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Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

lotta people pumped about dying alone with no one to love them or take care of them itt

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Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

Secks Cauldron posted:

There will always be professional caretaker immigrants to wipe my rear end.

pfffff, anyone who cares for an elderly person that they aren't related to basically abuses and beats them when no one is looking which i bet is pretty much all the time.

Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

ChairmanMeow posted:

like your kids wouldn't

no way. im gonna be the cool dad, make their mother do all the hard work of "actually raising the child(ren)." I'll be 85 and dabbing with my kid(s), telling them about how music was actually good in my day, when it was still made by humans and not robots

Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

Coolness Averted posted:

jokes on pedro, it alreadty costs me a fortune to have a professional dom do the same!
the cheaper the nursing home the more VALUE I get

oh man, just imagine an old masochist with alzheimer's. the old person getting abused is like "whoa what's going on oh boy alright let's do this thing you young punk are you my husband am i gay ahh who cares just give it to me you millennial mexican"

Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

Ilustforponydeath posted:

What happens when they become teenagers?

bar/bat mitzvah

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Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

cram me sideways posted:

i too loving hate getting 8 hours of sleep a night and being able to spend my money one whatever the hell i want and drinking during the daytime and not pissing off every single stranger i meet when i inevitably have to venture outside my home with my screaming, dumb, lovely child

i hate all that poo poo!!! i also want to murder my wife and mine's sexual identity and forever scar and warp her body and see her turn into this creature whose only impulse will be to nurture the child at all costs, rendering me a stranger and interloper in her life

god i want that. so come here, honey - loving lay down and spread 'em, because more than anything else i want 30+ years of protracted misery by making us utterly responsible for another human being who won't even begin to grasp the concept of gratitude until it's old enough to start loving for gas money

it's going to be great. all those dinners we'd go out to? the spontaneous matinees? going to a minigolf course next state over just loving because? gone. no more concerts. hello daycare and gymboree. guess we'll put away all these wine glasses because you can't drink while you're pregnant and you sure as poo poo can't let junior see us getting shitfaced before the sun goes down. ha ha, i just deleted all your game of thrones and replaced it with caillou and thomas the loving tank engine. that'll be your entertainment, now. forever.

oh boy and i hope the baby's retarded with a awful mushy face so that way it'll have NO friends whatsoever AND we'll have to take care of it LITERALLY FOREVER. he'll be 42 and singing along to sesame street and we'll be in our loving 80s wondering how the gently caress we're going to afford to take care of all three of us now that neither of us can work and neither of us got a pension and our social security checks are a loving JOKE ha ha - gotta move out of house by thursday

that'll be us, honey - so stop stalling and let's get to procreatin'

lmbo loving goons. so goony. goony goony goons

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