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Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Sorry, but it's true.
Let's break it down into the major holiday components:

Treats: Candy. Unless you are a literal child, candy is disgusting and adults who still enjoy candy are gross.

Events: Tick or Treating and Halloween parties.
Unless you're a child going after candy (which has already been established as gross) or a horny teen looking to have sex with a boy/girl whose ugliness is disguised by his/her costume, both events are a lame waste of time and attended by tedious people. The central conceit of the holiday (dressing up in costume) is also lame because unless you're a die-hard cosplayer, your costume sucks and smells funny.

Decorations: Easily the messiest, ugliest and most time consuming to erect and clean up of all holiday decorations. Halloween decorations, like Halloween costumes, uniformly have a strong chemical smell that is unpleasant to be around even at a distance. Oh, and they also make shrieking and cackling sounds that grate on the ear. An offense to all the senses in other words.

Music: Monster Mash remains the only good Halloween song. The others are forgettable at best.

Themed Movies: Horror films are pretty much the only thing this holiday has going for it, and they're usually only peripherally related to Halloween. Also, most horror films suck rear end.

Subject Matter: Celebrating the birth of Satan; the universe's first loser. Fitting I guess because it's a loser holiday.

Overall Score: 1.5 out of 6 skulls. Very Poor.

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Crazyeyes
Nov 5, 2009

If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.
You forget copious amounts of alcohol and "slutty (insert occupation)" costumes

:firstpost:

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crazyeyes posted:

You forget copious amounts of alcohol and "slutty (insert occupation)" costumes

:firstpost:

Ugh, good catch. Sorry I left those out.
Downgrading to 1 out of 6 skulls.

Fitzy Fitz
May 14, 2005




lol OP likes Easter

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
I'm the cool rich person that leaves out a bowl of fullsized name brand candy bars.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Fitzy Fitz posted:

lol OP likes Easter

Easter only very narrowly escapes being the worst holiday by virtue of being low effort. You can cruise by Easter without much trouble. It is easily the second worst holiday though.

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
halloween would probably be a good time to get away with a public murder

RadioactiveKid
Aug 12, 2005

Gato Rebelde
memorial day is a pretty lousy holiday ,we already have veterans day when do we need a holiday for dudes that suck at war?

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



smdh at op for picking monster mash and not thriller what happened to u op to make u the wrong way u are

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



also putting razor blades in candy and giving it to kids isn't cool? wowa pplewhite what's going on in the noggin of urs huh what is wrong here

never seen again
Jan 25, 2008
Halloween is the great social equalizer - even the most awkward loving goon can put on a dumb costume and have a good time somewhere.

ncumbered_by_idgits
Sep 20, 2008

Applewhite posted:

Easter only very narrowly escapes being the worst holiday by virtue of being low effort. You can cruise by Easter without much trouble. It is easily the second worst holiday though.

Yeah but you have to go to drat church though. That puts it over the top.

RadioactiveKid
Aug 12, 2005

Gato Rebelde

social vegan posted:

smdh at op for picking monster mash and not thriller what happened to u op to make u the wrong way u are

Monster Mash is a better song, Thriller is just a cool music video

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



RadioactiveKid posted:

Monster Mash is a better song, Thriller is just a cool music video

lol if u ain't jammin on loving halloween

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krRaa8Nlz7g

ContraBoss
Dec 6, 2005

Well *I* only read the New Yorker and eat Fancy Feast.
As far as posters go, you are the apple of my eye, Applewhite, and as such I'm pretending your post never happened.

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010
Why is it socially unacceptable to wear a costume any day of the year ? Weird how our stylish clothes will be a gag outfit for some people in the future.

Otto Von Jizzmark
Dec 27, 2004
It's great because you can walk around with a boner all day and no one can see it under the costume. I went to the post office dressed as an ewok and was stroking my hardon while buying stamps. Halloween rules

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

ncumbered_by_idgits posted:

Yeah but you have to go to drat church though. That puts it over the top.

lol if you think you ever "have" to go to church.

ncumbered_by_idgits
Sep 20, 2008

Applewhite posted:

lol if you think you ever "have" to go to church.

Going to church > getting bitched at by my wife all day.

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010

ncumbered_by_idgits posted:

Going to church > getting bitched at by my wife all day.

Married and to a conservative wife too lol

How's your drinking ?

peanut
Sep 9, 2007


quote:

unless you're a die-hard cosplayer, your costume sucks and smells funny.

unless --> especially if

The joy isn't in eating the candy, it's in getting the candy.

Jack-o-lanterns own but I'll admit that pumpkin guts are a smelly hassle.

Hardawn
Mar 15, 2004

Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates
College Slice

Applewhite posted:

Easter only very narrowly escapes being the worst holiday by virtue of being low effort. You can cruise by Easter without much trouble. It is easily the second worst holiday though.

We always ate beer battered shrimp on Easter in the name of our Lord and savior. With a low count number shrimp, like the big fuckers, prawns maybe. No not that big, but still big enough for Jesus to bless it while we recount his plight.

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

halloween owns and the only downside is idiots on my FB feed reposting that thing about like "IF A KID GRABS MORE THAN ONE PIECE OF CANDY DONT BE A JERK THEY MAY HAVE MOTOR CONTROL PROBLEMS" as if it isn't 99.99999% more likely that they are being greedy little shits

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

peanut posted:

unless --> especially if

The joy isn't in eating the candy, it's in getting the candy.

Jack-o-lanterns own but I'll admit that pumpkin guts are a smelly hassle.

If you're a die hard cosplayer there's a chance your costume might not suck, and it doesn't start smelling like BO until you've worn it for a few hours. Store-bought Halloween costumes smell like new rubber right out of the box and go on to acquire a BO smell over the course of the night.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

Halloween is, in fact, the best holiday.

Candy is good. I may not eat it as much as I did as a kid, but I still love chocolate and Halloween in the only time you can get chocolate balls that look like eyeballs, or Lindor chocolates that look like jack-o-lanterns.

Costumes are good because dressing up is fun. It's a lot of fun to put together a costume with stuff that you make yourself or find in different places.

Scary things are great. I did most of my decorating the other day. I've got lights shaped like spiders and bats, sparkly bats on a beaded string, a Halloween wreath for my door and a bunch of reusable wall stickers of bats, skulls and ghosts. My office is decorated with spiderweb tablecloths, plush monsters, figurines and candles.

I like Halloween so much that I have extended it into Christmas. I celebrate Ghostmas now. I have a bLack tree with orange lights and spooky decorations and all my gifts are wrapped in Halloween style gift wrapping. Come November, all the Halloween gift bags are super cheap.

Scary movies are the best kinds of movies.

Someday, I hope to live in a house where I can have trick-or-treaters and host a proper Halloween party for once.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Nessa posted:

Halloween is, in fact, the best holiday.

Candy is good. I may not eat it as much as I did as a kid, but I still love chocolate and Halloween in the only time you can get chocolate balls that look like eyeballs, or Lindor chocolates that look like jack-o-lanterns.

Costumes are good because dressing up is fun. It's a lot of fun to put together a costume with stuff that you make yourself or find in different places.

Scary things are great. I did most of my decorating the other day. I've got lights shaped like spiders and bats, sparkly bats on a beaded string, a Halloween wreath for my door and a bunch of reusable wall stickers of bats, skulls and ghosts. My office is decorated with spiderweb tablecloths, plush monsters, figurines and candles.

I like Halloween so much that I have extended it into Christmas. I celebrate Ghostmas now. I have a bLack tree with orange lights and spooky decorations and all my gifts are wrapped in Halloween style gift wrapping. Come November, all the Halloween gift bags are super cheap.

Scary movies are the best kinds of movies.

Someday, I hope to live in a house where I can have trick-or-treaters and host a proper Halloween party for once.

I'm not going to poo poo on your joy because Ghostmas sounds awesome.

But I remain steadfast that candy is gross. The only good sweets are extra dark chocolate (60% or better) and those aren't typically dispensed on Halloween.

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
i held a girls hand last halloween :blush:

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010

Applewhite posted:


But I remain steadfast that candy is gross. The only good sweets are extra dark chocolate (60% or better) and those aren't typically dispensed on Halloween.

Don't be discouraged ! I always get 85% dark chocolate to give out along with other "adult" sweets :roflolmao:

Stupid kids

Happy Bear Suit
Jul 21, 2004

halloween is good because hocus pocus is on tv

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
Lipstick Apathy
Halloween is the most nakedly selfish holiday and I love it.

Fat-Lip-Sum-41.mp3
Nov 15, 2003
drat you dont want to live in my neighborhood. we get literally hundreds of kids. they take buses to get to us even

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
no halloweenie this year :( this is the worst halloween in years

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
tehcneicely, sattan was the person who actualy got poo poo done, so while he was the first loser, he was also the first winner

Ahundredbux
Oct 25, 2007

The right to bear arms

Applewhite posted:


Treats: Candy. Unless you are a literal child, candy is disgusting and adults who still enjoy candy are gross.


you should try poison then , op!!

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS
Slutty Applewhite costume ;)

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

quakster posted:

tehcneicely, sattan was the person who actualy got poo poo done, so while he was the first loser, he was also the first winner

What poo poo did he get done, exactly? He failed at the only thing he ever tried to do.


plain blue jacket posted:

Slutty Applewhite costume ;)

You can just call it an "Applewhite Costume" and people will know what you mean.

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004

Fun Shoe
Halloween is the holiday that has the most fist fights. You'd think it would be St Patrick's day, but no it is Halloween.

One Halloween I saw the Wolfman knock out a guy dressed as Brett Beilema. I think the Wolfman was a UCLA fan or something.

Post your fav Halloween fist fight stories

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Applewhite posted:

What poo poo did he get done, exactly? He failed at the only thing he ever tried to do.
made god so pissmad that hes still chewing on his own beard

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
Lipstick Apathy

Applewhite posted:

What poo poo did he get done, exactly? He failed at the only thing he ever tried to do.
Uhhh unless you're extremely sheltered it's pretty obvious that Satan rules this world and is loving it

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Snooze Cruise
Feb 16, 2013

hey look,
a post

Applewhite posted:

Music: Monster Mash remains the only good Halloween song. The others are forgettable at best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01-ZrECVOW8

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