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Orkin Mang posted:do ye work on a pirate ship me harty. yarrr!!! do/did you work in an observatory?
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Nov 17, 2015 07:28
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 10:54 |
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I cannot believe the amount of heinous women who manage to get knocked up
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Nov 17, 2015 07:29
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The time my work place's cafe catered for everyone working some kind of holiday or event (forgot which) then gave everyone food poisoning because of their completely dismal sanitation standards lol.
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Nov 17, 2015 07:51
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A lady in her 60's filling her hand with her own poo poo and then trying to shove it into her cooter, all while laughing like a retard. A dude blew his arm to loosely attached meat-bits with a shotgun trying to climb to a deerstand. An NFL player kicking open the door of the psych unit and walking out. (I ain't loving stopping him) Train vs people
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Nov 17, 2015 07:51
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a road worker chum one day wore his reflective vest inside out and boiled himself to death
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Nov 17, 2015 07:53
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SpicyMeatSandwich posted:I cannot believe the amount of heinous women who manage to get knocked up any port in a storm, my friend
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Nov 17, 2015 08:06
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A dude so hosed up on downers on his second day at work that he "couldn't find" the mixing bowls he was standing right in front of.
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Nov 17, 2015 09:36
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Tiberius Thyben posted:Hey nooner I could probably hook you up with a job if you live in Saskatchewan Are there still jobs out there? Are they oil jobs/ connected to the oil industry (aka $75 000/yr for washing dishes)?
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Nov 17, 2015 10:52
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I worked in a dumb little computer store as a teen. It was my first job. One night, the store was broken into. One of the thieves did a poor job in busting the metal door open, and managed to cut himself deep on it. There was caked blood everywhere. They stole an old customer's ancient computer, a damaged motherboard, and a brand new 15 inch LCD display.
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Nov 17, 2015 14:12
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criscodisco posted:Also a baby that got microwaved. I know that's an old urban legend, but it happened in Dayton around a decade ago. When we went to do chest compressions it's chest split open like an overcooked chicken. Alright. Welp. I didn't end up making it very far into the topic. I'm going to go tell everyone I know that I love them now.
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Nov 17, 2015 14:29
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when I worked at a grocery store in high school, there was nothing like the feeling of an overweight person coming through your line, their cart piled high with sugary snacks and chips. nothing but empty calories filling up a whole big cart. seven two-liters of soda, one for each day of the week. DIET soda, of course. now I work in a boring rear end office and nothing interesting ever happens. but you can feel the seething resentment some of my coworkers have for each other. meetings are awkward. someone's going to snap.
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Nov 17, 2015 14:32
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Retail pharmacy: - A woman came charging in and projectile vomited onto the floor area in front of the counter. - A guy came in with his hands in his pockets and told us to give him some drug, i dont recall what, probably a painkiller or something. He said he had a gun but he was also really nervous looking so we said no and he left. - Sweeping out the women's bathroom and half a dozen cockroaches come out from under and around the sink. - Going to the outside car park to find a person taking a poo poo behind your car. - Going to the car park and finding $20! It had been pissed on. - Fist fights in the car park - A car driving into a bush in the car park. The bush contained some kind of beehive. None of it has been super violent or awful but you do meet a lot of sad people. Today a regular customer came in to say goodbye to us, he left his wife and was going to travel around the world, probably never to return. It is a bit hard when business is getting slow, because all of your customers are dying.
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Nov 17, 2015 14:53
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For my most recent job one of my co-workers let an escaped mental patient into our building who had just stabbed someone. Thankfully our security stopped and detained him until the police could get there. When I worked retail though I had these homeless guys that I would always make coffee for in the winter and let them use our bathroom in exchange for them cleaning it up when they were done and would like give them our left overs from parties or pizza days or whatever. Well, one day in the winter one of them came in and told me that his friend was dead outside and to please call an ambulance. I went outside and saw one of them laying in the alley with a layer of undisturbed snow on him. I had one of my employees call 911 and went over to check on him. He didn't respond to me at all but once the paramedics got there they were like, "Come on Randy, get up, you got him." and he got up and thought it was just the funniest thing that I thought he was dead.
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Nov 17, 2015 14:59
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One of my bosses at a terrible retail place destroying the back room in a tantrum when I said that this place pays minimum wage so I don't care about my year end performance review. What makes this terrible is that the boss some how knocked over a shelf, mid tantrum, containing those disgusting plastic cat food packs which then oozed all over the backroom floor and congealed into some horrifying blob of poo poo.
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Nov 17, 2015 15:32
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Back when I worked at Krogers, we were having a "luau special" and ordered a whole pig that we were going to roast in the parking lot and serve to customers at 5.99 a plate with a side of baked beans. Unfortunately there was a mix up and the delivery truck drops off a live pig on our loading platform! It was a big motherfucker, too. At least five or six hundred pounds, nose all caked with crusty mud and poo poo on its rear end. Se we're all standing around wondering what to do with this thing. The luau was that afternoon so there was no time to send away for a new pig. So, because I worked behind the meat counter at the time, I somehow got put in charge of this pig. The manager was emphatic that the luau was not to be cancelled, and it was up to me to get a whole pig for roasting and I could either find a new one, or use the pig we already had. Well, just because I worked behind the meat counter doesn't mean I knew anything about slaughtering or butchering whole pigs. All I had was a vague idea that the pig is knocked out with a pneumatic hammer and then its throat is slit with a machete to let the blood drain out. Well we didn't have a pneumatic hammer or a machete, but what we did have was a claw hammer and a 12" marlinspike. So we coaxed the pig off the loading dock into the warehouse (it was pretty docile), where we'd laid out a plastic tarp. We got the pig in the middle of it, then sent out our most junior stockboy with the claw hammer. He would whack it on the head and then I'd stab the pig in the throat with the marlinspike. Everybody else is all gathered around the edge of the tarp to watch. So the stockboy (we'll call him "Junior") walks out onto the tarp with the hammer. The pig doesn't seem to care, it's just doing its own thing, grunting and making GBS threads. Junior raises up the hammer and brings it down on the pig's head with an almighty "THWACK!" Like, he really puts his whole body into it. From the sound, we all would have thought he'd smashed the pig's skull in. Nope. The pig goes apeshit. It starts screaming and charges at Junior, who gets half trampled before managing to crawl away while the pig is coming back around for another pass. The rest of us scatter, but it's still going after Junior, who actually makes it to the door and would have made it out except we closed and locked all the doors so the pig wouldn't escape (I dunno why we locked them, its not like the pig could work the latch). Anyway, it bites Junior in the groin, and Junior starts screaming and the pig is still screaming the whole time, and the rest of us are all climbing up the shelves and getting on top of boxes and poo poo while the pig savages Junior's nutsack. One of the braver guys tries hitting the pig with a broom to get it off of Junior, but that just makes the pig go after him and it chases him into the forklift and traps him there and bites his ankle (we learned that day that pigs don't look like they have sharp teeth, but they can still gently caress you up). Finally it gets bored of him and starts heading back towards Junior, who is moaning on the ground bleeding out through his crotch. We know that the pig is gonna finish him off once it gets over there, so as it's going past, me and the dairy section guy topple over one of the shelves on top of it. These are those big, steel warehouse shelves so they're pretty heavy and also loaded down with stock. The shelf comes down on piggy like a ton of bricks and the pig is trapped underneath. It's screaming and screaming and it's screams sound almost exactly like Junior's with his nuts bit off. So while the other guys are helping Junior and unlocking the doors, I jump down from my perch and start stabbing at the pig with the marlinspike. Even with a ton of shelf and frozen chicken thighs on top of it the drat thing is still ungodly strong and I have to put my whole body into it just to get the marlinspike to break its hide. Even with half a dozen holes in its throat, it still takes the pig a good half an hour to finally die. By the end of the morning, our warehouse looks like the set of a Quentin Tarantino film and I'm soaked head to toe in pig blood. The luau went on as scheduled but a lot of customers got sick from it because we didn't gut the pig properly and some of the poo poo from its intestines got into the meat. Junior lived and got an out of court settlement from Krogers, not nearly as much as he deserved but enough to cover a plastic dick and a new Mustang. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Nov 17, 2015 16:03
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If people had guns, this wouldn't have happened.
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Nov 17, 2015 16:28
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Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus why did I have to read this wh
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Nov 17, 2015 16:32
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Applewhite posted:
keep your goddamn work stories out of the work stories thread, weirdo
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Nov 17, 2015 16:52
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in my youth, once someone flushed a tampon down the KFC toilet and it got caught in the grease trap. the rotten grease from a million dead chickens came flooding out and coated the basement in a foul material that took me 3 days to fully remove (the smell remains and will forever) 
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Nov 17, 2015 17:06
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Solice Kirsk posted:For my most recent job one of my co-workers let an escaped mental patient into our building who had just stabbed someone. Thankfully our security stopped and detained him until the police could get there. When I worked retail though I had these homeless guys that I would always make coffee for in the winter and let them use our bathroom in exchange for them cleaning it up when they were done and would like give them our left overs from parties or pizza days or whatever. Well, one day in the winter one of them came in and told me that his friend was dead outside and to please call an ambulance. I went outside and saw one of them laying in the alley with a layer of undisturbed snow on him. I had one of my employees call 911 and went over to check on him. He didn't respond to me at all but once the paramedics got there they were like, "Come on Randy, get up, you got him." and he got up and thought it was just the funniest thing that I thought he was dead. Oh that Randy, what a cad.
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Nov 17, 2015 17:09
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I'm kind of happy that the worst thing I've ever seen at a job was a bunch of bronies coming in dressed up like characters from the show and carrying plushies of ponies and eating at the dining court where I used to work.
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Nov 17, 2015 17:27
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Applewhite posted:Back when I worked at Krogers, we were having a "luau special" and ordered a whole pig that we were going to roast in the parking lot and serve to customers at 5.99 a plate with a side of baked beans. SMDH at a probation for this epic post by some mod who has probably never made a funny post in his life
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Nov 17, 2015 17:34
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Nooner posted:I got laid off with no warning on Friday that's probably the worst thing I've seen at work. Also lol funemployment has been cool That sucks! Did you work in aerospace?
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Nov 17, 2015 17:38
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Dovo posted:That sucks! Did you work in aerospace? no he work in building
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Nov 17, 2015 17:41
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live birth in a taco bell/gas station
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Nov 17, 2015 17:45
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lol why teh gently caress would you probate applewhite for that
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Nov 17, 2015 17:57
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same mod (el spider) whop was just wondering in another thread why jon pop is permabanned lmao
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Nov 17, 2015 17:58
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well  to applewhite for eating an unnecessary prob to bring joy to our lives
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Nov 17, 2015 17:58
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truly a hero of the people
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Nov 17, 2015 17:59
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free appelwhite
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Nov 17, 2015 18:01
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Gilganixon posted:free appelwhite Why was he probated?? I looked at the reason but it's a comedy gem beyond my humble comprehension.
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Nov 17, 2015 18:11
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nomadologique posted:lol why teh gently caress would you probate applewhite for that is it ironic? im missing the punchline where beating an animal to death was supposed to be funny
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Nov 17, 2015 18:12
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nomadologique posted:lol why teh gently caress would you probate applewhite for that He's related to the pig
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Nov 17, 2015 18:24
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LOL El Spider I'm laughing at the mass of scar tissue where your cock n balls used to be!! Because if you don't find that funny i'm 110% sure you pee sitting down like a lady (because you are a pussy, you see) Free Applewhite or kill yourself
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Nov 17, 2015 18:25
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haljordan posted:What is the logic behind removing a lockout? "Eh yeah this big padlock and warning sign probably isn't important, better remove it and turn all this poo poo back on." Apparently they put the padlock holder thing and the tag but no padlock. Another crew comes along and thinks "why is this here" pulls it off and flips breaker so they can test their segment. blammo
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Nov 17, 2015 18:25
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Nubile Hillock posted:LOL El Spider I'm laughing at the mass of scar tissue where your cock n balls used to be!! Because if you don't find that funny i'm 110% sure you pee sitting down like a lady (because you are a pussy, you see) applewhite alt spotted
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Nov 17, 2015 18:27
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El Spider posted:is it ironic? im missing the punchline where beating an animal to death was supposed to be funny people have literally talked about babies being baked in this thread, as something that happened in their job. this guy does the same thing but about a pig and you get all righteous, you big loving baby e: big loving baked alive baby
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Nov 17, 2015 18:27
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Crusty Nutsack posted:applewhite alt spotted nah, just a goon fighting for what's right
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Nov 17, 2015 18:28
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El Spider posted:is it ironic? im missing the punchline where beating an animal to death was supposed to be funny its ok to kill animals when you plan to eat them
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Nov 17, 2015 18:30
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 10:54 |
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klapman posted:people have literally talked about babies being baked in this thread, as something that happened in their job. this guy does the same thing but about a pig and you get all righteous, you big loving baby link me to the baby baking post since I didn't actively read or post here prior to my modding
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Nov 17, 2015 18:33
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