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Hollis Brownsound
Apr 2, 2009

by Lowtax
I'm all clean as hell and I'm about to defile my rear end by taking a gross, loose, nasty, coffee poo poo.

Should I get back in the shower? Should I just deal with my gross itchy rear end for the rest of the day. loving day ruined.

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Keg
Sep 22, 2014

Soup du Journey
Mar 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
coffee and poo before the shower jfc

Hollis Brownsound
Apr 2, 2009

by Lowtax

Doctor Schnabel posted:

coffee and poo before the shower jfc

I did, this is a surprise second poo poo

Gumdrop Larry
Jul 30, 2006

You blast that poo poo out and hop back in the shower just for a quick butt spritz

penus penus penus
Nov 9, 2014

by piss__donald
SOMETIMES I ACTUALLY DO GET IN THE SHOWER OP, EVEN IF IT MAKES ME LATE.

Keg
Sep 22, 2014

Hollis Brownsound posted:

I'm all clean as hell and I'm about to defile my rear end by taking a gross, loose, nasty, coffee poo poo.

Should I get back in the shower? Should I just deal with my gross itchy rear end for the rest of the day. loving day ruined.

I THINK YOU SHOULD LEARN TO WIPE YOUR rear end PROPERLY.

Moltke
May 13, 2009
lol if you don't poop in your shower

Soup du Journey
Mar 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless

Hollis Brownsound posted:

I did, this is a surprise second poo poo
dont let that second one out. keep it in until tomorrow. youve got room in there now

it might protest a little but if youre firm it will stand down

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
Water is still hot or warm at least. Get back in there after dropping the second bomb.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
you can wipe your butt again a half hour later, might help

12gaugelobotomy
Apr 25, 2012
Save time poo poo in shower

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
Poop and wipe. Not fun but it happens.

vug
Jan 23, 2015

by Cowcaster
Wash your rear end genius

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
learn to squat-sit so your muscles let it all come out in one go, even when using a toilet

penus penus penus
Nov 9, 2014

by piss__donald
wait... guys... why dont we put a toilet IN the bathtub, like have it integrated. its not like it would ever fill up because of how toilets work... wow its like the perfect idea holy poo poo

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
always check if you have to poop while in the shower. Lube your fingers up with soap and stick em up there OP.

Soup du Journey
Mar 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
so what did u do op

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!
i poo poo 2 times a week tops

CISMALES DID 9-11
Jun 5, 2002

chaotic good STEM major; INTJ
do a poo poo in the shower

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
youll have to follow your heart here op. good lcuk

Hollis Brownsound
Apr 2, 2009

by Lowtax

Doctor Schnabel posted:

so what did u do op

thanks for checking in, well I had to go to work and didn't have time to shower again so soaped up my fingers and reamed the inside of my rear end in a top hat with them and splash rinsed with toilet water

Demonachizer
Aug 7, 2004

Hollis Brownsound posted:

I'm all clean as hell and I'm about to defile my rear end by taking a gross, loose, nasty, coffee poo poo.

Should I get back in the shower? Should I just deal with my gross itchy rear end for the rest of the day. loving day ruined.

Just shower again you loving sped.

Also just as a pro tip, get a loving bidet for day time shits and you can just wash your rear end off right then and there. Stop being loving savages and walking around with dirty asses all the time you gross disgusting goons.

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...

serious norman posted:

i poo poo 2 times a week tops

do you eat any food that's perishable?

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
Shouldn't even have bothered showering in the first place, just gonna get dirty again anyway. :shrug:

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
i really dont think you should put soap in your butthole op

Soup du Journey
Mar 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless

Hollis Brownsound posted:

thanks for checking in, well I had to go to work and didn't have time to shower again so soaped up my fingers and reamed the inside of my rear end in a top hat with them and splash rinsed with toilet water
i hope you did this at work

DirtyMick
Feb 1, 2014
Wet wipes, lots of them. Make sure to flush them too, especially if you have septic.

Soup du Journey
Mar 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless

Libelous Slander posted:

do you eat any food that's perishable?

norm does heroin

SKELETON GHOST
Jan 11, 2015

by Ralp

serious norman posted:

i poo poo 2 times a week tops

thats odd i could have sworn you post way more often

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
this is why europe has the bidet, OP

CheddarGoblin
Jan 12, 2005
oh


Anyone who doesn't use these is walking around with lovely rear end in a top hat all day.

How's that dry paper working out for everyone?

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Moridin920 posted:

this is why europe has the bidet, OP

I kind of want a bidet.

the nicker posted:



Anyone who doesn't use these is walking around with lovely rear end in a top hat all day.

How's that dry paper working out for everyone?
Dry paper makes your rear end in a top hat like bleed n gives you hemorrhoids.

Ramsus
Sep 14, 2002

by Hand Knit
it's the worst even though i have baby wipes

i'll not shower for days on end expecting to poop first

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Al Borland posted:

always check if you have to poop while in the shower. Lube your fingers up with soap and stick em up there OP.

Seriously. This is basic hygiene like brushing your teeth or washing your hands before you eat.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Al Borland posted:

I kind of want a bidet.

Dry paper makes your rear end in a top hat like bleed n gives you hemorrhoids.

just buy one of these things and add it to your toilet:

http://www.wisdomking.com/product133251.html

outdated looking site but the cheapest I could find. I had one of those on a toilet in my room when I was in hs and it was the best. heated seat, bidet, adjustable water temp/pressure, self cleaning, etc.

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Moridin920 posted:

this is why europe has the bidet, OP

ya idk why bidets became popular there and not in the US. especially since it would be an easy addition with all the cookie cutter expansion in the 1940s-60s compared to having to renovate and add it to all the old buildings in europe

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

serious norman posted:

i poo poo 2 times a week tops

Cut back on the Oxys.

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BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

OP, your problem is not enough dedicated morning poop time. The first hour to hour-and-a-half of my day is devoted to coffee, breakfast when I'm hungry enough for it, finishing waking up until I'm co-ordinated enough to not break stuff (luckily toilets are strong), and most importantly, 1-4 good shits. I often have to take a poo poo scant minutes after another poo poo, gently caress knows why, luckily I like making GBS threads. I've habitually taken this many morning shits for many years. The number does seem to be directly related to the sum total of of overeating, caffeinated beverage swilling, curry intake and litres of fruit juice consumed the day before said making GBS threads shenanigans. Wet wiping is rather a necessity for this shitfrequency (bidet devices would be good too no doubt).

So there's some shittips for you, since your problem is obviously not giving enough shits as a first priority. Gotta love morning coffee in that respect, it really gets you going, if you know what I mean. And Fruit Juwes is the liquid that will not be blamed for nothing.

So poo poo your guts out as many times as it takes after you wake, then shower. If you have a job, and find getting to work interferes with this recommended shitroutine, quit your job so you can devote yourself more to making GBS threads (world's greatest hobby, better out than in as they say). If you get thrown out onto the street for not having an income with which pay rent, be consoled, you'll be able to poo poo your pants whenever you feel like it and not worry about having a show. Maybe even get away with hurling some nice fresh turds at passersby while shouting incoherently.

Here's a good pooping song for you to sing on the throne:
"I have two shits in de morning
I have two shits in the eve
I take two shits before I take two shits
Then I take two shits again."

A hearty thank you, OP, for creating another shittopic, a fine traditional daily SA routine and always welcome. Shittopics are always gassed, which is reminiscent of and as strangely satisfying as big dumps being flushed away.

And may nogoon ever unfairly accuse either you or I of being shitposters.


tldr: poo poo about making GBS threads.

BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 19:35 on Sep 1, 2015

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