How do you wipe

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > How do you wipe

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a bay: Oct 14, 2014; by Lowtax

The question is real simple but there are many possible answers. Whats yours.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:34

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 08:01

AWarmBody: Jul 26, 2014; Better than a cold one.

a bay posted:

The question is real simple but there are many possible answers. Whats yours.

I plug my butthole with some TP and call it good.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:35

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

i dont

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:37

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

raise my rear end up an inch or two and go in from the side at an angle

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:45

penus penus penus: Nov 9, 2014; by piss__donald

i feel like our wiping solutions are lacking

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:45

snivell: Sep 9, 2015; watch out, my posts are pretty damn edgy

Real men don't.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:46

Ape Fist: Feb 23, 2007; Nowadays, you can do anything that you want; anal, oral, fisting, but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.

I stand up. Apparently you're not supposed to do that. I clean out most of the act with regular toilet paper, then finish up with a couple of wet wipes.

I'm next loving level.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:46

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

on my hands n knees staring at pictures of my dead dad on my cell phone

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:51

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Ape Fist posted:

I'm next loving level.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:52

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Gatekeeper posted:

on my hands n knees staring at pictures of my dead dad on my cell phone

How efficient is this and, provided it is better than my current technique, will i have to kill my father?

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:52

Blahsmack: Oct 25, 2003

start from the balls and work your way back

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:52

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

oh m bad i thought it said "how do you SWIPE"

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:53

a bay: Oct 14, 2014; by Lowtax

Blahsmack posted:

start from the balls and work your way back

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:54

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

I only poop once a month, usually my stomach hurts pretty bad. I use wet wipes FYI

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:54

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Nooner posted:

How efficient is this and, provided it is better than my current technique, will i have to kill my father?

GETs the ol' crevice lookin p good, def worth a try, and murder you're father regardless bud :cheers:

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:54

i was reloading: Aug 15, 2015; by zen death robot

Ape Fist posted:

I stand up. Apparently you're not supposed to do that. I clean out most of the act with regular toilet paper, then finish up with a couple of wet wipes.

I'm next loving level.

I just use wet wipes. gently caress toilet paper. It beads up in my rear end in a top hat hair.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:54

No. 6: Jun 30, 2002

Write zeros 7 times.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:56

JiveHonky: May 12, 2001; by zen death robot; Grimey Drawer

I have to use one of those pinche arm extender things because otherwise can't reach. I make a sound like "UNGFFFFF"

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:57

Cake Smashing Boob: Nov 5, 2008; I support black genocide

hard and fast

decisive wipes

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:58

im pooping!: Nov 17, 2006

requestign pic of dude threadign tp thru his legs and gets lovely tp up his back and over his head tia

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:58

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

you put your left foot in
you take your right foot you
you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about

# ? Sep 9, 2015 21:59

a bay: Oct 14, 2014; by Lowtax

Lot of wet wipers here... are those things good or just more effective

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:47

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

a bay posted:

Lot of wet wipers here... are those things good or just more effective

i eat a terrible diet so my poo poo flies out of me and coats everything it passes in a thick layer of itself so wipes are good and effective because like awhole roll of the TP aint removin that shitcake but the wipe breaks it down lyke an enzyyme

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:49

KonMari DeathMetal: Dec 20, 2009

That ms paint .jpeg of a guy pulling a roll of lovely toilet paper around his leg and up his butt. It has a blue background, you know the one.

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:49

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

i take mostly good poops but without fail after every poop a tiny nugget will stay behind and won't be in place to be poo poo out for at least 10-20 minutes so i have to double tap all of my poops it also means i have to use almost as much toilet paper as a woman

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:51

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

save up your shits for a couplea days and do it all at once before you shower gently caress how do you idiots manage to feed an clothes yourselfes when you cant poo poo properly

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:53

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

Gatekeeper posted:

save up your shits for a couplea days and do it all at once before you shower gently caress how do you idiots manage to feed an clothes yourselfes when you cant poo poo properly

Weigh yourself before and after its a hoot

Fake edit: lol like any goon owns a bathroom scale

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:56

vug: Jan 23, 2015; by Cowcaster

cock one leg over the bathroom basin and shove a bar of soap up there

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:57

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

Ive never poohed

# ? Sep 9, 2015 22:59

Germstore: Oct 17, 2012; A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

toggle posted:

Ive never poohed

you should see a doctor about that. it should've happened by now

# ? Sep 9, 2015 23:00

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

Germstore posted:

you should see a doctor about that. it should've happened by now

I've just been too busy

# ? Sep 9, 2015 23:03

Ape Fist: Feb 23, 2007; Nowadays, you can do anything that you want; anal, oral, fisting, but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.

i was reloading posted:

I just use wet wipes. gently caress toilet paper. It beads up in my rear end in a top hat hair.

#madlad #legend

# ? Sep 9, 2015 23:04

wireframeskull: Dec 3, 2006

take 3 squares of thick/quilted tp and fold in half (1.5 sq length) or 6 squares thin and fold twice

starting with a firm finger behind the top of the fold (while sitting of course wtf is wrong with you ppl), wipe with confidence on the first pass

inspect and admire your work

fold minimally over your stain, reapply firm finger and pass again (preferably avoiding stain overlap)

inspect and note decreased intensity of stain

fold over and repeat, this time straining your sphincter as if you were pushing out another poop

note any increase in stain intensity and adjust accordingly

repeat until stain vanishes or you reach the last fold (should be 4-6 passes), at which point you switch to the top of rolled up tp and continue the folding process on a smaller scale (3-4 additional passes)

if you need more tp, rethink your pooping strats

# ? Sep 9, 2015 23:13