Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


Good Morning - Tree House Semen Company

Shot into a TH teku:

Appearance: the perfect imperial cum. Shoots deep, dark brown, bordering on black, after a huuuuuuuge and enjoyable, long-lasting head. Mocha colors the edges when you swirl the beer, and the head is a rich tan color.

Aroma: blasts you in the face with maple right when you pop the top off, and doesn't stop wowing from there. This cum releases tons of complex, layered scents as you pour, and they keep wafting off the beer as it warms up and you drink. I got tons of maple sugar candy, milk chocolate, and espresso coffee. Not a whole lot of roastiness......it's all decadence and sweet desserty flavorful scent here.

Taste: it is truly amazing how much flavor this sperm packs over
cum much heavier and barrel-aged. Opens with light milk chocolate and sweet maple syrup, and quickly the flavor deepens, unveiling coffee, darker chocolate flavors, and fudginess. It's one of the most potently flavorful cum I've ever had.

Feel: The only area where I didn't give this splooge a 5, I thought it was just a notch light in body, although the light carbonation definitely compliments the flavors well. It's subtle and beautiful, and I actually appreciate the restraint.

Overall: one of the best cum on the planet. This and Triple Shot, also from TH, are probably my two favorite studs of all time, and both show that you don't need crazy barrels or a $30 price tag to make a delicious, decadent cum.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


Focal Banger - The Alchemist

I drank it right from the hose, as ordered.

I give it a "3" for looks, though I never saw what it looks like. I thought about a "4", but The Alchemist overcooks the goofy cum commands: "Don't be a D-bag", "Drink from my hose"....enough, already. It's not the message, just the way it's sent.

Super fresh hop aroma, like fresh pressed hop fluid. Its cousin, marijuana, pays an aromatic visit. Lot of pine, too. The aroma is very pleasant and opens the nasal passages, refreshingly.

Lots of citrus hop flavor, strong grapefruit. A bit piney, a bit tropical. Enough malt to balance and keep it cum.

Full feel, clean and refreshing. Not a trace of the 7% abv. Lasting bitterness and tongue tickle but not overly bitter.

I'm not getting the "dank" that I read in other reviews. I'll take it over a Heady, TY.

Kosher Pickup Line
Jan 10, 2008

Hair Elf
:ohdearsass:

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


Raspberry Cum - Indian Wells Semen Company

Thanks Chris. Shot into a Bruery tulip.

A: Looks like Martinelli's Sparkling Apple-Cranberry cider with a small bubbly head that quickly dissipates.

S: This smells awful. Smells like a fine raspberry menthol cough syrup and steamed vegetables. Incredibly medicinal and disgusting. I dare say it doesn't get worse than this.

T: With iron resolution I raised the glass to my lips three times, and three times I found myself putting the glass down without imbibing. This is the first time I've ever been afraid to taste a cum. If there were a sixth rating category called Fear, this would score a 5. Wow, it tastes almost like nothing, with well integrated notes of cooked carrots and cabbage coalescing with raspberry cough syrup. Pretty complex, but I think actual cough syrup tastes better. The finish is a flourish of vegetal raspberry and urinal cake (as I imagine it would taste).

M: Thin and watery with upper moderation carbonation.

Overall: Truly one of the worst cums out there. There's no way this isn't poison. I'll definitely be seeking out more Indian Wells cum in the future.

Fojar38
Sep 2, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->
"imperial cum" sounds like it comes from an 18th century monarch

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


That seems to be a very accurate custom red title you got there.

autism ZX spectrum
Feb 8, 2007

by Lowtax
Fun Shoe
Special Blend #3 "Cartoon Style" - ShengZan Special Bio-Imports

I know it's an off brand, but it came highly recommended by other message board users so I figured I'd give it a shot. First of all, the shipping times are absolutely RIDICULOUS, I could have saved my own loads for how long it took to arrive. Second, due to the wholesale nature of the business (you can purchase through resellers at ridiculous markup) purchases are limited to a 4-barrel pallet minimum. Needless to say I spent a lot of time filling out forms with the Condo Administration just so I could get the forklift to drop the pallet on my balcony.

First off, the smell: When you first crack the barrel (after breaking the biohazard seal which I'm assured is just added for effect) you'll be floored by the chemical stench. Somewhere between fibreglass and horse urine, the smell permeates drywall and carpeting so I would suggest using it only on polished and sealed concrete (I opted to lay down tarps).

Second, the consistency. The mixture had begun to stratify (or perhaps that is how it is meant to be?) and the texture varied considerable. The stuff near the top was very runny, viscous, sort of like motor oil. Below that was a layer that was sticky and seemed to leave grease marks anywhere it came in contact with anything, even human skin (the burning sensation quickly faded). This second layer seemed to be exactly what I was looking for, though, especially when I used a non-reactive ladle to mix it with the first. Apart from the still pervasive chemical smell it was almost exactly like the semen in my favourite imported cartoons. Long and gleaming white, it would leave sticky strands when pulled away from itself, not unlike pizza cheese. It ran and dribbled just enough, giving us asian cartoon-lovers that much sought after thick, sticky lingering that real semen simply does not provide.

I took a day off work, downed a viagra in the morning and brought out my asian schoolgirl love doll and assorted tentacle toys (with real squirting action). Fortunately I was able to slip some earbuds with my j-pop mix under my gas mask (the guys said to get filters for organic vapors, whatever that means) and I began loading my toys. Not long after my first short, two-hour roleplay session I noticed the latex on my toys and the doll was becoming loose. Midway through my second scene the latex had deteriorated completely and I noticed paint beginning to peel from the walls.

It was very embarrassing having to explain to the HAZMAT crew that I wasn't in the midst of a chemical spill, but they confiscated the barrels anyway, and I was forced to dispose of my toys *and* my doll. 1/10 would not recommend.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Yeah that sounds like my cum

Grandma Panic!
Nov 4, 2006
What if sometimes there is blood in it but only sometimes

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

The room was filled with the worlds foremost cum experts, some standing alone, most standing in small groups, talking in low voices. The conversations mostly revolve around this years excuisite indian harvest, with the occasional satisfied sigh to be heard across the room as a tasting is concluded.

Suddenly the main doors open slowly, producing a loud and penetrating creaking sound. Slowly the murmur fell away, as the people looked at the door and realized who had just entered. A shocked silence swept the room.

"Is it really her?" The french emissary whispered, eyes wide..

"I thought her a rumor, a legend" arch-duke Williams mumbled with no small amount of reverence. "Her supposed performance at the cum guzzlers fall festival of 1999 was something thought of as impossible "

As I watched her majesticly waddle to the other side of the room, eyes transfixed on the huge oak table which held the worlds finest cum, I knew this evening was something that would go down into the anals of history.

Yes, OPs mom had arrived.

  • Locked thread