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Who shall serve as First Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea? This poll is closed. |
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| Kim Jong-un, may his infinite wisdom and charisma carry us ever onward toward productive glory! |
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16 | 57.14% |
| Kim Jong-un, may his infinite wisdom and charisma carry us ever onward toward productive glory! |
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12 | 42.86% |
| Total: | 28 votes | ||
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 Welcome, Capitalist pigs, to the gameday thread for your beloved UFC Fight Night 79: Henderson vs. Masvidal, 8 a.m. ET Saturday, Nov. 28, available on the propaganda-strewn so-called “free internet” via UFC Fight Pass. The Western Scourge dares bring its slanderous claim that the world’s greatest practitioners of martial arts do not come from the honorable and venerable Democratic People’s Republic of Korea to our very border, holding an “Ultimate” Fighting Championship event in Seoul. The event will not take place as it will surely be overrun by that hellish city’s exclusive populace of rapists and cannibals, but fear not, brave workers. Dear Leader has seen fit to bestow upon us the ultimate generosity with our own inaugural mixed martial arts competition: DPRKFC Fight Night: Pyongyang, available through government internet channels available on select state-approved devices! Note: to power the arena for this spectacle of traditional Korean martial arts, all power in the city will need to be diverted to Rungrado 1st of May Stadium. Expect rolling blackouts for several hours. Welterweight  Hendersong Ben-Sung Vs.  Mangjeol Jong-Soo Even though his bloodline was soiled by his mother’s forbidden union with a non-Korean, Hendersong was the greatest, longest-reigning lightweight champion the DPRKFC had ever seen. Ever since he defeated the reviled American scum champion and his forbidden, cheating techniques known as “wrestling,” he has been universally beloved by the good workers of the DPRK without controversy or bitterness. He has since vacated his title, willingly and of his own volition, to conquer the weight class above him, after a streak of fights that in no way included an arm-breaking submission, a bitter knockout loss to the current champion or a boring decision to a fascist American cowboy. Hendersong also earns the respect of Dear Leader and the lifeblood of the DPRK’s workforce by thanking Dear Leader’s political ideology of Juche for strengthening him to do all things in battle. Recognizing his duty to the state and its people, Mangjeol bravely agreed to battle the fierce warrior Hendersong on short notice, after Hendersong’s original opponent was executed by anti-aircraft gun for the grave and terrible crimes of treason and complaining about fighter pay. Also a former lightweight, Mangjeol returned to welterweight in his last bout and secured his first glorious and powerful knockout since 2009, earning 44,999,640 Won in bonus funds. This is a grand step up for Mangjeol, who like his opponent has never had a boring or divisive decision, but like all brave and honorable patriots, he is prepared to die for his country as necessary. Welterweight  Ghim “Bean Bag Gun” Dongbang Vs.  Hwan Dong-geon Ghim has long brought glory and honor to Dear Leader and his fight promotion since 2008, easily becoming one of the DPRK’s most reliable and famous fighters. His defense is tight and never falters, he always manages to bother his opponents and his muscles are strong and never spasm. He may choose to toss his opponent violently, or more often than not lately, he may rush in heroically with his chin held high in the air in defiance as he knocks out his opposition. Little is known about his opponent in Hwan, as he has lived a humble life working in our proud nation’s many steel mills, textile factories and potato farms. We remember him from his appearance on the 16th season of Dear Leader’s Eternal Search for the Next Bright and Shining Star of Socialism and the Juche Ideals of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, where he participated for Team Obese And Happy Worker. The season was a wild success that was not boring or insufferable in the slightest. Welterweight  Greedy, Evil, Imperialist Devil From Across the East Sea of Korea Vs.  Min Byung-joon Our first fighter in this bout is a blight to all the ideals we hold just and true. He represents an oppressive regime that seeks to shackle the good and productive workers of the DPRK to years of subjugation, threatening our vary ways of life. He claims our disputed islands as his own, loses several fights in a row and covers his scales in a slippery lotion. He also uses traditional Japanese martial art throws to defeat his opposition, which are known by Dear Leader and his smartest scientists to make you ugly and gay. He must be stopped at all cost! Thankfully he is battling Min Byung-joon. Min Byung-joon has never lost a fight and his strikes and submissions always land true. Min Byung-joon was born on a mountain on the only snowy day of the year under a triple rainbow. Min Byung-joon tapped 18 Deans Lister the first time he rolled. Min Byung-joon learned to throw the perfect teep at just 2 months old, all without even consulting the esteemed Sensei Segal. Min Byung-joon will defeat this Imperialist dragon and protect our socialist way of life. Featherweight  Cho Du-Ho Vs.  Decadent Western Dog Cho Du-Ho is a strong and handsome warrior. He always trims his hair in accordance to the Socialist lifestyle. They say Dear Leader believes this young icon will continue to grow and flourish to be the greatest fighter we have ever seen. He will need it to defeat the vile Imperialist pig. This monster breaks limbs for fun on live television, and participates in special camps where they destroy young women’s knees. He grows facial hair in a wild and unapproved way, and spreads constant lies and dissent among the brave Korean people to besmirch the infallible name of our Dear Leader. It is said that sunlight burns his skin and he must drink bull urine to survive. Whatever the outcome of this bout, he will be taken outside the stadium and executed for his treachery. OTHER GLORIOUS OPPORTUNITIES TO GIVE THANKS TO DEAR LEADER Preliminary Card, 5 a.m. ET on Fight Pass Featherweight Yui Chul Nam vs. Mike de la Torre Lightweight Tae Hyun Bang vs. Leo Kuntz Middleweight Dongi Yang vs. Jake Collier Women's Strawweight Seo Hee Ham vs. Cortney Casey Flyweight Yao Zhikui vs. Fredy Serrano Bantamweight Ning Guangyou vs. Marco Beltran Welterweight Dominique Steele vs. Dong Hyun Kim (but a different one this time) Official Weigh-ins, 2 a.m. ET Friday, Nov. 27 http://www.ufc.com/media/fight-night-seoul-official-weigh-in OFFICIAL MMA SNACK RATING: Nourishing, wholesome food, which is not at all scarce but is in fact available in great abundance to the hard and dedicated workers of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. 
Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Nov 25, 2015 |
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Nov 25, 2015 23:13
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 20:48 |
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Glorious OP
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Nov 25, 2015 23:30
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And Juche for all.
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Nov 26, 2015 00:35
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Fievel goes east
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Nov 26, 2015 01:35
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again, if you want to read a bit about the recent history of the guys on the undercard i've written plenty of words about them here
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Nov 26, 2015 03:05
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We don't deserve OPs this beautiful.
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Nov 26, 2015 06:18
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the main event is good.
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Nov 26, 2015 06:41
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This card and the last one have featured fighters from the worst season of TUF in the co-main and main events, respectively.
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Nov 26, 2015 07:22
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화이팅!
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Nov 26, 2015 07:23
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Never thought this would be appropriate to a fight night thread but here we are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwoSFQb5HVk
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Nov 26, 2015 17:47
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzSAO8op0ow
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Nov 26, 2015 18:56
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I'm here for the fake rasslin but this is a good and cool post.
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Nov 27, 2015 08:28
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Incredible OP! Laughed out loud at the mention of TUF 16 and Team Obese And Happy Worker!
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Nov 27, 2015 09:57
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Ditch posted:Never thought this would be appropriate to a fight night thread but here we are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwoSFQb5HVk Thank you for this, comrade. Edit: I meant to quote Marching Powder's blog link but this still hold true. Cyber Dog fucked around with this message at 16:51 on Nov 27, 2015 |
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Nov 27, 2015 16:47
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhpKzZyP0B8
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Nov 27, 2015 16:58
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a different dong hyun kim
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Nov 27, 2015 18:31
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Remember this card is at a dumb time so get your Goonweight GP picks in and go double dong on your POTNs! http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3750716&pagenumber=2#post453177402 (don't do that)
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Nov 27, 2015 20:40
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well, we're live.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:02
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Hyped for Dong the Lesser
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Nov 28, 2015 11:04
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sweet. dong hyun kim's terrible clone is fighting youtube star afro ninja
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Nov 28, 2015 11:04
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Non-stop Action Packed Dominic Steele
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Nov 28, 2015 11:05
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Packed in the arena for the very first prelim  e: hell of a round to start the morning Lloyd Boner fucked around with this message at 11:15 on Nov 28, 2015 |
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Nov 28, 2015 11:10
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this is loving rad
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Nov 28, 2015 11:15
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feeling sorry for kim's brain. those elbows are loving nasty.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:22
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HOLY gently caress
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Nov 28, 2015 11:23
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loving brutal.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:23
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That was a good fight.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:25
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it was a headbutt knockout but it wasn't intentional. unbelievably brutal though it was sick
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Nov 28, 2015 11:26
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The crater Kim left in the octagon is gonna become a hazard in the later fights.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:26
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hahaha 'love that motherfucker excuse my language' i dig this guy
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Nov 28, 2015 11:27
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i cannot believe how vicious that was.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:30
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good to see guangyou continuing his proud tradition of booing soundtracking his every fight. but i'm not sure it's entirely his fault.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:43
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oh good both fighters woke up in time for round 2
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Nov 28, 2015 11:45
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one of the rare fights where standing fighters up produces less action
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Nov 28, 2015 11:46
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Fighters finally start being active on the ground. Welp time to stand them up.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:46
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Lloyd Boner posted:Fighters finally start being active on the ground. Welp time to stand them up.
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Nov 28, 2015 11:47
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oh. apparently that fight could have been fun. i've got the mexican 29-28
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Nov 28, 2015 11:54
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"Neither of you did enough to justify a post-fight interview. God knows you'd just dance around four feet away from the microphone."
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Nov 28, 2015 11:57
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keep an eye on serrano. i think he'll be top 10 soon despite being like four hundred in flyweight years
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Nov 28, 2015 11:58
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 20:48 |
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Absolutely wrecked
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Nov 28, 2015 12:04
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