quote:

No, no, it's Woodhouse! He's all tied up somewhere, sc-scared and alone! And possibly dehydrated!

I have to go, but if I find one dog hair when I come back I'll rub sand into your dead little eyes. I also need you to buy sand. I don't know if they grade it, but ... coarse.

No, no, turn it on. I can do both.

If you let me into the mainframe, I'll drop these donuts. And then you can pretend you're a hungry hungry ... hungry hippo.

Can't or won't?

God, everything makes you uncomfortable. Just the tip?

So, thanks for nothing Carol. Now, I have to break into ISIS headquarters—in a $900 turtleneck. And if it gets ruined, I'm going to make you drink heavy cream, you ... Carol.

Lying is like 95% of what I do.

Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts? No, ISIS agents use Krav Maga.

Hey, I know you're upset, but if you ever mention my mother's loins or their frothiness to me again, I don't know what I'll do ... but it will be bad. Now let's go bury this dead hooker.

You know, I bet there's a lesson to be learned from all this, but I ... oh poo poo, my rug!

Cyril, I paid her, I get to carry her corpse.

Woodhouse, we got any lube? Like even olive oil at this point would ... help me get that drawer unstuck.

You know, when I was little I used to pretend that you weren't my mother.

And your shoes! Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly? Seriously, that's like Eggs 101, Woodhouse.