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My great grandfather had a secret family in New York. All his living relatives hated the man and call him "the old bastard". I guess he just preferred his New York family to his Liverpool one.
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Oct 7, 2015 19:30
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I lost my family to a school of dolphins
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Oct 7, 2015 19:33
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Prokhor Zakharov posted:He also did a short jail stint for beating up 3 Mexican guys in a turkey factory with one of his brothers. Read this as if he was frantically spinning his brother around, hitting the Mexican guys. Don't tell me I'm wrong.
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Oct 7, 2015 19:35
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Moldy Taxes posted:My mom's the biggest gossip on her side of the family, and every time I go to visit my parents she always tells me the hottest info on whatever new poo poo's going on in this huge (100+) Hispanic family. She always prefaces it with "just in case anybody asks you about it...", but I know she just wants to tell someone who doesn't know what's going on yet. I wish I could gossip with your mom every week, this really is the best in the thread. Are your aunt and uncle still together?
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Oct 7, 2015 19:35
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Zzulu posted:I lost my family to a school of dolphins my deepest goondelences
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Oct 7, 2015 19:39
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i'm sorry i hope i didnt trigger you with my usage of the word "deep"
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Oct 7, 2015 19:40
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Zzulu posted:I lost my family to a pool of diarrhea
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Oct 7, 2015 19:41
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My dad was a radio operator in Vietnam and has ptsd flashbacks. While we were on vacation the topic of planes came up He started talking about nam and said "We'd call in the birds when things went to poo poo. Napalm was my favorite, call it in kill everything HAHA. Burnt to a crisp" It wasn't really shocking to me but it was weird as gently caress to see that side of him. Since he's the polar opposite now maker fucked around with this message at 19:45 on Oct 7, 2015 |
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Oct 7, 2015 19:41
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ChairmanMeow posted:I wish I could gossip with your mom every week, this really is the best in the thread. Are your aunt and uncle still together? I'm honestly not 100% sure. Last time I visited my aunt's house after all this happened, all his stuff was still there (he's big into guitars/motorcycles and the 2nd floor landing has his collection in display), and for what it's worth they've still go each other on Facebook as "married", but I haven't actually seen my uncle personally in like 5+ years. From what I can glean from my mom and others in my family, a lot of that side of the family doesn't like him too much, and I never see him at the Christmas parties.
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Oct 7, 2015 19:53
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My great-grandfather was possibly a war criminal. He came to America from Poland in the 1910s and fought in World War I. For some reason, he went back to Poland for World War II. While there, he did something to get his name included in the archival records of the Institute of National Remembrance, which prosecutes "crimes against the Polish nation," which includes Nazi and Communist crimes. He escaped Poland via Belarus and Russia and came back to America. I originally got this information from my second cousin, but now she says he was actually on a Nazi kill list and had to cut his trip short because of that. I'm not sure what to believe.
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Oct 7, 2015 20:07
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maker posted:My dad was a radio operator in Vietnam and has ptsd flashbacks. While we were on vacation the topic of planes came up that reminded me when my brother wanted to go into the air force my dad looked at him and went "only two things fall out of the sky, bird poo poo and fools"
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Oct 7, 2015 20:17
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My Grandad was always sad that someone stole his idea and shot JFK. He never really got over it and also he got AIDS from somewhere.
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Oct 7, 2015 21:11
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Both grandparents on one side of the family hit pedestrians with their cars.
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Oct 7, 2015 21:23
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A couple days before I got my wisdom teeth taken out a couple years ago, I made a crack at my parents' dinner table about maybe stealing a tank of nitrous oxide for the ride home. My mom went deathly quiet, adopted the visage of one of those Olmec statues, and walked away. My sister chewed me out for a solid 10 minutes. Apparently my mom's older brother worked as a dental assistant in his early 20's. One day, he stayed late to close up the practice. He was found the next day, applicator mask still strapped to his face, dead from hypoxia. Never found out whether it was a suicide or an accident. I honestly didn't know, so my mom was quick to forgive, but I've never felt like more of a heel before or since. Oh, and a pair of my great-grandparents were cousins.
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Oct 7, 2015 21:43
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My family uses Burning Skeletons to protect our closets, mostly because the Joneses down the road shelled out a bunch of money for Chilling Skeletons and we wanted a simple countermeasure. I'll have to look into Shocking Skeletons though - Uncle Nicodemus is a heck of an electromancer, not really sure why we haven't used Shocking Skeletons before.
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Oct 7, 2015 21:45
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beedeebee posted:Read this as if he was frantically spinning his brother around, hitting the Mexican guys. Don't tell me I'm wrong. not quite but they did end up slinging frozen turkeys at each other like crazy person dodge ball. also all my aunts worked in a neighboring factory. it produced hunters deer scent, ketchup, lighter fluid, and bbq sauce. often all 4 in the same day, they'd just change the tanks, hose off the equipment a bit, and get to bottling.
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Oct 7, 2015 21:52
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beedeebee posted:Read this as if he was frantically spinning his brother around, hitting the Mexican guys. Don't tell me I'm wrong.
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Oct 7, 2015 22:20
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Granpa was apparently shooting blanks the first few years of his marriage. Grandma gave him such grief about it he went out one night and came back with a baby (my aunt). About a year later his swimmers swam and my dad was born.
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Oct 7, 2015 22:38
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Let's see. My dad's dad was in the Navy back in the 50s, and has one, if not more, confirmed bastard children. His brother had an affair with a woman whose husband was away in the Korean War, and when he came back she was pregnant, so they upped sticks and fled to America, where the daughter didn't find out about this until about 2 years ago, in her sixties when her mother was dying. She contacted my dad's cousin (now my stepfather) and that's how we found out. My dad's uncle had been dead at this point since, I think, '98 and never told a soul. My grandad, when it was mentioned was all "How'd you find out about that?!" so he'd kept it secret all these years. My dad's mum had a daughter out of wedlock as a young woman, and had to give her up to a convent for adoption. It really haunted her later in life. My mum's side of the family is relatively normal. My uncle's wife was the village bike, as far as I know she still is. which was odd as she's never been an attractive woman. Not really a skeleton because I actually remember this following one. My mum's younger sister married a psychopath just shortly after he was released from prison for attempted murder, and only split from him after he threatened to slit her and her baby's throat. He was denied any custody or visitation of his son after that as he's a raving nutcase and appeared so at a court hearing. Speaking of murder, my step sister's ex killed a guy two years ago by stabbing him 17 or so times before throwing him off a bridge. So nothing special really.
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Oct 7, 2015 23:04
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Tendai posted:And I thought the family reunion where my uncle kept sneaking out to shoot up was dramatic The most amazingly hilarious thing about it was her complete and total devastation about something that happened probably 80 years or so before, was {allegedly} done by a person she had never met, and that the other 20 people in the room literally cared less than two shits - my grandmother was MORTIFIED and HAD to announce it at Thanksgiving dinner like it was something that changed EVERYTHING!!!! My father still laughs about it and calls grandma Mrs. Dufresne sometimes - she's still around at like - 97, I think? And there are so many more stories...she is truly a piece of work. I absolutely hated visiting them when I was a kid because of the way she was, but now it's only hard being around her because you have to try very, very hard not to laugh at her and her ridiculous ways. Who knows how long she's going to be around...she's been telling all of us that she's "not going to be around for much longer" for the last 35 years that I remember (I'm 44, to put that in perspective...she could have been saying it for much longer), but yet she's fit as a fiddle. An incredibly kind-hearted, charitable and generous woman, quick to judge on the superficial matters of the world but always the first person to bring a stranger in need into her home, and absolutely has no grasp whatsoever on the words that come out of her mouth. A TREASURE. Drives my father crazy. Edit: I just remembered: two years ago she sent me a birthday card. It has a picture of a dog with this big shiteating grin thumping his tail on the front with a caption that says "I was just thinking of you," and then on the inside it just says "NAKED." Now, the woman is blind as Mr. Magoo, and so I am quite sure she had no idea. I really wanted to post it on facebook, but her two sisters would see it and would definitely giver her endless ribbing. It is great to bring to meetings at work to start off the conversation when working with a new team; I tell the story and people just start crying with laughter when they see this card. It's definitely coming to the funeral, and I'm definitely reading it from the pulpit. It's just too good not to. KaiserSchnitzel fucked around with this message at 23:27 on Oct 7, 2015 |
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Oct 7, 2015 23:21
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Holy poo poo.
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kizudarake posted:My wife's dad banged some 'round-heeled' girl in the 60's, she told him she was pregnant and asked for illegal back alley abortion money. He gave it to her and thought things were done. Cut to mid-80s, he starts getting phone calls at 11 pm. They don't tell my wife, 12 years old at the time, what's up. 10 years later, my wife answers, and is told that she has a half brother. wat
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Oct 7, 2015 23:42
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What does everyone consider a "skeleton"?
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Oct 7, 2015 23:46
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VendaGoat posted:What does everyone consider a "skeleton"? 
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Oct 7, 2015 23:49
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Oct 7, 2015 23:52
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VendaGoat posted:What does everyone consider a "skeleton"? When I was in elementary school, we had a week every year called "book week". The rule behind book week was that a few times a day, the principal would come over the loudspeaker and announce that it was reading time. You had to have a book ready to read for 15-ish minutes, and if you didn't have one ready, there was a bookshelf in the classroom for you to grab one out of. I had a choose your own adventure book all week, but on Friday I forgot it at home. When reading time was announced, I ran over and grabbed a big picture book called "The Body". I opened it up and there was a big 2-page picture of a skeleton, laid out like a centerfold. The kid next to me, Kurt, said "oh gross I hate those things!" I said "what do you mean? That's what's inside all of us!" He said "no it isn't, they're scary!", so I pointed out the skull, where our nose was and our mouth and eyes. He started screaming at the top of his lungs and wouldn't stop. Our teacher had to take him out into the hall because he was melting down. He never came back to class again.
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Oct 8, 2015 00:51
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OP, this is a true story and it was just, well... At my aunts funeral my uncle got up and said a few words, he was nervous and started waffling, talking for a looooong time. In this time he somehow managed to tell one of his daughters that she was adopted. That was a very strange day.
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Oct 8, 2015 01:23
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criscodisco posted:When I was in elementary school, we had a week every year called "book week". The rule behind book week was that a few times a day, the principal would come over the loudspeaker and announce that it was reading time. You had to have a book ready to read for 15-ish minutes, and if you didn't have one ready, there was a bookshelf in the classroom for you to grab one out of. lol you scarred poor kurt for life he's probably in a mental institution or dead
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Oct 8, 2015 01:32
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deep impact on vhs posted:lol you scarred poor kurt for life Good, gently caress Kurt.
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Oct 8, 2015 02:13
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My family is gay, like genetically. We're all gay. Always been gay. Always will be gay. Thousands of years of gay.
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Oct 8, 2015 02:15
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My grandpa isn't really my grandpa and my dad is a liar who steals people's IDs and uses his real dad's ID to get out of paying taxes and poo poo and he pretend he's other people and has been doing so for many years and goes by several different names. I found this all out one day when my grandpa accidentally told me once "when I first met your dad he was 3"
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Oct 8, 2015 02:15
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none of my relatives are biology professors
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Oct 8, 2015 02:38
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As the story goes my Sicilian great-grandfather and great-grandmother were in love but their families wouldn't allow them to get married. So one night my great-grandfather captured my great-grandmother and hid her in the roof of a barn. All night her brothers searched for her but they couldn't find her. When the morning came he let her go, but since she had spent the night with a man she had to marry him. I've always just assumed this is the family-friendly version and my great-grandfather was a kidnapper and possible rapist.
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Oct 8, 2015 03:48
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rakovsky maybe posted:As the story goes my Sicilian great-grandfather and great-grandmother were in love but their families wouldn't allow them to get married. So one night my great-grandfather captured my great-grandmother and hid her in the roof of a barn. All night her brothers searched for her but they couldn't find her. When the morning came he let her go, but since she had spent the night with a man she had to marry him. more likely she came up pregnant
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Oct 8, 2015 04:01
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Tuxedo Gin posted:My family is gay, like genetically. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjLr1XhBKVQ
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Oct 8, 2015 04:10
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nomadologique posted:none of my relatives are biology professors my aunt is. her liberalness bothers my conservative father.
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Oct 8, 2015 04:14
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rakovsky maybe posted:As the story goes my Sicilian great-grandfather and great-grandmother were in love but their families wouldn't allow them to get married. So one night my great-grandfather captured my great-grandmother and hid her in the roof of a barn. All night her brothers searched for her but they couldn't find her. When the morning came he let her go, but since she had spent the night with a man she had to marry him. Are you from a family of fairytale elves?
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Oct 8, 2015 04:18
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criscodisco posted:When I was in elementary school, we had a week every year called "book week". The rule behind book week was that a few times a day, the principal would come over the loudspeaker and announce that it was reading time. You had to have a book ready to read for 15-ish minutes, and if you didn't have one ready, there was a bookshelf in the classroom for you to grab one out of.
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Oct 8, 2015 04:23
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Prison Warden posted:Are you from a family of fairytale elves? no just italy's own homegrown race of thieves, murderers and brigands
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Oct 8, 2015 04:33
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My grandfather was a pretty vocal, italian american grandfather, except when it came to anything involving his time in WWII. I didn't even know that he served until I was asked to get something out of my grandparents hall closet only to find an officer's sword with a swastika on it. Turns out he shot and killed "escaping" german POWs in their custody not too long after the Malmedy massacre.
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Oct 8, 2015 05:02
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There have been a lot of stories posted here about goons' family members being secret Nazis or committing wartime atrocities. It's a little bit unsettling, but I have to admit that this topic is bringing history to life in a way more vivid and interesting way than my history classes ever did. When it's all in a textbook, it's really hard to grasp that all of these participants were just regular people in extraordinary times. I guess what I'm saying is voted 5.
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Oct 8, 2015 06:15
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