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 Bill Gates helped pass a new law today that officially turned any amount of money equivalent to $5000 to be worth 6.5 million dollars effective immediately. The passing of the new law has turned Bill Gates from a billionaire into a super-gagillionaire overnight. Anyone with $5000 in the bank or more now has 6.5 million dollars for every multiple of $5000 they possess. Poor people with less than $5000, even if it is $4999, will experience no change and the law only works once so they can't get the 6.5 million if they eventually save up the $5000.  Crackrings.com! Women can't stop buying crackrings! It's like Ring Pop only instead of candy it's crack.  It turns out they are having a scary skeleton baby! Possibly a demon baby from Hell! The national guard has been mobilized to the hospital along with several priests.  Google's search engine has just been replaced with a picture of a rainbow boomerang. There's no search bar or anything so people can't dick around on the internet anymore and they're getting actual work done. Thanks, Google!  Police have named a famous actress as a "person of interest" in an ongoing investigation into a series of gown strangulations.  Bruce Willis shocked a waitress today when he showed her the large tip of his penis. "It was very unexpected" said the still-breathless waitress, "I hadn't heard any rumors that Bruce Willis had a big penis so seeing that it was big was a really pleasant surprise."  "Crazy" is an ableist slur. Obama is definitely going to lose the otherkin vote in the next election. Neurotypicals cishet bastard.  "You're actually supposed to push directly on the words 'push here,' not just anywhere on the button," explained a gas-station manager.  Get your ears surgically altered to look like Spock ears. He had pretty good hearing.  The house of "Windsor" used to be called the house of "Buttfucker." Back then a "Buttfucker" meant literally "a fuckre (farmer) of Butes (meadows)." They changed it when the family became royalty.  Pay it off in those Susan B. Anthony dollars you've been collecting. They're worth a lot of money now so giving them one SBA dollar is actually like giving them ten regular dollars, so the mortgage will get paid off quicker.  We got bad diarrhea. JFC do not try whatever this crap is. Is it a mushroom? Is it a fruit? Whatever it is, just stay away.  Seniors are senile, and in their addled state of mind are often incapable of comprehending the 14 good things about being old.  When a police car flashes its lights at you, you should pull over right away. Who knew??
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Sep 8, 2015 15:03
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lol if you use sites that have click bait articles. Just kill yourself.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:05
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Bowlcutbarricade posted:lol if you use sites that have click bait articles. Just kill yourself. That's GBS's solution to everything. If I killed myself the first time I encountered a minor problem, how would I kill myself to solve another, more serious problem later down the line? Answer me that one, genius.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:07
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 It's real, and with one easy trick you can turn your own baby into a weed dispenser. Jus-
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Sep 8, 2015 15:08
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I wish I could be a fraction as enthusiastic about anything as clickbait articles are about everything.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:08
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100 HOGS AGREE posted:I wish I could be a fraction as enthusiastic about anything as clickbait articles are about everything. Just try this one simple trick...
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Sep 8, 2015 15:09
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 Has science gone too far? Yes, yes it has. This poor catranha has been put down.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:10
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A misanthrope posted:
drat shame, time to stop all the science everywhere so it can never happen again *flips switch and shuts it all down*
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Sep 8, 2015 15:11
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Applewhite posted:how would I kill myself to solve another, more serious problem later down the line? Reincarnation dumb rear end
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Sep 8, 2015 15:12
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 Yes, Chris Hemsworth is a black man. He is a man of African descent.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:13
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Awesome effort by Applewhite for this thread It has potential; if you've got any exploitable templates that would rule
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Sep 8, 2015 15:16
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Give me something to photoshop and I'll do it
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Sep 8, 2015 15:17
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 Due to a loophole in most mortgage contracts, the bank can only collect on houses that are touching the ground. If you put your house up on blocks, you don't have to pay them! They're worried that if people find this out, everyone will do it and the economy will collapse because people are essentially getting their houses for free.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:18
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Bowlcutbarricade posted:Give me something to photoshop and I'll do it carlton and hes doing the carlton to cheer up sad notch
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Sep 8, 2015 15:20
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 Oh God why did I do this?! Oh God Oh Jesus ARRREGGHEHHGHGHH
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Sep 8, 2015 15:22
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 The end times are upon us. Monsters now walk and crawl over the face of the earth. Hug your children tight and pray for an easy death.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:28
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 Summon the mouthless ones. They will take your pain away. The mouthless ones with silent voices speak, and in strange eons even the Dow may peak...
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Sep 8, 2015 15:28
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 Just pay it off with another credit card! And when you need to pay off the second credit card, use the first one, which is now totally clean! Infinite money!  It's because of this man: Frederick Washington. He lives at 1499 Winchell St. You know what to do.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:32
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 *high interest loans  him around picking up all the papers he keeps dropping. More like Warren Butterfingers if you ask me.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:37
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 Eddie is a flamboyant transvestite now.  Millions of tax return checks have been accidentally sent out without names in the "pay to the order of" part, rendering them completely useless! An estimated twenty thousand Americans are expected to lose their homes as a result.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:42
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 That this man has cancer and on a science teacher's salary he has already blown his savings and can't afford to eat properly.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:44
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 In the movie Sixteen Candles, if you actually count the number of candles on the titular cake, there are eighteen.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:46
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 ...that's when jon pop posts it to the Somethingawful.com forums
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Sep 8, 2015 15:49
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 The tops of pound cakes are a no-no if you have high blood pressure. Avoid the tops of muffins, too, and the cheesy crust on top of casseroles. Don't get whipped cream on top of your sundae, either. In fact, the top inch of most foods is the worst part for you, if you skim those off you should be fine.
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Sep 8, 2015 15:49
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 Just die and let someone else pay it all for you! Crashbee fucked around with this message at 19:51 on Sep 8, 2015 |
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Sep 8, 2015 16:28
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 The schools with the most "D" students get an "A+" from us   If you agree to pose for an ad, they'll give you a 10% discount!  Vacuum the gunk out of your ears with our patented ear vacuum! (Warning: may cause severe eardrum ruptures and permanent deafness).  If you bite off huge chunks of ice as if you were eating an apple, you're going to damage your teeth.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:30
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 With an astounding IQ of 101, Ashton Kutcher is confirmed to be one of the smartest celebrities in all of Hollywood!
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Sep 8, 2015 16:33
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 Just cover your face in Elmer's Glue and peel it off and you lose 20 years.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:35
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 Once you turn 50, you're too old to crowd surf at raves. We're sorry, but we're only telling you this out of concern.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:36
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 The lion returned the baby baboon to its mother so it could kill and eat them both at the same time.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:39
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 Senior Citizen's Discount, Scouring the the Sunday paper for coupons and shoplifting. A whole lot of shoplifting. AbbadonOfHell fucked around with this message at 16:47 on Sep 8, 2015 |
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Sep 8, 2015 16:42
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 These idiots built a bridge up to the last ten feet or so before realizing the two ends didn't line up, in spite of the fact it would have been painfully obvious for hundreds of yards ahead of time! What bozos!  Poledancing!  Everyone at the steel mill is drunk on this poo poo because it's cheaper than moonshine. Accidents have skyrocketed! The steel industry expects to post record losses this year.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:48
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 #1: The baby orangutan.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:52
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 #1: the Two Headed Devil Dog. Vets are ill equipped to treat the numerous spinal and digestive problems of this freakish mutant dog.
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Sep 8, 2015 16:54
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would like to participate but where are you finding all these images/caption combos to use??
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Sep 8, 2015 17:27
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Sprinkle in some "Oh my"s and this thread looks just like George Takei's facebook page.
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Sep 8, 2015 17:45
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Ghaz posted:would like to participate but where are you finding all these images/caption combos to use?? GIS "clickbait" -- https://www.google.com/search?q=cli...q=clickbait+ads do not GIS "jailbait"
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Sep 8, 2015 17:47
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 Seriously. We will kill you once you've seen the video. 7 days.
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Sep 8, 2015 18:03
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 ISIS exploit their control over the Fertile Crescent.  #1 is that its about to happen
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Sep 8, 2015 18:30
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 19:32 |
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A misanthrope posted:
th quintessential A Misanthrope post
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Sep 8, 2015 18:35
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