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thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
let's hear some stories about some close calls. here are are some of mine..

in high school a friend of mine and i are sitting sitting in my car in the student parking lot and he was showing me some (lovely) weed he had bought. i had it in my hand when we noticed an administrator approaching the vehicle. my friend being a little pussy coward fled, leaving me with the weed. i didnt know what to do so i just sort of let my hand fall to the side and i dropped it between the center console and my seat. administrator came up, asked what was going on, told me to get out of the car cause he intended to search it, he searches it. either he didnt find the weed or he did find it and decided not to bust me, in any event, he let me go and i got the gently caress out of there. when i had time to safely inspect i found it had taken a miracle fall into this little spot that prevented it from falling through to the floorboard.

another time i was riding in a car with some people and we had all planned to go to what the police would call a "high intensity drug trafficking area" to look for some drugs. we had just picked up the drugs and were exiting this sketchy apartment complex where drugs are sold and got pulled over immediately. cop was no dummy, he knows what 3 white girls and one white guy are doing here and just as he is about to start to procedure of pulling us out of the car and doing a search and poo poo he gets a call on his radio which we can overhear. turns out they found a detached arm and hand in a nearby dumpster. the cop said verbatim "now this i gotta see! consider this your lucky day kids" and he dipped out.

i have lots of close call drug stories but those are the two more interesting ones i think. your stories can be about whatever kind of close call you want though !!! please share this is a friendl space

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Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW
Why would you let some administrator search your car? Are you an idiot?

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
people call me from the driveway to let me know they've arrived

Richard McBeef
Apr 21, 2007

by Fluffdaddy
This one time I was sliding into third and I felt a greasy turd. It wasn't diarrhea tho and I made it to a restroom on time.

Then another time I was sliding into first and my pants began to burst. Same result though. I made it to a restroom after being called out.

spacemang_spliff
Nov 29, 2014

wide pickle

Hobohemian posted:

Why would you let some administrator search your car? Are you an idiot?

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012

Hobohemian posted:

Why would you let some administrator search your car? Are you an idiot?

i was an idiot and unaware of this at the time but it turns out administrators at public schools can legally search you and your car whenever you're on school property :shrug:

police officers can't but employees of the school can

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

drug: i was supposed to go smoke with friends but at the last minute i decided against it because a major CS:GO update came out (Operation Bloodhound for you CS fans). turns out they got busted and got into all sorts of legal poo poo; probation, community service, i think one went to juvie (didn't know him too well). thank you video games for saving my rear end.

other: i got t-boned by some speeding idiot going 50 in a 35. i should have died but somehow emerged with only bruises and poo poo. the worst part was being laid up in a hospital bed for 7 hours with nothing to do.

TheReverend
Jun 21, 2005

one time at a gun store one of the workers went to show a customer how to take apart a glock to clean it.

it was his glock and you have to pull the trigger to remove the slide. he forgot to clear the chamber and the bullet went kinda in my direction. no ricochets or anyhting though it did hit some lithium batteries and that stuck up the joint.

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

i was about to fly a plane into the world trade center but i dodged at the last minute

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
i have aids

Caesar Saladin
Aug 15, 2004

walking down the road in china and a big fuckin pane of glass falls from a construction site above in a skyscraper and lands like 4 meters next to me from like 30 stories

thing could have sliced me in half.

Lutha Mahtin
Oct 10, 2010

Your brokebrain sin is absolved...go and shitpost no more!

that time i almost grabbed nacho cheese instead of cool ranch. phew, glad i caught myself

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
one time my friends and i were going to take ecstacy and go to this club. two of my friends were ill prepared and spur of the moment decided they wanted to go and were going to swing through aforementioned high-intensity drug trafficking area to try to buy some ecstacy which i pointed out was A) not something you'd go there to buy and B) it's like 1AM on a saturday it's going to be seriously hot over there. i had happened to already secure some ecstacy earlier in the day which i took and had a great night. they got arrested in the HIDTA and spent the night in jail. lol.

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

oh yeah i also turned on my dad's car while it was parked in the garage when i was 10. luckily he heard the noise and turned it off before i could :gas: myself.

Macasaurus
Oct 12, 2012

one time i called my friend to find where he was but then i saw him before the first ring even finished
talk about a close call haha!

Topographic Nap
Apr 22, 2007

A hitman was after me after I ate poo poo at a high stakes poker game that left me 76K in the hole. I was being chased for a few blocks and I was able to get about a block ahead and grab a hardhat from the back of a truck and hop down into a gap in the road at a work site and the gun ran right past.

Another 2 weeks of scamming and lamming and I finally paid off the debt to Johnny Pissflaps. I decided to celebrate with a Hot n' Ready. I made it to the door right as the manager was locking up. I wedged my foot in the door and refused to leave until I had a piping hot pie in my hands. Talk about a close call!

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
when i was like 12 or 13 i wanted to sign up for an SA account and my dad wouldnt let me use his credit card after hearing what the site was called. he asked why I would want to be a member of a place called "Something Awful" and i said "dad you just don't get it!" but luckily my friend's (cool) dad let me use his if i gave him the cash up front and he didn't ask a bunch of questions like a carehard bitch. boy that was a clolse call. i almost would not hav ebeen able to share my posts with the world !!

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo

thathonkey posted:

when i was like 12 or 13 i wanted to sign up for an SA account and my dad wouldnt let me use his credit card after hearing what the site was called. he asked why I would want to be a member of a place called "Something Awful" and i said "dad you just don't get it!" but luckily my friend's (cool) dad let me use his if i gave him the cash up front and he didn't ask a bunch of questions like a carehard bitch. boy that was a clolse call. i almost would not hav ebeen able to share my posts with the world !!

im glad youre here, and i love you

ROFLburger
Jan 12, 2006
When I was in high school, my friends and were driving by a krispy kreme late at night and noticed they were stocking a truck with trays of donuts for distribution or whatever. We drove up and one of us grabbed a few big rear end trays of donuts. He ran back, jammed the trays into the car, and we took the hell off.

Later that night we were speeding down a deserted dirt road late at night at 80+ mph. No real reason. We were 16, bored, and also dumb. We hit the outer bank on a turn, flipped, and rolled like a hundred times. Miraculously, none of us were seriously hurt. We got out there were donuts thrown loving all over the interior of the car. It was pretty funny looking - trashed car with donuts in every nook and cranny. I'm pretty happy that I didn't die that night.

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012

Enfield posted:

im glad youre here, and i love you

hey thanks old pal! :downs:

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004



last fall i took some ambien to go to sleep and then woke up in the hospital after driving into a utility pole at ~60mph with nothing but blackout in between. Would probably be dead, crippled, or otherwise have exited the vehicle through a windshield with a pole in it if I hadn't somehow managed to buckle up

i don't drive after even legal amounts of drinking and am extremely safe and paranoid about that kind of thing. no clue how or why i ended up driving

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot
harm reduction

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
some of my close call drug stories are so irresponsible i dont want to tell them here because i dont want there to be any sort of record of them happening. sorry, i'm too ashamed.

Meowbot
Oct 12, 2005

I havent had a plrecription for my eyes in years so the other day I went and got a new one and it hasnt changed. The doctor was like why havent you seen us in 4 years? I told them im scared of op tomietris when the air shoots into your eyes and dilation. They told me my eyes cold get worse....
ur under arrest if a cop finds this thread m8

i think one of my closest calls w as when i was hanging out late at night surfin the information super high ways and I ws chatting on ICQ to some rude dudes and school was ij ust in a few of them hours. I said in ICQ "dads coming goin g to turn off the monitor and preted im asleep" heh, I snuck back on the PC after my dad came to check on me, and he was none the wiser :smug:

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012

Meowbot posted:

ur under arrest if a cop finds this thread m8

edit: SWIM did all that stuff i posted earlier

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW

Meowbot posted:

ur under arrest if a cop finds this thread m8

i think one of my closest calls w as when i was hanging out late at night surfin the information super high ways and I ws chatting on ICQ to some rude dudes and school was ij ust in a few of them hours. I said in ICQ "dads coming goin g to turn off the monitor and preted im asleep" heh, I snuck back on the PC after my dad came to check on me, and he was none the wiser :smug:

:drat: That is slick as gently caress.

Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post
Someone thought about calling me. But they didn't. My phone hasn't rang since I bought it :smith:

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
drove to work this morning and evening and a whole bunch of cars came within 3-4 feet of hitting, and consequently killing, me. idk why i take these risks, mainly because i need to drive to work to get money to fuel my alcohol and gambling habits. :shrug:

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
i saw a wreck happen 3 cars in front of me one time. like if i had been just a few seconds ahead it would have been me. dead as gently caress or at least badly maimed. i had to swerve and brake hard to avoid. realllllly makes you think

RISCy Business
Jun 17, 2015

bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork
Fun Shoe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz4VQV5hIBI

i was going to visit family back home and i had just driven by this tanker, looked in my rear view mirror and :stonk:

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES
a couple years back during the run-up to a thunderstorm (clouds were overhead and wind was gusting but rain hadn't started) i was out walking in the pasture and a bolt of lightning struck a metal t-post about 50 yards away

sounded like a loving cannon went off next to my head

Smelly Bohemian
Aug 20, 2015

by Lowtax
Once, I had a call come from inside the house.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

Enfield posted:

i have aids

i too have aids

i am gay

Weener Beater
May 4, 2010
I have had several close calls.

-I was riding my bike down a hill through the middle of town and and an old lady pulled out of a side street without looking. She hit me and luckily I rolled over her hood and to the side walk instead of into traffic where I would have been crushed

-Some friends and I were jumping off a cliff into a lake. I decided to jump off to the side and we didnt know there was a submerged tree in that area. I ended up impaling my leg. Could have been skewered through my chest.

-The first time I went skydiving I was using a static line at 5000 feet. Unfortunately the chute fouled and I had to release it and go to reserve., By the time the second chute opened my altimeter read 500 feet. Very close call

-One time I was bottoming bareback and the guy I was with found out he was poz a month later. This was before prep was common. Dodged a bullet on that one

My friends say I only have 1-2 lives left with the number of close calls I have had

ballistics statistics
Nov 27, 2003

:shepface:God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title:shepface:


Richard McBeef posted:

This one time I was sliding into third and I felt a greasy turd. It wasn't diarrhea tho and I made it to a restroom on time.

Then another time I was sliding into first and my pants began to burst. Same result though. I made it to a restroom after being called out.

You got lucky, one time I was sliding into home and my pants were full of foam.
It was diarrhea

a dog from hell
Oct 18, 2009

by zen death robot
I've had too many to count. None of them are appropriate for here.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


I gave two goons aids.

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
oh yeah one time i was going around a turn on a little two lane highway too fast when it was wet out and i slid off the road and his the protective barrier wall. i was fine, didnt set of fthe airbags or anything. it barely damaged my car. had circumstances been a little different (like another car in the way) it could have been much much worse.

Verily I Shat
May 24, 2015

by Smythe
Drunk, in the rain, lost control, jumped an island into the oncoming lane and ended up on the footpath on the other side of the road, between two poles close enough that I couldnt even open my doors. Was about 3AM.

then drove home, in absolute fear and shock.

I dont drive or even own a car now days. I chose drinking.

Verily I Shat fucked around with this message at 06:01 on Sep 3, 2015

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General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend
I nearly walked into a crape myrtle and put my eye out

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