Welcome to the underground World of Warcraft brothel

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Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

The first rule about the WoW brothel is you don't talk about the WoW brothel. I am already putting myself in danger talking about it. These guys are hardcore. I was told I could find love here and that's what I set out to find. I made fresh priest with a seductive name. I wanted to come off as pure, but kinky as to blend in to be a top choice among my suitors. I chose Cumbath.

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Once I was all set up I decided to head out of the starting zone and directly to Goldshire. The mythical land that promised me love. The tales and legends driving my every step. Cumbath was in for a journey of love.

Along the way I came across a turkey. In the spirit of Thanksgiving I decided to kill it. You never want to show up to a brothel empty handed.

It's a good thing that I ended up running into that turkey. I would've felt real stupid if I showed up and didn't have any food to offer. Look at this lovely table of food.

Even the most respectable of brothels celebrate Thanksgiving. Though they celebrate Orcsgiving. It's pretty much the same thing. I sat down and had a meal with my fellow perverts, asking each one what they were thankful for and if they wanted to kiss me. No reply. Even in an imaginary world I get the cold shoulder at the Thanksgiving table. After hearing enough about the red orcs invading our borders I decided to hang around the front end of the building for a bit. See if there were any hot catches on the perimeter. Like a lion hunts a gazelle.

I met a stunning young rogue on a sick motorcycle. He sure knew how to get me revving. However he already had some floosie in his side car so I couldn't hop in for the ride off into pleasure town.

Needing to find a better mate I ran around the front a little longer before I was brutally assaulted by Pablotheperv. Pablo charged me and began to furiously hump my backside. This wasn't love. This isn't what I came here for. Not some quickie.

So I thought it was about time to actually enter this brothel. Not knowing what to expect I charged in to quite a sight.

Night Elves dancing naked on tables. A crowd of creatures standing by silently watching. All likely touching themselves. Is this what love is? A man playing a virtual female character dancing naked for in game so another man playing another virtual female can masturbate silently in his bedroom. I got the feeling that this wasn't what I was looking for. Maybe there's more to this place. Let's check out the basement. Surely nothing creepy is down there.

Oh. It's just a man with leather gloves on and a woman with a stick. Hmmm. Maybe I should go back upstairs.

It's there I see just how many people are in this place. I take evaluation of the situation and glance around the room. I spy an empty banister where a dancer has just left. On impulse I seize my chance. Hoping that putting on a show will help me find someone. Someone who understands. And I'll make enough money to put myself through Catholic Nursing College. I could be seconds away from being the best priest in all of Azeroth.

I spent some time dancing for gold but no one seemed interested in paying me. No one wanted to talk either. I guess I was misinformed. This wasn't a place for single to find love, this was a creepy masturbatory circle jerk. I packed up my things and headed back to the monastery. I think I'll give EVE a shot next. Maybe somewhere in space I'll find my OTP.