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Claven666 posted:i think we should eventually make our way to the Forge. if memory serves, there's a hidden shipyard there with really cheap, good poo poo. then again we are playing as the crocs so the space radiation might cause some mutations You run the risk of running into the Disco Alliance ship if you go that way as well, but it might be worth it. Nation posted:I guess its best we don't lose on the third page or something - but don't stop us from dying horribly/hilariously/incompetently It's a mean-spirited, nasty, cheap little game written by a crank who actively hated his customers at the end of his writing career. We're probably going to die quite a bit, starting today. SquadronROE posted:Actually I think it was "You'll never have the same experience or your time back." But yeah, I loved TWo Fisted Adventures as a kid. I was a little too cheap to buy the real ones, but I'd stay up really late playing this. Quite a few people say that Void Racers inspired them in some indie project or another, but I seriously doubt most of them have actually read it. At the time it was unpopular even by Two-Fisted Fantasy standards (the afficianados prefer the fantasy setting). Interesting if true though. Update Here's the missing entry from yesterday:   Applewhite posted:None of the above. Execute the items on the Pre Jump Checklist appendix sheet that came with the book so you can identify and correct the reactor instability that would have destroyed us after three jumps regardless of whatever else we did. Yeah I was going to skip this because the "checklist" is really just an instruction buried somewhere towards the end of the introduction after a few random effects tables, which was skipped over by most players. It's a bunch of fluff with the instruction to add 10 to the starting page number before doing anything else. It's unfair even by 1987 standards because missing it meant you'd die in a bullshit way but only after a few jumps. Since you brought it up though I might as well scan the relevant entry in:  The ship fixes itself and we don't have to die pointlessly. We'll have plenty of other opportunities to do that though, for instance right now. Al Borland posted:But I suspect that Hadlus or whatever is a trap by the president cause he doesnt want us around gently caress him lets go off and PARTAYYY. Let's call the President's bluff and head back.  Game over! Ok, so we've established there's some truth to the whole "destroyed homeworld" story, we've elected to go on to Haldus. Fellbat posted:
This is true - but going to the closest planets minimises the chance of running into the other species as well. We can jump from this sector altogether even from the closest planets, as we'll find out soon.  Here is the jump to Haldus - with an unusually lengthy explanation of how the navigation officer works. The bit in the middle about adjusting works like this: You can spend the ship's energy up to the navigator's expertise multiplied by 10 on any jump. Every 10 energy reduces the jump time by a whole day, down to a minimum of 1 day (it takes time to spin up the engines and actually move through the jump itself). Our navigator is expertise 9 so can spend up to 90 energy to reduce a journey by 9 days. I've taken the liberty of spending the 40 energy on this jump to make it a one day trip, but in future we'll need to decide if we want to do spend the energy to do this. I added the combined CRAPULENCE of our bridge crew to the sheet - 7. It's manageable but watch those guys with 2 crapulence, it can get out of hand. More on this when it becomes a problem. Finally I rolled to see if Peachfuzz will actually be doing his job and he will, for now. We must now decide what the next move is - although some dedicated nerds might know what happens next I suggest we go for the most fun option, not the most likely winning path. Up-to-date map and ship manifest:  
Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 20:36 on Sep 20, 2015 |
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Sep 19, 2015 03:17
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SquadronROE posted:Actually I think it was "You'll never have the same experience or your time back." But yeah, I loved TWo Fisted Adventures as a kid. I was a little too cheap to buy the real ones, but I'd stay up really late playing this. iirc, the Void Racers was more closer to the Mein Kampf
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Sep 19, 2015 03:23
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Hey guys ARMADA is coming. Pay us RICHES and we will take you with us to safety. Take RICHES and REFUGEES Eject REFUGEES into SPACE
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Sep 19, 2015 03:25
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Time to run the old "Devil's Due" con on these primitive dolts. Scan their radio signals for religious information and pretend to be a major figure from their mythology. Tell them to give you free stuff then hightail it to the next system.
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Sep 19, 2015 03:36
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I don't care how we do it but let's make first contact by fleecing these chumps.
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Sep 19, 2015 03:37
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I agree we should plunder using our crocodile wiles. But first scan so that we know what they are like and more importantly, what to steal. Edit: Also, when the armada kills them archive them KRLOUS, who gave them the right to name themselves. Fellbat fucked around with this message at 03:52 on Sep 19, 2015 |
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Sep 19, 2015 03:42
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Also 561: Darmok and Gelad at Tenagra 
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Sep 19, 2015 03:56
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I'm actually a bigger fan of straight-up threatening their pathetic, uncivilized planet. The Supergalatic has the kind of weaponry that can cut through planets and ruin property values, right? Boil the seas and watch the beachfront realtors cry out in terror.
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Sep 19, 2015 04:12
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Definitely need to roll in and let them know the new name of their planetary system has a K and fewer vowels than they originally thought. It would be easiest to warn them about the armada following us, but since we still have full energy and relatively low crapulence I suggest pretending to be gods and seeing if we can snag a useful item or crew member on a quick fly-by while we plot a course to ANY AREA OTHER THAN THE FORGE. Don't care how lucky you might get, don't gently caress with Disco (Dicko) space if you aren't playing as the brobots. Cut their planet in half if we need to in order to get some fresh loot. Use our ship upgrade if we need to win a sensor or shield cloacal roll.
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Sep 19, 2015 05:14
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Scan the planet, then broadcast to them that they have been selected to win the wonderful prize of interstellar travel! To take advantage of this amazing opportunity they just need to pay the shipping and handling charges for the special delivery of detailed plans and instructions for faster than light spaceships! Take payment, then leave.
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Sep 19, 2015 05:23
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hi hi weve come to be pals whats up on your planet
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Sep 19, 2015 05:50
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Gridlocked posted:Hey guys ARMADA is coming. Pay us RICHES and we will take you with us to safety. Don't be hasty they could double as backup food.
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Sep 19, 2015 06:08
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Make discreet first contact with planet's organized crime figures and determine when the next major sporting event is held. Arrange for a massive bet that the game will end in a tie when aliens descend on the field during the halftime show.
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Sep 19, 2015 06:11
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Gilganixon posted:You run the risk of running into the Disco Alliance ship if you go that way as well, but it might be worth it.
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Sep 19, 2015 06:54
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cuck ftw
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Sep 19, 2015 06:54
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as a short statured black man, I (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Sep 19, 2015 06:56
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Are we limited just to having nasty relations with other caimen or cam we add other races to our debauchery? After we fleece them out of money or some equipment we should start building a harem.
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Sep 19, 2015 07:37
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Boring option is SCAN THE AREA and keeps you from dying most of the time, but there is a secret option like in Bastard Elf with the 10-foot Pole. You can SHOUT NONSENSE ON ALL FREQUENCIES And add 38 to your current page number. Sometimes it causes someone to think its a distress call, other times it makes twitchy space pirates cracked out on moon-meth (a really good expansion pack for this game) drop from their ambush early so you can blast them. I remember there's a good one with the robots where it comes out like the space-gators mating call and there's a really awkward scene. The nonsense is different each time, so do that. SHOUT DEPRAVED NONSENSE ON ALL FREQUENCIES
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Sep 19, 2015 08:03
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Blizzy_Cow posted:Are we limited just to having nasty relations with other caimen or cam we add other races to our debauchery? After we fleece them out of money or some equipment we should start building a harem. Al Borland posted:Don't be hasty they could double as backup food. Captive aliens usually are represented as equipment cards and, rarely, as crew members, so yes you can add them to your harem or food supply depending on what it says on the card. Arkanomen posted:Boring option is SCAN THE AREA and keeps you from dying most of the time, but there is a secret option like in Bastard Elf with the 10-foot Pole. You can SHOUT NONSENSE ON ALL FREQUENCIES And add 38 to your current page number. Sometimes it causes someone to think its a distress call, other times it makes twitchy space pirates cracked out on moon-meth (a really good expansion pack for this game) drop from their ambush early so you can blast them. I remember there's a good one with the robots where it comes out like the space-gators mating call and there's a really awkward scene. The nonsense is different each time, so do that. This is a thing, but only with certain comms officers. We can cheat and do that if the thread wants because it's usually funny but it costs 5 ENERGY and the results are unpredictable. Options so far are:
*shout depraved nonsense on all frequencies (cheating slightly by using a crew ability we don't have) *just threaten them and take what you want *the "pretend to be gods" scam *warn them about the approaching doom as a prelude to stealing everything (and everyone) you can get your claws on *be friendly and chill I'll come back and check in a few hours then scan in the right pages. 
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Sep 19, 2015 11:05
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GOD SCAM everyone. Scams seemed to work well in the last book, and if it doesn't work we can just turn the Meson beam on them anyways and prove ourselves right.
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Sep 19, 2015 11:11
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God scam but we need to be smart about it. If this race has radio it might have atheists. See if you can make contact with their equivalent of the American South.
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Sep 19, 2015 12:48
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Applewhite posted:God scam but we need to be smart about it. If this race has radio it might have atheists. See if you can make contact with their equivalent of the American South. Exactly why: *warn them about the approaching doom as a prelude to stealing everything (and everyone) you can get your claws on will work better. No chance of accidentally finding atheists; better chance of finding food/money/slaves.
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Sep 19, 2015 14:29
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Scam everyone
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Sep 19, 2015 14:41
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Pretend to be a god.
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Sep 19, 2015 15:07
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*warn them about the approaching doom as a prelude to stealing everything (and everyone) you can get your claws on
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Sep 19, 2015 16:43
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Because the resources we scam from these rubes might set us up for the rest of our journey, USE VALET. He's probably got a ton of experience scamming other sentient beings to keep his fix.
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Sep 19, 2015 16:46
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Asterios posted:Because the resources we scam from these rubes might set us up for the rest of our journey, USE VALET.
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Sep 19, 2015 16:48
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Lords and Gentlecrocs of the Caimania, I come to you with an urgent message. I am hereby calling a Council of Tyrants to Impeach Tyrant Applewhite and level against him charges of Sedition, Treason, Usurpation of Just Power, Acts of Sabotage and most execrable: Skinkwork. I have here a Report of Evidence detailing how he sabotaged those coils, created false rumors of failings within the mighty Caiman fleet to justify his own dastardly Skinkwork for the purpose of Usurping the Just Power of the Captain's own Valet. I urge you, let not this Usurper's Skinkstink take from you your Just and Rightful Position, let us try him, let us pillory him. Let us haul him across our keel and put to bed any hint of future treachery. Esto Perpetua
huskarl_marx fucked around with this message at 18:29 on Sep 19, 2015 |
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Sep 19, 2015 18:22
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huskarl_marx posted:Lords and Gentlecrocs of the Caimania, I come to you with an urgent message. I am hereby calling a Council of Tyrants to Impeach Tyrant Applewhite and level against him charges of Sedition, Treason, Usurpation of Just Power, Acts of Sabotage and most execrable: Skinkwork. I have here a Report of Evidence detailing how he sabotaged those coils, created false rumors of failings within the mighty Caiman fleet to justify his own dastardly Skinkwork for the purpose of Usurping the Just Power of the Captain's own Valet. I urge you, let not this Usurper's Skinkstink take from you your Just and Rightful Position, let us try him, let us pillory him. Let us haul him across our keel and put to bed any hint of future treachery. Esto Perpetua seconded. applewhite delenda est
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Sep 19, 2015 18:33
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Ha, this Huskarl_Marx would play you all for fools. He is as crafty and duplicitous as his namesake. He would say anything to secure his own power. Haven't I always been loyal? Each of you has done well and grown fat by my benevolence, and now you would turn on me, to "kill the salamander that laid the golden egg" as it were. I say it is Huskarl_Marx who is the deceiver here, for who else but a spineless Bolshevik like himself would commune with the foul and lowly Skinks?
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Sep 19, 2015 19:24
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wait a minute... *tears off Tyrant Applewhite's mask revealing he is a dog underneath*  j'accuse!
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Sep 19, 2015 19:47
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huskarl_marx posted:wait a minute...  I have no idea what you're talking about! You're a madman, sir! A madman!
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Sep 19, 2015 19:54
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Lol I really want to pick up this really amazing OP additional optional crew member that I remember being able to snag a couple of different ways. I can't remember if warning them and trying to "rescue" their best and brightest is one of the ways, but I definitely don't know how the God Con plays out. So we might as well try that. Hopefully they have an Egyptian style pantheon. If we need to put some fear of God into them let's use the chompers to make a good impression. Those prosthetic teeth look mean as heck. Also if these rubes have some sort of weaponry able to hurt the ship we can probably use the caloaca device to keep our shields bumping.
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Sep 19, 2015 20:43
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Peebla posted:Definitely need to roll in and let them know the new name of their planetary system has a K and fewer vowels than they originally thought. It would be easiest to warn them about the armada following us, but since we still have full energy and relatively low crapulence I suggest pretending to be gods and seeing if we can snag a useful item or crew member on a quick fly-by while we plot a course to ANY AREA OTHER THAN THE FORGE. Don't care how lucky you might get, don't gently caress with Disco (Dicko) space if you aren't playing as the brobots. instead of burning a use of the cloacaing device on an early encounter, we should save it for grifting the poo poo out of the Forge before the Disco Alliance knows we're there either that or we could use it to steal now and then dick around getting geckos drunk and then eating em
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Sep 19, 2015 21:04
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I'm scanning in the choices for the God Grift and using the Valet's ability to take over for the comms officer. The first two systems are kind of like a tutorial for what to expect in this game, so don't feel too bad about what happens. Once we're out past the 10-day line on the starmap the game will stop holding our hands.
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Sep 19, 2015 21:14
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Claven666 posted:instead of burning a use of the cloacaing device on an early encounter, we should save it for grifting the poo poo out of the Forge before the Disco Alliance knows we're there Well it charges every ten days I think so we should blast through to the next ten day line by the time we meet those goddamn disco doofs. And like Gilganixon said, we should be able to survive the first ten days without too much trouble.
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Sep 19, 2015 21:21
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Update We went with "use the valet to pull off the god grift", which is standard operating procedure for crocs when they meet new people. It's a two-part move though so I had to upload a few pages, hope you don't mind. Yesterday's completed page:  We're going with hail them (284) to open up the list of dialogues. Of course, this being one of *those* gamebooks, theres a hitch:  We chose to use the valet to do this, so with a skill of 12 we automatically pass the test and get through to someone or other. The comms officer still rolls for CRAPULENCE because even getting him to ask the valet to do something is a chore. We want to roll higher than his current CRAPULENCE level of 2 on 1d6: we get 3. Had we got 2 he would have added his initial CRAPULENCE score to his current total, making it much more likely he'd fail the next text and so on. Usually checks like this don't use up the ship's energy because it's just a personal task, but the book will tell you if it does. If we had chosen to use the captain for this test we would have used his energy up instead. After the Valet's task is done he can't be used again until the next jump. Also with Valets - if you use them you roll 1d6. On a 1 they "disappear" somewhere between completing their task and getting back to the servants' quarters. We got a 3 so he lives to help out another day. We turn to 491:  And finally onto the point of all this:   Well... it doesn't always work out I guess. I ran the combat on the nuclear weapons. This is a simple tutorial fight which explains how combat works without really being a threat. Usually each side commits energy to sensors and whoever gets the highest score goes first, but here we go first automatically.
Since we go first I check to see if our shot hits. Unless something special is going on, you need 2+ to hit on 1D6. I rolled 5. I roll for FISTS on the weapon. The weapons officer has 1 FIST so it's just 1d6: I roll 6 and add this to the weapons score, for 14. There's no need to roll for shields on the missiles - they're 0, which means they're unshielded (if they had even 1 shield it would get a FISTS roll). Since the difference between our weapons and their shields is 14, they take all of it as damage. With only 12 hull, all the missiles are destroyed with one sweep of the beam before they could even potentially hit us. So, they gave it their best shot but it wasn't good enough. What's our next move? Adventure sheet: 
Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 20:37 on Sep 20, 2015 |
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Sep 20, 2015 03:29
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Does doing a jump cost more or less energy than trying to shoot the missiles out of the sky? If less, blind jump push the button now!
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Sep 20, 2015 03:38
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Applewhite posted:Does doing a jump cost more or less energy than trying to shoot the missiles out of the sky? You'd be better off getting hit by those nukes than trying a blind jump. There's a table for it and it's usually presented as an option if the book thinks you might lose a fight, but we're meant to win that one pretty easily.
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Sep 20, 2015 03:45
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Briefly forget that you're not really their god and smite them We were all set to method-act a god, and by Us, we're gonna do that. Blast them back into the stone age (as literally as possible) while bellowing your divine indignation on all frequencies. Maybe a few centuries of clawing their way back to their current technological level will teach these atheist bastards some piety.
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Sep 20, 2015 03:59
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