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Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
back in the 80's, barbra streisand's hairdresser decided to produce a movie about a comic book man called "the bat man". sources say he watched a movie called 'beetlejuice' and i guess he really liked it so he forced tim burton and michael keaton be a part of his movie comic project thing. all sorts of people wrote all sorts of scripts and all of it was absolute garbage but finally somebody apparently wrote something that wasn't insultingly retarded, and so streisand's hairdresser ordered tim burton to go off and apply his obnoxious gimmick to a comic book thing about a mentally ill billionaire. the rest, as people sometimes say, is history.




i know i saw this movie when i was a little kid but i honestly dont remember anything about it. i never really thought the bat man was a cool guy. it seemed so stupid. bats are tiny creatures that are constantly terrified of everything and everybody and they make idiotic high pitched screeches like a new baby sister or a sheltered homeschooled christian. bats are definitely not cool or scary, and the whole idea of a bat man - some rich guy putting on pointy lil ears and a cape to go punch clowns - reminded me of a butt that wasn't wiped properly. itchy and slimy and gross, and something that should be avoided at all costs.




not too long ago there were some more movies about the bat man where the american psycho guy growled a whole lot and everything was very serious and scary. they were so intense that one of the actors went crazy and died from drugs and sex i think, and some guy with orange hair shot people because he just couldnt handle the intensity of the bat man. all sorts of death. very spooky stuff. naturally all this death got people talking about the batman and comic book stuff quite a bit, and i kept hearing that tim burtons movie was not retarded like i had remembered but was actually really good and important. the multiplicity guy was apparently awesome at being a retarded trust fund orphan who wears costumes and punches clowns. and jack nicholson played the clown! i met jack nicholson when i was a kid (i was an extra in the movie "as good as it gets") and he was incredibly mean to me and my buddy jessica. he called us "obnoxious little shits" and made jessica cry, and he told one of the production assistants that he'd go straight back to his hotel if they let any more children get near him. clearly this guy has what it takes to be a good clown.




so i'm willing to admit that my memory is faulty and the batman (1989) is possibly a good movie. and guess what buds??? we're all gonna find out right now, tonight, together, as friends. in just a moment i am about to press the play button and start watching this movie for the first time in over 20 years. i invite you to do the same. go ahead, i'm sure its on like netflix, or maybe you already have it saved on your hard drive from when you downloaded it illegally from kickasstorrents.com last year, or what have you. but hey, even if you don't have it, i'll be live-posting as i watch it, so my every thought and reaction will be captured and transformed into posts you can read. it'll be just like you're there with me, sitting on my lap or maybe cuddled up next to me on the couch of imagination, chomping on popped corn and twizzlers, m&ms and such while we watch the bat man (1989) together!




hold on to your butts, my forums friends, because things are about to get weird. small winged rodents, clowns, and (according to wikipedia, i didnt remember this) the cool black guy who played lando fuckin calrissian are all cominatcha! with what i assume is another great whimsical danny elfman soundtrack!!!! are you excited? because yes, you should be.




lil bit of advice too - if you have any booze or maybe a good drug like weed or some painkillers, go ahead and break 'em out. it'll be more fun if you're all on my level. i assume. use this thread to post your own thoughts about this batman movie, bat man as a character in comic literature and film medias etc., your opinion of danny elfman's circus music shtick, your feelings on tim burton and his gross hair/face/teeth, how cool the multiplicity guy is at being funny and clever and whatever else he does, just anything tangentially related to this film is totally what you can post here. let's have a ball guys. this thread is our gotham and from what i've gathered gotham is where people do whatever crazy fuckin poo poo they want so post with this in mind please. but most importantly, be relaxed and have fun.

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Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
wow, nicholson is in the credits before the guy playing bat man. very intense. ooh and here comes the elfman music! its like angry simpsons. i know i'm in for a really weird and wild ride.


holy poo poo did that just say "songs by prince"??? prince is a great dude who makes really cool music. i can't wait to hear what he came up with. he's a really weird guy and i can only imagine being inspired by a guy who wears a flying rodent outfit just made his poo poo even weirder.

wow, total psychout! i thought we were gonna see baby bat man's parents get murdered, but no, it was just a fake-out. very clever.

Doctor J Off
Dec 28, 2005

There Is
the only bud i have is weed

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost
spider-man is better

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
ooh and there he is. the bat. i like his big expansive wings. its completely retarded. they made bat man so serious in the american psycho guy's movies. this is way funnier. he kicks this guy so hard and then raises his big ridiculous wings and you can't help but chuckle. the whole concept is inherently ridiculous and i'm glad tim burton understands this.


oh wow billy dee williams is the two-face man??! i'm guessing he doesn't become two-face in this one though, i think this ones all about jack nicholson being a gross clown. i remember tommy lee jones being the two face later on in one of the bad sequels. too bad, billy dee would have been cool as a two-faced villain. they could have made the evil half of his face white as a commentary on race in the criminal justice system. this would have been clever and not at all hamfisted, and i'm sure this is why he was cast in this role to begin with.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Gatekeeper posted:

ooh and there he is. the bat. i like his big expansive wings. its completely retarded. they made bat man so serious in the american psycho guy's movies. this is way funnier. he kicks this guy so hard and then raises his big ridiculous wings and you can't help but chuckle. the whole concept is inherently ridiculous and i'm glad tim burton understands this.


oh wow billy dee williams is the two-face man??! i'm guessing he doesn't become two-face in this one though, i think this ones all about jack nicholson being a gross clown. i remember tommy lee jones being the two face later on in one of the bad sequels. too bad, billy dee would have been cool as a two-faced villain. they could have made the evil half of his face white as a commentary on race in the criminal justice system. this would have been clever and not at all hamfisted, and i'm sure this is why he was cast in this role to begin with.

your boring Zoidberg.
I'm bored

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:
someone post kevin smith's story about barbara streisand's hairdresser and his obsession with giant spiders

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
"lieutenant, is there a six foot bat in gotham city???"


jack nicholson has a cool voice and mean eyebrows i guess, but i heard they wanted brad dourif to be the joker and i think that would have been better. he actually seems like he has a psychiatric condition. nicholson just seems like a dick. not sure if i buy him as a guy who becomes an evil clown yet. maybe he;ll change my mind.


i like kim's huge eyeglasses. is there a cool scene where she takes them off and suddenly everyone realizes she's hot? or were the 80's just weird like this? i don't really remember the 80's, i was a tiny thing back then.

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

your boring Zoidberg.
I'm bored

i don't see you contributing :(

gimme a bit the movie just started bud





ooh cool the joker is wearing a cool purple gangster suit. i've looked around for years at salvation armies and thrift shops and vintage places and i've never ever seen a purple suit. i feel like it would be a good way to get classy pussy at bars, wearing a purple clown gangster killer suit. can anyone c/d?

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Gatekeeper posted:

i don't see you contributing :(

gimme a bit the movie just started bud





ooh cool the joker is wearing a cool purple gangster suit. i've looked around for years at salvation armies and thrift shops and vintage places and i've never ever seen a purple suit. i feel like it would be a good way to get classy pussy at bars, wearing a purple clown gangster killer suit. can anyone c/d?


Mumpy Puffinz posted:

your boring Zoidberg.
I'm bored

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
why is alfred old and stuffy? he's michael caine in the american psycho bat movies, and michael caine is like an irl murderer or something. and on the television program gotham he is played by doctor who's kid and is again a brutal killer. i'd prefer a creepy old murderous british monster to some dumb stuffy valet.

i already don't believe that michael keaton is a bat person. i can see him being a weirdo who collects fighting costumes but i couldn't imagine him wearing the weird fighting costumes and almost murdering people. i'd believe it if they said he abducts homeless people and makes the homeless people wear the weird gas masks and japanese helmets and fight each other until one of them is dead. and i can totally believe that he has creepy hidden cameras and sits alone in a room filled with tvs watching his guests like a total creep. but i still can't picture him wearing a bat costume. i don';t buy it.

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
why are all these cops and gangsters in this chemistry factory? like i get that its a cool set but what reason do any of them have to be there? and now the bat is there too? this is poo poo. total poo poo.


slime is pretty cool i guess, not cool enough to make up for everything else happening in the slime factory but still slime is extremely awesome.

jfc this is all so dumb. the bat grabs nicholson, then the bat is gone, then the bat grabs him again, then nicholson falls into a stew? i need another drink. and i already had a fifth of whiskey tonight. but this is making me need more. that's not a good sign for a movie i think

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
kim is on a date with the bat now apparently. i can see that theyre trying to be funny with the comically long table and all that but it doesn't work. they keep bouncing back and forth between stuff thats supposed to be funny and serious murders and poo poo, and it's just weird. the tone is completely schizophrenic. fuckin knock it off, burton.

ooh now jack is a clown face! i like his funny clown laugh. heeehehhehheeeheehehehhhahaaahaaahahahaAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Gatekeeper posted:

kim is on a date with the bat now apparently. i can see that theyre trying to be funny with the comically long table and all that but it doesn't work. they keep bouncing back and forth between stuff thats supposed to be funny and serious murders and poo poo, and it's just weird. the tone is completely schizophrenic. fuckin knock it off, burton.

ooh now jack is a clown face! i like his funny clown laugh. heeehehhehheeeheehehehhhahaaahaaahahahaAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH


Mumpy Puffinz posted:

your boring Zoidberg.
I'm bored

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

your dumb joke is actually more entertaining than this lovely movie. god this is bad. comic book poo poo is the loving worst

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
hahaha wow look at jack nicholson shooting this guy! look how he shoots over his shoulder and with his back turned and between his legs, jumping around all zany! this is funny, right?

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Gatekeeper posted:

your dumb joke is actually more entertaining than this lovely movie. god this is bad. comic book poo poo is the loving worst

the only good comic book is Spider-man

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
whats the appeal of the bat man? can a bat fan explain why they like this character?


Mumpy Puffinz posted:

the only good comic book is Spider-man

nah spider man is absolute garbage, just as bad as this bat poo poo, all those movies have been fuckin retarded and the whole concept of some dumb nerd getting spider powers, loving SPIDER PWOERS is way worse than some retard wearing a bat costume

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.


this guy


just forget bat and clown, make the rest of the movie about this guy



guy just got ten seconds of screen time and i already want to know fuckin everything about him

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Gatekeeper posted:

whats the appeal of the bat man? can a bat fan explain why they like this character?


nah spider man is absolute garbage, just as bad as this bat poo poo, all those movies have been fuckin retarded and the whole concept of some dumb nerd getting spider powers, loving SPIDER PWOERS is way worse than some retard wearing a bat costume

YOU MOTHER-FUCKER!

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
did the clown have the extendable boxing glove and the lethal hand-buzzer before he fell into the acid stew? or did he have someone go make a whole bunch of joke-themed murder tools once he saw his clown face? either answer will not be satisfying i think but its cool to imagine that this guy had a bunch of clown poo poo before his face became a literal clown face

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

YOU MOTHER-FUCKER!

i have hosed mothers, yes

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
when i spent a summer in the richmond university medical center's psychiatric unit i spent a good deal of my time using fiskars safety scissors to cut pictures out of magazines and making collages so showing the joker cutting pictures and making collages is a good way to convey his broken mental state

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Gatekeeper posted:

when i spent a summer in the richmond university medical center's psychiatric unit i spent a good deal of my time using fiskars safety scissors to cut pictures out of magazines and making collages so showing the joker cutting pictures and making collages is a good way to convey his broken mental state

pics or it didn't happen

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
gently caress even the prince music is no good, bat man managed to make prince bad, thats how hosed this comic poo poo is. comic poo poo is my loving kryptonite, to borrow imagery from fuckin comic poo poo

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

pics or it didn't happen

they dont allow cameras for confidentiality reasons but my post history is probably enough to corroborate this lil bit of gatekeeper backstory

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
where does he get those wonderful toys?

oh i dunno maybe the same place you get all your clown themed poo poo you loving human being

TwoFire
Sep 11, 2001

by Ralp

Gatekeeper posted:

where does he get those wonderful toys?

oh i dunno maybe the same place you get all your clown themed poo poo you loving human being

same place as that gooddamn awful bat dance I mean prince did some good music but I'll never forgive him for that steaming turd pile

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
this movie is so goddamn boring, like at least some bad movies are also comically bad and i can laugh about them but this is just poo poo, aside from the bat costume looking like a large rubber dildo/taser man there really isn't much to laugh at, its extremely disappointing

i know so many people who fuckin love this movie and never shut up about keaton best bat man and bat man (1989) is so much better than dark knight bat man blah fuckin blah and goddamn i can't believe i let these shitfuck cocksmacks talk me into watching this piece of cuntgunk

i dont even like jack nicholson anymore, i hope he dies very soon

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
like in real life, not in the movie


i hope facebook has #jacknicholson trending tomorrow or whatever because that fuckin dick keeled over and died

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
lmao keaton smashing poo poo and yelling "you wanna get nuts?!? come on lets get nuts!!!" was the most unbelievable part of this fuckin shitshow

like i'd believe an actual billionaire wears an actual bat outfit and fights actual clowns over believing keaton smashing things and being a tough guy

what a garbagefest

Tolkien minority
Feb 14, 2012


i loved this movie heath ledger was great

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
lmao the pre-clown jackie killed bat's mom and dad, thats so loving dumb

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
thats what dark night was missing, keith fletcher should have killed bateman's mama and papa, that would have been really cool and not at all retarded

Commie Lasorda
May 15, 2009

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!
I like the part where he says "NICE loving MODEL *HONKHONK*"

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Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
jfc the clown just used a comically oversized circus revolver to shoot down a fuckin batplane


i give up, i dont care if theres ten minutes left, i dont even wanna know how it ends, i'm already furious at myself for having watched this much.

i'm sorry buds

im so, so sorry

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