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K-ParAdoX posted:Make fun... of your granny?!
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Nov 17, 2015 13:41
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Update 5 - Adam Alright I'm alive again! Where were we?  Oh, right. So we're stuck on the tracks, and somehow we managed to turn on the vehicle, take out the keys, and lose them somewhere.  Also the... car door is locked somehow and we can't unlock it from the inside. Maybe GMC just REALLY hosed up this specific kind of car.  Every time we gently caress around, the game shows us another clip of the train hurtling at us. Despite that they still manage to have pretty much no sense of urgency here.  Just to add another layer to this poo poo heap, Adam can't unbuckle his seat belt. I don't know whether it's part of the car being hosed up, or if Adam just doesn't realize that tugging on the seatbelt doesn't actually do anything.  "Piece of garbage! It's stuck... Now I can't possibly have a better reason to panic."When I first started I planned on making a new portrait for each person per update, but I'm just so drat happy with how terrible each one looks. Adam's  face is just perfect. Train's still on the way, apparently.  We can completely circumvent this stupid train thing by...  Just yanking our mirror right off the loving car!  Adam puts it in his endless vest because he's a loving idiot and needs you to tell him to use the mirror to signal the train.  This... actually works perfectly. The train stops. The SOUND of the train hurtling at you doesn't, but you can now prat around and listen to Adam whine and moan about what a terrible purchase he made with this shitmobile. "Thank god! I almost ceased to believe..." With the train stopped and politely waiting for us to get our poo poo together, we can get around to looting the car!  ...I... What?  I mean, he's right, we do need it in a bit, but...  Is he showing self awareness? "For the first time in my life I regret I can't steal cars."Nevermind. We need to find these drat keys. Where could they be?   why though "Dammit! This can't be! Where the hell are they?" You have the reflexes of a brick wall.  All the fun of actually dropping your poo poo in your car and having to shuffle around for it! Except you get to be an idiot from Prague! This truly IS the future.  There's our keys, and that's what we needed the umbrella for. I assume his line was meant for AFTER this point. "How can this be? I'm only a couple inches off!"heh. Right click the umbrella to extend it. I'm skipping this because it's just bullshit busywork. I know the answer Future Games just let me continue the drat game.  Adam starts up his stupid car, and we're rewarded with a cutscene.   Adam is so angry at his current situation that he clips his hand through his windshield in protest.   Also the train got sick of waiting and decided to hit the gas again! Either that or Future Games didn't actually account for you solving the loving puzzle.  GMC should loving sue considering how badly Future Games has portrayed it as a death trap. First Adam crashes the thing into a tanker truck and kills himself, now the car has trapped him on a railroad track.  Adam just manages to scoot out of the way before the train hits him! Better luck next time, train.  Adam decides after that narrow escape that he should drive like a loving nutjob  Slow the gently caress down, you moron! You've already died once!  GOD DAMMIT    gently caress YOU, ADAM   Even the GAME is calling you out, Adam. The game you're supposedly the loving hero of. God... Dammit.  SOMEHOW?! "What the hell..." Yeah! You're on fire again, idiot! Also you probably just killed a car full of people! Stop murdering people! I shouldn't have to tell the protagonist of the game I'm playing to stop murdering people. "Oh god, not this!"So now we have to escape our burning car. Again, GMC, consider a lawsuit. "Adam can't reach because why not." We can yank off the windshield wiper though. If we try to use it to get the fire extinguisher... "It's too slippery..." Instead, we have to think to use the windshield wiper on the seatbelt connector, which doesn't work of course, but it DOES break the wiper. "It didn't last long. I don't know what I expected..."The game even calls you stupid for doing the illogical thing it forces you to do.  "I hope it's OK. Seems a bit too light..."The screen cuts to black because actually animating Adam hosing down the fire would be too expensive. "Well that wasn't much... The rest must have vaporized somehow." Well, our car is slightly less on fire, that's something at least. Our next step is to smash the seatbelt link so we can get the gently caress out.  NextLife.jpg  Oh gently caress me.  so here's how this nightmare works. You need to click whenever the reticle gets into one of the sections. Once you've got a section down, you need to stack that section until you hit the middle.  The reticle spins faster the closer it gets to the center. In the center it's basically just down to luck.  You have to do this three times before the yellow bar at the bottom empties. When it's empty, the car catches on fire and you have to start over.  fun  Pretty much how I feel about it too "I hate pain... it's worse than I thought..." So here's the gimmick of this chapter. We've got three things we need to deal with. From left to right: Car's on fire, Adam's got a head wound, and Call for help. If we gently caress up and let the timer run out on any of them, we start over from this point.  First thing's first though, let's check on that white car Adam sent careening off the road.  drat, that car must have had a poo poo ton of force behind it.  Woah careful Adam, you almost expressed an emotion there.  He looks sad, but remember he made this same animation when he was mildly annoyed at the bell tower being locked.  "They are unconscious... What will I do now? Forutnately they're still alive, but... This should never have happened."Considering you're the one responsible, you should feel a little more strongly than that.  Car Man and Car Lady are now on our list of objectives. We also can't do anything with the car or it'll fall into the canal.  Token guilty emotions done with, Adam goes looting through the nearby purse. "I can't see anything I'd need at this time."Adam chooses not to rob the two people he nearly killed not out of decency, but because the poo poo they're carrying around is lame.  If you look closely, this is where Adam's car rolled over in the cutscene. Somehow it teleported like, fifty feet away.  You may also remember a blue car turned in here. Hey maybe he can help! "Hey! Mister!" "What?" "I need your help! Quick!" "Oh... That makes two of us. Can't you see I've just had a car crash?" "You too? And... Are you OK?" "Doing great, thank you. The car I can write off, but other than that I feel terrific!"It looks like it's supposed to be sarcastic, but the voice actor says it 100% sincerely. "How did it happen? I didn't see you at all, just... those two that crashed into each other."Adam you lying piece of poo poo. "I was driving right behind that other car you saw, but when this idiot showed up I took a sharp turn, skidded and ended up here. That's the whole story..." "Oh I see... And can you help me? There's people there... And I don't know what to do." "Look... I may be a bit foggy, but don't try to make a fool of me. It was you, that rear end in a top hat, wasn't it?" Adam he's IN THE PROCESS of calling you out, you can't just keep lying. "Just passing by, right? Now that's interesting. So where's that blood on your head from, eh? Will you stop pulling my leg!? I'll beat your brains out, you--"Well poo poo that escalated quickly   Aaaand now he's dead. Huh? "Jesus, man! Are you all right? Wake up! I don't get it... What just happened?" This dude gets added to our objective list too. It's hard to tell, but he got electrocuted because there's a live wire in the puddle. Adam refuses to enter the puddle, not because it's electrified, but because he doesn't want to get his shoes muddy. Also we got a brick.  Next to that site is a trailer. Adam yells at it for a while which results in nothing.  "Locked. I don't know what I expected..." And boot. "Half the pair."Cool.  We can take this board and move it under the window so we can peer in.  We... just got here, so it's pretty fair that we just tried it.  Then Adam hurls a brick through the window. Considering how this day's been going he probably just nailed someone in the nards.   Hey don't poo poo on people who live in trailers, Adam.  "Let's see, somebody's taking a nap! Hmm, I don't like this... He's in a coma. That terrible stench makes me feel dizzy. There must be a gas leak in here or something?!" Two more objectives, Turn off the gas and Make the security guard not die. This is getting dumb. It's tough to see from here but there's a gas stove right by the window Adam crawled through.  Well this is simple enough, just turn this off and--  Or loving Samson here can rip off the drat knob. Great work. We can fix this fairly easily though, we snag the knife by the bread there.  I was going to make an Undertale joke here, but honestly, this is the exact opposite. I can't bring myself to do a genocide run in Undertale, and I would NEVER manage to do a pacifist run of this.  We can use the knife to pry open the cabinet and close the valve here. Frankly, as long as we moved buddy out, this place burning down is probably the only way it'll ever be clean.  "Great. Let's hope it's not too late." The gas is off, but the trailer is still full of the stuff. Bizarrely, the objective they considered completed was saving the guard, but turning off the gas is still on the to do list. Nice programming, idiots.  All we need to do is grab the guard's keys from the door and open it up. This creates a draft and blows the gas out. "A draft! Nice!"You might be thinking "Hey they actually took that into consideration!" Your faith in Future Games will go back to zero before this update ends.  Also Boot 2: Boot Harder "One dirtier than the other."Good.  As payment for saving his life, we steal some handkerchiefs out of his coat.  More importantly, with both boots we can cross the water here! We're getting dangerously close to failing that objective. Considering his heart's been stopped for like six minutes now, I'm not optimistic.  We get treated with a cutscene for all our hard work. A cutscene of Adam's feet bumbling through the mud.  Then he gets stuck.  Adventure Games.  "I'd really like to know how I would get back now."I want to reiterate about how often I cut out Adam just yelling to himself about random bullshit. Half the time it's repeated sound files too. I don't know who his voice actor is, but good lord man.  WOAH poo poo OUR CROSSING HAS ANGERED THE GOD OF BARREL FIRES REPENT ADAM REPENT  Oh, false alarm. Turns out Next Life REALLY hates it when you alt tab  Oh gently caress off.  So here's how this works. Left click makes your cursor move clockwise, right click makes it move counter. Block the electricity while allowing the... blood...? through.  If he dies, his vitals just unceremoniously jump up to 25 again without even a fadeout. gently caress it.  Once you're done the world's shittiest CPR simulator, we continue our tradition of Save a life, Steal some stuff.  In this guy's car we find a jack, a tow rope, and some electrical tape. We should be able to use the tow rope to stabilize the white car.  Over here we find the door to this... warehouse I guess. "Great. What a change. It's locked again."Man if only we had the keys belonging to the security guard of this site.  Inside the warehouse is a fire extinguisher and a pair of pliers. Hopefully these guys actually keep their fire extinguishers properly maintained. "The pliers will come in handy, the rest is no use to me." This OSHA nightmare appears to be what's responsible for the electrical hell-puddle. Let's check it out. "A nail instead of a fuse! Who cares about safety these days..."Two people are currently bleeding out in a ditch because you rammed their car off the road, don't be a smug rear end. We've got a metal set of pliers, but we also want to survive this, so let's wrap them in the insulating tape. "Too bad there wasn't more of that insulating tape. I could be more sure."Just tape yourself up like a mummy, then you'll be immune to electricity. With that done, let's yank out that nail fuse, then we can--  Or just cut the entire cable. That works too I suppose. Honestly gently caress it, right now Adam Raichl is the most competent person, in that he's the only one still standing. Better safe than dealing with that stupid CPR minigame again.  With the electricity gone, we can pop this board over the water. This works perfectly, contradicting Adam's claim that it didn't.  That's two folks saved, and we're free of electro-zone. Our car's getting a little more burn-ey than we'd like, let's go fix that.   Turns out having an actually full fire extinguisher is a good thing! Who knew? "It's going to last a little while. I'll get hold of somebody in the meantime."You know, Adam had a cell phone in the intro. I just feel like pointing that out.  Our "Adam's all hosed up" objective is getting dangerous, let's take care of that. Turns out there's a first aid kit in the cabinet above the sink! Whoops! "I didn't even hope to find something, but this is a real treasure."Next thing we need to do is right click the packet of hankies so he pulls one out, then use it on the sink to wet it. We can use the wet handkerchief on Adam and he'll clean up the wound. I'm skipping the 13 lines of dialogue he says regarding his various states of handkerchief ownership. "I cleaned the wound as much as I could, but it's still bleeding."Now we can use the first aid kit to patch Adam up.  Look at yourself and really think about what you've done today, Adam.  "It will be fine. The worst part is already behind me." Behind us is a flashlight! "The batteries are gone, but I should be able to get hold of a spare set."This is what counts as a puzzle for Future Games, apparently. There's a difference between an actual puzzle and just wasting my time  At least it's not much time wasted. The batteries are just in the radio three steps over. "Batteries! I've been looking for them all this time!" Well that was stupid. In any case, let's go save those folks in the white car. The first thing we do is tie the tow rope to the broken perspective chunk of the guard rail. Seriously, look at that thing, the second it goes behind the pole, the perspective just goes bonkers. "It's no marine knot but it should be able to take some heat." We hook up the other side of the tow rope to the bumper of the car. With that done, the car is stable, and we can loot the place with impunity. And like, save folks I guess.  We also use the knife to slash up the purse, because it makes Adam look even more like a maniac when we do stuff out of order   We now have the purse handle. Sweet. Let's actually work on saving these people now.  The door is stuck due to the crash, but we just have to use the pliers again. Pliers = Jaws of Life in Future Games world apparently.  "Oh no..." Well the lady's objective just lost a ton of time since Adam decided to just let her flop out of the car and hang out for a bit. Also why the gently caress is he waving at her?! Stop being an idiot and save her! "For god's sake! She's suffocating!"NO poo poo. DO SOMETHING.  Clicking her gets her out of the vehicle and onto the ground. This won't be AS egregiously terrible as the 'first aid' we gave on the idiot who got zapped, but it's not going to be good. "Where did that blood come from? What the hell is going on?!" So her leg is bleeding as well apparently. I love that Adam is still going on about "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!" like he isn't the one who caused this. "Her tongue fell into her throat and I can't seem to get a good grip on it, it's slipping."To credit Adam, at least he's not pulling some squeamish "I NEED TONGS TO GET HER TONGUE OUT BECAUSE COOTIES". He is being a butterfingers at the worst possible time though. We need to grab the second handkerchief we stole from the security guard. "This was the last one."Adam's voice actor delivers this line with James Earl Jones-esque gravitas, and I'm not really sure why. Adam takes his handkerchief's super seriously.  After a bit of whining and a bit of actually getting his poo poo together, Adam pulls the lady's tongue out of her throat so she can get some sweet, sweet oxygen. "The tongue is out. Let's hope it stays that way."Next up is to stop the bleeding. We've already got a first aid kit, but she's bleeding too much for Adam's dumb rear end to handle. "I can't just stand here and watch her bleeding!"What we need to do is use the purse strap as a tourniquet to slow the bleeding down. Please please never try to tourniquet someone unless they're moments away from bleeding out this is very bad to do in most situations.  Adam either knows his poo poo a bit or fucks up the makeshift tourniquet, since it only slows the bleeding temporarily, but it slows down the bleeding enough to patch her up. "I'll try. The bleeding is much weaker." "I did all I could."And with that, the lady is safe! Now to move on to the driver.  drat, Adam's showing some guts. Let's make with the heroics! "He's stuck in there real bad. I certainly won't be able to get him out."But we CAN move him back to stop the eternal god drat horn honking that has been playing any time we get near this section of the map.   Adam yanks a card from the driver and stuffs it in his inventory. "Strange. I've never seen anything like this before." Adam sticks the card into his bottomless vest without looking at it, so we have to make him get it back out and actually read the drat thing. "It says... The owner of this card is a patient with a cardiovascular disease. In case of a sudden heart attack administer medication according."There's a hard period here both in the subtitles and the voice acting. "To the other side of this card." Adam... pulls the card out of his pocket to look at the other side. How did he read all that without pulling it out "Nitromack." No! gently caress you, Adam! You caused this! He didn't have a heart attack and hit you! YOU flew out in front of him while driving like an idiot! YOU smashed him off the road! This is YOUR fault! YOURS! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE JUDGEMENT FOREVER RAICHL I WON'T ALLOW IT "He doesn't have his medication with him, but I can't imagine he would be traveling without it. It just has to be here somewhere." Like we need an excuse to check out that lady's purse again. "I just found an empty heart medication packet." "Where is the rest? I'll need to search the surroundings." If anything were to fall anywhere, it'd likely wind up in the canal, but as we established, Adam doesn't want to get wet. I guess going swimming with a likely concussion isn't a good idea, but... ugh.  In any case, we have to wander down to the other side of the map again.  I've only seen this kind of mechanism before in a cold war era radar base turned into a cement factory then abandoned. Is this something that they just leave on the side of the road without even a gate in the Czech Republic? It seems like leaving open control of your canals to dumb shits like Adam is a recipe for disaster. "No use... It's all rusty."We use the jack we stole from that electrocuted guy. This puzzle doesn't deserve any build up.  Alright that opens up the other canal, now we can close the other one and stop the water flow. "Not bad for an amateur, was it?"A man is dying.  Why was that in first person, you're not a basin, Adam.  Back over to Crash Zone, we can slide down into the canal and look for any hopefully water-tight heard medicine.  The only thing of note down here is a grate at the end. Good thing we picked up that flashlight! "There's something there... Maybe a packet of pills of some sort. It's stuck in the grating. I'll need both my hands to get to it." We can just set down the flashlight, thankfully. No sidequest to tape the flashlight to Adam's stupid head or anything.  There it is! Unfortunately Adam can't reach it, and bafflingly enough, the windshield wiper has disappeared from our inventory. At this point I totally forgot what to do next and ended up wandering around a bit.  Out of frustration, I stole a hubcap from their car. They won't need it anymore.  Adam's descent into a life of crime was easier than he thought once he realized he was already a thief and a murderer anyway.  As it turns out, when your inventory is big enough to scroll, and you scroll it to the right, it'll never automatically scroll back to the left once you have blank spots in your inventory. So, you know. Cool. "I knew it would come in handy again. Got it." Our flashlight suddenly becomes sentient and leaps off the step, freeing it from this terrible game. We never need it again, so whatever.  We had to do a stupid puzzle where we use the knife to get the pill powder but I'm not giving it the dignity of being shown. These are NOT puzzles, this is busy work. There's a difference, Future Games.  We did it! The driver is safe and his objective is cleared!  Then we suddenly fail the Call for Help objective. Wait what?!  Apparently this guy just drives past a smoking overturned vehicle and says "lol owned" because he doesn't do a drat thing. I'm going to post these next four images just the way they are, so you can appreciate what a mess Adam's brain is.     Aaand that's all you get. There's no more timers or anything, you're just... here now.  What you want to do is grab this broken piece of reflective glass, which suddenly unbreaks when you pick it up. You can also try to pull off an unbroken one from the barrier, but Adam complains that he can't. That's what he meant about the comment with his bare hands apparently.  Fortunately we still have pliers. I don't... whatever. "I hope it was not merely a waste of time."At this point we here the sound of an oncoming vehicle. Interestingly you can also clearly hear the vehicle pass by and drive off into the distance before Adam finishes talking. Might have picked a different time for that effect, guys. "Somebody's coming... I may not have another chance, they must stop!" Adam why the gently caress would you move behind the curve, no one can see you there. "...Or did I? Why do I have this sudden sensation that I forgot something?"   SOMEHOW the driver fails to notice Adam in time, and sends Adam flying back in time to before he made that specific terrible decision! Apparently we're supposed to gather from this that the car couldn't stop because of the leaked oil on the road. This problem could also be solved by standing AHEAD of it where the driver will actually see him.  What the game WANTS us to do is come back over here, get some sand, and put it on the oil slick.  But we can't just pour sand in our pockets for once, we need something to carry it in.  Some kind of object that will carry sand a long distance to the oil slick.  The answer is pretty obvious, of course.  We'll use the hubcap! OF COURSE!  God forbid it never occurs to you to STEAL THE HUBCAP OFF A DYING PERSON'S CAR.  THE BUCKET IS RIGHT THERE WHY WOULD THEY EVEN PUT IT THERE THEN EXPECT YOU TO USE A HUBCAP.   Adam even delivers this line sarcastically. They know it's stupid. THEY KNOW.  Alright let's give this another shot.  Adam still insists on waving the reflectors behind the curve because  This time the car manages to stop before liquefying him. Yay.  This was my expression for this entire chapter. You know what the worst part is? This was probably the closest thing to a GOOD chapter in this game.  Then Adam died.  UPDATE 5 - STATSPEOPLE SAVED BY ADAM RAICHL: -ONE. ONLY THE SECURITY GUARD COUNTS. THE OTHER PEOPLE ONLY MET DANGER BECAUSE OF ADAM. VEHICULAR ACCIDENTS CAUSED BY ADAM RAICHL: -Four if you count when the car nailed him when he forgot to sand the oil. GOD OF BARREL FIRES STATUS: Appeased, for now. Danaru fucked around with this message at 20:00 on Nov 25, 2015 |
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Nov 25, 2015 18:01
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Dan your decision to reLP this game was justified by the Pillar of Gehenna in the barrel 
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Nov 25, 2015 18:30
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Danaru posted:All the fun of actually dropping your poo poo in your car and having to shuffle around for it! Except you get to be an idiot from Prague! This truely IS the future. Couple of broken links here. I love this LP. Something about the way this guy is SOOOO incompetent and SUCH a gently caress up, it's hard to look away. Glad to see this back!
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Nov 25, 2015 19:56
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Glaive17 posted:Couple of broken links here. Whoops, got 'em fixed
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Nov 25, 2015 20:00
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Glaive17 posted:Couple of broken links here. Now that's not a very nice thing to - oh, you were talking about Adam Raichl. Never mind.
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Nov 25, 2015 20:51
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I love LPs of bad adventure games, and this game is super bad, unlike the LP.
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Nov 25, 2015 21:04
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I'm pretty sure the security guy realized which game he was in and deliberately turned the gas on before going to bed. 
Poil fucked around with this message at 23:02 on Nov 25, 2015 |
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Nov 25, 2015 21:52
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This is incredible. I feel like I aged significantly between starting and catching up with this thread.
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Nov 25, 2015 22:39
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The sheer amount of fuckups one after another got so hilarious I honestly thought the barrel just went nuclear.
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Nov 26, 2015 00:13
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Clealry the god of fire wants to destroy this game from the inside.
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Nov 26, 2015 01:14
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The only thing that I can say after seeing everything is 'rated 5'.
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Nov 26, 2015 02:46
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Why the gently caress did Adam decide to drive like a maniac when he just got out of trouble? Why the gently caress did Adam go down the crane's cable instead of the crane's body, where you can clearly see a platform and a ladder?
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Nov 26, 2015 13:38
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Halfway through reading this update I got distracted by something and when I came back to it I was genuinely surprised I still had half an update left to read, that's how much of an impression this game makes on me. Either that or I told myself it was over so I wouldn't have to witness any more of this, one of the two.
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Nov 26, 2015 15:39
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I'm pretty sure that this LP, right here, is actually some form of modern poetry.
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Nov 27, 2015 00:03
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Update 6 - 130 Seconds.mp4.Still001.jpg) Well that was loving pointless. If you'll remember, last time we were awake we found a document under a rock in the empty bell tower that was in portugese, and gave it to Maria to translate. We ended up falling asleep before finding out what it said. .mp4.Still002.jpg) Oh and there she is! Let's finally get some answers. .mp4.Still003.jpg) I hate this game so much I HATE THIS GAME "And did you read it at all?" "Yeah, some salesmen declared this island a property of the Portugese Crown." "Anything else?" "They allegedly wrecked here after five weeks of quiet sail 1418." "Here you see..." "They say they left a plan of the streams that make it possible to get into the next island in the cave." "In which cave?" "How the hell should I know?"Well you were the only person here who read the document, also what the gently caress are you talking about?! .mp4.Still014.jpg) Adam unceremoniously ends the conversation there, but we can talk to Maria a bit more. "Wasn't the document too preserved given it's age?" "Don't ask me, I'm just a hooker."What a rivetting conversation. "Come on, you're not that stupid." "I'm really sorry, I had no idea that everything gets lost here. And I had a nasty dream." "But I thank you anyway, I wouldn't know anything without you." "You are not angry with me?" "Of course not."You know, everyone plays up how awful the dreams are, but Adam's have just been kinda stupid. .mp4.Still023.jpg) Let's continue our daily routine of walking around and annoying everyone. .mp4.Still024.jpg)  "You fool, you also believe in those gossips?"I... I mean, it's happened, repeatedly. It's not really gossip at that point. "There might be something about it."I mean unless you can tell me where Boris is, or Izma... actually nevermind. "I had bad dreams for two nights." "Here you are." "But that has no relation with that, that's clear." "I may have some." "I'll let Maria know tonight that I'm also interested." "I'll keep my fingers crossed for you." "And please shut up and don't tell her anything, all right?".mp4.Still034.jpg) ...I never have any idea what the hell anyone is talking about, like ever. Is it like, one of those things where it's all translated literally, and Czech grammar just doesn't jive with English grammar?.mp4.Still035.jpg) Fortunately on this one screen we can fill up on grass, sticks, and stones all at once. You'd almost think this was pointless busy work. .mp4.Still036.jpg) Edwin's hanging out over here, and hey! A new person! And it's a lady too, so we can have more awkward dialogue where Adam clearly can't take a hint! .mp4.Still037.jpg) Edwin you're one of the few people in this game I don't hate, talk to me buddy.  "Man, it's the same old thing. I'll probably try swimming." "It's warm, but the water..." "I'm used to it."I honestly don't think Adam knows what a yacht is. He seems baffled every time Edwin mentions he likes the ocean. "Did you find out something about the bell, yesterday?" "No, you're right. It's a mystery."To be fair to Edwin, the bell rang pretty soon after he started poking around. .mp4.Still044.jpg) New person time! As a side note, Yukiko becomes unclickable for this entire chapter. Adam refuses to even acknowledge her anymore. .mp4.Still045.jpg) .mp4.Still046.jpg) Good-rear end conversation. "From Prague." "I come from Brno and my name is Eva."Would anyone believe me if I told you she's Adam's love interest? I'm so sorry Eva. "Come on, a compatriot, we're like Adam and Eve in paradise."GET IT?!?! GET IT?!?! "Slow down..." "Sorry that was a joke."The only joke here is the writing. .mp4.Still052.jpg) Even Eva wants no part of this. She's only just showed up and I already identify way more with her than our protagonist. "You look quite calm." "But I don't understand a thing! The girl doesn't understand me either.".mp4.Still056.jpg) Mute, Adam. Mute would be a better word. "Mhhhm, and where are we for God's sake?" "I'm not sure myself and I'm afraid you won't understand it."Somehow Adam manages to admit he has no idea but still talk down to Eva. Honestly a little impressive. "Sure, a stupid girl won't understand, you disgusting male chauvinist." "Did I really say it like that?" "Don't worry, I'll ask someone else." "What is the last thing you remember before you woke up here?" "Well it's, like a scene from a scary movie." "What happened?" "I was caught in the park by some awful men." "What happened?"Adam, let her talk. You don't need to interject every time. .mp4.Still068.jpg) Well, that's hosed up. "Could they have been organ thieves?"IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT AN OKAY THING TO SAY "What did you say?" "Nothing, just nothing..." "Mhhhm."Well that went about as horribly as it possibly could. You have the charisma of a blood clot, Adam. .mp4.Still074.jpg) Hey, let's go bug Dorothy. She might not hate us yet. .mp4.Still076.jpg)  "Horrible heat!" "Why don't you just go up there for a walk?" "I see what you people think that I will do whatever you tell me to do."...what "But...".mp4.Still082.jpg) Dorothy are you okay "I didn't mean it like that! You're too touchy." "I'm sorry, it's Danica's that made me feel so bad.".mp4.Still086.jpg) Adam has... no response to that. I'm imagining him suddenly turning around and walking away. .mp4.Still087.jpg) Over here we see a second new person, let's go give them the ol' Adam charm. .mp4.Still088.jpg) Oh this guy's gonna be a real treat. "Good day, I'm Adam." "I don't wanna talk to you."So this guy's name is Simon. I'm pretty sure the devs realized Adam was unlikeable, so rather than change him, they added an even BIGGER rear end in a top hat to compensate. "You must be new here, and you don't know what is happening.".mp4.Still092.jpg)  "But this fun is not my cup of tea." "I'm afraid..." "Was that brainless Paterson who organized this?"Oh that Paterson, always kidnapping people and putting them on an island in the middle of nowhere, that card! "But..." "I've got important court hearing tomorrow, and this could be qualified."Hard period, as usual. "Just..." "as kidnapping, you poor creature." "Look..." "I'll sue you and you can be sure your money will not be enough!" "I see, it makes no sense." "But don't you worry, I'll show you what my price is."From this point on, Simon is 100% devoted to trying to gently caress over Adam, even when it serves no purpose and ESPECIALLY if it will result in Adam dying. I certainly have zero love for lawyers, but I'm pretty sure even they don't like to murder the people they plan on suing. .mp4.Still104.jpg) Once again we're without direction, so we have to assume we need to break into the bell tower again. Sure we already looted it and it's empty, but the game still expects us to check it out. .mp4.Still105.jpg) The door isn't actually locked, we just need to pry it open again with a stick. .mp4.Still106.jpg) The door swings open! .mp4.Still107.jpg) Then... slams shut again. Okay. .mp4.Still108.jpg) Instead, we need to use a combined stick and rock to... uhh... .mp4.Still109.jpg) ...I have no idea, honestly. .mp4.Still110.jpg) So it's hard to tell, but the beam the rock is tied to was attached to the door. Apparently by some miracle, it broke off, and let Adam in. Nothing different was done, it just decided to break when we opened it this time because otherwise the game couldn't continue. Don't even try to say that he knocked it loose with the stick/rock either. You can just barely make out that it's gone before he does that  .mp4.Still111.jpg) We can move the rock closer to the door so we can get out, but now what? What the game doesn't tell you is you absolutely NEED that rope. Fortunately it just... kinda untied itself from the boulder, but it's still tied to the beam. Adam has tiny, lovely hands and can't possibly untie a knot, so what can we do? .mp4.Still113.jpg) Of loving course. "The fire is going out."This is your cue to add a stick to the fire within a couple seconds or you waste your arid grass. .mp4.Still115.jpg) The alt-tab particle glitch works outside of our dreams too.  .mp4.Still116.jpg) Why did the bell tower have a door that needed a counterweight when it's empty of any workings? We established the bell sound is a speaker. There's no reason to come in here, or keep anyone out for that matter. .mp4.Still117.jpg) We clearly aren't the first people in here, and whatever forces are at work can clearly tell we're breaking in repeatedly. Why bother even locking it? .mp4.Still118.jpg) And from a game design standpoint, WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD .mp4.Still119.jpg) WOULD YOU MAKE A PUZZLE .mp4.Still120.jpg) WHERE YOU HAVE TO LIGHT A FIRE AND WAIT A HUNDRED AND THIRTY SECONDS. I TIMED IT. TWO MINUTES TEN SECONDS. ALSO IF YOU DON'T PUT A SECOND STICK ON, THE FIRE GOES OUT AT THE 70 SECOND MARK AND DOESN'T LET YOU TAKE THE ROPE. The first time I played this, I gave it a REALLY generous shot. I played through everything else, but this exact moment is where I stopped. I have no idea how I managed to get through this poo poo without a guide the first time. .mp4.Still121.jpg) There, we got the rope. Now we can... ...good. .mp4.Still123.jpg) Getting the rope caused Hermann to take off his shirt and hide in the bushes. I'm so sad I had to type that. .mp4.Still124.jpg) "A trap for birds. I'm a hunter you know."I feel like Hermann could be a real interesting dude if he seemed less like a sex criminal. "And what do you put in it?" "Don't know yet, but a fish would be great." "And how do you catch it?" "I'll think about that later.".mp4.Still131.jpg) How do you manage to look both flabby and polygonal at the same time "Why aren't you with the girls?" "Don't wanna be in that hen party, I'm waiting for Maria to be alone. And why do you care at all?" "I don't care..." "Maria will not run away, that's clear.".mp4.Still138.jpg) I Do Not Like Hermann. .mp4.Still147.jpg) Oh good. Speaking of bad people. "Are you looking for something?" "You fool, you still don't get it in your stupid bone, do you?" "Wait..." "The amount that I'll win upon you is getting higher with each second..." "But I..." "And I'm sure you know I'm an excellent lawyer." "Jesus Christ..." "Well excellent, I'm one of the best ones.".mp4.Still157.jpg) While I was running through, I found this odd little thing. .mp4.Still158.jpg) I'm... pretty sure this never comes up. Not even in later chapters. What .mp4.Still159.jpg) Oh christ, this is going to get really stupid soon. .mp4.Still160.jpg) Hey it's Eva, let's get her more pissed off at us. "It's hot out here, why don't you take your clothes off like Maria?" "Come on stop it! Why don't you take your clothes off?" "I need my pockets"This would almost be a funny joke but I'm pretty sure Adam is 100% serious. "Why what are you carrying in them?" "I'm collecting peanuts"...What? "Mhmm, I don't have a bra on." "I don't see a problem with that..." "You know what?" "What?" "Choose another victim. I don't wanna talk about this."Congratulations, Adam. You're getting close to Hermann territory. "Would you help me with something?" "What do you need?" "There is a big cowboy sitting up there on the cliff, and I need to lure him away somehow..."Wait what? Since when? Why do we need to lure him away? "Adam, what are you trying to say, who do you think you are?"Have you managed to talk to this woman a SINGLE TIME without offending her, Adam? "Sorry, but I didn't mean it like that at all..." "Sure, but not completely differently, I see. Well you are an arrogant fool." "Sorry, forget about it..." "Leave me alone! You've really insulted me." "Come on, I apologized!".mp4.Still183.jpg) Suddenly Maria hurtles on screen like she was fired out of a cannon. Adam IMMEDIATELY forgets about Eva. "Maria please help me, at least you." "Look, I'm just a comforter." "I need to lure the new one away, and the reason is too long to explain."News to me "You mean Simon? From where?"This is the first time Simon's been given a name, but I didn't want to call him "Lawyer" or "rear end in a top hat" for most of the update. "From the cliff up there." "Well I like every fun, but quid pro quo." "I'm listening." "Give these shoes back to Dorothy. I borrowed them from her." "If it's just that." "I will walk barefoot, it's so nice today.".mp4.Still195.jpg) This is literally just busywork. There's no puzzle here. The shoes don't even go into our inventory, that's how little they gave a poo poo. Also hey Hans is here! You feeling alright bud? You're looking, uh, 'sharp' .mp4.Still196.jpg) Well you look a bit less malformed up close, but not by a lot. Shocking that the half naked male models are noticeably lower in quality than the women.  "I would be ashamed, Adam. Well Edwin, he's got a wonderful body, but where did he get his swimming trunks?" "He was on a yacht before getting here." "Was he?" "I think Dorothy likes him too." "Oh my God, what do you think about me?" "Have you heard about Danica?" "Yes, I am very sorry. We cried together with Dorothy." "What do you think about the new one?" "Yucky, he's a terrible lout.""Yucky" is kind of a weak word, but still. "He simply doesn't feel anything."Alright enough Gossiping with Hans, let's give Dorothy her shoes back. .mp4.Still209.jpg) "That Edwin is a piece of man" "You like him?" "Come on now stop that, goodness. My Winston was no tiny guy either. Even though he isn't that tall, but he's more well-padded."I swear Dorothy is the only one who manages to have actual characterization that isn't strange, jilted, and frightening. "Maria sent you these shoes and thanks you.".mp4.Still217.jpg) .mp4.Still218.jpg) There's a weird loving perspective thing here, I don't know if it's just me but Adam looks loving enormous  And dead eyed as usual, but that's to be expected..mp4.Still219.jpg) Edwin is on this screen too, let's give him a shout. .mp4.Still220.jpg) I dunno, maybe if he manscaped a bit, I just don't really see the appeal. "I was just there for a while, but I've seen something." "Tell me." "Under the white cliff, where the dry tree is..." "What did you find?" "It seems there's a cave." "And did you go inside?" "No man, I couldn't. The water currect was too strong.".mp4.Still228.jpg) Edwin pauses here for a second, and surprisingly he was meant to. "Did you want to tell me something else?" "Maria told me about the document." "So what?" "It can't be the cave, they wouldn't get inside." "And what about the other ones?" "Five weeks away from Portugal it isn't good for anything now." "Why?" "It depends on the weather, it could be anywhere in the Atlantic." "Well at least it's something." "But that's nonsense, I wrecked close to Australia".mp4.Still239.jpg) Adam sours on the conversation and just kinda wanders off. .mp4.Still240.jpg) I'm pretty sure this is supposed to look like Maria is seducing Simon away, but honestly Simon just looks terrified of her. .mp4.Still241.jpg) So here's what we've been trying to do this entire chapter! .mp4.Still242.jpg) .mp4.Still243.jpg) We can climb down these vines and tie a rope to this... tree just kinda jutting out of the cliff. .mp4.Still244.jpg) And then we can descend to a cave that was obviously there! To be specific, we HAD to do it in this order. -Eva and Maria won't show up on the beach until you have the rope -Edwin and Dorothy won't show up until you ask Maria to lure away Simon and get the shoes -Edwin doesn't tell you about the cave until after the game FORCES you to figure out how to get into the cave. Also if you descend here while Simon's still around, he steals the rope and traps you in the cave. Then it resets you to before you entered. You don't even get a funny death screen. .mp4.Still246.jpg) Inside this cave is a dry spot to make a fire. If you don't immediately put a stick in it, it goes out. Boy THAT gimmick sure isn't old yet. .mp4.Still249.jpg) .mp4.Still250.jpg) Our reward is a... broken pike. "This could be useful later."...Could it? It's a rusty-rear end spear. I guess we could take care of that Simon problem fairly easy, but other than that... .mp4.Still253.jpg) Once we're back outside, Adam screams about an earth quake that they made no attempt to animate. He's even standing on the flimsiest branch possible and just kinda stands there. Excellent work, guys. .mp4.Still254.jpg) Over at the belltoAdam come the gently caress ON. "Are you tanning your legs?".mp4.Still256.jpg) In a shocking bit of consistency, the devs remembered that Hans was a geology nerd and knows a thing or two about earthquakes. "Why then?" "He said there could be a big wave coming out of the sea."This wave never comes. Is it foreshadowing or just a dev oversight? Who can say? "It happens quite often here and the cabins are still there.".mp4.Still260.jpg) Wait, why are you carrying your shoes instead of wearing them "While I..." "Exactly!".mp4.Still263.jpg) Why not bug Edwin too. "Hey man, the new guy is an arrogant idiot." "You mean Simon?" "I didn't know his name." "Maria told me." "If I'd killed him in my dream instead of the Russian guy, I wouldn't lose sleep." "Well there might still be time." "Stop that!".mp4.Still272.jpg) Hans and Hermann are hanging out on the beach. Herman's bird trap looks a lot shittier than I expected. .mp4.Still273.jpg) "She's an awfull woman, they all are."Oh christ, here we go. "Wait, it was me who asked Maria to lure Simon away." "So it was you who asked her to do that?".mp4.Still277.jpg) Oh no the Dougheyest Avenger is coming to get us! Even if we didn't have a broken pike to go all conquistador on his rear end, I honestly think Adam could take him out. "Calm down, she took it as a joke." "That's what I said, they are all cursed.Well that was fun, have fun in the friend zone, Hermann. .mp4.Still281.jpg) Hermann is real interested in that rock face, let's find out why. "It looks like a caved in entrance to a cave."Yeah, just to be clear, that was the wrong cave we examined with the pike. another instance of having to fail to progress. It wouldn't be so bad if Edwin didn't specifically SAY it was the wrong cave. "You're right..." "And there are cracks thanks to the earthquake." "Yeah, we might get into the cave." "Adam, I think we're too weak to do that. Our tiny hands won't move that."Adam can't even untie a rope, and yet thinks he can bust open a cave entrance. .mp4.Still288.jpg) .mp4.Still289.jpg) Hans meanders off screen, and considering there's only open ocean in that direction, probably didn't go too far. .mp4.Still290.jpg) Now from that conversation we... .mp4.Still291.jpg) ...Drive... sticks into... "Well, it could be worse.".mp4.Still293.jpg) Wait, what the hell is the purpose of this? .mp4.Still294.jpg) What's the end game here? Why are we hammering sticks in the cracks? What will this solve? .mp4.Still295.jpg) Once we hammer in the final stick, the bell tolls. I just want to feel like I've accomplished SOMETHING. .mp4.Still297.jpg) .mp4.Still298.jpg) Upon the third bell, we fall asleep as usual. .mp4.Still300.jpg) .mp4.Still301.jpg) Adam dreams about a volcano erupting, apparently. That's what the guide says. Just kinda looks like a tiny lava bubble to me. .mp4.Still303.jpg) Great. UPDATE 6 - STATSCAVES EXPLORED: -One tiny lovely one. PIKE USES: -None. It was a 100% useless item that we had to get. It's gone now, by the way. We always wake up with empty pockets. WOMEN HARASSED: -ALL of them at least once so far. God you are the WORST, Adam.
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Dec 11, 2015 23:20
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quote:Is it like, one of those things where it's all translated literally, and Czech grammar just doesn't jive with English grammar? Yes. The Russian localization of this game is far, far better. Adam comes off as a far more likable guy, even if he is glib.
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Dec 12, 2015 04:52
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Danaru posted:
This just keeps getting better and better.
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Dec 12, 2015 11:47
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You know, I can't tell for sure from the screenshots, but based on your comments it seems like any subtlety the game may have had got lost in translation. Like the part when Adam apparently proclaims "What a treasure!" upon prying open an empty box is a common sarcastic phrase you'd say in Czech, but the Englis actor said it with genuine enthusiasm? Also there's been a bunch of poorly translated idioms and even what I think were "pop" culture references (e.g. When the black lady was killing bugs, Adam said something like "Beetles deserve to live, too" which is definitely a reference to an 80s "Nech brouka žít" Czechoslovak in-joke. Yeah, a right old knee slapper for the international audiences). Awful, just awful.
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Dec 12, 2015 13:52
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SSNeoman posted:Yes. The Russian localization of this game is far, far better. Adam comes off as a far more likable guy, even if he is glib. Right, in that particular conversation they obviously just translated colloquial phrases with non-standard meaning very literally, and it makes no sense. I found a long play on Youtube and it should go like this: A: "You are still here? You haven't disappeared?" B: "Come on you silly, don't believe every old wive's tale you hear." (He's far less hostile in the original) A: "Well, there may be something to this one." B: "I've been having nightmares since the second night here..." A: "There you have it!" B: "... But there's no reason to think it has anything to do with what's been going on here." A: "I don't know, maybe there's a connection." B: "Anyway... (Switching topics) tonight I'm going to let Maria know I have feelings for her." A: "I'll keep my fingers crossed." B: "Just don't gently caress things up by letting you mouth run, understood?" It might have as well been translated by Google.
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Dec 12, 2015 14:17
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If this is an accurate depiction of the afterlife, I hope to live for a very long time.
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Dec 12, 2015 16:54
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Danaru posted:
jfc Adam.
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Dec 12, 2015 17:29
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SSNeoman posted:Yes. The Russian localization of this game is far, far better. Adam comes off as a far more likable guy, even if he is glib. So in that version it's only the gameplay that's insufferable?
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Dec 12, 2015 18:25
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Puzzle wise would any of you rate it as just distilled BS Sierra puzzle design?
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Dec 12, 2015 18:45
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Actually, one way of breaking large rocks is to hammer wooden wedges into any crevices you can find, then fill them with water. The wood soaks up the water and expands, causing cracks to spread through the rock. I have no idea if it would work with little wooden dowels like the ones Adam is using, though. And I want that not to be what he's doing because it would mean admitting that the game did something semi-logical.
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Dec 12, 2015 19:36
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Seyser Koze posted:.... And I want that not to be what he's doing because it would mean admitting that the game did something semi-logical. It would only be semi-logical if the game had mentioned this was a way to break large rocks before this point. As it is, it's an obscure method that the players probably won't know about, and the character has not been given any background which would explain their knowledge of it, so it's rather literally come out of nowhere.
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Dec 13, 2015 11:01
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It's not very obscure at all, though? VVV i'm gonna say it's about on par with knowing you can make fire by rubbing sticks. steinrokkan fucked around with this message at 14:21 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 13:25
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steinrokkan posted:It's not very obscure at all, though? Yeah, I think it was one of the running gags in Czechfeld. Kramski would burst through the door and say "Jerry, my wood is getting dry! I need more water or I'll never split these rocks!" and Jerry would reply "Sorry, I tuned you out after the first sentence for my sanity." Almost as hilarious as that bit where they cut cucumbers lengthwise.
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Dec 13, 2015 14:16
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steinrokkan posted:It's not very obscure at all, though? I am going to disagree only because I have seen the sticks for fire in several kids cartoons and only have seen water freezing to break rocks in the magic school bus. So, based on what I would expect the average American 3rd grader to know I would easily give it 1000 fire making for every 1 rock splitting. And that is before factoring the scouts.
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Dec 13, 2015 18:50
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Update 7 - Adam! Do Something!.mp4.Still002.jpg) Well Adam's stupid dream about lava bubbles counts as our nightmare, so we don't have to do a stupid puzzle chapter! Whoo! .mp4.Still003.jpg) It's raining again, which means Adam will spend as much time running around stuffing wet fauna into his vest. Guy probably smells like compost at this point. .mp4.Still004.jpg) Maria's first up on our list of people to annoy. Joke's on you Maria you've got the worst property on the island. "You're in a really good mood, why?" "You know, I had a nice dream, the weather is wonderful..."This line baffled me for a bit because the voice actress clearly wasn't told the line was supposed to be sarcastic. "Isn't Simon the reason?" "Look I don't need a nanny, all right?" "I'm not sure if you're doing the right thing, he's a goon."...Ehhh, too easy. "But unlike Hermann he is intelligent you know, he works as a lawyer." "Lawyers are liars, that's their job  ".mp4.Still013.jpg) Yes she pats her crotch as she says that. We get it Maria, you're a prostitute. I think. It's hard to tell with this game. "Do what you think." "Come on. You don't have to be my gardian angel, I don't need it." "Today the weather is horrible."Nice save, Adam. "So why are you running like that outside?" "Why do you think..." "Hey, you like Eva, don't you? She's a very nice and decent girl." "But it doesn't matter, because she doesn't care about me." "I wouldn't say that." "How do you mean it?" "As I'm saying it."Maria you are seriously the worst judge of character I have EVER seen. .mp4.Still025.jpg) Stock up. You know the drill. .mp4.Still026.jpg) On the next screen, Eva runs from Adam in an attempt to avoid a long, meandering, accidentally misogynist conversation. I'm giving Adam the benefit of the doubt and assuming he's not bigoted, he's just a loving idiot. .mp4.Still027.jpg) Ah what the hell, let's bug Edwin first. "Why are you lying about?"This line's great because the actor says it as if he was interrogating Edwin on why he was being a liar. Interestingly the credits of the game doesn't include a list of voice actors. I wonder what that's about. "What else should I do when the weather is like this? Last night was terrible again." "You don't have to tell me, I didn't even know if it was real!" "And what was your dream about?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Yeah, everyone prefers to keep to themselves."I'm not super sure why Adam's hiding that he dreamt about lava bubbles. It's not like Edwin could use that information against .mp4.Still035.jpg) Something I want to give credit to, you'll notice that a lot of people's clothes become dirtier as the game progresses, since there are no change of clothes around on the island. Honestly a lot of the art stuff for this game is pretty dang good, it's just too bad everything else about it is such a mess. "Of course. I believe civilization gets everywhere. Even the natives need medicine sometimes." "Then maybe we'll see a ship." "Danica said they hadn't seen any even before she came." "But how could she know?" "Unlike us, they passed experiences on to each other."Seriously though, why WOULDN'T everyone share their information? This isn't Zero Escape where Zero is one of the islanders  .mp4.Still043.jpg) We can bug Yukiko again. .mp4.Still044.jpg) "So keep your fingers crossed for me so that it's not in vain."...What? .mp4.Still046.jpg) ...Adam did you just make a pun. It's way too late for you to be trying to win me over now, rear end in a top hat. .mp4.Still047.jpg) Eva looks like she's in high spirits .mp4.Still048.jpg) She probably thought she evaded Adam when he went into Edwin's cabin. No such luck. "How did you sleep?" "The bell is terrible, but I slept well to my surprise." "Pshaw, it's later afternoon" "What? That's impossible. I never sleep so long." "Well it seems you do here." "Do you have to be so tiresome in the morning?" "Well everyone sleeps like that here..."Dang she is REALLY upset about the implication that she overslept. .mp4.Still056.jpg) "Nothing, don't worry about that." "Do I have something unfastened?" "Ha ha you're too cocky. Why do you think everybody cares for you?"drat, Eva That was cold. "Look, you really don't like me, do you?"Why would she. "Well I just don't get that girl in the skiing shoes. Here on a tropical island." "She's new here, and don't run away from the topic. I asked you something." "You should crawl somewhere or you'll get wet." "Oh yeah, it's in vain."Is that a Czech saying I've never heard of? Future Games seems to love to translate their sayings literally and confuse everyone. .mp4.Still068.jpg) Oh man Okay So Y'all ready to see some poo poo? .mp4.Still069.jpg) As Adam begins to read the writing, his voice fades out and a German-accented man's voice fades in.  "What Walter describes is impossible. There are no rodents living here. They must have been exterminated so that they wouldn't attack the sleeping experimental subjects. We only have limited intelligence to rely on." "It's unreadable."This chapter is gonna get STUPID "Rodents, experiments, people who fall asleep? I don't get a single sentence. This message is not complete, I need the whole message."So we know there's at least five. Adam can't extrapolate that the phrase "Sleeping test subjects" might have something to do with a certain island of people that fall asleep suddenly, so we have to find the rest. .mp4.Still078.jpg) Let's go see what Dorothy thinks, maybe she'll have some ideas. .mp4.Still079.jpg) ... .mp4.Still082.jpg) At least Simon's still here. Whoo. "Do you still think that..." "Look, this is not funny anymore..." "So you haven't..." "So you really think that if you give me a bum hooker from the street..."AGAIN MARIA, YOU SUCK AT JUDGING CHARACTER. "Well wait..." "You can be sure of what?".mp4.Still090.jpg) "You're just an idiot." "I'll add that to my notebook as well you idiot.".mp4.Still093.jpg) Seriously, I'd put money on Adam being able to take this guy out. The only way this guy could be more of a douche is if he beat up a child. You've killed for less, Adam. You've literally killed for less. .mp4.Still095.jpg) Hermann is GOD DAMMIT FUTURE GAMES. "Well if I smell nicely to you stay here."His pants aren't even down! He's just making GBS threads right in his pants while sitting on the toilet! "Whoa! You're red, you got sunburned. I told you..." "Do you want to be smart again?" "Don't be pissed all the time, I know that Maria...".mp4.Still100.jpg) At least Boris was likeable when he talked to us on the shitter. I'm glad Hermann isn't bragging about how many people watched him poo poo though. .mp4.Still101.jpg) Shockingly, not only do we not need to assail the bell tower, but we CAN'T! Future Games finally realized an empty bell tower isn't actually a fun set piece. .mp4.Still102.jpg) Instead we want to go back to that rock wall which is suddenly a cave! What?! Seyser Koze posted:Actually, one way of breaking large rocks is to hammer wooden wedges into any crevices you can find, then fill them with water. The wood soaks up the water and expands, causing cracks to spread through the rock. I've asked everyone I know if they knew about this, and no one did. Maybe you guys just have way more collapsed caves in Europe .mp4.Still103.jpg) Future Games still thinks that "Use stick on thing" is a puzzle, but I like watching Adam flimsily push something. .mp4.Still104.jpg) We use the stick which... rotates the... rock... .mp4.Still105.jpg) And... clips it through the ground enough that we can get inside. Whatever works. "Here we are.".mp4.Still108.jpg) The second we enter, a different rock collapses into the entryway. Adam gives it the universal "What the gently caress!" hand gesture in protest. So this cave is... a thing. There's a bottle over there that we can touch, but we want to try some other stuff first. .mp4.Still110.jpg) On the beam is a hook. You can pry it off with a stick. .mp4.Still111.jpg) Combine the hook with said stick to form HOOKSTICK. Hookstick will come into play later. .mp4.Still112.jpg) Alright let's grab that bottle. The prize we bust open this cave for in the first place. If you look inside, there's a note inside of it. "It's too slippery, I can't open it.".mp4.Still114.jpg) Simon's cherubic voice flows into the cave from outside. "Pass the bottle and I'll help you!"So lets make a short list: -Why was Simon watching Adam enter the cave -Why does Simon want the bottle -How does Simon know there's a bottle -Why in the name of GOD would we trust the man who would have killed us if we didn't sic Maria on him last update .mp4.Still116.jpg) Unfortunately we HAVE to give him the bottle in order to proceed. .mp4.Still117.jpg) OH NO SIMON BETRAYED US WHAT A SHOCK HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED. .mp4.Still119.jpg) With that done, we can now interact with this pile of rocks up here. Future Games decided to change it up a bit to keep things fresh, so instead of a rock, we need a big rock for this. .mp4.Still121.jpg) We can drop the rock on one of the little pieces of wood holding the boat upright. The rock actually disappears mid drop and the wood piece just kinda crumbles, so it's hard to convey. "Is anybody in there? I can hear some noise."Our rock chucking was loud enough for Eva to hear! "Hey, it's me Adam. I'm stuck in here. Would you help me out?" "Wait I can see Hand in the distance. I'd jump there, but I won't manage it by myself."Also you probably shouldn't jump off cliffs, especially for Adam. .mp4.Still127.jpg) Now we can pick up that chain attached to the boat! You saw the chain, right? Obviously! .mp4.Still128.jpg) And now tie it up to this rock. "Hi Adam I have a small stick but you need to help me from inside. Do you also have a small stick?"First of all: Rude. Second of all, you can't even use a stick on the rock. You don't even get Adam going "IT WONT WURK DIS WAY", he won't even try it. "Adam, do something!"I don't know exactly what flags are involved with getting Hans and Eva to notice you, but if you're too slow, Hans will repeatedly shout this line every ten seconds, making this significantly harder to focus on. .mp4.Still133.jpg) Fortunately we're almost done. We just have to drop another cave rock on this wood thing here, then: .mp4.Still134.jpg) Did it! You might even be able to speedrun this and make it before Hans shows up, I'm not willing to play this game enough to find out. .mp4.Still135.jpg) Also make sure to whack Hookstick against this rope! Why do you need a rope? Ehhh! .mp4.Still137.jpg) Is this Is this Jesus symbolism Did the game just symbolize Jesus' resurrection with Adam Why is Hans clearly meant to look like a Shepherd Is Hans Jesus Who's Jesus It was bad enough with the Adam and Eve bullshit we don't need to drag Big JC into this. "Thanks a lot Hans, but where is Eva?" "She was all wet.".mp4.Still140.jpg) Romans 13:4 posted:And Jesus said upon his flock "Yo did you check the sweet nips on that chick oh gawd drat". The shepherd then began to imitate an airhorn with his mouth. "She went to her place to get dry." "Thank you once again." "Dorothy disappeared." "I'm sorry to hear that.".mp4.Still145.jpg) I liked Dorothy. She wasn't afraid to sass Adam when he was being a jackass..mp4.Still146.jpg) "That was tight! I would rather not go back to that cave."So uh, I'm going to be straight up. This next scene is... confusing. I legitimately have no idea if they used the wrong animation or... I don't know. I tried multiple times to figure out how to convey this, but frankly, I'm not good enough to put this into words and screenshots. Without further ado, Ode To Simon.In less than two months, it'll officially be two years since I first started the Next Life VLP as my first LP I've ever made. To this day I still have no loving idea what that scene was supposed to be. .mp4.Still149.jpg) Anyway, we neglected to come here earlier, but the "new girl" Adam and Eva were talking about is shacked up in Danica's old hut. .mp4.Still150.jpg) There's a lot to comment on in this picture, so let's take it one at a time. "That's OK." "You probably saved my life." "Dorothy disappeared. Simon is dead."Well, bad news is usually followed by good news. Or something, I dunno. Haha Simon's dead. "I know. Aren't you cold?" "No, this jacket is really warm and it even dried my clothes."It also cured my stank-leg and paid off my mortgage! This sleeveless, vest-like jacket is amazing! "What happened here in fact?" "Ask Michelle here. She saw everything."Let's talk to the new girl. "Hi you're the new one here, I'm Adam.".mp4.Still160.jpg) "Are you French?" "I live in Dijon" "I come from Prague! Would you tell me what happened here?" "Simon started to be aggressive and hit Yukiko." "And then?" "Edwin couldn't watch it and hit Simon. Simon fell down to the cliffs and that's it." "Got it."So just to be clear, Simon was a salty little bitch and decided to BEAT UP A CHILD. As a result, Edwin dunked Simon's rear end so loving hard he died. Somehow people are seeing Edwin as a bad guy for saving a child from a loving maniac. Why was Edwin not the hero of this story?! What has Adam even DONE this entire time?! .mp4.Still170.jpg) Oh hey more bullshit, thanks Michelle. "I don't want to become part of this game."Dude you came in at the closest thing to an interesting part. At least you weren't there for the beach episode where loving nothing happened. .mp4.Still173.jpg) "My name is Dieter Schwarz and I am an archaeologist from Dusseldorf. This island is an experimental laboratory and you, like myself, are a guinea pig. My predecessor Dr. Walter discovered that after the bell rang and we fell asleep, odd creatures came to the island and experimented on us."OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH "We all have micro chips implanted under our skin that makes us sleep. Be careful, because Dr. Walter paid for this information with his life." "What microchip? How could it get under my skin? If the message is true then.. it's worse than I thought. But I am still missing the connection with the last message. But maybe it's somehow related to the microchip mhmm... I have to find out more.".mp4.Still187.jpg) Enough of that, Edwin! Buddy! High five! "Are you all right?".mp4.Still189.jpg) "It was an accident. An unfortunate accident. Man I don't lie, really." "I believe you." "He hit her." Edwin's taking it understandably hard. Not everyone is as cool with murder as Adam is..mp4.Still195.jpg) By the way, you need that rope to tie to this fallen log. What fallen log you might ask? .mp4.Still197.jpg) Now we're down here! What indication did we have that we need to come down here you might ask? .mp4.Still198.jpg) Hey look! Hermann's cap! Yoink! .mp4.Still199.jpg) Our real goal is here far away from the center of focus. "There is a quiet bay down there. I can see the fish swimming. I could catch a fish there."So hey! Apparently that's our goal now! Sure! .mp4.Still202.jpg) But how do we catch the fish? We have no rod, and Adam clearly isn't catching anything with his hand. .mp4.Still203.jpg) HELL YEAH HOOKSTICK! .mp4.Still204.jpg) Adam immediately thrusts the half dead still bleeding fish into his pocket. Now we have a fish! Now what. .mp4.Still205.jpg) Oh by the way Adam can't climb the wall, and can't clip through it no matter how hard he tries. Use hookstick again on the wall and he kinda chips away at it. Then you can climb it. This is pointless. .mp4.Still209.jpg) Hey remember when Hermann was talking about putting a fish in his bird trap? Hooray we did that! I dunno let's go tell him we did it. I guess we like Hermann now. .mp4.Still211.jpg) Hermann is comforting Maria, and still managing to be creepy abo-- .mp4.Still212.jpg) JESUS .mp4.Still213.jpg) JESUS CHRIST .mp4.Still215.jpg) Alright I guess that didn't happen then?! "I'll take care of her." "I don't wanna disturb you." "Edwin looked a little suspicious to me since the beginning." "And why for God's sake?" "He looked like an agent." "What?" "Like a spy you fool." "But..." "That's too complicated for your head bone.".mp4.Still225.jpg) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK "I'm bringing you something here.".mp4.Still227.jpg) "I'll tell you something in return." "I'm listening." "Simon had a paper by his side that recommends inserting a micro chip under the bird's skin." "And where do you have it?" "I threw it in the sea, it's nonsense."But wait, Michelle had the note Simon was holding on to, which was the one from the bottle we gave him. How did Hermann get a different note from him "And would you tell me if I didn't bring you the hat?" "Maybe yes, maybe not. Don't worry about that.".mp4.Still238.jpg) Alright let's get out of here before he does... that again. .mp4.Still239.jpg) Hans is hanging out on this cliff for no real reason other than making you track him down. .mp4.Still240.jpg) "I think it will fall to the sea soon." "The roots will hold for some time." "Oh I almost forgot.".mp4.Still244.jpg) Heyyyy sure why not. "It might be useful to you." "Thanks a lot, I will read it."Buckle up. "Third Message. Assuming you can extract the micro chip, you can't just throw it away. The creatures that come to the island will think that the experimental subject has died and they will try to find it. Walter theorized that placing the micro chip under the skin of a rodent should work, or at least that's what he says in the message I found buried under..." "A piece of paper is missing here. Finally I'm getting further but I don't know what to do next. drat, I still don't know anything without the rest of the document.".mp4.Still256.jpg) SHAZAM THEN WE FALL ASLEEP .mp4.Still257.jpg) Well this is looking like a nightmare we'll actually have to play.  .mp4.Still258.jpg) .mp4.Still259.jpg) .mp4.Still260.jpg) Welp. .mp4.Still261.jpg) Me too Adam. Me too. UPDATE 7 - STATSDUNKS PERFORMED: -One by Edwin. NOTES FOUND: -4/5, thanks Hermann. BELL TOWER STATUS: -Ignored
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Dec 30, 2015 11:16
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So is that model stretching a consistent bug or were you legitimately taken by surprise?
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Dec 30, 2015 13:45
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AlphaKretin posted:So is that model stretching a consistent bug or were you legitimately taken by surprise? It definitely didn't come up last time I played it, but it happened at a very specific part of his idle animation. The first time it scared the poo poo out of me, the second time I let his animation run so I could see it up close
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Dec 30, 2015 13:47
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Naturally, when Czech people are distraught, they try to dance their emotions away. There's a famous Czech saying: "Without sufficient water, you will never split the rock. When the weather is dry, it is in vain." This is the origin of the phrase "rain dance", meaning that the flailing of limbs is symbolic of waving away raindrops before they can land on you. If there are no raindrops to begin with, then they should start to fall, like a boat with a large rock thrown on it or a man who hits a mute girl while standing too close to a cliff and a man with a solid dunking fist. None of this makes any sense, of course, because it was originally written on a note torn into a hundred pieces, and only ninety-nine of the pieces were ever found. The hundredth piece, a blank corner of the parchment with no writing on it, was eaten by a bird after being wrapped around a microchip. The long and short of it is that I'm pretty sure Maria's model was supposed to be horizontal in that scene, possibly draped over Simon's body, but the animators forgot to do that and the flailing motions just don't look quite right. This bit of code in the game's source probably sheds some light on the subject: // Simon is dead and Maria is overcome with emotion Maria.rotateLeft(Math.PI / 2.0); new Thread(Maria.leftArm.randomMovement).start(); new Thread(Maria.rightArm.randomMovement).start(); new Thread(Maria.leftLeg.randomMovement).start(); new Thread(Maria.rightLeg.randomMovement).start(); // TODO: Figure out why Maria's flailing limbs keep knocking Simon off the screen even though he's a background object now Maria.rotateRight(Math.PI / 2.0); // QA Note: Simon is a dick and we think knocking him off the screen is appropriate. Not going to devote any time to figuring this out. It is in vain.
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Dec 30, 2015 17:02
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To make a more serious contribution than , I thought for a second that Maria was the one that killed Simon. Whoever has his hands over his ears on the beach is on screen for a split second and I couldn't see who it was, so when I saw a male corpse on the ground I assumed they were the same person and that the confusion you expressed in the above commentary was at how that flailing on the beach was possibly supposed to represent Maria killing him. 
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Dec 30, 2015 17:08
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"Worry not my sweet child, the Chaos Father will come for you too one day..." Hate to break it to you dan, but this might be your graphics card Some of them do this when they're about to give up the ghost.
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Dec 30, 2015 20:25
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The adventure game genre just continues its sharp decline, doesn't it? What are adventure games going to be like 10 years from now? Will they make even less sense? I'm so scared... So scared...
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Dec 31, 2015 02:26
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Cathode Raymond posted:The adventure game genre just continues its sharp decline, doesn't it? What are adventure games going to be like 10 years from now? Will they make even less sense? I'm so scared... As long as they take more after Wadjet Eye and Daedelic games and less after Czech messes like this one the genre will probably be fine. Though I really do find stuff like Maria dancing over Simon's corpse and Hermann taking after you need me* extra special and worth putting up with the more ordinary awful puzzle design and awful characterization of the average bad adventure game. *if you seriously haven't seen it yet here's your obligatory  and also some mocking for living under a rock
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Dec 31, 2015 02:58
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Can we give dan a few more posts of encouragement to get this wonderful train wreck onto another page so that it is less browser destroying? Thank you.
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Dec 31, 2015 05:26
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I do enjoy watching this game fidget uselessly around. It's so annoying.
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Dec 31, 2015 05:52
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Major_JF posted:Can we give dan a few more posts of encouragement to get this wonderful train wreck onto another page so that it is less browser destroying? Thank you for torturing yourself for our entertainment, Dan. I can feel my brain die a little just reading every new update; I can't imagine how it must be to actually play this mess.
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Dec 31, 2015 06:12
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