of the world. "What did you fear most?" That the end of the world wasn't actually coming. "How did you die?" Old age. Enjoy  .e: Just because #4  "What's your Name?" Wilford Brimley "What did you do for a living?" Retired actor turned medical spokesperson "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." Insulin and my moustache grooming kit that's all I need. "What was your Childhood dream?" To be a famous actor! "What did you fear most?" Becoming a meme. "How did you die?" Diabetus. Successful Businessmanga fucked around with this message at 02:40 on Aug 6, 2015 |
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Aug 5, 2015 22:57
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#1 Survive as a Furry [CYOA]
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Aug 5, 2015 23:25
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Murray looks at the gaggle of soul fragments now sitting in the room and grows pale, startling considering his face is bleached bone white. More seem to be coalescing into equally bland white chairs,each carrying a fragment of their soul band. Oh, under the desk again. Were you a complete soul you would questioning how a skeleton has stomach contents to hurl at all, and also some concern as he is still drinking. "Oh man, I must have dropped you really really hard to fragment you this hard, gently caress. Okay, You trained for this Murray. Soul....pieces....people, jerks, yeah let's go with that. Jerks, look to the jerk to the right, now to the jerk to the left. You're all dead. These are your past lives. You were all previously one soul but thanks to the ol' whiskey stumbles, I er...well you're all out and over the floor like a crappy 99c jigsaw in an earthquake. I'm sure we'll find more of you under the couch cushions soon enough. Okay, now I gotta get you all back in the bag one by one before the boss finds out. Purgatory is gonna be what it's gonna be, people say it's like life so doing a life in there should kick start the repair process. Me, I don't care, I'm gonna put you in one by one and when you kick it, I'll collect you back into my little bag. Don't run." Murray pulls a black trash bag from his cloak, shakes it at you menacingly and smiles. "Now, I'm waaaay too plastered to even begin to try to figure what part of the soul goes where so we're just gonna jam you in randomly. Now because I feel bad for "allegedly" dropping you and messing this up so I'll let you keep your memory from soul bit to soul bit. Normally we do the old brain and dish-soap scrub between lives but, eh what the hell. Oh and you can call me twice a life to answer a question. Don't ask for more, I got other souls to manage too and don't be a prick and make it something fancy or the meaning of life bullshit. Got it, good. Okay let's get this shitshow on the road, startinnnggg witthhh you!" Murray points his scythe at one of the shades and a bolt of darkness consumes it, leaving only an empty chair. Murray starts typing away as a projector descends from the ceiling. The lights dim as your reaper steps out of the room. "Okay now sit and watch the the nice movie while I take care of other crap. No fighting and don't spill any popcorn.You'll swap in automatically and if any more of you show up, fill them in and add them to the list okay?" Murray closes the door as the video begins to play in that sickening sweet voice Murray used earlier. "Soul 4637495, this was your life!"  ===================================================================================================== Okay souls, here is the catch all Game Info post. Anyone can post a past life but please one per person. When your soul dies you can submit another and it will be added to the list.Souls up next will be randomly rolled from this table. Other information will be posted here as it becomes relevant. Consider this post your personal Akashic Record.  Past Lives Unprocessed 1. 2.Mortigan Lockman 3."Frank" 4.Marcus Ulpius Traianus. 5.Richard Dawkins 6.Markus Crassus Orelius 7.Snowsparkle Ultrahitman 8.The Boogeyman 9.John the confessor 10.Jim Dawson 11.Roberta Scott. 12.Ellen Hartman. 13.Wilford Brimley 14.Lionel McCoy, Sr. 15.Joan D'arc 16.Cliktak Fiss 17.Krieger 409490725-1987B 18.Psi-757-Gamma In the bag 1. 2. 3. Arkanomen fucked around with this message at 03:18 on Sep 13, 2015 |
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Aug 6, 2015 06:19
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1d13: 1 : Johnson is first to show up and first to play! You hear a voice command you, yes you "Johnson", to awake. In life you were did nothing great, besides keep the IRS off the backs of those more powerful and influential then you knew. Not that you knew much, you did well keeping your head down and your nose clean. All numbers on a sheet, that was all they were. You did not know this at the time, but your strict adherence to simply business kept your name off of several assassination lists. Usually people only end up on one or two but your work crossed many paths and many international treaty lines. You didn't know nor bothered to care. The numbers printed out and you typed them in. Spreadsheets were such clean simple things, as was the meager pay check deposited every other Friday at exactly 11:59 PM. Nice and neat. You had your own spreadsheet too, in case any nosy feds came snooping. You had several drawers of receipts ready to go, copied in triplicate. Always prepared, always ready, always professional, and always alone. From a young age you focused on math and collecting stamps. Never developing the social skills nor the drive to become anything more than a cog in society, as you thought proper. No love in your life, though you were dating. You hadn't spent much on yourself and what you did was tax-deductible. This date was filed under "employee motivation and social training". Her name was Elise, she was 35 and her clock was about ready to strangle anyone that had come within a quarter-mile of a baby that day . That night was going to be the night Ol'Johnson fulfilled one of the 2.5 children society needed to balance the books. That was until that single little pepper flake ended it all. The #123 Spicy Shrimp combo with bonus eggroll was your nemesis. That single extra flake caused your throat to spasm and shove that nice, well-chewed bite down the wrong pipe. Elise panicked and did half of the right thing. By the time the paramedics arrived you were already bluer than your favorite shade of pen. Mr.Johnson, That was your life! You hear Murray shout from somewhere in the sidelines. "What a putz. File this one under loser. Good luck pointdexter!" There is a flash and things get suddenly mortal. And cold.  You stand on a rocky foothill. Short grass stretches for miles as the ground slopes up into a small mountain. A chill wind whips past you and cuts through your barely adequate business casual outfit. You are wearing a backpack containing your Laptop, phone, charger, ballpoint pen, notebook . If you had to guess it was a little past noon, but the sun isn't doing much to cut through the cold. You scramble up a small boulder with your scrawny little accountant arms and take a better survey of the land. There is a mountain range to the north leading as far as you can see sloping into a large, pine tree ringed basin northeast that feeds downhill to the west and winds away over the horizon. The mountains form a U shape, wrapping behind you before shooting off southwest. There is a bloody carcass of something a few hundred feet away to the north-east. When the wind shifts you think you can smell something burning coming from the basin. Personally you don't feel hungry nor thirsty, though you are a little cold. What will you do? A. Climb the mountains behind you to see what lays to the southeast B. Walk towards the small forest surrounding the Basin towards the smell of fire C. Investigate the carcass D. Follow the mountains along the foothills E. Wait a while and see what happen F. Write-in
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Aug 6, 2015 06:19
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B. Fire is good. Fire is always good. That's one of the answers on the CPA exam, right? I'm sure it is.
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Aug 6, 2015 06:28
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B
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Aug 6, 2015 07:32
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C always good to know what is out murdering folk!
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Aug 6, 2015 07:39
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B.fire
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Aug 6, 2015 12:32
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B
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Aug 6, 2015 19:17
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B. Poor Johnson.
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Aug 6, 2015 19:34
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B.
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Aug 6, 2015 19:36
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B
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Aug 6, 2015 20:01
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You decide to head towards the smell of fire. smoke means fire and Fire means people which means food. The going is tough. Smooth bottom leather shoes and a lifetime of lackluster physical fitness are not a winning combination when traversing down a rocky, moss and slick grass covered slope. you trip a few times, but manage to barely avoid a twisted ankle. It takes exactly 1973 steps to get to the tree line, you know, you counted! The smell of fire is now tinged with the delicious scent of roasting meat. You are now Hungry. A thick mat of pine needles litter the ground, muffling your steps. The wind changes and for a moment you think you've lost the direction of the fire but with some quick thinking it's not hard to approximate where the fire would be. The sun is getting close to the ridge line behind you, lancing down through the trees. A chill is creeping into the air. You see the smoke now, wafting through the branches. Unfortunately Squinting you don't see figures moving around it, but there are a few snapping noises, including the branches you've been stepping on. A man steps out from behind a tree, scowling at you.  He looks strong, very, very strong.A huge figure is hidden beneath all the leather and fur. Oh, that's a spear. He thrusts his spear at you, making some noises while his free hand gestures. Wait, is he speaking. You make out a word "GO" while his hand keeps gesturing the same motions. The spear keeps thrusting. You... A) Make a camping gesture and walk away slowly B) Run away C) Sit on the ground and gesture at the man to sit D) Introduce yourself with words and gestures E) Pull out something from your pack and make vague gestures suggesting trade F) Attack the caveman (how) G) It is getting cold, simply walk past the caveman and sit at the fire H)write in!
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Aug 8, 2015 04:11
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B hungry eh? Good thing we know where there's a fresh carcass waiting to be eaten! .
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Aug 8, 2015 04:21
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E. Try to trade anything we have for the spear, then kill the neanderthal with the spear.
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Aug 8, 2015 04:33
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C. Be nonthreatening. Worked for Enkidel, right?
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Aug 8, 2015 05:52
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C
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Aug 8, 2015 08:23
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G Surely no man would kill us for that.
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Aug 8, 2015 08:57
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G.
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Aug 8, 2015 11:49
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H We have all kinds of high tech stuff. Overwhelm the mind of the caveman by showing him Temple Run on our phone. We shall become the shaman of the Tribe with out magic tools!
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Aug 8, 2015 12:47
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If we can still submit jerks, I submit this jerk. "What's your Name?" Lionel McCoy, Sr. "What did you do for a living?" President of the United States of America "Pick five everyday things would you take with you on an sudden adventure." A loaded pistol, a bespoke suit, a secure phone, money, and a Pocket Constitution  "What was your Childhood dream?" Full Communism Now  "What did you fear most?" A weak, isolated America, shackled by capitalist oppressors "How did you die?" An assassin at the signing of the North American Union Agreement fatally wounded me with a nano-tech bullet. And I was only three days away from retirement! Anyway, C! We're non-threatening!
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Aug 11, 2015 01:52
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You decided to make yourself appear as non-threatening as possible. You sit on the ground, not the best decision as you get poked by a dozen needles and pinecones. Your hand gestures seem to confuse the caveman. He furrows his already impressive brow and just stares. He begins to gesture and speak again, this time more of the words making sense. Even the hand motions are translated, like watching a dubbed movie. "What...you...strange man why are you...sit like dog? Shrike, Club tie this strange man up. He looks like a starved spirit. Bring him to the fire and take his things." Your brain registers three things. First, you are amazed that you are understanding this primitive man. second, there are two men behind you and third, that boot to the back is awfully painful. You crash into the ground, losing one of your shoes as you ungracefully flip forward. Things get hazy, but you don't even struggle as they bind your hands. The world goes dark. The snapping of fire wakes you from your mugging. You are seated against a tree, facing a decent fire. Two cavemen are digging through your pack, though the smaller of the two is chewing on your leather shoe. The larger looks like someone took a linebacker, stapled as much meat as they could him, then covered him in another layer of meat along with his face, has taken to flipping through your notebook, puzzling at the strange squiggles inside. He too is also chewing on a torn page. The smaller, thin and sinewy with sunken eyes and lopsided jaw, speaks first. "Its leather boss, but it tastes like no animal I've ever eaten." The larger tries to talk with a mouthful of notebook paper. You grimace, making out the page with all your passwords recorded on it. No online banking anymore. "Like reeds boss, but I don't know whats on the leaves. Looks like shaman stuff." You grunt in protest at the men defiling your belongings, more precious now than ever before. The two drop the items and dash away to hide behind their leader, the caveman who you spoke with earlier. "Its mad boss, we should kill it and ask the shaman for a spell later." "Yeah, send it back and we'll say the Riverfolk did it." The leader stamps his spear. "Enough. You two cower like rabbits. If this spirit wanted to kill us your soul would already be lingering in the ashen plains. Now be silent while I think." That shuts the pair up. You get a better look at the man, now that he isn't threatening to stab you. His face boasts a wicked scar, three gouges across his face, one splitting his lip. You cannot see past the many pelts he wears but what skin does show is littered with scars. He holds a spear, wrapped in leather and adorned with many beads and feathers. The other hand works two small spheres, grinding against each other as he circles them in one hand. He watches you, deep in thought. It feels like an eternity, but he sighs, slings a pack off his back and places the primitive stress balls back inside before withdrawing a stone knife. He stands up and walks over to you.  You watch in fear as he draws closer, making fearful noises as he presses the blade to your throat. "Listen stranger, I know not if you are some spirit come to test me, or a devil from the wilds seeking merriment at my expense, but I will not slay an unarmed man. If you do not scream or do us ill, I will release you and share our meal. Any tricks or bewitchment or running away, and I will bleed you and roast you over this pyre instead. Do you understand? You... A) Agree and do not run B) Agree but when he cuts you free, kick him and flee C) Agree but when he cuts you free, grab the knife and try to kill him D) Agree but when he cuts you free, start shouting scary things like a spirit would E) Disagree and tell him that it is already too late and he should release you if he wants to survive F) HOLY poo poo CAVEMEN! Pee your pants and pass out G) Write-in Arkanomen fucked around with this message at 05:52 on Sep 25, 2015 |
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Aug 11, 2015 02:57
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F
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Aug 11, 2015 02:59
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Pffft. A great time to grow a spine, is it not?
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Aug 11, 2015 03:00
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A That sounds perfectly fair. We've been to board meetings worse than this.
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Aug 11, 2015 03:03
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A
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Aug 11, 2015 04:20
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A
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Aug 11, 2015 06:40
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Vavrek posted:Pffft. g. grow a spine
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Aug 11, 2015 11:49
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A
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Aug 11, 2015 11:52
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 15:37 |
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F.
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Aug 11, 2015 12:29
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