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Sudden Loud Noise posted:You don't raise your children, you have your older children do it, Duggar style. it's a religion for people who have Ralph Wiggum like intellects.
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Oct 9, 2015 03:53
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Cyberball 2072 posted:I'm shocked the degenerate Tezzir thinks selfishness is a better virtue than self sacrifice for the good of the future. Reproduction is an animal act and the main purpose of society is to sustain the demiurge and give it the tools to move beyond mortal flesh. Thankfully human civilizations destroy themselves before the lower forces can acheive their goals.
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Oct 9, 2015 03:55
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Banks here in Utah allow you to set up direct deposit tithing to the church. The church also literally enforces this practice, so 10 percent of every paycheck is going right to their coffers. Hot edit: and the followers of Moroni are ecstatic about having such a convenient way to be robbed of their monies! Derpies fucked around with this message at 04:38 on Oct 9, 2015 |
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Oct 9, 2015 04:35
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RocktheCaulk posted:Banks here in Utah allow you to set up direct deposit tithing to the church. The church also literally enforces this practice, so 10 percent of every paycheck is going right to their coffers. it's basically a subtle theocracy all the way to automating the whole tax collection process.
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Oct 9, 2015 04:55
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For many employment positions in the church you are required to be a member and have a temple recommend. In order to keep a temple recommend you must pay 10% of your gross income to the church. You must give your employer back 10% of your paycheck in order to stay employed.
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Oct 9, 2015 04:57
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corpuscollossus posted:What was his name? i'm afraid i didn't catch it over the shouts of DON'T YOU EVER BRING A friend of the family ROUND THIS HOUSE AGAIN but this was in norcal if you think you might know them and i'm not even black, i'm a suffusion of oceanfaring peoples, which you think he would've approved of since they keep loving sending us missionaries
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Oct 9, 2015 05:40
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Network Pesci posted:Came here to post this. This is not a GBS-style joke, they literally believed that blacks were not human, but the BYU football team got beat in every single game so they came up with a new revelation that God turns black Mormons white in Heaven, especially if they have over 1000 rushing yards in a season. ????
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Oct 9, 2015 05:42
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Tendai posted:And if I remember right, Utah has the highest percentage of population on anti-depressants or something of the sort, or did at some point. Yep, specifically "Happy Valley"
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Oct 9, 2015 05:53
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religious and academic freedom means the government gets to decide how said organizations define themselves not
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Oct 9, 2015 05:59
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When I was in my early 20's I had a friend who had recently converted and decided that he'd try to convert me. He would invite me to various functions and lots of stuff at the youth church, the youth church being the place set aside for people 30 and under and the unmarried so that they can find a mate. Me being an outsider, but potential convert, I was privy a lot of dirty laundry. Brother and sister coitus resulting in pregnancy and abortion? Check. Father-Daughter craziness? Check. People told me all kinds of things, especially their doubts about their faith. What I found strange was that they kept promoting "Family! Family! Family! Family is the most important! Spend time with family!" but never had time to be with their family because they were always kept artificially busy with all kinds of bullshit. Every minute of every day was filled with bullshit minutia that I had no idea how the managed to stay sane. Also, they used to have big interventions for when somebody was exhibiting signs of doubt in their faith. And yes, Mormon girls are slutty but at a cost. I don't think anyone want to hear those stories though.
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Oct 9, 2015 06:02
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so all the phony mormon porn videos aren't far from the truth?
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Oct 9, 2015 06:37
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Tarkus posted:And yes, Mormon girls are slutty but at a cost. I don't think anyone want to hear those stories though. Now hold on there, m'kind fellow. Maybe you could tell one or two?
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Oct 9, 2015 07:04
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etalian posted:it's basically a subtle theocracy all the way to automating the whole tax collection process. joesph smith called it theodemocracy and it's functionally the same as fundamentalist islam's conception of religion and the state as the same institution
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Oct 9, 2015 08:28
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phasmid posted:Now hold on there, m'kind fellow. Maybe you could tell one or two? Well, i suppose. One thing I noticed was that when I was 'going out' with these girls is that it was to be kept quite secret. It should also be said that I went out with two women from the church during my time there (about a year) and I was quite clear that wasn't a convert but that I just enjoyed the activities. The first one I was with insisted that I came in her. Me, being 21, didn't want to get her pregnant so i would blow it on her stomach. She would scoop it with her fingers and put it in her. The first time she did this, she tried to make it seem as though it was something pleasurable. The second time it was very determined and quite clinical as she did the same thing, even her brows were furrowed and serious. When I asked her what she was doing she got angry and stated that god hated when a man spilled their seed. I didn't say anything about it but I found it really weird, but having forbidden pussy was just too tempting so from there on in I just pretended to come in her, however I would finish later in the bathroom. She would check after a few minutes to see if she was dripping and my excuse for her not dripping is that 'I got it so deep inside her'. I only had sex with her 7 times over about 2 weeks and then she dumped me by not answering my phone calls and ignoring me at the church. I always wondered what her reasoning was. Was she trying to get pregnant? Was she trying to trap me into marriage? How would she reconcile the fact that I was not a Mormon in those cases? Also, it should be said, she was 29 at the time and as far as I could tell, not a virgin. The second one I was with would only allow anal, not even a blowjob or let me go down on her, she was a virgin vaginally based on what I could tell with my finger and by what she said. After every session she would have tears in her eyes. I asked if she was mad at me or if hurt too bad but she said that it was nothing and then try to get calm, as far as I could tell. I was in a relationship with her for a while, about 5 months seeing each other sometimes about 2 times a week to once every two weeks but we didn't talk much since it was all hush hush. This was the weird one. When we did talk, a lot of her stories seemed to revolve around her cousin whose name I don't remember. It wasn't until near the end that it was revealed, as far as best I could interpret, that she had a relationship with her cousin from the time she was 10 and they used to do the same things for years until her parents found out. He would've been about 25 from that time. It made me kind of sick to my stomach and I really didn't know how to handle that information. It wasn't the information of that that bothered me but the fact that she said when we did our thing she was crying in joy because it reminded her of the 'bond she had'. I went on a couple of dates with her after learning that but couldn't really get into doing things with her. I started avoiding her calls like a coward and she called my home almost every day for a month and a half. She even sent elders to my door to urge me to 'do the right thing' whatever that meant. She was actually a really nice girl and hope she did well for herself later on. Shortly after this, my friend stopped taking me to church activities. I can see why. To be fair though, this was only a sample of 2 people from the Mormon church but they are the strangest sexual relationships I've ever had.
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Oct 9, 2015 08:31
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also the funniest mormon thing is cold fusion
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Oct 9, 2015 08:31
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Tarkus posted:mormon girlfriend stories Holy hell, man. That's some crazy you dodged right there. From the sound of things, you might have been the most normal bf those girls ever had. Are there any kind of interventionist places that help people who want to get away from all the toxic church poo poo, or is it just your typical conspiracy-of-silence kind of deal? Seriously glad neither of them got on to incubating a baby deathtrap for you.
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Oct 9, 2015 09:24
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The White Dragon posted:i'm afraid i didn't catch it over the shouts of DON'T YOU EVER BRING A friend of the family ROUND THIS HOUSE AGAIN but this was in norcal if you think you might know them I hope you called this guy a oval office to his face because holy poo poo.
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Oct 9, 2015 11:01
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Tarkus posted:Stories we all demand to know more of. As another poster said, holy poo poo, you dodged a bullet. I think they are right, you are probably the only normal boyfriend they had and it definitely affected them. I mean the first girl was probably trying to get pregnant because the social rewards for being a Mom and Convered Your Husband are probably far higher than endless casual sex with a non Mormon. If you had gotten her pregnant there would have been UNBELIEVABLE pressure to convert, I'm sure. And she'd probably be ecstatic being a 29 year old new mom in a church that demands motherhood. So yeah, wow. Likely, she either was told to stop, wasn't finding enough success with you, or thought about the social consequences of being busted. The second one just seemed damaged  Thats too bad.More Mormon stories!
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Oct 9, 2015 12:18
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I work with tons of Mormons and they are all super weird. Every single Mormon girl or wife is super into pyramids schemes. Once every 2 months or so they used to bring their Scentsy/Arbonne/Fizz Sticks/Amway poo poo into the office and try and hawk it to us. My office would reek of those melted wax cubes for weeks after they left. It got so bad I had to have the head of HR ban all MLM selling in the office because manager's wives were putting tons of pressure on people who worked for their husbands to buy all their poo poo. The craziest part is all the Mormon dudes hated it too, but it allows the wife to work from home and it keeps them out of their hair long enough for them to go play Golden Tee and eat lovely chicken wings once a week. My office mate calls the money he loses his "golf tax" because the only time he can get out of the house is when his wife is having a Tupperware party. The joke around the office is that MLM (Multi Level Marketing aka pyramid scheme) actually stands for " Mormons Losing Money". http://m.reviewjournal.com/politics/speaker-designate-ira-hansen-withdrawing-position Also this guy was my landlord in college. He's the head of one of the bigger Mormon clans in Reno.I was helping him fix our roof once when some black kids walked by. He asked he if I kept a "Schwoogie Buzzer" in the house. I told him I had no idea what that was and he pulled out a .45 caliber handgun out of his overalls and said " a Schwoogie buzzer" is what you called firing a shot over a niggers head so he knows your'e armed and that he can't rob you. He also kept five years of rice and beans in the basement for when the race war/ apocalypse happens.
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Oct 9, 2015 13:00
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29's effectively spinster status in baby crazy denominationsYour Gay Uncle posted:He also kept five years of rice and beans in the basement for when the race war/ apocalypse happens. food hoarding is a mormon thing; it's for the second holocaust when the gentiles come and round them up Alec Bald Snatch fucked around with this message at 13:04 on Oct 9, 2015 |
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Oct 9, 2015 13:02
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I wish I knew some Mormons so I could ask what planet are their dead grandparents ruling over now.
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Oct 9, 2015 13:19
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Salt lake city is sweet if you ski or mountain bike because it has some of the best places to do those activities in north america. It would be a lot better without the Mormons but at least they are nice on the surface unlike evangelicals. A lot of their women are hot as gently caress too, too bad they all have like 3+ kids.
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Oct 9, 2015 13:56
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wilfredmerriweathr posted:Salt lake city is sweet if you ski or mountain bike because it has some of the best places to do those activities in north america. It would be a lot better without the Mormons but at least they are nice on the surface unlike evangelicals. So drat true
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Oct 9, 2015 14:19
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happyhippy posted:I wish I knew some Mormons so I could ask what planet are their dead grandparents ruling over now. i wonder when arslycus and kolob are going to wage an intergalactic battle
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Oct 9, 2015 16:37
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Your Gay Uncle posted:The joke around the office is that MLM (Multi Level Marketing aka pyramid scheme) actually stands for " Mormons Losing Money". lol
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Oct 9, 2015 16:41
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Your Gay Uncle posted:Also this guy was my landlord in college. He's the head of one of the bigger Mormon clans in Reno.I was helping him fix our roof once when some black kids walked by. He asked he if I kept a "Schwoogie Buzzer" in the house. I told him I had no idea what that was and he pulled out a .45 caliber handgun out of his overalls and said " a Schwoogie buzzer" is what you called firing a shot over a niggers head so he knows your'e armed and that he can't rob you. He also kept five years of rice and beans in the basement for when the race war/ apocalypse happens. idiot racism aside, did he not realize the bullet is going to come down at some point?
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Oct 9, 2015 16:48
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comes along bort posted:i wonder when arslycus and kolob are going to wage an intergalactic battle Even better, think about it. If Mormon theology is true, there is a greater than zero chance there is a a space fleet of space mormons trying to find earth right now.
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Oct 9, 2015 16:54
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Your Gay Uncle posted:Every single Mormon girl or wife is super into pyramids schemes. Are you saying Mormons are easily duped? 
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Oct 9, 2015 17:22
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happyhippy posted:Even better, think about it. It'll be just like Star Trek, except exclusionary towards other races. How will they know who the captain is if they're all wearing white?
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Oct 9, 2015 17:29
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phasmid posted:It'll be just like Star Trek, except exclusionary towards other races. How will they know who the captain is if they're all wearing white? I think it would be more like Space Mutiny. The Captain is the eldest white guy alive, the one who gets 1/10th of everyone elses space credits.
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Oct 9, 2015 17:40
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happyhippy posted:I think it would be more like Space Mutiny. which mormons get to drive around those go carts?
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Oct 9, 2015 17:42
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InterFaced posted:Nothing says a decent moral compass like realizing browns are actually human beings in 1972 Ok folks lets get this right, Mormons did not realize black people were people till 1972. It was 1978
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Oct 9, 2015 17:42
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Uncle Enzo posted:Ok folks lets get this right, Mormons did not realize black people were people till 1972. I've had mormons tell me this is ancient history......From people who were born in 1977..... Fuckers
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Oct 9, 2015 17:51
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happyhippy posted:Even better, think about it. The original Battlestar Galactica is basically Mormons In Space. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_and_mythological_references_in_Battlestar_Galactica
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Oct 9, 2015 18:17
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i dated a mormon girl when i lived in utah. i was 19 and she was 17 and we met at a tech school. when i met the family the father told me because of my age they wouldnt recognize us being together. 3 months later she broke up with me for a nice 26 year old mormon who got her pregnant and left her with the kid. good poo poo.
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Oct 9, 2015 18:22
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zooted heh posted:i dated a mormon girl when i lived in utah. i was 19 and she was 17 and we met at a tech school. when i met the family the father told me because of my age they wouldnt recognize us being together. 3 months later she broke up with me for a nice 26 year old mormon who got her pregnant and left her with the kid. good poo poo. mormon girls always seem to have so glad to hit and quit it hindsight stories
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Oct 9, 2015 18:23
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And just think, some of those very children will have babies of their own in under 20 years!
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Oct 9, 2015 18:23
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Has anyone pointed out yet that mormon and moron have a difference of only one letter?
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Oct 9, 2015 18:24
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Demonachizer posted:Has anyone pointed out yet that mormon and moron have a difference of only one letter? One their high ranking angels was called Moroni
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Oct 9, 2015 18:27
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etalian posted:One their high ranking angels was called Moroni It was an Italian angel that just couldn't keep up with the rest of them. lol it was Moroni that gave Smith the golden plates. He was telegraphing his disdain for people that believed his poo poo probably.
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Oct 9, 2015 18:29
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