cartoons lied to us about how chimneys work

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lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

actually it was the royal canadian kilted yaksmen sheeshg

# ? Oct 6, 2015 04:37

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 13:23

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

Toadvine posted:

how narrow is a chimney? if its too narrow to even put your arms at your side, you'd have to really cram yourself in to get stuck.

any wider, and you could just zig zag your way back up. in rock climbing terms its literally called chimneying (or back and foot).

people who die in chimneys must be weak in addition to moronic.

wide enough to gently caress you bro

your arms are stuck against your sides i bet

# ? Oct 6, 2015 04:42

Novo: May 13, 2003; ^{Stercorem pro cerebro habes}; Soiled Meat

nomadologique posted:

wide enough to gently caress you bro

your arms are stuck against your sides i bet

i'm guessing you'd try to lower yourself down at first, then drop the rest of the way. which means he might have gotten stuck with his arms above his head

# ? Oct 6, 2015 04:54

coldplay chiptunes: Sep 17, 2010; by Lowtax

Toadvine posted:

how narrow is a chimney? if its too narrow to even put your arms at your side, you'd have to really cram yourself in to get stuck.

any wider, and you could just zig zag your way back up. in rock climbing terms its literally called chimneying (or back and foot).

people who die in chimneys must be weak in addition to moronic.

Mental-Rectangle posted:

ArbitraryC posted:
Were you a really fat kid or something? If you have 2+ walls close enough together you can make friction by pushing against the sides.

yeah exactly this works going down, so they think they can get out

but then they get to the smoke chamber:

That Robot posted:
so apparently this is how a chimney actually works

there's a lot of poo poo involved fyi

and they can't climb out of there because it's too wide and overhangs, and they can't fit through the throat to get out. it's the perfect human trap. they just have to sit there and die in a really lovely way for a few days.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 04:54

Nuebot: Feb 18, 2013; The developer of Brigador is a secret chud, don't give him money

So if we start putting treasure in our chimneys we can rid the world of idiots. Neat.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 05:03

Masturbasturd: Sep 1, 2014

Yeah so there's a perfect cabin in the middle of nowhere that I can easily beak into. Better shimmy down the chimbly.

Chimbly.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 05:09

rakovsky maybe: Nov 4, 2008

Toadvine posted:

how narrow is a chimney? if its too narrow to even put your arms at your side, you'd have to really cram yourself in to get stuck.

any wider, and you could just zig zag your way back up. in rock climbing terms its literally called chimneying (or back and foot).

people who die in chimneys must be weak in addition to moronic.

god drat it look at the picture you stroke

you "back and foot" down to the bottom where it widens up, then you don't have any leverage to "back and foot" your way back up. then you dehydrate to death while contemplating your life.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 05:10

Toadvine: Mar 16, 2009; Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

I'm looking at the picture but it's only a side view, does it fan out sideways as well?

No matter, because anyone capable of climbing out would know better than to lower themselves down a drat chimney smh

# ? Oct 6, 2015 05:21

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

Novo posted:

i'm guessing you'd try to lower yourself down at first, then drop the rest of the way. which means he might have gotten stuck with his arms above his head

ah yes this is more likely in any case the arms are obviously out of commission otherwise one does not get stuck

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:02

Smelly Bohemian: Aug 20, 2015; by Lowtax

EAT FRESH in a chimney.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:05

TacticalUrbanHomo: Aug 17, 2011; by Lowtax

Novo posted:

i'm guessing you'd try to lower yourself down at first, then drop the rest of the way. which means he might have gotten stuck with his arms above his head

that would really suck. what an uncomfortable position to be stuck in for so long. if I have to sit in one place waiting for my humiliating and inevitable death due to terminal stupidity I at least would want to be able to hunch down in a ball to do it.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:10

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

So he was going to break into and 'hang out' in someone's cabin and decided to go through a loving chimney, lol

Seriously though, what a poo poo way to die
All he could do was look up and watch the sun slowly rise and fall and just wait to dehydrate to death. :smith:

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:13

old wooden ships: Jan 22, 2015

I just can't believe using children to clean chimneys was cool at one point. It deformed them and gave em scrote cancer. I just can't figure out how enough survived to become "master" chimney cleaners. I guess that is why they were allowed to have six apprentices. 1/6 success rate on not gettin cancer or dying.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:14

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

I still think that one Russian? girl who died in their catacombs in the dark is one of the worst deaths I heard of. Reading that story where they found her body really bothered me.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:23

Rap Music and Dope: Dec 25, 2010; For some reason Euros really suck to

QUEEN CAUCUS posted:

I still think that one Russian? girl who died in their catacombs in the dark is one of the worst deaths I heard of. Reading that story where they found her body really bothered me.

Need to link this please

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:36

Mr. Merdle: Oct 17, 2007; THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

"teen's sister Ruth told KRDO her brother was likely looking for a place to hang out and chose the cabin. She said she feels the circumstances of his death are 'very weir'"

When my uncle died because he OD'd on booze and prescription pills. It didn't really phase me that much but at least I didn't describe it as "very weird"

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:41

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

ugh fine here is a reddit thread about it https://www.reddit.com/r/creepy/comments/z98uh/this_is_what_happens_when_you_get_lost_in_the/

On January 1st 2005, a young Ukranian teenage girl named Masha put on her make-up, packed up some champagne, and headed out for her New Years Eve nights party. She was headed into the Odessa catacombs, the 2,500 kilometers of dark rocky tunnels which run underneath the city.
The catacombs were once the preferred hideout of rebels, criminals, and eccentrics. During WWII Ukrainian rebel groups hid within the labyrinthian catacombs and today there is an entire Ukrainian subculture of catacomb explorers with dozens of semiprofessional groups, often quite competitive, exploring the catacombs. They go on multi-day underground treks, known as expeditions, to document and map the system.
The 2005 New Years eve party was great. Everyone was having a good time, drinking and having fun. But at some point in the night Masha decided to drunkenly explore the catacombs. This was a mistake. She quickly became separated from her party, and unable to find her way back. Nor were her friends able to locate her. A massive search effort was launched but they weren't able to find her among the 2,500 kilometers of often unmapped tunnels.
It took a full two years before the police were able to locate her body and retrieve it from the catacombs. Her body had been partially mummified by the cold cool air. Based on where she was found it is believed Masha spent at least three days wandering in the freezing cold and pitch black before dying of dehydration.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:42

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Knight posted:

I wonder how many corpses Santa finds each Christmas

According to snopes.com there's no recorded evidence of it ever happening
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/stuck.asp

Snopes.com: ruining your internet fun since 1995!

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:52

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I've wondered why people don't put a cross-bar right at the top of chimneys the way castles did for the castle poopers, which you definitely could climb up, as invaders did in the siege of Ch�teau Gaillard.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 06:56

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

Nobody ever expects the poopsmith to turn traitor

# ? Oct 6, 2015 07:06

Jimlit: Jun 30, 2005

I probably would have abandoned the chiminy route at the prospect of getting all sooty. Was he going to just hang out all dirty in that cabin?

# ? Oct 6, 2015 07:17

B.H. Facials: May 9, 2011; "Getting teased is part of growing up. It's no big deal. Just tell yourself, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a .44 Magnum will tear that bully a new asshole!'"

The article I read said this guy's knees were positioned above his head when they found him. I'm guessing he probably slipped and got wedged in there real good preventing him from being able to breath. I'd say this dude suffocated to death not long after he entered the chimney.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 07:40

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

as a child my worst way to die was at the hands of someone too retarded/ignorant to know they were killing you. maybe if i watched more tv about people getting trapped in small spaces i would have changed my mind.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 08:54

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN: Jun 26, 2009

QUEEN CAUCUS posted:

ugh fine here is a reddit thread about it https://www.reddit.com/r/creepy/comments/z98uh/this_is_what_happens_when_you_get_lost_in_the/

On January 1st 2005, a young Ukranian teenage girl named Masha put on her make-up, packed up some champagne, and headed out for her New Years Eve nights party. She was headed into the Odessa catacombs, the 2,500 kilometers of dark rocky tunnels which run underneath the city.
The catacombs were once the preferred hideout of rebels, criminals, and eccentrics. During WWII Ukrainian rebel groups hid within the labyrinthian catacombs and today there is an entire Ukrainian subculture of catacomb explorers with dozens of semiprofessional groups, often quite competitive, exploring the catacombs. They go on multi-day underground treks, known as expeditions, to document and map the system.
The 2005 New Years eve party was great. Everyone was having a good time, drinking and having fun. But at some point in the night Masha decided to drunkenly explore the catacombs. This was a mistake. She quickly became separated from her party, and unable to find her way back. Nor were her friends able to locate her. A massive search effort was launched but they weren't able to find her among the 2,500 kilometers of often unmapped tunnels.
It took a full two years before the police were able to locate her body and retrieve it from the catacombs. Her body had been partially mummified by the cold cool air. Based on where she was found it is believed Masha spent at least three days wandering in the freezing cold and pitch black before dying of dehydration.

wasnt this a poe and/or lovecraft story?

# ? Oct 6, 2015 09:36

doodlebugs: Feb 18, 2015; by Lowtax

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I-b_GJ4ltk

doodlebugs fucked around with this message at 10:47 on Oct 6, 2015

# ? Oct 6, 2015 10:44

TacticalUrbanHomo: Aug 17, 2011; by Lowtax

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

According to snopes.com there's no recorded evidence of it ever happening
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/stuck.asp

Snopes.com: ruining your internet fun since 1995!

no evidence of santa discovering a corpse in someone's chimney?

well I should think not

# ? Oct 6, 2015 10:44

TacticalUrbanHomo: Aug 17, 2011; by Lowtax

B.H. Facials posted:

The article I read said this guy's knees were positioned above his head when they found him. I'm guessing he probably slipped and got wedged in there real good preventing him from being able to breath. I'd say this dude suffocated to death not long after he entered the chimney.

it said skeletal remains. I think that implies that he was no longer in exactly the position in which he died.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 10:46

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Parallax Scroll posted:

lol

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

What an awful loving way to die.

Probably screamed himself hoarse. Then only death awaited

lol

I like to think he screamed himself super hoarse to the point he couldn't make any noise at all. Then the owner of the cabin comes in on a cold day and shoves a few logs in the chimney to warm the place up and roasts him alive.

E:

FIRST TIME posted:

Worst part would have been falling asleep and then waking up and remembering that you're dying, trapped in a chimney.

Lmfao. This thread delivers.

nomadologique posted:

do you thin his body got turned into jerky by the woodsmoke and lasted a few extra years before going skeletal?

Probably got smoked into a nice fine jerky mummy.

Al Borland fucked around with this message at 11:10 on Oct 6, 2015

# ? Oct 6, 2015 10:46

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

QUEEN CAUCUS posted:

I still think that one Russian? girl who died in their catacombs in the dark is one of the worst deaths I heard of. Reading that story where they found her body really bothered me.

French catacombs, get lost down there and you'll never come back out.

E:

Pretty much the same as what you said, but worse. Way worse, the ruins are flooded, filled with thousands of bones of other dead people, absolute pitch black, and god knows what else.

If you vanish down there no one will find you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxJkMlqYrys

That said still better than dying in a chimney cause there you can at least lay down and go to sleep death. In a chimney you're literally stuck and hosed. making GBS threads and pissing in your own pants. Lol I bet he couldn't even look up enough to see if it was day or night. I wonder how high he was when he thought this was a good idea.

Al Borland fucked around with this message at 11:24 on Oct 6, 2015

# ? Oct 6, 2015 11:13

TacticalUrbanHomo: Aug 17, 2011; by Lowtax

Al Borland posted:

That said still better than dying in a chimney cause there you can at least lay down and go to sleep death. In a chimney you're literally stuck and hosed. making GBS threads and pissing in your own pants. Lol I bet he couldn't even look up enough to see if it was day or night. I wonder how high he was when he thought this was a good idea.

obviously he still thought it was a good idea at least like ten feet off the ground

# ? Oct 6, 2015 12:22

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

al borland you are stone loving cold

# ? Oct 6, 2015 12:28

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

obviously he still thought it was a good idea at least like ten feet off the ground

Yeah I mean you have to scale the cabin to get up there, THen you have to try and bust the part used to keep animals from getting in off. Seriously, this guy was really committed to breaking into a cabin the dumbest way possible.

lonesomedwarf posted:

al borland you are stone loving cold

No mercy in my heart for chimney b&e felons.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 12:29

Mr. Pumroy: May 20, 2001

Al Borland posted:

I like to think he screamed himself super hoarse to the point he couldn't make any noise at all. Then the owner of the cabin comes in on a cold day and shoves a few logs in the chimney to warm the place up and roasts him alive.

i like to think this as well.. i like to sit back in my computer chair wearing this cozy sweater in my nice house and think about this

# ? Oct 6, 2015 12:32

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Mr. Pumroy posted:

i like to think this as well.. i like to sit back in my computer chair wearing this cozy sweater in my nice house and think about this

It almost makes me wish I had a little cabin in the woods with a fireplace. My parents have a fireplace at their home maybe when I visit them on the holidays I'll stoke a fire in the chimney and think of some merry thoughts.

Until then I think I too will get up in some fuzzy warm comfy blankets and sleep, knowing when I wake up I wont be trapped in a stone, soot filled, vertical standing coffin waiting for the sweet release of death.

# ? Oct 6, 2015 12:43

Dusty Baker 2: Jul 8, 2011; Keyboard Inghimasi

Al Borland posted:

It almost makes me wish I had a little cabin in the woods with a fireplace. My parents have a fireplace at their home maybe when I visit them on the holidays I'll stoke a fire in the chimney and think of some merry thoughts.

Until then I think I too will get up in some fuzzy warm comfy blankets and sleep, knowing when I wake up I wont be trapped in a stone, soot filled, vertical standing coffin waiting for the sweet release of death.

hosed up if true

# ? Oct 6, 2015 13:26