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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Junk posted:

Sounds like Master Shake.

nahh. master shake is funny

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basement jihadist
Oct 3, 2002

toggle posted:

Oh you were part of the assault team that found saddam? interesting

yes we pulled him out of a dirty hole in the ground and he was all "ahh i'm all confused and hairy!! dont hang me!"

Junk
Dec 20, 2003

Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

nahh. master shake is funny

In the hypno germ episode, he is literally confronted by video evidence of himself he goes "Yeah, that's not me"

which was funny, so you're right, but you're also wrong.

Fur20
Nov 14, 2007

すご▞い!
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね!

milkingmycow posted:

I'm 50 feet tall. My dick is 8" long.

quote:

I'm a bad liar. Reverse those numbers.
so basically you're a gigantic dick

toggle
Nov 7, 2005

basement jihadist posted:

yes we pulled him out of a dirty hole in the ground and he was all "ahh i'm all confused and hairy!! dont hang me!"

Thank you for your service

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Tonsured posted:

As a pathological liar and a pathological truther let me just say 9/10 was an inside job but there were four towers two are just invisible the footage was shot on a sound stage on the moon bush was my best friend in high school we used to smoke together and he told me all about his 911 plans but I just forgot the day that it happened so I couldn't save everyone except I did save a few people I called them up on the phone and was like "hey watch out bush wants to blow you up bros" and saved them and they invite me to dinner a lot and thank me "hey thanks for the heads up, good thing you know all about conspiracies bro you're really cool and I love your plaid pants you wear em so hot you could melt steel beams"

no way

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is
Grimey Drawer

jarvis cocker posted:

yeah i know someone who does this on a regular basis what the gently caress is up with that

Funny thing is, most people dont remember poo poo for more than a couple of weeks.
I can basically rotate the same set of stories, jokes, incidents and facts on a quarterly basis and people will genuinly experience them for the first time. Or literally everyone i know is a hollywood-grade actor, dont know.

Then once every while a topic comes up, i ready some facts, and then hear the exact same explanation i am about to give from someone else. Sometimes they remember stuff, but not from whom they got it. Same with jokes.

I blame smartphones for that, people are growing more and more inept at memory management.

ladron
Sep 15, 2007

eso es lo que es
I remember a thread like this a while ago where someone was talking about some kid they went to school with who said that he had all the video game systems and a race car and all this other poo poo. When they finally went to his house it turned out to be true.

ladron
Sep 15, 2007

eso es lo que es

Yolomon Wayne posted:

Funny thing is, most people dont remember poo poo for more than a couple of weeks.
I can basically rotate the same set of stories, jokes, incidents and facts on a quarterly basis and people will genuinly experience them for the first time. Or literally everyone i know is a hollywood-grade actor, dont know.



They're humoring you because they think you're retarded

I.C.
Jun 10, 2008

I think everyone is telling the truth all the time, even when I know they are lying.

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer
I've found that the difference between male and female pathological liars is that the guys lie about things in an attempt to make themselves look cool or successful and the girls tend to lie about things that just make their lives seem absolutely insane and/or awful

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

Yolomon Wayne posted:

Funny thing is, most people dont remember poo poo for more than a couple of weeks.
I can basically rotate the same set of stories, jokes, incidents and facts on a quarterly basis and people will genuinly experience them for the first time. Or literally everyone i know is a hollywood-grade actor, dont know.

you're that guy in the group everyone just humors and who never figures it out lol. you're mistaking not being called on things for people not actually noticing. i'm not joking or playing with you at all any time after you're done hanging out with people they're all saying "jesus that dude just tells the same stories over and over is he my loving grandpa?"

i mean either that or you're just so boring literally no one bothers to remember anything you say

Parahexavoctal
Oct 10, 2004

I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS! DONKEY!!

If Thorarinn Gunnarsson had devoted as much creative energy to his writing as he did to the web of bullshit he spun about himself, his career as an author probably would have been more successful.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you

Tonsured posted:

As a pathological liar and a pathological truther let me just say 9/10 was an inside job but there were four towers two are just invisible the footage was shot on a sound stage on the moon bush was my best friend in high school we used to smoke together and he told me all about his 911 plans but I just forgot the day that it happened so I couldn't save everyone except I did save a few people I called them up on the phone and was like "hey watch out bush wants to blow you up bros" and saved them and they invite me to dinner a lot and thank me "hey thanks for the heads up, good thing you know all about conspiracies bro you're really cool and I love your plaid pants you wear em so hot you could melt steel beams"

:golfclap:

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

I.C. posted:

I think everyone is telling the truth all the time, even when I know they are lying.

This but unironically :(

Mr. Creakle
Apr 27, 2007

Protecting your virginity



Sometimes I tell stories about my college major/job and people swear I'm lying :( but it honestly isn't a lie. It's not even something so exciting that it would be worth lying about, idgi

SEX BURRITO
Jun 30, 2007

Not much fun
I worked with a pathological liar and it was amazing. Free entertainment everyday! Since nobody called him out, his lies just got more outlandish and crazy.

Early on, he claimed to be a property millionaire. He worked a lovely £8 an hour office job because his assets were tied up in stately homes. He also had several sports and classic cars, but didn't want to ruin them by driving them too much, so he drove his rusty 15 year old car to work.

He claimed to have been married twice and to have six children, but only had pictures of two kids on his desk and could never keep the genders and ages straight. Both ex wives apparently were still in love with him, and he still hosed both of them regularly. He once claimed to be going away with the entire family for the week, and was spotted wandering around town halfway through his 'trip to his second home'.

He'd also worked as a head chef at the Savoy in London, had lived in endless exotic expat locales, and had adventures that would impress James Bond. Oh and his friend owned a zoo, which some people broke into and slit all the animals throats. I was desperately holding in my laughter during that story.

The Gasmask
Nov 30, 2006

Breaking fingers like fractals
There's always one of these in a group, and unless they've mastered the craft it's painfully obvious they're spouting poo poo for attention. Self corrections ("oh, when I said I know x I meant we talk when next to each other at the vip section of the bar"), absurd inflations as the conversation goes on ("After we had drinks, x took me for a ride in his limo!"), and one upping literally every side comment.

The one that gets me the most is the people who talk up some specific skill without seeing if anyone actually does it/is knowledgable first. Even if they know some of the lingo they're not going to fool anyone who's done it before.

Being a producer/running a recording studio, being a game developer, and working on movies are the three I see the most. First clue is how much they claim to have invested if it's their own business. It took me over 25k to build a personal recording studio, and another 15k to bring it up to snuff for band recording. That's with a few higher end pieces of gear but mostly midrange/some low end stuff, assembled over many many years. I had a "studio" when it was only a $600 digital 8-track as much as a dude that plays catch with his kid is a pro baseball player.

Next tell is how old they are and how long they claim to have done it. Unless they grew up around whatever industry or count the first few years of hobbyist poo poo, if they're under 23 they haven't actually worked 8-10 years in it no matter what they claim.

Final one is who they claim to know. Unless you work for a publisher in artist relations, your industry interaction with household names is going to be nil. You'll have tons of stories of working with random semi-famous people ("I got to play a show with the ex-bassist of Blue Oyster Cult!"), but when you meet a star it will be like anyone else (at a show, in passing, etc) or through that one friend that actually does know every local famous person.

My favorite BS story is one that turned out to be true though. Back in high school I made a friend with a kid a few years older. He was a musician too so we hit it off, and always talked about guitars. For his birthday he claimed his dad got him a Gibson Les Paul Classic, which back then cost around $1800. While that wasn't too out of the ordinary (rich area and all), he then started listing guitars he had and all the famous people who his dad would hang out with. It quickly got into insane territory, as names like Mariah Carey were dropped. We have some local famous people, but my friend was pretty much going down the top billboard list.
Lo and behold, it turns out his dad is pretty much the only guy who does 5.1 mixing for big-name albums, and he's had a long career as an engineer. Has like 8 Grammys now and him and his son recently got back from recording some Grateful Dead concerts in surround.

wiffle ball bat
Oct 2, 2015

by Shine
whats worse than pathological liars is people who have genuinely amazing lives and cant shut the gently caress up about it. it's like, oh, you went to machu picchu for the weekend, flew back home to kick it with your rockstar pals, and then swam with sharks??? and youre showing me pictures of all of it??? gently caress you

circ dick soleil
Sep 27, 2012

by zen death robot

lonesomedwarf posted:

i actually have over a million dollars in the bank and fyi i am actually a successful and well liked man about town who is popular and cool, and i have sex at least onctwice a year, sometimesa more than that

same

Maoist Pussy
Feb 12, 2014

by Lowtax

Ork of Fiction posted:

Sperg can't tell when he's being lied to or when people are humoring him, assumes the same about everyone else.

This is it.

Jim Barris
Aug 13, 2009
Beats me. I only tell useful lies personally like "yeah I put on a condom' or 'she hit me first, officer'

The Whole Internet
May 26, 2010

by FactsAreUseless

Tonsured posted:

As a pathological liar and a pathological truther let me just say 9/10 was an inside job but there were four towers two are just invisible the footage was shot on a sound stage on the moon bush was my best friend in high school we used to smoke together and he told me all about his 911 plans but I just forgot the day that it happened so I couldn't save everyone except I did save a few people I called them up on the phone and was like "hey watch out bush wants to blow you up bros" and saved them and they invite me to dinner a lot and thank me "hey thanks for the heads up, good thing you know all about conspiracies bro you're really cool and I love your plaid pants you wear em so hot you could melt steel beams"

seems legit

rgocs
Nov 9, 2011
Hey, seems there's a related honeypot thread up: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3748581

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

wiffle ball bat posted:

whats worse than pathological liars is people who have genuinely amazing lives and cant shut the gently caress up about it. it's like, oh, you went to machu picchu for the weekend, flew back home to kick it with your rockstar pals, and then swam with sharks??? and youre showing me pictures of all of it??? gently caress you

:c00l:

Asclepius Hot Rod
Apr 5, 2009

wiffle ball bat posted:

whats worse than pathological liars is people who have genuinely amazing lives and cant shut the gently caress up about it. it's like, oh, you went to machu picchu for the weekend, flew back home to kick it with your rockstar pals, and then swam with sharks??? and youre showing me pictures of all of it??? gently caress you

You one bitter bitch ball bat!

pfs Write
Jun 29, 2014

get/save/remove
i remember listening to stories on the bus in elementary school from kids like this. it was fun just imagining the scenarios. they were all kids from not very good families. yes, you found a house full of things made of sugar glass and were jumping off balconies onto sugar glass tables, smashing them

its actually depressing thinking about the situations that made them act this way

wiffle ball bat
Oct 2, 2015

by Shine

Asclepius Hot Rod posted:

You one bitter bitch ball bat!

it's called a humblebrag dumbass

Chitin
Apr 29, 2007

It is no sign of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
Knew a guy for a while who claimed all sorts of poo poo. I knew he was kind of a bullshitter but then I googled him and it turned out he had actually done jail time for running for mayor and claiming to have been in the navy. I also learned from this that it is possible to buy a purple heart off eBay.

starry skies above
Aug 23, 2015

by zen death robot
I knew such a kid in high school -- dude was very much into cinema but would often endlessly lie left and right about the most trivial poo poo, especially about the movies he's seen.

He tried to lie to me about seeing "The Fellowship of the Ring" in theaters several days before its release and I suspected he was lying so I tested him (I had read the novels.)

Him: Yea, I saw it. It was great!!
Me: If you saw it, what happens to Gandalf? :smuggo:
Him: *appearing to take a guess* He dies
Me: Nope. He doesn't die. You're full of bs
Him: You always know when I'm lying!

Funny thing is if he had actually seen the movie he could have honestly guessed that Gandalf dies at the end of the first movie.

This guy always did little poo poo like this for no reason.

He ended up going to film school and became an assistant to a particular well known actor during the filming of a well known film series, but checking his imdb page it appears his career has stalled.

Who knows though, maybe he's already made big personal connections and will became a Hollywood "it" guy like that geek from Buffy the Vampire Slayer who now directs movies and produces tv shows and has genuine Hollywood power.

Edmund Sparkler
Jul 4, 2003
For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

Infinite Karma posted:

best thing to do is put two pathological liars in the same room imo. the lies get so good when they start one upping each other and neither one ever calls the other one out

You can mimic this effect by telling retarded lies and one upping pathological liars. Instant comedy.

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

Pick posted:

Some people misattribute stories to themselves, I think it's slightly different than usual lying from whole cloth. And sometimes it's just easier to say, "my friend" when telling a funny story instead of "a friend of a friend" and further degrees of separation. Neither bothers me particularly.

If you tell a story like that often enough and the actual event becomes distant enough it's not uncommon to accidentally create a false memory such that you genuinely believe your misattributed version happened. Although, unless you also have the sort of personality problems everyone else is talking about you can usually overcome the false memory if forced to think about it in detail or confronted with contradiction.

Pitdragon
Jan 20, 2004
Just another lurker

FIRST TIME posted:

You can mimic this effect by telling retarded lies and one upping pathological liars. Instant comedy.

i once got to witness 3 pathological liars sitting together with a table one-upping each other.

"My buddy runs a bunch of clubs, so whenever I go out I'm on the VIP list"
"Yeah, that's pretty cool, but I'm friends with this big time record producer, I've hung out with a bunch of famous people and now he wants to do a business deal with me that will be worth millions"
"Oh that's pretty cool I guess, I'm related to a famous musician and we hang out and talk every so often, he heard me play guitar and wanted me to play for him, so if you listen to his music that's me playing the guitar in all his songs. I made millions, but I blew it all on drugs and hookers"

The thing that was great was that they all adhered to the unspoken pathological liar's code, which is to say they never called into question each other's ridiculous lies, so the conversation kept going around the table, and when someone had presumably reached a lie that could not be topped one of the other two would just change the subject and the process would repeat itself.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Moon Atari posted:

If you tell a story like that often enough and the actual event becomes distant enough it's not uncommon to accidentally create a false memory such that you genuinely believe your misattributed version happened. Although, unless you also have the sort of personality problems everyone else is talking about you can usually overcome the false memory if forced to think about it in detail or confronted with contradiction.

Yeah, my best friend and I had the same English teacher in middle school, and the teacher called up her parents because she used words "she wasn't smart enough to know" in her homework (implying plagiarism). At one point I thought that happened to me, but my mother remembered correctly who it had been. At that point I was like, "Oh, you're right"--nothing incorrect intended and easily fixed :shrug:

Pretty good
Apr 16, 2007



I maintained a lie about having loads of nonexistent video games and video game accessories and Pokemon cards for about a year when I was ~10 because I didn't think anything real in my life was worth talking about. Now I just try to be boring instead.

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
im martin scorcese

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is
Grimey Drawer

Aesop Poprock posted:

you're that guy in the group everyone just humors and who never figures it out lol. you're mistaking not being called on things for people not actually noticing. i'm not joking or playing with you at all any time after you're done hanging out with people they're all saying "jesus that dude just tells the same stories over and over is he my loving grandpa?"

i mean either that or you're just so boring literally no one bothers to remember anything you say

So people tell me jokes i told them 3 months ago, because...?
Im not talking about repeating stuff on a weekly basis, but 3-4 months is a good meassure.

People just have loving bad memories these days.
If they cant look something up in the internet, its lost within weeks.

Strategic Tea
Sep 1, 2012

:ssh: people have always had bad memories for inane poo poo that's just there to lubricate the conversation

Minorkos
Feb 20, 2010

i had a friend who used to lie about trivial poo poo a whole lot, but i feel like he always did it just to gently caress with people. like one time when we were like 10, he threw a snowball in the back of my head and then denied it was him despite being the only one in the general vicinity. he was very insistent but he still smiled the whole time like "got ya" and then blamed some random guy who was really far away. in hindsight, it really seems like he was just loving with me using intentionally poor lies, but then again he was always kind of weird and dumb so i really don't know. maybe i'm the dumbass

Minorkos fucked around with this message at 13:44 on Oct 30, 2015

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Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 9 years!
Buglord
They are children of parents that realize they can get out of parenting by just using the premise kids believe everything as their only parenting technique until the kids just grow up believing making up nonsense for every single thing is just normal social behavior.

"we can't get icecream because the icecream store closed down, also do your chores because the boogie man will eat you also your dad didn't leave he just is being a spy"

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