Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

the life of jesus christ as told in the new testament is basically saying jesus couldn't stand it if people didn't worship him and suck his cut dick. he was pretty much a human being and an attention starved babby.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post
:firstpost:

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

he chased people with a whip once

that was cool

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
god complex

Sauer
Sep 13, 2005

Socialize Everything!

fyodor posted:

...suck his cut dick...

Eww, mutilated dicks are gross. Jeus is gross.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

i dunno if given the chance can you imagine draining jesus' balls. it would own.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014
sometimes i realize ill never be able to kill jesus and get really sad

Stick Figure Mafia
Dec 11, 2004

The gnostic texts basically play out like The Omen with Jesus doing evil magic poo poo and killing kids. They can't even get him a teacher to teach him how to read because he keeps freaking them all out.

Mr.Pibbleton
Feb 3, 2006

Aleuts rock, chummer.

Broenheim posted:

sometimes i realize ill never be able to kill jesus and get really sad

You know you can kill him every three days right?

communism bitch
Apr 24, 2009
i like jesus. I think.... he was cool. :cool:

communism bitch
Apr 24, 2009
i liked it when he went to that wedding and mary was all "they got no wine" and he's just "bitch why you bothering me about it?"

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

Stick Figure Mafia posted:

The gnostic texts basically play out like The Omen with Jesus doing evil magic poo poo and killing kids. They can't even get him a teacher to teach him how to read because he keeps freaking them all out.

the gospel of thomas is very :stare:

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

fyodor posted:

the life of jesus christ as told in the new testament is basically saying jesus couldn't stand it if people didn't worship him and suck his cut dick. he was pretty much a human being and an attention starved babby.

To be fair, he turned into a zombie, which was pretty cool.

ALL HAIL ZOMBIE JESUS AND HIS FATHER, THE INVISIBLE SKY-WIZARD!

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
Jesus deserved to die

and resurrect and save the world hallelujah

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
Jesus should've just minded his own God drat business. He got what he deserved when they tortured and crucified him imo

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

RISCy Business
Jun 17, 2015

bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork bork
Fun Shoe

same but unironically

Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

yeezus 2020

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
John 11:35

Jesus wept.

KewlBiens
Nov 21, 2007

by Lowtax
whoa this thread is so edgy it sliced my balls clean off

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

deep impact on vhs posted:

same but unironically

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle
Oooooh look I'm sacrificing myself to save y'all

No one fuckin asked dingus

AbbadonOfHell
Jul 16, 2004
You know I would try to think of something funny to put here but ill just pass on that and threaten people with a + 2 board with a nail in it.

Stick Figure Mafia posted:

The gnostic texts basically play out like The Omen with Jesus doing evil magic poo poo and killing kids. They can't even get him a teacher to teach him how to read because he keeps freaking them all out.

Why do I feel that Christianity would be different if they kept those in?

Anecdotally, it seems like a lot of it's followers have issue with seeing that people can change, or be good despite not following their way of thinking. I have a feeling if more of them had read about that stuff that they would be a bit more open minded about the way the world is. I personally like the idea of Jesus being a gently caress-up when he was young, how else are you going to get good at something if you don't screw it up a bazillion times. I'm not religious but it definitely makes him more relatable and human.

Sauer
Sep 13, 2005

Socialize Everything!
The best part about jesus is you just have to say you believe in him and he'll forgive you on behalf of everyone you've wronged. you can be as lovely a person as you like and no one can say poo poo about it because jeezus.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005

Sauer posted:

The best part about jesus is you just have to say you believe in him and he'll forgive you on behalf of everyone you've wronged. you can be as lovely a person as you like and no one can say poo poo about it because jeezus.

this is what gets me about people that believe this poo poo. like i don't care what you believe if it doesn't affect other people but when a core tenet of your belief system is "I can be a gigantic rear end in a top hat and then just say that im sorry and jesus will make it better" you can gently caress right off

Kiryen
Feb 25, 2015

wilfredmerriweathr posted:

this is what gets me about people that believe this poo poo. like i don't care what you believe if it doesn't affect other people but when a core tenet of your belief system is "I can be a gigantic rear end in a top hat and then just say that im sorry and jesus will make it better" you can gently caress right off

So it gets you mad that people get forgiven in the supernatural sense of bad things won't happen after you die by a being you don't believe exists in the first place?

AbbadonOfHell
Jul 16, 2004
You know I would try to think of something funny to put here but ill just pass on that and threaten people with a + 2 board with a nail in it.

Kiryen posted:

So it gets you mad that people get forgiven in the supernatural sense of bad things won't happen after you die by a being you don't believe exists in the first place?

I think the issue is that it gives them carte blanche to be a arsehole.

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

AbbadonOfHell posted:

I think the issue is that it gives them carte blanche to be a arsehole.

A true Christian does not tepeatedly be an rear end in a top hat and think they can just be forgiven. Being a Christian means living by the word of God which means loving one another and if they don't do this they are a piece of poo poo with a Bible they use as a weapon

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005

AbbadonOfHell posted:

I think the issue is that it gives them carte blanche to be a arsehole.

correct


SirEvelynTremble posted:

A true Christian does not tepeatedly be an rear end in a top hat and think they can just be forgiven. Being a Christian means living by the word of God which means loving one another and if they don't do this they are a piece of poo poo with a Bible they use as a weapon

this is approaching like 70+% of the christians in the US (but really this type of thinking and acting is true for the majority of people that align themselves with any one of the big 3 religions)

if you're an rear end in a top hat and you think it's ok because your weak rear end baby religion tells you you can just say you're sorry each sunday and be good, you're an rear end in a top hat and to think that you're somehow justified because of some old words or whatever makes you exponentially more of an rear end in a top hat

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

wilfredmerriweathr posted:

correct


this is approaching like 70+% of the christians in the US (but really this type of thinking and acting is true for the majority of people that align themselves with any one of the big 3 religions)

if you're an rear end in a top hat and you think it's ok because your weak rear end baby religion tells you you can just say you're sorry each sunday and be good, you're an rear end in a top hat and to think that you're somehow justified because of some old words or whatever makes you exponentially more of an rear end in a top hat

:agreed:

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
jesus was basically dad gay only without the legit funny sense of humor

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

Gatekeeper posted:

jesus was basically dad gay only without the legit funny sense of humor

haha dad gay isnt funny wtf

AbbadonOfHell
Jul 16, 2004
You know I would try to think of something funny to put here but ill just pass on that and threaten people with a + 2 board with a nail in it.

Gatekeeper posted:

jesus was basically dad gay only without the legit funny sense of humor

I'm willing to bet there is some funny stuff in the gnostic stuff.

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

fyodor posted:

haha dad gay isnt funny wtf
dad gay's amusing but all he currently has is the millennial shtick to keep him going

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

fyodor posted:

haha dad gay isnt funny wtf

dad gay is the only reason i still post here


i mean thats a lie but its a really nice thing to say i think

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Gatekeeper posted:

dad gay is the only reason i still post here


i mean thats a lie but its a really nice thing to say i think

It's like being the hot girl appreciating the ugly friend who makes her look even better

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005
i find something awful forums poster dad gay. so what to be an adequately humorous and generally well tempered member of this fine world wide posting community, more than can be said for many a poster

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

Gatekeeper posted:

dad gay is the only reason i still post here


i mean thats a lie but its a really nice thing to say i think
i post here because i have to see nooner's ava at least once a day to keep me happy

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

AbbadonOfHell
Jul 16, 2004
You know I would try to think of something funny to put here but ill just pass on that and threaten people with a + 2 board with a nail in it.
Dad gay is pretty alright in my book too. If my dad was gay I'd want him to be forum poster Dad gay, so what.

  • Locked thread