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dZPnJOm8QwUAseApNj
Apr 15, 2002

arf bark woof
This year I learned that it isn't just gluten free ingredients that will spoil the dish, but cooking utensils, pots, pans, etc that have come into contact with gluten in the past.

So far I've hosed up: the turkey, by using the wrong butter, and the green beans, by using a strainer that (though cleaned) had been previously used for pasta. And the fried onions, by using a cast iron skillet that had also been previously used for pancakes etc. My theory is that my lady only invited her gluten free friends so that she could point out my failures, though more likely she is less happy to poison her friends than I am.

apparently the rule with gluten free cooking is that nothing, loving ever, is enough -- while at the same time all minor failures don't really matter. these loving dumbs

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Lemon
May 22, 2003

Try just not telling them and see if anyone notices.

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp
Haha. Tell them to go to hell

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
Just lie and say you did everything right, it's not like they are keeping kosher or anything.

Dial-a-Dog
May 22, 2001
Almost nobody has a real sensitivity to gluten, so don't worry about it op

fabergay egg
Mar 1, 2012

it's not a rhetorical question, for politely saying 'you are an idiot, you don't know what you are talking about'


when did gluten start being treif






















can we still eat challah???????

dZPnJOm8QwUAseApNj
Apr 15, 2002

arf bark woof
next year i will demand a doctor's note before agreeing to even consider anything, and may ask for a second opinion, and only then tell them to bring a pizza or some nuts or something

Slow News Day
Jul 4, 2007

Glutensgiving!

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
It happened to me: I was gluten shamed at the liquor store

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
no one really has a gluten allergy, they just make it up for attention

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

get a gluten air freshener so it permeates everything in your house

Slow News Day
Jul 4, 2007

Rutibex posted:

no one really has a gluten allergy, they just make it up for attention

this but unironically

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
Your family sounds pretty dumb, assuming they don't all have celiac disease. Oh well, more gluten for me.

4outof5
Nov 10, 2003

Leader of the ULT Right.
Grabbing pussy since April 2, 1994
Didn't the guy who did the original gluten allergy study do another study that showed it's a bunch of horse poo poo?

edit:
Print this out and serve it to these attention whore babies with dinner.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/next/body/unless-you-have-celiac-disease-gluten-sensitivity-is-probably-just-in-your-head/

4outof5 fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Nov 26, 2015

PoPcornTG
Mar 26, 2007

Dogs day afternoon
Bleak Gremlin
Tell them to leave.

dZPnJOm8QwUAseApNj
Apr 15, 2002

arf bark woof

4outof5 posted:

Didn't the guy who did the original gluten allergy study do another study that showed it's a bunch of horse poo poo?

edit:
Print this out and serve it to these attention whore babies with dinner.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/next/body/unless-you-have-celiac-disease-gluten-sensitivity-is-probably-just-in-your-head/

the new poo poo is to claim that you have celiac disease, thus making your position unassailable

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.
Give them some gluten free weed

dZPnJOm8QwUAseApNj
Apr 15, 2002

arf bark woof

Give Pat a Job posted:

Give them some gluten free weed

has this pipe touched the lips of a bread eater? sorry can't smoke it, might as well throw the weed in the bowl out too. do you have an apple?

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


I heard that eating gluten makes your dick fly off.

4outof5
Nov 10, 2003

Leader of the ULT Right.
Grabbing pussy since April 2, 1994

Mein Eyes! posted:

the new poo poo is to claim that you have celiac disease, thus making your position unassailable

It would be amazing to find a cluster of people with celiac disease living that closely together and almost statistically impossible that they all know each other.

Aquarium Gravel
Oct 21, 2004

I dun shot my dick off

4outof5 posted:

It would be amazing to find a cluster of people with celiac disease living that closely together and almost statistically impossible that they all know each other.

There's a genetic component, so it can run in families.

And yeah, if you're cooking for a celiac sufferer, start over with a new, clean wheat/oat free kitchen. Nothing less will keep the person's gut lining from attacking itself, cross contamination is real.

AT THE SAME TIME, anyone who has Celiac's and shows up at your house expecting that you'll know all of this and cook them an entire Gluten Free Thanksgiving dinner is an rear end in a top hat. People with legit Celiac's are used to bringing their own food or just asking that one item be GF, because when the consequence for eating a crumb of bread is hours of gut-wrenching agony later, you don't risk it. You make your own, you eat first, or you limit your diet to things that couldn't possibly contain gluten - you don't depend on some random Joe Someone to not accidentally leave a few bread crumbs or flour in the food at their house when they cook. Only trendy "I'm Gluten Free Now!" douches would risk that in the first place.

Aquarium Gravel fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Nov 26, 2015

dZPnJOm8QwUAseApNj
Apr 15, 2002

arf bark woof

Aquarium Gravel posted:

There's a genetic component, so it can run in families.

And yeah, if you're cooking for a celiac sufferer, start over with a new, clean wheat/oat free kitchen. Nothing less will keep the person's gut lining from attacking itself, cross contamination is real.

AT THE SAME TIME, anyone who has Celiac's and shows up at your house expecting that you'll know all of this and cook them an entire Gluten Free Thanksgiving dinner is an rear end in a top hat. People with legit Celiac's are used to bringing their own food or just asking that one item be GF, because when the consequence for eating a crumb of bread is hours of gut-wrenching agony later, you don't risk it. You make your own, you eat first, or you limit your diet to things that couldn't possibly contain gluten - you don't depend on some random Joe Someone to not accidentally leave a few bread crumbs or flour in the food at their house when they cook. Only trendy "I'm Gluten Free Now!" douches would risk that in the first place.

Our two celiacs (orsotheyclaim) aren't related, but I agree - if there's a risk of hurting someone by trying to make gluten free food in our normally-gluten-cooking kitchen, then I feel like we shouldn't be even trying. Vegetarian and vegan I can do no problem, as that's just a matter of picking ingredients and recipes without any health-related risks of contamination. But to invite people who can't eat gluten, insist that we'll make our meals gluten free, sacrifice recipes or add extra complexity, and then almost inevitably gently caress it up seems extra retarded. vent vent vent

Aquarium Gravel
Oct 21, 2004

I dun shot my dick off

Mein Eyes! posted:

Our two celiacs (orsotheyclaim) aren't related, but I agree - if there's a risk of hurting someone by trying to make gluten free food in our normally-gluten-cooking kitchen, then I feel like we shouldn't be even trying. Vegetarian and vegan I can do no problem, as that's just a matter of picking ingredients and recipes without any health-related risks of contamination. But to invite people who can't eat gluten, insist that we'll make our meals gluten free, sacrifice recipes or add extra complexity, and then almost inevitably gently caress it up seems extra retarded. vent vent vent

You're not wrong. Most people's kitchens, during the course of cooking a Thanksgiving dinner, run too high of a risk of contamination. Sorry about your dumb guests and the lady who invited them, feel free to tell them that a random guy on the internet who cooks for his celiac-diagnosed wife, says they're morons to pull this stunt over Thanksgiving, with someone else's food and kitchen. Eating less carbs is fine, faking an auto-immune condition to gently caress up someone else's holiday dinner is an rear end in a top hat stunt.

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless
I feel like the weak should be left to die off so that our genetic pool becomes stronger and we can go forth into space for the great cleansing of lesser species.

Soarer
Jan 14, 2012

I JUST CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S PONY AVATARS

~SMcD
Why are you trying to appease retards?

rabble rabble
Mar 24, 2015



Nap Ghost
it's not kosher, that's not even how gluten works jfc op you're fine

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

easy you dumb fucker

-turkey or ham
-apple sauce
-mashed potatoes
-brussel sprouts
-root veggies
-cranberries
-pumpkin pie in ramekins instead of pie crust
-wine
-ciders

about the only thing you can have is gravy so just load up the mashers with tons of butter and garlic instead you idiot

your friends sound like loving morons how about you get in a van and drive off a bridge with them inside and also you

Macnult
Jul 7, 2013

Mein Eyes! posted:


apparently the rule with gluten free cooking is that nothing, loving ever, is enough -- while at the same time all minor failures don't really matter. these loving dumbs

I have celiac disease and can confirm that it is one of the rules. another rule is that cross-contamination is serious and I'm thankful that you didn't cook me dinner.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005
Just.... Just kill yourself.

It's easier then all this horseshit.

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009

Lemon posted:

Try just not telling them and see if anyone notices.
For loving real, the majority of people who think they need to be gluten free have simply manufactured it in their stupid heads. Don't tell them and watch them suffer no side effects.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

VendaGoat posted:

Just.... Just kill yourself.

It's easier then all this horseshit.
this is how i feel about mondays...

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
The gluten is fine now unless you got flour that is over 8 or 9 years old with the gentically modified gluten protein that causes an allergic reaction in a small percentage of the population. Even if you consume the tainted flour and are unlucky enough to have an allergy to the gmo flour, it probably won't be severe and you can just pop a Benedryl before your throat closes up and your eyes swell shut, but you would likely need to eat an entire 10lb bag of flour as nobody has actually died from the modified gluten.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
Put laxatives in their food. That'll really give them the shits

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

Macnult posted:

I have celiac disease and can confirm that it is one of the rules. another rule is that cross-contamination is serious and I'm thankful that you didn't cook me dinner.

after 10,000 years of humans cultivating grains to survive how does this gene still exist?

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
It wouldn't even be a legit disease if people hadn't genetically modified the majority of subsidized seed banks.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
loving white people problems.

kill them all

axeil
Feb 14, 2006

Mein Eyes! posted:

the new poo poo is to claim that you have celiac disease, thus making your position unassailable

Don't tell them and give them gluten anyway. If they fine you can call them liars and if they aren't they will poo poo their brains out and you can feel superior that way.

My aunt has celiac and just straight up skips thanksgiving and brings her own food because its so much of a pain. gently caress those ladies for springing that on you last minute, thats terrible.

axeil fucked around with this message at 02:11 on Nov 27, 2015

Macnult
Jul 7, 2013

Rutibex posted:

after 10,000 years of humans cultivating grains to survive how does this gene still exist?

idk but it sucks and I hate it.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
i lived in a lactose-free environment for 3 months and when i came back to the real world regular milk only made me really gassy for about 2 weeks (best 2 weeks of my life) then my body adjusted
gluten intolerance is the same
gently caress these idiots that do it to themselves and then blame the thing theyre avoiding
and they pretend its a medical problem like oh poor youre practically handicapped (not talking about the celiac people)

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numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i have a poo poo post intolerance and im getting an allergic reaction to this thread

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