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jennyinstereo
Jan 17, 2007

[rocking faces since the 80s]
(Using the audio tag because god knows not everything submitted can be considered 'music')



It's that time of year again! It's the SEVENTH ANNUAL AWFUL CHRISTMAS MUSIC thread!



Yes, AGAIN!

What's this all about then? Well, since 2009, the glorious goons of Something Awful have come together either out of genuine holiday spirit or a seething bottled-up feeling of pure malice to produce some of the best/worst christmas music ever imagined! And this year should be no different!

Q: How should I submit stuff?
A: Tindeck works well, but really any service you guys want to use that allows someone to actually download the file. The Tindeck guys have made a new site, Kicktone, a few years back, so we might use that to actually host the full album once it's completed.

Q: What's the deadline?
A: The deadline is DECEMBER 20th!!!!

Q: What if I can't sing?
A: I don't care, no one cares. That makes it better. Alternatively, you could learn to sing. OR, and this has worked in the past, post your lyrics! I'm sure some goon who can/also can't sing will belt something out that's great/passable/horrible.

Q: What should I write in my post to signify a submission vs just posting an awful track I like?
A: To make it MUCH easier to look for submissions, please include the following in your post:

MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE

Yes, bolded and capitalized, please. I want to make sure we don't miss anything whatsoever, because it's all gold. Even the horrible poo poo. Also, you're more than welcome to post great tracks made in years past, since there are way too many gems/turds to post in this OP. Speaking of which...

Some tracks you might remember:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puTsbvGEK68





















And something I did that a lot of people have told me they liked:



Actually, if you're at all interested in checking out the albums from Christmas Past (2009-2012), my husband Rupert Buttermilk still has them hosted on his site, http://www.robotcousin.com/awful-xmas-2012

Click here for 2013's album

Click here for last year's Hollycaust

Threads from Christmas Past: (currently, I guess archives are down, but hopefully these will be up soon.)

A Something Awful Christmas - two whole albums full of musical blasphemy! (2009)

A Something Awful Christmas Part Deux - Let's make more Christmas "music"! (2010)

Something Awful Christmas III - Let's make more Christmas "music" Again! (2011)

A Something Awful Christmas IV - Download the finished album of holiday horrors now! (2012)

[War On Christmas] The 5th Annual Something Awful Christmas Album... IS COMPLETE (2013)

A Something Awful Christmas VI - This poo poo is COMPLIZZAY! (2014)

This is the wonderfal promo for the 2012 album, Merry Christmas and the Infinite Santa (promo and art by fellow goon, reubennase)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sHWCzM6W3Q


Alright, goons, less talk, more rock. Get on this and make something horrible. Don't disappoint me!!!

:siren: Hey everyone, read this! :siren:
An Ounce of Gold had a great idea. Record reaction videos to songs if you can. I know in previous years, retail goons played awful music over loudspeakers while at work and had some great fun. I'd love to see family, friends, strangers, whoever reacting to this godawful mess of music.

jennyinstereo fucked around with this message at 15:58 on Dec 16, 2015

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Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Hey goons, I'll be helping out with putting this album together, and if any of you would like, I'd be happy to clean up some of your audio for you if you don't have the means to.

For the 2012 album, I did the track order and general levelling of the tracks, though some couldn't be helped, unfortunately (either too quiet, or they were clipping before I got to them). If you'd like to have me take a listen and do some minor fixin's, all you have to do is send me the uncompressed version of your track via Dropbox or google drive or something.

If no one gives a poo poo about this, that's totally fine, too!

Be merry, goons!

Rupert Buttermilk fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Nov 1, 2015

Haschel Cedricson
Jan 4, 2006

Brinkmanship

Thanks for taking the reins back; I'm excited to have them in your capable hands.

If I can find a mic that isn't broken, I should be able to get something recorded this afternoon.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Haschel Cedricson posted:

Thanks for taking the reins back; I'm excited to have them in your capable hands.

If I can find a mic that isn't broken, I should be able to get something recorded this afternoon.

Wow, an early start! :toot:

Looking forward to your (and everyone else's) submissions!

Haschel Cedricson
Jan 4, 2006

Brinkmanship

:siren: MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE :siren:



This may be the second-stupidest thing I've ever made for one of these albums.

And looking through my music library, there a few of us who have submitted enough tracks over the years to make a few single-artist albums.

Haschel Cedricson fucked around with this message at 06:11 on Nov 2, 2015

Grammarchist
Jan 28, 2013

This is always a busy time of year for me, and these threads have always helped me get through. It's safe to say enjoying, and inflicting, these tracks has become a cherished holiday tradition for my loved ones and I, or at least me. I went back to one of my submissions from last year to make it's badness less readily evident, so as to serve as a better surprise when mixed with "legitimate" tracks. I'll try to add some fresh material for this year later in the week.

http://tindeck.com/listen/vkuab

afeelgoodpoop
Oct 14, 2014

by FactsAreUseless
we got festive on fleek.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Haschel Cedricson posted:

:siren: MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE :siren:



This may be the second-stupidest thing I've ever made for one of these albums.

And looking through my music library, there a few of us who have submitted enough tracks over the years to make a few single-artist albums.

Oh, beautiful. This is right up there with 'Little Drummer Boy', good work. :golfclap:

Grammarchist posted:

This is always a busy time of year for me, and these threads have always helped me get through. It's safe to say enjoying, and inflicting, these tracks has become a cherished holiday tradition for my loved ones and I, or at least me. I went back to one of my submissions from last year to make it's badness less readily evident, so as to serve as a better surprise when mixed with "legitimate" tracks. I'll try to add some fresh material for this year later in the week.

http://tindeck.com/listen/vkuab

Forgive me for not being able to check right now, but was this included in another Awful xmas album? If not, no problem, but if so, I'd like to really focus on brand new stuff. Doesn't mean it won't be included, but new stuff comes first, hope that's ok :shobon:

Also, if it IS a new submission, you know what you must include in your post...

Return Of JimmyJars
Jun 24, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Can I fart into a microphone and submit it?

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

Can I fart into a microphone and submit it?

Put some jingling behind it, and I could try and put it in as a secret track at the end!

We're looking for 'festive farting'.

Grammarchist
Jan 28, 2013

SUBMISSION

Grammarchist
Jan 28, 2013

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

Oh, beautiful. This is right up there with 'Little Drummer Boy', good work. :golfclap:


Forgive me for not being able to check right now, but was this included in another Awful xmas album? If not, no problem, but if so, I'd like to really focus on brand new stuff. Doesn't mean it won't be included, but new stuff comes first, hope that's ok :shobon:

Also, if it IS a new submission, you know what you must include in your post...

I apologize, this wasn't meant as a submission and doesn't have to be included for this year at all. Just wanted to help get everyone in the spirit of things.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...


Good work! Quick and dirty, and I was wondering what you were going to do with the 'down where it's wetter' line, and I wasn't disappointed :toot:

Also, and this is only really going to be an issue later on when I have to sift through (hopefully) tens of submissions, please include :siren:MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE:siren: (sirens optional) for submissions, going forward.

EDIT: Also, this is definitely the most unsettling submissions I've ever heard.

Rupert Buttermilk fucked around with this message at 15:32 on Nov 2, 2015

An Ounce of Gold
Jul 13, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
These threads are always annoyingly fun. My request for this year: Can we get some goon reaction vids afterwards? I want to see family holidays with the music on in the background, and that moment when they realize what they are actually listening to.

And like the last few years if anyone has lyrics/music, but not the voice or want to sing it let me know and we can try to get something together. I can imitate a wide range of vocal styles (opera, metal, musical, pop, some celebrities and cartoon characters, tuvan, polytonal...) so feel free to PM me.

jennyinstereo
Jan 17, 2007

[rocking faces since the 80s]

Haschel Cedricson posted:

:siren: MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE :siren:



This may be the second-stupidest thing I've ever made for one of these albums.

And looking through my music library, there a few of us who have submitted enough tracks over the years to make a few single-artist albums.

This is loving terrible. I love it!

Hirethor
Dec 16, 2008

You think you know hip?
YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT BEING HIP!
I wrote lyrics for 2 songs this year but I've never recorded anything before. Are there any tips that can be given to newbies? I'd like to give my awful singing a shot to see if I should just pawn the lyrics onto someone more useful.

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



OP forgot the best track of last year

Fredrik1
Jan 22, 2005

Gopherslayer
:rock:
Fallen Rib
These threads are my favorite thing about Christmas.

Thank you all goons!

I'll try to actually contribute this time.

[edit]
Actually have a marry chiptune christmas

Fredrik1 fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Nov 3, 2015

ShredsYouSay
Sep 22, 2011

How's his widow holding up?
Will you accept barely christmassy tunes that relate to Derek Smart?

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

Love these threads, I remember the first one happening, my favorite was the one that was just a low-voice monotone "christmaaas" over and over, does someone know which song this was? Can't seem to find it.

Haschel Cedricson
Jan 4, 2006

Brinkmanship

Son of Rodney posted:

Love these threads, I remember the first one happening, my favorite was the one that was just a low-voice monotone "christmaaas" over and over, does someone know which song this was? Can't seem to find it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vvlwyv1mXG4

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

Haha that's it, thanks! Looking forward to putting this stuff on when christmas rolls around and waiting how long people notice it's garbage.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose
is this where I Crimbo and tut tut snuggly pip pip eh wot for the furry truck man and his prezzies and poo poo

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

is this where I Crimbo and tut tut snuggly pip pip eh wot for the furry truck man and his prezzies and poo poo

I can't help but read your username like DUFF MAN, and I feel like I want to use it in a song this year.

Haier
Aug 10, 2007

by Lowtax
How much Chiptunes are we talking here?

RaceBannon
Apr 3, 2010
I subject my family to hohoho2.mp3 every year and I haven't been divorced/murdered yet

Harold Krell
Sep 10, 2011

I truly believe that anyone and everyone is capable of making their dreams come true.

:unsmigghh:
MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE



Also, if you wanted to know what it sounds like sped up:

Haschel Cedricson
Jan 4, 2006

Brinkmanship

Harold Krell posted:

MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE



Also, if you wanted to know what it sounds like sped up:



This is great. I did not see the twist coming.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Harold Krell posted:

MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE



Also, if you wanted to know what it sounds like sped up:



Oh my god, beautiful.

TheSnackuum
Nov 4, 2015

Nom nom nom!

Harold Krell posted:

MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE



Also, if you wanted to know what it sounds like sped up:



This is amazing. Well done.

Grammarchist
Jan 28, 2013

MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE


Between Christmas Mash and the triumphant return of the Chipmunks this is shaping up to be a fine holiday season already. Great work everyone.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Grammarchist posted:

MY SONG IS UNDER THE TREE


Between Christmas Mash and the triumphant return of the Chipmunks this is shaping up to be a fine holiday season already. Great work everyone.

Oh my.

:suicide:

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
Coming soon: Christmas with Bigfoot. Last year's idea was too grand, so the New Justice Team is scaling back expectations.

The Bible
May 8, 2010

My wife loving hates these albums and this is my son's very first Christmas.

This will be so beautiful.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL
"Christmas is Canceled" by R.Robot/D.Bee.

I need to tell you something
You better take a seat
This is not easy to say
Since Christmas is next week

Christmas is not happening!
Christmas is no more
Christmas is canceled!
Mmm. Christmas is no more!

I can see you've been crying
Your eyes are red and dry
But please try to remember
Daddy made a hot dog man happy

Christmas is not happening
Christmas is no more
Christmas is canceled
Mmm. Christmas is no more!

Cartouche
Jan 4, 2011

Wiggle He? :(

Virginia Slams
Nov 17, 2012
interesting.............

King Lou
Jun 3, 2004
They say the fittest shall survive, yet the unfit may live

^^^^
Still tripping?


All my old songs.

- I sang this one at work.

- I sang this one when I was home with the flu

- Sang this one to give my cousin the idea he needed to tell me what he wanted.

The link to the top 10 songs from the 2012 album./

Direct MP3 link

Now... what to do for this year?

I FORGOT THIS SONG

King Lou fucked around with this message at 19:01 on Dec 7, 2015

Jukeboxblues
Jul 29, 2015


Grimey Drawer
Can we do "Dramatic Readings"? They aren't singing but they can still be just as festive imo.

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Virginia Slams
Nov 17, 2012

King Lou posted:

^^^^
Still tripping?


All my old songs.

- I sang this one at work.

- I sang this one when I was home with the flu

- Sang this one to give my cousin the idea he needed to tell me what he wanted.

The link to the top 10 songs from the 2012 album./

Direct MP3 link

Now... what to do for this year?

at the end unfortunately. i didnt read any of the op just clicked links pretty cool

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