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I grew up in Des Moines, Iowa where things are a little different this time of year: kids go trick-or-treating on the 30th instead of actual Halloween (a weird hold-over from the 1930s), and in order to get candy you have to tell a joke. No trick? No treat. Earn your wages, I guess. You get used to public speaking pretty fast when one night a year doors swing open to reveal the expectant faces of strangers holding the paydirt, all eyes on you. Anyway, GBS hasn't had a joke thread in awhile, so here are some of my old favorites: Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "You know how to drive this thing?" A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his belt. Bartender says, "What's with the wheel?" Pirate says, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts." Werner Heisenberg is pulled over. Cop says, "You know how fast you were goin?" Heisenberg: "No, but I know exactly where I am." Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle.
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Oct 31, 2015 18:09
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 23:54 |
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A man walks into a bar DOH watch where youre going doofus!! 
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Oct 31, 2015 18:13
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there was this guy named arturo and this motherfucker ripped him off for a buck so he shows up to the guys work to kill him and he gets the guy wrong TWICE so the headines read 'artie chokes three for a dollar at grocery hut'
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Oct 31, 2015 18:14
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poopzilla posted:A man walks into a bar Legit laughed in real life.
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Oct 31, 2015 18:16
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What's the best thing about the Holocaust? It was free.
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Oct 31, 2015 18:19
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So there was this farmer, his son, and the only animal on their farm that survived the winter: a duck. One day the farmer is sittin? down paying off last month?s heating bill when he realized that they were broke. He told his son to go into town and sell the duck for as much money that he could get. So the boy started off to town. He came up to a prostitute that was uglier than the rear end of the duck he carried in his arms. The hooker looked straight at the boy and said, "The loving begins at $10, you got $10?" The boy had no money, so he started to walk away, but the hooker stopped him and said that she would accept that duck in his hands instead of $10. The boy gleefully accepted, so they went off and had sex. An hour later, as the boy was leaving, the hooker pleaded that he gently caress her again because it was the best loving of her life. She offered him the duck back, and they went at it again. Another hour passes, and the boy heads home, duck in hand. On the way, the duck gets spooked and flies from the boy?s hands. It flew directly into the path of an oncoming car, obliterating the duck. The man driving gets out and appologizes for the boy?s duck. The man hands the boy 25 dollars for his trouble and goes on his way. Later, the boy goes home and hands his father 25 dollars. The father notices that his son looks exhausted and asks him, "What happened?" The boy's reply was this: "I got a gently caress for a duck, a duck for a gently caress, and 25 bucks for a hosed up duck."
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Oct 31, 2015 18:19
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BossRighteous posted:The loving begins at $10
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Oct 31, 2015 18:19
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huskarl_marx posted:there was this guy named arturo and this motherfucker ripped him off for a buck so he shows up to the guys work to kill him and he gets the guy wrong TWICE so the headines read 'artie chokes three for a dollar at grocery hut' v. nice What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé
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Oct 31, 2015 18:30
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 23:54 |
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Knock knock. Who's there? Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's who? Knock knock.
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Oct 31, 2015 18:55
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