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Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Obama is launching a new initiative and branch department of the NSA to ensure that any person claiming fandom, wearing paraphernalia, or decorating their property with any kind of collegiate athletic material or logo has actual ties to said institution. It will be a misdemeanor for the first offense with increasing severity as offenses begin to mount up.

"The American people have spoken and I have heard them loud and clear", said President Obama, "We grow weary of folks not even graduating high school, yet claiming solidarity with institutions to which they know nothing about. This demeans our tradition of college athletics and makes it hard for actual college graduates, alumni, employees, and family members of folks actually associated with said institutions to enjoy their kinship with these institutions"

The plan is set to take place on Sept 15th, with extensive resources and personnel dedicated to taking in reported offenses and researching their background to see if they indeed are somehow related to these institutions. For purposes of relation they are allowing direct family members to be "relation", but anything beyond that is considered tangential and subject to prosecution. Gone are the days of "my cousin took a class there" or "I grew up near the campus". Citizens must now have actual relationships with the universities in order to proclaim fanship.

This is considered a test program for Obama's next initiative, set for 2016, which will focus on whether hardcore gamers are entitled to additional benefits over "casuals".

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Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM7kC36kEB4

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
city name sports team is SOL

SirPhoebos
Dec 10, 2007

WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

This law is good and just.

Thanks (unironically) :barry:

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
He truly has his finger on the pulse of America

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

look at me i'm the op, a blah blah blah blah blah.

BigBoss
Jan 26, 2012

by Lowtax
the SEC is hosed.

FlimFlam Imam
Mar 1, 2007

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams
FALSE ALUMNUS! FALSE ALUMNUS! LOOK EVERYONE, FALSE ALUMNUS!

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Hell Yeah posted:

look at me i'm the op, a blah blah blah blah blah.

Alabama fan spotted.

Verily I Shat
May 24, 2015

by Smythe
Florida FEMA Coffins is my fave team

Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

finally he's taking stolen valor seriously

Boosted_C5
Feb 16, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 5 years!
Grimey Drawer

BigBoss posted:

the SEC is hosed.

Most SEC members are public universities, so literally anyone who lives in the state has ties to the school because they fund it.

Vanderbilt is the only private school and they don't have any fans other than the dorks who went there anyway.

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
It doesn't matter what division it is, you can't be a fan of a school unless you have a verifiable relationship. Otherwise its a huge fine and confiscation of all materiel.

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
i once made a fake frat shirt from a white t-shirt and a sharpie, because i was going to a halloween party at that frat and my costume was somebody in the frat i knew; then later i would sometimes wear that shirt bc it was on the top of my drawer, and people would ask me YO ARE YOU IN THIS FRAT WTF MAN

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
like they were pretty serious about it not being ok to wear frat letters if you weren't in the frat, even though the letters were obviously hand-written on a t-shirt in sharpie

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I think under the new law, any Frat that has unregistered members showing their frat symbol or whatever is to be disbanded.

ManDingo
Jun 1, 2001
Just replace collegiate athletics with prison athletics and I think the world would be a much better place. San Quentin represent!!!

Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food







haha good one op

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Not a joke man. Upheld by SCOTUS

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

Hell Yeah posted:

look at me i'm the op, a blah blah blah blah blah.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
Posting in bad thred

Fishy Joe
Apr 19, 2005
Eat at Fishy Joe's

Mad Monk posted:

FALSE ALUMNUS! FALSE ALUMNUS! LOOK EVERYONE, FALSE ALUMNUS!

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Darth123123 posted:

Posting in bad thred

wtf man. just. come on man wtf

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe
You have been visited by the bad thread ghost

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Jastiger posted:

wtf man. just. come on man wtf

Lol

No one wears Iowa State poo poo much so nbd

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Darth123123 posted:

Lol

No one wears Iowa State poo poo much so nbd

Untrue. My entire family is RIGHT NOW.

But some bitch over in processing is wearing Alabama and hasn't even been to the state.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014
:gas:

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010
Don't post about the south, or go anywhere near a thread about the south, for the god drat 1025th time. User loses posting privileges for 1 month.

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010
someone please report the op for trying to post a stealth thread where he complains about the south for the millionth time

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010
OP you are mentally ill

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
How is a thread about college about the South :confused:

scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark
Thanks a lot Obama. (But unironically)

Literally wearing a Florida Gators shirt right now btw.

Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

Jastiger posted:

How is a thread about college about the South :confused:

because it is about college ATHLETICS; nearly as important as hs football to southerners

scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark
Southern Bastards is a really good comic, simultaneously a love letter and a hate letter to collegiate athletics and the South, and more of you should read it. Imagine if Joe Paterno was also the head of the redneck mafia.

Horniest Manticore
Nov 23, 2013

Hello, you!
Lipstick Apathy

Jastiger posted:

Obama is launching a new initiative and branch department of the NSA to ensure that any person claiming fandom, wearing paraphernalia, or decorating their property with any kind of collegiate athletic material or logo has actual ties to said institution. It will be a misdemeanor for the first offense with increasing severity as offenses begin to mount up.

"The American people have spoken and I have heard them loud and clear", said President Obama, "We grow weary of folks not even graduating high school, yet claiming solidarity with institutions to which they know nothing about. This demeans our tradition of college athletics and makes it hard for actual college graduates, alumni, employees, and family members of folks actually associated with said institutions to enjoy their kinship with these institutions"

The plan is set to take place on Sept 15th, with extensive resources and personnel dedicated to taking in reported offenses and researching their background to see if they indeed are somehow related to these institutions. For purposes of relation they are allowing direct family members to be "relation", but anything beyond that is considered tangential and subject to prosecution. Gone are the days of "my cousin took a class there" or "I grew up near the campus". Citizens must now have actual relationships with the universities in order to proclaim fanship.

This is considered a test program for Obama's next initiative, set for 2016, which will focus on whether hardcore gamers are entitled to additional benefits over "casuals".

yes, but what does this have to do with the south?

Punch Card
Sep 13, 2005

by Ralp
I could see someone making a thread like this if they went to a good school that also has good athletics, but I don't think Jastiger went anywhere with either so...????

Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

Punch Card posted:

I could see someone making a thread like this if they went to a good school that also has good athletics, but I don't think Jastiger went anywhere with either so...????

are you kidding? his school developed its own highly feared brand of martial arts centered around the deadly IOWA CHOP

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
is it true that his oldest daughter was lena dunham's intern for the summer? lol she must be dumb as a pile of poo poo

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Blue Train posted:

are you kidding? his school developed its own highly feared brand of martial arts centered around the deadly IOWA CHOP

Exactly.

My school also invented the nuke and computers. So it is The Best and thanks to Obama, non HS graduates won't be near the gear now.

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Ork of Fiction
Jul 22, 2013
UVE got spunk kid, and here is a towel for you to wipe the spunk off from your face, lol.

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