who actually reads cosmopolitan

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > who actually reads cosmopolitan

That Robot: Sep 16, 2004; ask me anything about robots; Buglord

it looks like it's always the same poo poo based on the cover

drooling over celebrities, some fad diet and a list of sex moves that aren't v graphic

what is the appeal of this magazine and who buys it?

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:25

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 01:14

Cool NIN Shirt: Nov 26, 2007; by vyelkin

Pretty much all magazines reprint the same thing every couple months, OP.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:25

Cool NIN Shirt: Nov 26, 2007; by vyelkin

I like to read the sex tips and i get a boner

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:26

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

A cosmopolitan, or informally a cosmo, is a cocktail made with vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice, and freshly squeezed or sweetened lime juice.

Main alcohol: Vodka
Ingredients: 1/2 oz Fresh lime juice, 1 oz Cranberry juice, 1/2 oz Cointreau, 1 1/2 oz Vodka Citron
Preparation: Add all ingredients into cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake well and double strain into large cocktail glass. Garnish with lime wheel.
Served: Straight up; without ice
Standard garnish: Lime wedge, Lemon slice
Drinkware: Cocktail glass

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:27

Beef Turret: Jul 9, 2009; by Lowtax

At least it has more substance than The Economist

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:27

Hobohemian: Sep 30, 2005; by XyloJW

I always see it in your mom's bathroom.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:27

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

"I found a box with cigarettes and a cosmopolitan under his bed"

"... How does John know how to make a cosmopolitan"

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:33

fuck the ROW: Aug 29, 2008; by zen death robot

100 Poorly Thought Out Sexual Moves

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:33

Zeluth: May 12, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

I found a magazine entitled "WWD" and appreciate its paper stock, but why my mail box?

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:34

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

women op

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:35

That Robot: Sep 16, 2004; ask me anything about robots; Buglord

the only thing starting with the phrase "Cosmo" that I like is Carl "Sega Genesis" Sagan's Cosmos and Notorious ND-T's version of it

Cosmo Kramer is a frumpy rear end in a top hat

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:37

Zeluth: May 12, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWPNxSD9YNY

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:40

CISMALES DID 9-11: Jun 5, 2002; chaotic good STEM major; INTJ

im always reading it evvery day

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:41

fuck the ROW: Aug 29, 2008; by zen death robot

this guy:

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:42

psyopmonkey2: Mar 10, 2015; by Ralp

Old people.

Who the gently caress buys magazines anymore? poo poo is retarded and so wasteful.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:44

Excelzior: Jun 24, 2013

tfw when you somebody makes you a "cosmo" and its just vodka and cranberry juice

smh

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:54

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

I liked their sex tip where they told girls to put a donut around the guys dick and eat it off.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 19:58

Obligatory Handle: Feb 27, 2004; by Lowtax

19 Ways to Get Your Husband to gently caress You Instead of his Secretary for the First Time in a Decade

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:00

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

Their sex tips are never, "Suck his dick until he cums, then swallow the cum it's water and you're lost in the Sahara and dying of thirst." That would free up so much space for more ads. It's really a win-win for everyone involved.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:00

Absolute Lithops: Aug 28, 2011; After one long season
of waiting, after one
long season of wanting

I think it's 12-year-olds and younger teens. It's written at a lower reading level than magazines like In Style. And who else would believe those sex tips will Drive Your Man Wild?

Mad Monk posted:

Garnish with lime wheel.

Standard garnish: Lime wedge, Lemon slice

Well which is it? Is this rear end in a top hat saying I'm not good enough for the standard garnish?

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:04

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

I dont really read it but this latest issue caught my eye while I was in line at the market

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:05

Matey: Mar 28, 2008; eat food

Women who love The Patriarchy, op.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:30

welcome 2 Clown Town: Aug 1, 2006; GALAXY'S #2 SCULL*!

*scrunt skull

place vice grips on he balls and then put a bottle of rice wine vinegar in him rear end and start slobbin on ya man knob like that one grapefruit vaccum cleaner blow job lady also dont forget sometimes your guy like him nipples sanded with a good coarse 80 grit sandpaper

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:31

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

Absolute Lithops posted:

Well which is it? Is this rear end in a top hat saying I'm not good enough for the standard garnish?

Look into the mirror and say to yourself "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me." Then go with the lime wheel, you'll gain self confidence and you will gradually learn not fear stressful situations such as this one.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:34

kecske: Feb 28, 2011; it's round, like always

quote:

"Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other� you can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles. Many women make the mistake of being too gentle."

"Take his shaft between your open palms and tap it back and forth, almost like you're volleying a tennis ball. The quick movements are a fun way to wake up his nerves."

"Firmly hold the bottom of his shaft in one hand and slowly push it towards the base. (Imagine you're pushing his penis into his body)."

"Tickle his feet with your nipples: climb on top of him in reverse cowgirl position, then bend over until your nipples reach the tops of his feet."

"As you're eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, 'See how I'm devouring this piece of meat? That's how I'm going to devour you.'"

"Give him a beer facial � the combination of the egg white and the yeast in the hops hydrates and improves skin elasticity� but you can just tell him that your lips can't resist his delicious, beer-flavored face."

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:36

Zeroisanumber: Oct 23, 2010; Nap Ghost

Office sluts.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:36

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

Zeroisanumber posted:

Office sluts.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:37

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

Making fun of Cosmo makes standing in the checkout lane at the grocery store a little bit more tolerable.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:40

Matey: Mar 28, 2008; eat food

kecske posted:

"Hey babe watch me eat this banana . im gonna pretend its your dick"

*gags on banana and pukes up the spaghetti-Os she just ate*

"oooooooooh yeeeeeeeah baby you like that?"

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:40

Whiskey Sours: Jan 25, 2014; Weather proof.

kecske posted:

Reading that just turned me gay.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 20:44

flerp: Feb 25, 2014

one trick to spice up your love life: go gay

# ? Sep 4, 2015 21:01

SirEvelynTremble: Dec 25, 2013; FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

The sort of girl who reads cosmo doesn't actually know who or what she is until she has done a quiz on it and counted her score on her phone's calculator

# ? Sep 4, 2015 21:03

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

Nooner posted:

I dont really read it but this latest issue caught my eye while I was in line at the market

# ? Sep 4, 2015 21:26

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Pee in his butt until it's full, then melt a spice candle slowly around the rim, then drip into the middle, placing a coarse piece of twine in the middle, making a nice seal of fragrant wax, and make him hold the piss enema in until you're both ready to climax, then pull the plug to spice up your relationship!

# ? Sep 4, 2015 21:50

kindermord: Jun 5, 2003; ducks is chickens with swimmy toes

Zeroisanumber posted:

Office sluts.

that's glamour

not that cosmo chicks can't be slutty they're just a degree or two more coy about it

# ? Sep 4, 2015 21:51

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Socks with heels, the new sophisticated fall fashions are casual and sophisticated.

# ? Sep 4, 2015 22:35

ROFLburger: Jan 12, 2006

# ? Sep 4, 2015 22:54

That Robot: Sep 16, 2004; ask me anything about robots; Buglord

ROFLburger posted:

# ? Sep 5, 2015 01:07

Absolute Lithops: Aug 28, 2011; After one long season
of waiting, after one
long season of wanting

Matey posted:

"Hey babe watch me eat this banana . im gonna pretend its your dick"

*gags on banana and pukes up the spaghetti-Os she just ate*

"oooooooooh yeeeeeeeah baby you like that?"

Thank you for reminding me of Interior Semiotics

# ? Sep 5, 2015 01:18

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 01:14

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

knew a girl who got it just to draw over the models with sharpie. i feel like it was an early warning for how she acts now.

# ? Sep 5, 2015 01:19

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > who actually reads cosmopolitan

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