How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bad Games Megathread

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bad Games Megathread

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Scaly Haylie: Dec 25, 2004

pointlessone posted:

It wasn't just Too Human, I remember X-Men: Destiny getting tanked under the whole fiasco as well. Not that it was much of a loss. I snagged it as a freebie from redbox before the whole court case went down, and I wanted a refund. It looked like early PS2, maybe if I were being generous, early Xbox level graphics on the Wii, which I know isn't a powerhouse, but it can do way better than that. Awful, sloggish combat, lousy controls, I don't think it belongs in this thread because there's not even anything to make fun of, it's just poo poo.

"I rented the Wii version of a multiplatform game from the last console generation and was surprised and outraged that it was terrible."

# ? Sep 7, 2015 06:35

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 11:42

discworld is all I read: Apr 7, 2009; DAIJOUBU!! ... Daijoubu ?? ?

There was also when they tried to kickstart their faux Eternal Darkness sequel by setting up a fake kickstarter page (that had UI basically like kickstarter....but with money directly going to Silicon Knight's new studio). Then one of their prominent figures was found out for child porn and yeah, things just fell apart for that Eternal Darkness sequel.

# ? Sep 7, 2015 06:44

Scaly Haylie: Dec 25, 2004

Niggurath posted:

There was also when they tried to kickstart their faux Eternal Darkness sequel by setting up a fake kickstarter page (that had UI basically like kickstarter....but with money directly going to Silicon Knight's new studio). Then one of their prominent figures was found out for child porn and yeah, things just fell apart for that Eternal Darkness sequel.

Apparently it's still a thing.

# ? Sep 7, 2015 06:54

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Lizard Wizard posted:

"I rented the Wii version of a multiplatform game from the last console generation and was surprised and outraged that it was terrible."

Well, it's partially that, and partially that if you believe the whistleblowers, Dyack actively stalled and wasted development time in order to get more money out of their publishers. Supposedly the only reason Twin Snakes and Eternal Darkness turned out as well as they did was because Nintendo kept a firm hand on the reigns and made sure that every deadline and promise was met.

# ? Sep 7, 2015 06:58

pointlessone: Aug 6, 2001; The Triad Frog is pleased with this custom title purchase.

Lizard Wizard posted:

"I rented the Wii version of a multiplatform game from the last console generation and was surprised and outraged that it was terrible."

The other versions weren't any better. For end of console lifespan games, they really screwed the pooch on all of platforms. They were lifting stuff wholesale out of the engine reference kit, and then somehow making it worse. I wish I had a copy of that game now because of it's history. Back then I thought it was just a shitshow of a game, now it's a stolen asset shitshow of a game.

# ? Sep 7, 2015 13:22

corn in the bible: Jun 5, 2004; Oh no oh god it's all true!

Lizard Wizard posted:

"I rented the Wii version of a multiplatform game from the last console generation and was surprised and outraged that it was terrible."

The Wii versions of Splinter Cell Double Agent and Prince of Persian Forgotten Sands are so much better than the next-gen ones.

# ? Sep 7, 2015 18:35

Lady Naga: Apr 25, 2008; Voyons Donc!

corn in the bible posted:

The Wii versions of Splinter Cell Double Agent and Prince of Persian Forgotten Sands are so much better than the next-gen ones.

Only because developing for the Wii is like making a totally new game, so they decided to go hog wild and just do that.

# ? Sep 7, 2015 18:38

Cowman: Feb 14, 2006; Beware the Cow

Episode 1

The first episode of my short runthrough of Eternity's Child. It's a very bad platformer from 2008 that was panned by every reviewer out there. The jumping is very floaty and inconsistent. Sometimes you jump high and sometimes you jump short and I still haven't figured out entirely how to do either consistently. It's a very hard and annoying game simply because it's so poorly made. This video has no real editing because I wanted to introduce an average run. The levels get way harder and more confusing so I will be editing a lot out of them. An average run consists of wandering aimlessly and hoping you get the required crystals to leave the level.

The gameplay is super simple. You run around and jump onto platforms and shoot enemies with your floating turret lady thing. The enemies have a weird amount of HP, some have a huge amount and others die super quickly. In order to beat a level you have to collect a certain amount of crystals in order to exit the level. The checkpoints are the smaller heads and the ending level is the big head. This is about all there is to the game and it's fairly obvious when you watch it.

The Intro text that I skipped posted:

Once upon a time there was a world where creatures and people of all types and varieties lived together.

The planet they lived on was full of life and huge world-spanning forests. Over time, the creatures on that planet developed technology and found ways to control nature. They started building vast machines, destroying the forests, and polluting the world.

After several decades of devastating nature, the icebergs started to melt; flooding the whole planet and killing most living creatures. The winged ones were able to stay in the mountains to avoid the flooding, leaving behind the wingless.

The wingless creatures that managed to survive were angry at the winged creatures for leaving them behind. The wingless decided to get revenge on them, and started calling themselves Landians. As the flood waters started receding the Landians started repopulating the world with robotic versions of the creatures which used to live there. As their world became more mechanical, Mother Nature herself gradually turned into a robot, throwing the planet further off balance. The Landians hunted down and tried to kill as many winged creatures as possible. Very few survived.

Mother Nature�s force of will was too powerful to be controlled by living creatures, winged or otherwise. She began creating her own varieties of mechanical creatures to fill the world and convert it completely to mechanical life.

One day an orphanage found a winged baby, with no sign of who brought it there. To protect him from being killed, they cut off his wings to keep him hidden from the other wingless who would kill him. The owner named him Angel, as he was thought to be the last of his species. One day while wandering in the forest, Angel found a young winged girl named Rose whom he brought back to the orphanage. She had somehow survived without having her wings cutoff,and she told Angel that some of his species was still alive. Angel decided to leave the orphanage with Rose, and find the rest of their species.

Here's Episode 2 for those clicking on the OP's link

Cowman posted:

Episode 2

In this episode I show off how easy it is to modify this game. It's very easy.

Episode 3 for those that just click the links in the OP:

Cowman posted:

Let's Play Eternity's Child Episode 3 - I DON'T KNOW

I'm getting desperate to keep this game interesting as you can tell in this video. I think I'm just gonna stick to goofy music from now on. I also left out a level by mistake and that's gonna be in the next video. I just skipped over it I guess, it's the one level that's pretty unique in terms of art and everything.

And Episode 4, the final one!

Cowman posted:

Let's Play Eternity's Child Episode 4: IT'S FINALLY OVER

Well this is it. The last episode. The developer decided that these last few levels had to be a huge pain in the rear end but I didn't edit most of them this time.

I do want to thank the guys that stuck through this hell with me:

Scarybagels - He's been in every video and helped me with audio editing as well as general LP advice. You should definitely check out his LP of the .hack games as it's actually a good one and I cohost in it as well.

Mateo360 - He also was in every video and put up with my terrible choices in music. He's doing a video series in this thread on Seven Samurai 20XX

GrandmasterArcturus - He was in the first and last episode, unfortunately due to conflicts he couldn't be in all of them even though he wanted to (no idea why). He's doing a Kingdom Hearts LP that I got dragged into and it's a good mix of informative and funny.

CombatLobster - Also in the first and last episode. He gave me some good suggestions for editing the video so that it would be bearable to watch.

Cowman fucked around with this message at 00:22 on Sep 29, 2015

# ? Sep 9, 2015 01:12

syzpid: Aug 9, 2014

Cowman posted:

The first episode of my short runthrough of Eternity's Child. It's a very bad platformer from 2008 that was panned by every reviewer out there. The jumping is very floaty and inconsistent. Sometimes you jump high and sometimes you jump short and I still haven't figured out entirely how to do either consistently. It's a very hard and annoying game simply because it's so poorly made.

I was curious and looked up the developer. His second game was going to be an educational game based on the holocaust, there's a wikipedia page for it and an indiegogo page

best comment from the indiegogo page:

quote:

What i find really sad is that there is no communications whatsoever.
We raised $ 5000 for Luc Bernard and his team and got absolutly nothing. I will not support a flexible funding on Indiegogo again.

Besides, i do not know what Luc has done with the money, but he is still active as a game developer and teaching at a New York School about publishing games. The irony in this makes me sad and really wan�t my money back.

However, he has not responded to my attempts to contact.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 02:22

Angrymog: Jan 30, 2012; Really Madcats

I will be doing a Scarlet Blade video to add to the list of awful MMOs because whilst the gameplay is competant enough the game is awful in so many other ways that it is a truly bad game. I'll then be moving away from MMOs (unless I can find ones with unnique features rather than just being agressively mediocre) and looking at Daikatana.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 08:16

Nebiros: Apr 25, 2013; The scarf is nice.

Assuming it doesn't cause my computer to explode while trying to record it, I'll do some Pound of Ground video(s). I don't know how much of that game I can honestly take again though. Anyone want to join in on that trainwreck, it would be appreciated.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 10:43

Sloober: Apr 1, 2011

Angrymog posted:

I will be doing a Scarlet Blade video to add to the list of awful MMOs because whilst the gameplay is competant enough the game is awful in so many other ways that it is a truly bad game. I'll then be moving away from MMOs (unless I can find ones with unnique features rather than just being agressively mediocre) and looking at Daikatana.

Are you going to set yourself on fire in order to remove the taint of having played scarlet blade then? I think that's the only way to get clean after that experience.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 14:13

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

TRAINS, ZOMBIES. TRAINS AND ZOMBIES! TWO!!

So about 100 years ago I LPed Trains vs Zombies for the Something Awful Comedy Forum's Let's Play Subforum.

This came out a year later and is more driving a train in a straight line forwards while peop[le with green skin mill about nearby. Enjoy. (Links are to SSLP test poster because some people don't like screenshots in their vid threads.)

Part 1: Going Forwards

# ? Sep 10, 2015 00:18

Ape Has Killed Ape: Sep 15, 2005

Cowman posted:

Episode 1[/url]

The first episode of my short runthrough of Eternity's Child.

This game would be really impressive if it were a flash game on Newgrounds around 2007.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 02:37

zfleeman: Mar 12, 2014; I wonder how you spell Tabasco.

I am very eager to start my Friday the 13th for NES Let's Play, but I really suck at that game because I guess it is very bad. Maybe I can get some gifs from the recording at least.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 03:16

corn in the bible: Jun 5, 2004; Oh no oh god it's all true!

Hey so Ceciltron and I and some other people who never sent me the audio files played some Tomb Raider 6 Angel of Darkness, here's the result

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTCm5xxmoA8

# ? Sep 10, 2015 04:25

Cowman: Feb 14, 2006; Beware the Cow

Ape Has Killed Ape posted:

This game would be really impressive if it were a flash game on Newgrounds around 2007.

I've recorded episode 2 and am in the process of editing it. The game only gets worse as we go along. As of this recording I'm about halfway through the game.

Because I've played way too many hours of this game, I've gotten used to the broken jumping mechanics so I instinctively compensate for them so I thought I would explain the problem with them very quickly.

The biggest problem with the game is the jumping mechanics is that they're inconsistent. In most PC platformers, the longer you hold the jump key (Space bar in this case), the higher/longer the jump. Not so in this game as far as I can tell. When I play I typically hold the space bar for the entire jump even though it doesn't seem to do anything. As far as I can tell, it's all about the timing of your jump (and even then it's a 50/50 chance of getting the high jump). If you jump and then jump immediately after you land you have a higher chance of getting the high jump. I can't tell if this was intentional since sometimes you do the high jump first. In actuality, the jumping just seems random and most of the time you just have to jump a lot and hope the RNG lands on "High Jump" instead of "Low Jump."

In a platformer, tight controls are a necessity. Take Super Meat Boy as an example, it's hard but the controls are tight and responsive. Eternity's Child seems like it wanted to be this type of precision platformer but failed to get the controls tight. In the next episode you'll understand exactly what I mean and in future levels it only gets worse. It's really a shining example of what not to do in a platformer. Loose controls, no direction due to identical graphics and random aimless maps and completely arbitrary placements of the collectibles makes this game a great showcase of everything you shouldn't do in a platformer.

I'm going to complete this game and do something I've never done before. I'm going to collect all of the crystals. The crystal collection will be a bonus episode and obviously super heavily edited. It will be a complete pain in the rear end but gently caress it, I'm doing it.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 04:53

Hemingway To Go!: Nov 10, 2008; im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway

corn in the bible posted:

Hey so Ceciltron and I and some other people who never sent me the audio files played some Tomb Raider 6 Angel of Darkness, here's the result

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTCm5xxmoA8

game looks like it would be only mediocre if you didn't have to level up your hand strength by fondling locks

# ? Sep 10, 2015 05:14

senrath: Nov 4, 2009; Look Professor, a destruct switch!

syzpid posted:

I was curious and looked up the developer. His second game was going to be an educational game based on the holocaust, there's a wikipedia page for it and an indiegogo page

best comment from the indiegogo page:

The issue with his second game is that for some reason he decided that it absolutely had to be a DS and Wii game, and Nintendo refused to touch it. So it may very well be finished, but it can't get published.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 05:42

Endorph: Jul 22, 2009

Did that dude think Nintendo was itching to publish a holocaust game?

# ? Sep 10, 2015 06:43

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

corn in the bible posted:

Hey so Ceciltron and I and some other people who never sent me the audio files played some Tomb Raider 6 Angel of Darkness, here's the result

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTCm5xxmoA8

Cecil didn't tell me I had to record audio!

# ? Sep 10, 2015 08:16

Ramos: Jul 3, 2012

Cowman posted:

Episode 1

I would love to watch this, but holy poo poo the sound effect for shooting quickly goes from very noticeable to straight up grating.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 09:54

anilEhilated: Feb 17, 2014; But I say fuck the rain.; Grimey Drawer

Acne Rain posted:

game looks like it would be only mediocre if you didn't have to level up your hand strength by fondling locks

You never played that, right? It's the Sonic 06 school of game design: controls aren't controls, they're suggestions.

edit: I'd still love to see someone do a full LP of that thing, though: it gets positively bonkers as it progresses.

anilEhilated fucked around with this message at 13:58 on Sep 10, 2015

# ? Sep 10, 2015 10:23

corn in the bible: Jun 5, 2004; Oh no oh god it's all true!

Acne Rain posted:

game looks like it would be only mediocre if you didn't have to level up your hand strength by fondling locks

It is terrible in other ways but they're hard to communicate in video. You'd just have to play it yourself (do not play it yourself)

# ? Sep 10, 2015 13:55

Shadow gamer: Jul 24, 2008; I PASSED UP A BARGAIN

Namtab posted:

TRAINS, ZOMBIES. TRAINS AND ZOMBIES! TWO!!

So about 100 years ago I LPed Trains vs Zombies for the Something Awful Comedy Forum's Let's Play Subforum.

This came out a year later and is more driving a train in a straight line forwards while peop[le with green skin mill about nearby. Enjoy. (Links are to SSLP test poster because some people don't like screenshots in their vid threads.)

Part 1: Going Forwards

This game confuses me. Why would you stop for the zombies?

# ? Sep 10, 2015 14:17

BioEnchanted: Aug 9, 2011; He plays for the dreamers that forgot how to dream, and the lovers that forgot how to love.

corn in the bible posted:

It is terrible in other ways but they're hard to communicate in video. You'd just have to play it yourself (do not play it yourself)

I tried to play Angel of Darkness but got to about the halfway point, two themed trials. The second one wouldn't load at all. The screen just froze whenever it tried. Which is a shame because some of the setpieces have the seeds of a good idea, tehy just aren't allowed to germinate.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 14:38

Cowman: Feb 14, 2006; Beware the Cow

Ramos posted:

I would love to watch this, but holy poo poo the sound effect for shooting quickly goes from very noticeable to straight up grating.

I've already edited that from extremely painfully loud to super loving quiet. I hate it too.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 15:17

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

Shadow gamer posted:

This game confuses me. Why would you stop for the zombies?

Jimmy isn't lifeist

# ? Sep 10, 2015 20:15

Great Joe: Aug 13, 2008

I made a video about Gran Turismo 2. Here it is. Admire my proficiency in adding the Impact font to an image.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu8A4g3xaLo

Also thanks go to Namtab for lending me his vocal talents.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 21:28

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

You cut me off right as I was getting to the good bit...

# ? Sep 10, 2015 22:12

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

Great Joe posted:

I made a video about Gran Turismo 2.

Well. That's five minutes of my life I won't be getting back.

# ? Sep 10, 2015 22:12

Faerie Fortune: Nov 14, 2004

I wanted to record something for this thread but I couldn't decide what so I streamed a bunch of bad abandonware games that my rear end in a top hat friends told me to download. To kick it all off though, lets play some Horse DDR!

Bad Games Stream #1 - Secret of The Magic Crystal featuring ddinkins, poorlywrittennovel, Artix, FPzero, Blastinus, Blind Sally and Tyty

# ? Sep 11, 2015 10:49

Great Joe: Aug 13, 2008

Ghostwoods posted:

Well. That's five minutes of my life I won't be getting back.

Be glad I didn't record my practise run.

# ? Sep 11, 2015 12:11

kalonZombie: May 24, 2010; D&D 3.5 Book of Erotic Fantasy

In today's episode of Star Trek, we run into some "forced" "stealth".

Episode 2: Low profile

# ? Sep 12, 2015 14:13

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

Watching Kirk and Spock skitter around like tumbling water bugs is way more entertaining than it has any right to be.

# ? Sep 12, 2015 16:21

SelenicMartian: Sep 14, 2013; Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.

# ? Sep 12, 2015 18:52

Glaric: Oct 9, 2011; That's just sad.

Captain, it is imperative that I maintain an exceptionally high velocity.

# ? Sep 12, 2015 19:24

Poil: Mar 17, 2007

This game is highly illogical.

# ? Sep 12, 2015 19:32

Faerie Fortune: Nov 14, 2004

Bad Games Stream #2 - Mario Teaches Typing ddinkins, poorlywrittennovel, Artix, FPzero, Blastinus, Blind Sally and Tyty

oh god this was so bad please help me

# ? Sep 12, 2015 23:40

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 11:42

Faerie Fortune: Nov 14, 2004

quote is not edit

# ? Sep 12, 2015 23:40

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bad Games Megathread

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