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Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
i used to work with this girl named breezy and she was pretty nice, we lived in the same apartment thingy so we'd smoke pot an watch teh big lebowski sometimes but she was pretty dumb but nice like i said and free with her ganja so it was a cool coworker relationship

anyway she moved away to a california place and i saw on facebook that she got married. the fresh hubby is serving a life sentence in a prison. i dont even know how she met him but it was weird to me because shes like 26 or something and has a lil son and like, why a lifetime prisoner murderer? he is a rapper too and records his raps onto an iphone that i assume if the movies are correct was in a butt once and thats how it came inside of the prison, inside a butt. anyway he records his raps and uploads them to the internet and she's always sharin his raps on facebook. she makes cute lil photoshops of pictures of him inside his prison room, wearin his blue outfit, and she puts herself next to him an makes it look like theyre not separated by all sorts of concrete and steel and razor wire.

so that seems weird to me

but weirder still - they are now getting a divorce. like what the gently caress could have happened for her to be like "ok i could deal with him being a murderer in a prison for all of his days but now this thing has happened and it is all too much, i must leave my prison husband"???

are conjugal visits a real thing or one of those tv only things? like do you guys think they ever got to gently caress? it would be pretty dumb to marry someone and notfuck them. she's got really big cans. i bet he loved those jimmyjams. but did he ever get to see them up close and not thru a plexi glass? i guess maybe she could have snap chatted them to his iphone (the butt one)

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symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

big lebowski is a great film and she sounds like a good person op

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Gatekeeper posted:

iit would be pretty dumb to marry someone and notfuck them.

Al Nipper
May 7, 2008

by XyloJW
i've been watching a lot of prison docs lately. don't get arrested friends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8A85cl5w3s

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

aww ma and pa tremble? i have no family photos of my ma and pa. did your parents not do sex? i think mine did, like at least twice (me and the lil sis) and i caught my pops eatin out my mama on the couch once

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

symbolic posted:

big lebowski is a great film and she sounds like a good person op

she is a very sweet person with a kind heart

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Gatekeeper posted:

aww ma and pa tremble? i have no family photos of my ma and pa. did your parents not do sex? i think mine did, like at least twice (me and the lil sis) and i caught my pops eatin out my mama on the couch once

Yes my parents were Rock Hudson and Doris Day

Daddy used to say i;m gay

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

SirEvelynTremble posted:

Yes my parents were Rock Hudson and Doris Day

Daddy used to say i;m gay

wow if he only knew the trend he started lol hahaha

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
was daddy rock in prison too?

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
movies told me gay stuff happens in prison

CupNoodle
Dec 14, 2008

Please take care
Please be careful
Please take care by being careful
If you're putting a secret prison phone in your butt, do you have to put like a cone or penis shaped object on the end to spread it out or do you just jam it up in there?

Worldshatter
May 7, 2015

:kazooieass:PEPSI for TV-GAME:kazooieass:



DNA posted:

If you're putting a phone in your butt, do you have to put like a cone or penis shaped object on the end to spread it out or do you just jam it up in there?

Depends on how many times you've done it before :quagmire:

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
I put a phone on vibrate in my butt and get twinks to text me but i;m not gay like daddy was

Jukeboxblues
Jul 29, 2015


Grimey Drawer
Are you sure the dude isn't breaking up with her? that would be hilarious. "Honey I know that you married me even though I am a person in prison with no contact with females BUT you gotta stop sending me so many letters. I need my space. Jeeze, you are suffocating me in here. Yeah, and you are a lovely listener! Gosh drat it!"

And conjugal visits are real, but you gotta have good behavior or something IIRC. By good behavior I mean no stabbing/beating-the-poo poo-out-of someone

HollywoodDialysis
Jan 19, 2005

not doing nothing
Grimey Drawer

Jukeboxblues posted:

And conjugal visits are real, but you gotta have good behavior or something IIRC. By good behavior I mean no stabbing/beating-the-poo poo-out-of someone

Do you have to make do with those little narrow tin beds or do they keep like a double bed in a special prison hotel room for you?

Maldoror
Oct 5, 2003

by R. Guyovich
Nap Ghost
you go to the prison and mount that hog right there in the jail!

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Jukeboxblues posted:

Are you sure the dude isn't breaking up with her? that would be hilarious. "Honey I know that you married me even though I am a person in prison with no contact with females BUT you gotta stop sending me so many letters. I need my space. Jeeze, you are suffocating me in here. Yeah, and you are a lovely listener! Gosh drat it!"

And conjugal visits are real, but you gotta have good behavior or something IIRC. By good behavior I mean no stabbing/beating-the-poo poo-out-of someone

quote:

Now here u go again u say u want to freedom...well who am I to keep u down

posted this on fb today so you might be right lmfao

"honey im sorry but i need my freedom... my prison freedom."

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
I wonder if Chelsea Manning can get married :bigtran:

Verily I Shat
May 24, 2015

by Smythe
they make wank through the food slot in the door

Nefarious
Sep 26, 2000

by XyloJW
i don't know op, but i'm going off my meds so i'm distracted

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.
I watched uh "Into The Abyss", by Werner Herzog?

this was a couple of years ago, so i'm fuzzy on the details, but it's about this u.s. search and recovery team trying to recover a sunken ballistic submarine before the soviet union can get to it. ed harris plays the main submarine dude, and he kind of makes up with his estranged wife, and it turns out there's aliens under the ocean, and that's what sank the submarine, and they save him and decide not to destroy humanity, because they saw that he loves his wife. it was ok, a little maudlin, but ultimately it didn't change my view on capital punishment one way or the other.

the great deceiver
Sep 23, 2003

why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona
the classic film "U-571" changed my views on gay marriage

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Al Nipper posted:

i've been watching a lot of prison docs lately. don't get arrested friends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8A85cl5w3s

drat, feminine voice/facial features and tits. dude's going to be super popular

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

Gatekeeper posted:

posted this on fb today so you might be right lmfao

"honey im sorry but i need my freedom... my prison freedom."

ahahahaha. how awful do you need to be as a human being for a man serving a life sentence to decide to break contact?

somethingawful bf
Jun 17, 2005
it's the same thing as internet "relationships" but for a different type of weird person

Titter
Jul 30, 2015

by Ralp


He used to give me roses,
I wish he could again;
But that was on the outside,
And things were different then.

On the inside the sun still shines,
And the rain falls down;
But the sun and rain are prisoners too,
When morning comes around.

On the inside the roses grow;
They don't mind the stoney ground;
But the roses here are prisoners too,
When morning comes around.

:nws: http://i.imgur.com/2Uh0d1M.jpg

Titter fucked around with this message at 13:14 on Sep 6, 2015

Jukeboxblues
Jul 29, 2015


Grimey Drawer

Shockyourmonkey posted:

Do you have to make do with those little narrow tin beds or do they keep like a double bed in a special prison hotel room for you?

From what I remember its basically just a caravan. I don't personally know, but my brother assures me its something along those lines.

Gatekeeper posted:

posted this on fb today so you might be right lmfao

"honey im sorry but i need my freedom... my prison freedom."

Hahahaha thats hilarious.

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations


i always cry at weddings :allears:


thanks ~Salmiakki~

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...
Im gay

Titter
Jul 30, 2015

by Ralp

Whoa! Holy geisha paleface, Batman! Looks like someone might need make-up application classes to be conducted at their mens correctional facility.

Kirk Vikernes
Apr 26, 2004

Count Goatnackh

First rule is your peen must be long enough to go through the bars and still have enough for proper penetration.

CoolCat
Jun 29, 2015

How does it work? It doesn't.

Fiend
Dec 2, 2001
Love , commitment, family, and forethought.

Titter
Jul 30, 2015

by Ralp

Fiend posted:

Love , commitment, family, and forethought.

Yeah, uhh, we're talking about people in prison here - it's pretty much a given that they've got zero of the highlighted. So that's no help at all. :D

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

whoflungpoop posted:



i always cry at weddings :allears:

yowza! look at that porcelain faced beauty! i'd be plannin my prison break right at this very moment instead of posting on gbs if i had that lil cutiepie waiting on the outside


the great deceiver posted:

the classic film "U-571" changed my views on gay marriage

copped my first blowjay durin that movie, lil gatekeeper became a man under a massive bon jovi face

very profound stuff imo

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Titter posted:

Yeah, uhh, we're talking about people in prison here - it's pretty much a given that they've got zero of the highlighted. So that's no help at all. :D

dont prisonshame

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
Now that gay marriage is a thing prisoners can marry each other

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

SirEvelynTremble posted:

Now that gay marriage is a thing prisoners can marry each other

and if it doesnt work out you can take those cool prison courses to become a lawyer and represemt yourself in the divorce trial

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
DID U KNOW... ted bundy literally married his admirer during his own murder trial, while questioning her as a witness??

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whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

nomadologique posted:

DID U KNOW... ted bundy literally married his admirer during his own murder trial, while questioning her as a witness??


why are the pretty ones so stabby :allears:

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