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Rufflie Zangiers, of the Gowanis Tribe, stood at the base of Mount Football. The mountain had stood for ten thousand years, yet, as the Warrior Son of Rutlan Zangiers looked upon it with fierce, dark eyes, he knew that it could also fall as quickly as ten seconds. It was a day, in Rufflie's mind, for triumph. For victory. It was the day he would avenge his father's defeat. Rufflie turned to his two sherpas; small, Elven-like creatures whose features had been distilled and corrupted over several generations of cross-breeding. "I'll need to start two Running Backs this week," spoke the younger Zangiers. "Prepare the roster." The Elven-Sherpas grunted and began preparations, editing the Yahoo.com Fantasy Football App for roster adjustments. |
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Sep 10, 2015 18:28
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 23:30 |
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Januko Janukii of the Sitiki tribe sits in the War Hut, his stern face dimly illumated by fire. He speaks to his council. "The time has come for war with our most fearsome enemy. The Tom Brady Is An rear end in a top hat tribe has many great warriors. Their leader, the one called Kevin, is a fearsome commander and a master of substitutions. But come this Monday, they will fall, and we will be victorious."
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Sep 10, 2015 21:36
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Alas my champion Sir Jordy of House Nelson has fallen in battle. Who shall now lead my cavalry of wide receivers against the mighty Steve, Lord of "Turn down for Watt"
Check out the podcast - https://rudospodcast.co |
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Sep 10, 2015 21:42
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*breathes on a pane of glass, starts doodling x's, o's, lines connecting them* friend: ooo, who do you have a crush on, qwer? me: oh.. nothing... *draws a picture of a potato, presses hand against the glass and looks past reflection* peyton.. ---------------- |
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Sep 11, 2015 05:07
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here be the cincinatti dragons
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Sep 11, 2015 05:11
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leather helmets became popular after players in full plate mail were denting each other's armor in critical points that prevented the opponent's armor from ever being removed. you can get authentic leather helmets made for you at the football renaissance festival, along with cortizone potions
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Sep 11, 2015 05:20
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Sep 11, 2015 05:41
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Qwerinty posted:*breathes on a pane of glass, starts doodling x's, o's, lines connecting them* |
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Sep 11, 2015 05:44
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why didnt they just punt the football into mount doom
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Sep 11, 2015 05:48
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TWIST FIST posted:why didnt they just punt the football into mount doom |
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Sep 11, 2015 05:54
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*lies on the field, clutching injured leg* Please...summon the best healer in all the hand....James Andrews
Check out the podcast - https://rudospodcast.co |
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Sep 11, 2015 06:02
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On the eve of the Great Bowl, Lord Belichick forged mighty rings of power for those he deemed worthy of the great championship, but his intentions were not purely meant to honor the valiant warriors. No, through these rings he thought to control and dominate the minds of these mortal men. Three Rings for the Quarterback-kings under the sky, Seven for the Linebackers with their shattered bones, Nine for Running Backs doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark recliner In the Land of Boston, where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Boston, where the Shadows lie. |
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Sep 11, 2015 07:33
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joke_explainer posted:On the eve of the Great Bowl, Lord Belichick forged mighty rings of power for those he deemed worthy of the great championship, but his intentions were not purely meant to honor the valiant warriors. No, through these rings he thought to control and dominate the minds of these mortal men.
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Sep 11, 2015 13:59
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joke_explainer posted:On the eve of the Great Bowl, Lord Belichick forged mighty rings of power for those he deemed worthy of the great championship, but his intentions were not purely meant to honor the valiant warriors. No, through these rings he thought to control and dominate the minds of these mortal men. |
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Sep 11, 2015 15:35
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Qwerinty posted:leather helmets became popular after players in full plate mail were denting each other's armor in critical points that prevented the opponent's armor from ever being removed. you can get authentic leather helmets made for you at the football renaissance festival, along with cortizone potions the army of the borough of pits continues to wear steel armor even to this day. needless to say, everyone hates them and their supporters |
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Sep 11, 2015 15:40
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*stands at prow of ship with silver and black sails* "Ahoy, Raider nation today we cross the bay of Saint Francis to loot and plunder from the 49 mile miners! TO ARMS!!" *waves cutlass at the shore*
Check out the podcast - https://rudospodcast.co |
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Sep 11, 2015 16:52
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Jenkem Delivery posted:*stands at prow of ship with silver and black sails* "Ahoy, Raider nation today we cross the bay of Saint Francis to loot and plunder from the 49 mile miners! TO ARMS!!" *waves cutlass at the shore* haha
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Sep 11, 2015 16:53
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joke_explainer posted:On the eve of the Great Bowl, Lord Belichick forged mighty rings of power for those he deemed worthy of the great championship, but his intentions were not purely meant to honor the valiant warriors. No, through these rings he thought to control and dominate the minds of these mortal men. John Madden abruptly tosses Terry Bradshaw's superbowl ring into the fire and pulls it back out, revealing a glowing inscription. It is an 8-panel comic of the fox football robot dancing around.
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Sep 11, 2015 17:00
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[John Madden rides his enchanted ATV, Carfax(TM) logo on the side, swiftly and comes to a huge stadium, set on a plain in the middle of a city.] [Madden passes under a concrete bridge and comes to a cavernous entrance to the stadium.] [A tall figure cloaked in white descends the steps.] Roger Goodell: "Smoke rises from the city of Boston. The hour grows late and Madden the Pink rides to Park Avenue seeking my counsel. For that is why you have come, is it not... my old friend? --- Goodell: "Belichik has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form, but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within his fortress, the Lord of Boston sees all -- his gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and flesh. You know of what I speak, Madden -- A great Sweatshirt... sleeveless... wreathed in flame." Madden: "The Hoodie of Belichik..." Goodell: "He is gathering all evil to him. Very soon he will summon an army great enough to launch an assault upon the NFL." Madden, skeptical: "You know this... how?" Goodell: "I have seen it." [GOODELL and MADDEN enter another chamber. Upon a pedestal sits a large, rectangular object covered in dark cloth. A large recliner, like a throne, stands against a wall. He pulls the cover off -- A 60", 4K resolution LCD TV. Maffen: "Ultra-HD is a dangerous tool, Goodell! You do not know the others who see through this Window into your Living Room!" Goodell, sneering: "Why should we fear to use it? The our is later than you think. Belichik's forces are already moving. The Nine have left BOS on at flight at 10:30, bound for New Orleans." Madden, after a pause: "Tell me... 'friend'... when did Goodell the wise, abandon reason for madness?" *The two immediately begin battling, rattling off announcer catchphrases at each other to enormous thunderclaps* |
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Sep 11, 2015 18:15
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joke_explainer posted:[John Madden rides his enchanted ATV, Carfax(TM) logo on the side, swiftly and comes to a huge stadium, set on a plain in the middle of a city.] This is funny! But can you edit it so it sounds more like IRL Madden? For example Madden: "Ultra-HD is a dangerous tool, Goodell! You do not know the others who see through this Window into your Living Room!" becomes Madden: "Ah-ya-ya-ya SEE Ultra HD is ahhhh A DANGEROUS Tool. Sort of like Brett Favre or Tom BRADY at the Quarterback position. Very dangerous, can read the screen well!"
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Sep 11, 2015 18:52
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railroad terror posted:Madden: "Ah-ya-ya-ya SEE Ultra HD is ahhhh A DANGEROUS Tool. Sort of like Brett Favre or Tom BRADY at the Quarterback position. Very dangerous, can read the screen well!" hahahaha that's great I don't have enough football knowledge to pull that off though. lord of the super bowl rings would make a great college humor sketch, lotta click throughs on that |
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Sep 11, 2015 18:57
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The players marched in their formations, heading down into the abyss. The Rio & Hickard Towers' cavern system was not known for its ease of descent, but what it was known for was the legendary Chaos Football, which was going to ensure their victory at the Galactic Football Convention. The GFC, as it was known for short, was the largest football tournament in the known universe, and though it had its beginnings as a casual league, over centuries it became so competitive that teams' home planets started enlisting their most elite military forces into the game to ensure their victory. Today, it is basically an all-out slaughter fest: the ball and goal lines just serve as an excuse for the teams to engage in vicious combat until one is victorious. For this reason, the Chaos Football was crafted. 253 years ago, a commission of Football Players' unions and game officials, frightened by the increased militarism and savagery in the Galactic variation of Football (intra-planetary football leagues, for the most part, remained the same as they were before the game changed, until they eventually lost revenue and interest in favor of the more entertaining hyperviolent space leagues), commissioned the universe's greatest alchemists, shamans, monks, engineers, and witches to create a football that could save the game and stop the violent massacres occuring on the football field. After countless attempts, a team of Dfon monks succeeded-- After an incantation that required a billion pure souls to gather together with and focus their intent, they siphoned all of the Chaos from the areas around the Galactic Football Association (The GFC's headquarters and offices, located on the icy moon of Cendrian) and the planets where teams and viewership were the most ardent. They trapped it inside a football made of unknown metals treated to keep large amounts of energy safely contained in a pressurized state. The ball was then placed inside a freight ship with 24,000,000,000 identical Trickster Footballs, and the contents of the ship were scattered in hidden places around the cosmos. The commission expected it to take 4 billion years to retrieve: long enough, theoretically, for the game of Football to have been long forgotten about--and civilizations of the future to stop searching for it. What they didn't know was there was a small leak in the Chaos Football, which slowly released Chaos at a speed of about 1x10^-50 EP (energy pressure) /hour; slow enough to where it was unnoticeable, but fast enough to where after the passing of a couple centuries its energy emissions could be located by means of studying the varying levels of Chaos across the universe and finding places of anomalous constant increase. It so happened that the Chaos Football ended up on earth, in the deepest, most dangerous cavern known on the planet. The Rio & Hickard Towers had a long history with chaos: Martin Rio, a Chilean academic, and John Hickard, a chemist, first discovered the method of measuring its levels in an environmental setting 400 years ago. The discovery was so phenomenal it upended the way people saw how the universe functioned--New Materialism, the movement it spawned, began to dominate the fields of science, philosophy, and spirituality with its definitive proof of a monic universe. As a result of this upheaval, R&H began selling merchandise with the Chaotic Measurement Formula imprinted on it: t-shirts, mugs, smocks, wedding dresses, and more. It quickly became the leading apparel company on earth, with entire populations seeking to display their association with the New Materialist brand and way of thinking. With multiple expensive advertising campaigns backing it, the CMF soon became a global cultural icon--and Rio & Hickard, subsequently, the richest men on earth. 150 years later, though the original Rio & Hickard had long passed, the proprietors of the corporation were still the richest men on the planet, and though not the richest men in the galaxy, they were on many financial boards across it and were definitely respected among the galactic aristocrat community. Its apparel business died down, and soon it began manufacturing weapons, with the new GFA (which they may have had a hand in creating) burgeoning and creating for them what is called a "good business opportunity". Soon later, with the chaos sucked out of the earth and surrounding areas, the GMF and GMC, which were originally located on earth's moon, fell into disrepair. R&H spearheaded both the operation to find the Chaos Football and the operation to move the GMC somewhere with safe levels of Chaos. Though the ball was located right under their towers, they never looked there (which the Dfon monks had intended), and with the Chaos leaking directly beneath them, the company, and its towers, fell into ruin. The GMC ended up in a cosmic desert, a moon orbiting an uninhabited planet orbiting a dead star. For the next 253 years, the galaxy remained in relative peace. Last week, however, the location of the Chaos Football had been determined. Thinking its Chaos energy could be wielded to dominate the game, athletic clubs from the most notably infamous and violent locations of the universe came to a ruinous, poverty-stricken earth to retrieve the ball, and its power, for themselves. But what lies in this cavern none of them expected- find out, in The Chaos Football, part 2.
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Sep 11, 2015 21:27
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That's some great world building. I can't wait to hear what happens next. |
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Sep 11, 2015 22:20
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fantasy football? *looks off into the distance and imagines two teams ripping off their uniforms and loving each other on the 50 yard line* mmmmmmm... yeah. i love fantasy football. |
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Sep 11, 2015 23:24
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im excited for the next inastallment 
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Sep 11, 2015 23:30
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great thread |
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Sep 12, 2015 03:38
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MADRONIUS: *draws lovely circle on the monitor* HERE'S a guy who should've saved some mana for the dragon!! AN-AN-AN-say, it looks like he's got some goblin blood on his boots, doesn''t it Allie? ALASDAIR: uh, well, getting back to the play, it looks like Astranath will be putting his minions into a classic C formation to try and flank the dragon, or at least distract it. There's some movement in the backfield, but it's not clear what Lanowynn is up to quite yet. Hold on, it appears- MADRONIUS: That really does look like goblin blood. I tell ya, one guy who would never get goblin blood on his boots was Bront Fervson. His footwork was so impeccable, one time he *alasdair murders madronius with a battleaxe* |
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Sep 12, 2015 04:08
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Just when all hope was lost, the silver light of the moon shone down on the field. The 12th man began their ceremonial chant. The running back's slender limbs thickened and elongated even further, fur sprouting throughout -- and sharp, vicious claws too. Beast Mode activated, Lynch would be unstoppable. |
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Sep 12, 2015 04:40
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joke_explainer posted:Just when all hope was lost, the silver light of the moon shone down on the field. The 12th man began their ceremonial chant. The running back's slender limbs thickened and elongated even further, fur sprouting throughout -- and sharp, vicious claws too. Beast Mode activated, Lynch would be unstoppable. 
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Sep 12, 2015 16:13
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joke_explainer posted:Just when all hope was lost, the silver light of the moon shone down on the field. The 12th man began their ceremonial chant. The running back's slender limbs thickened and elongated even further, fur sprouting throughout -- and sharp, vicious claws too. Beast Mode activated, Lynch would be unstoppable. Lynch smiled "I'm all about that action, m'lord." Check out the podcast - https://rudospodcast.co |
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Sep 12, 2015 22:14
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There, in the distance, flew a great dragon, atop which sat the great Demariyus Tagaryen, Queen of Vereen, and Kel-e-ce of the Gronk-Raki. No Manning had witnessed such terrific power in generations. Then the dragon's wing got sort of a sprain and came tumbling out of the sky. Demariyus bellowed, "I'll be fine for week 2." You can turn the tables, but your feet will still be under them |
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Sep 15, 2015 17:16
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Lord-King Manning, Son of Archie, could not feel his fingertips. His partner of two years, CJ, could sense it. "You're losing sensitivity. . .As it was written." CJ eked out a half-smile, but the pain was obvious. "You don't think I'm the same man that defeated the Death King, Brees. Who escaped with his life from the Killing Grounds of East Rutherfordshire." "My Lord!" pleaded CJ. "This year shall be my last. As it is written." They sat in silence. Thousands of miles away, Reid The Gluttonous, Chief of the Kansas City Tribe, was surely preparing for battle. The Villains of the land could all sense the vulnerability of the Lord-King. But only Manning himself knew about the Secret Prophecy, the one which he truly believed, in his heart of hearts, would carry him and his people to victory.
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Sep 15, 2015 18:08
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Lutha Mahtin posted:MADRONIUS: *draws lovely circle on the monitor* HERE'S a guy who should've saved some mana for the dragon!! AN-AN-AN-say, it looks like he's got some goblin blood on his boots, doesn''t it Allie? this isnt getting enough love
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Sep 15, 2015 18:10
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railroad terror posted:Lord-King Manning, Son of Archie, could not feel his fingertips. His partner of two years, CJ, could sense it. |
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Sep 15, 2015 19:01
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railroad terror posted:Lord-King Manning, Son of Archie, could not feel his fingertips. His partner of two years, CJ, could sense it. lmao |
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Sep 15, 2015 19:33
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railroad terror posted:this isnt getting enough love well, i kinda ripped it off from frank caliendo's standup routine 
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Sep 15, 2015 23:50
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