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a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
The toilet seat that I am sitting on right now.... is loose and it slides off to the side and i have to readjust to keep it on and I am worried that a disaster might befall me. stay tuned to this exciting thread to find out what happens next....................................................................................

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a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
UPDATE: im not on the toilet anymore and nothing happened.

proof of concept
Mar 6, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
that toilet seat is a ticking time bomb

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
be careful out there

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

a starwar betamax posted:

UPDATE: im not on the toilet anymore and nothing happened.

whew

A CISHET SHITLORD
Sep 10, 2014

LOURDE OF THE SHITS
Pillbug
no big loss

Metagrubs
Jan 5, 2015
Lipstick Apathy
You probably won't get a close shave (if you get my meaning rofl) but you will probably fall over and make an embarrassing noise and knock some stuff over. The q tips will be every where. There goes your Sunday picking up all those q tips!

e: guess it worked out enjoy your Sunday bud

The Taint Reaper
Sep 4, 2012

by Shine

A CISHET SHITLORD
Sep 10, 2014

LOURDE OF THE SHITS
Pillbug
Indians dont even need loos, they have that magic river that absorbs and sterilizes all waste. Maybe an untouchable deity eats it???

lilbeefer
Oct 4, 2004

Have you considered not sitting down to pee, OP?

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it

Lilbeefer posted:

Have you considered not sitting down to pee, OP?

Standing up to pee is a fool's errand if you're not at a urinal, friend. Way too many things can go wrong. Once I was standing to pee at home and my kitten jumped between the tip of my doodle and the bowl, and I wound up peeing all over the poor girl.

Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

a starwar betamax posted:

UPDATE: im not on the toilet anymore and nothing happened.

Sorry to hear about your constipation.

Worldshatter
May 7, 2015

:kazooieass:PEPSI for TV-GAME:kazooieass:



This killer toilet seat has all the makings of an excellent terrible horror movie.

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
UPDATE: im heading back to the toilet again

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

a starwar betamax posted:

UPDATE: im heading back to the toilet again

you live a dangerous life. godspeed.

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
UPDATE:

i using my wifes ACER ZENBOOK which has a touch screen..... so im taking advantage of this to draw a diagram that i hope helps illustide the situation...............

Metagrubs
Jan 5, 2015
Lipstick Apathy
(in motor head voice) it's time to play the game!

Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot
I hate sitting down to pee and poo my dong I have to pull up or it touches the water

GAYS FOR DAYS
Dec 22, 2005

by exmarx
I drank some laxative tea last night and I know that as soon as I go to poo poo I'm gonna be squirming on that seat. I hope the hinge on the seat is good because while I don't use my dick or balls for anything, I imagine losing them would be painful.

Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot
I have a squatty potty. Because it makes me poop faster. Its pretty nice actually although I tend to spread my legs a lil wide so underpants and pants can be a complication on it.

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it

a starwar betamax posted:

UPDATE:

i using my wifes ACER ZENBOOK which has a touch screen..... so im taking advantage of this to draw a diagram that i hope helps illustide the situation...............



If your balls are bigger than your butt that might be the root of your problem, not the faulty hinge.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL
op, next time please record your session on said toilet so we can better guide you.

we are here to help.

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
UPDATE: im at the ER theres been an accid

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
hopefully the toilets there are a little better than your deathtrap op

blainestereo
Jan 16, 2013

you are lucky your balls are small, i tried to save some time once by lowering a toilet seat and sitting down on it at the same time so my balls and my scrotum kinda swung forward and were caught under the soulless plastic

the best part is your legs kinda switch off from the pain so you are unable to stand and relieve the pain, kinda like grabbing a live wire thing

hope this post was informative and will save someone some grief in the future

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
op it was your destiny to be a funny story that the ER doc tells to her husban to make him cringe when she gets home from work tonight

:cheers: bud

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
ER lady saying something about..... Internal structural rupture? Goons?

various cheeses
Jan 24, 2013

"we can rebuild him, we have the techology"

*replaces starwar betamax's busted junk with a slide whistle and two kiwis*

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

That seat was just doing the job your parents were too scared to do

Toadstrieb
Apr 15, 2011
I also sit on a loose seat and also often have this fear occur to me. Eggs for testicles, some great lingo there I like it makes them seem even more fragile

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

HMS Interwebs posted:

Indians dont even need loos, they have that magic river that absorbs and sterilizes all waste. Maybe an untouchable deity eats it???
Magical GANGES
GANGA:
Up to now scientists have not been able to understand why there are certain qualities in its waters which can’t be found in the water of any other river of the world. Even the rivers that flow from the same mountain from which the Ganges flows, do not have the same qualities as the Ganges.

Ganges water does not putrefy, even after long periods of storage. River water begins to putrefy when lack of oxygen promotes the growth of anaerobic bacteria, which produce the tell-tale smell of stale water.

Ganges absorbs thousands of dead bodies without stinking. It is surprising that though bones do not normally dissolve in water, they do in the water of the Ganges – nothing remains.

The Ganges river dolphin was declared India’s National Aquatic Animal in 2009.


Hindus are known to keep Ganga water in closed containers for various religious purposes. The water never goes bad or putrefies. This means that Ganga water contains lot of oxygen which can assimilate organic matter like human waste and vegetable matter.

The amount of organic waste that goes into Ganga should have already exhausted the amount of oxygen. But this has not happened. There is some material present in Ganges that replenishes the oxygen content and kills the pathogens.

Interestingly, boiled Ganga water does not have the capability to kill pathogens. Similarly, Yamuna, a river which joins Ganges, does not contain the special material present in Ganga.

At the Malaria Research Center in New Delhi the Ganga water from its upper reaches didn't host mosquito breeding, and prevented breeding in any water it was added to.

Other research demonstrated that cholera germs die within hours of immersion in Ganga water.

As compared to the river Nile (6050 km.) or Amazon (6,500 km.), the total length of Ganga is only 2,525 km, but it carries the highest quantity of sediment ( 2.4 billion metric tons per year) which is greater than that carried by any other river of the world.

Attempts have been made to create the qualities of the Ganges in many other places, but they have failed because the real keys for doing so are lost.

yoyodyne
May 7, 2007
Nice try; legs are too thick and penises and balls are too small to go into the bowl.

ZombieParts
Jul 18, 2009

ASK ME ABOUT VISITING PROSTITUTES IN CHINA AND FEELING NO SHAME. MY FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY THE (PATHETIC) YODA OF PAYING WOMEN TO TOUCH HIS (AND MY) DICK. THEY WOULDN'T DO IT OTHERWISE.
is it true that you broke the toilet seat attempting to suck your own dick as suggested in another thread???

Toadstrieb
Apr 15, 2011

a hole-y ghost posted:

Magical GANGES



Literally the closest thing on earth to a genuine river of poo poo, so, it's magical in a way

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer

ZombieParts posted:

is it true that you broke the toilet seat attempting to suck your own dick as suggested in another thread???

no i would not do that that is imoral

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
Also if that drawing was to scale he could have blown himself leaned back in a La-Z-Boy.

Killed a Girl in 96
Jun 15, 2001

DON'T STOP CAN'T STOP
ya i heard from the doctors your balls + Dick got sheared off by the loose toilet seat, and when they went to reattach them they couldn't find em so they just stapled some turds to your scrote and now all the nurses and staff are calling you poop balls

Killed a Girl in 96
Jun 15, 2001

DON'T STOP CAN'T STOP
"poor old poop balls" one nurse said. "he flushed his johnson down the toilet and now he's got poop for balls"

Ork of Fiction
Jul 22, 2013

Microwaves Mom posted:

I hate sitting down to pee and poo my dong I have to pull up or it touches the water

The Thirsty Bird.

It is the curse of man. Easily as bad or worse than mensturals or childbirth.

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snuggle baby luvs hugs
Aug 30, 2005

a starwar betamax posted:

UPDATE:

i using my wifes ACER ZENBOOK which has a touch screen..... so im taking advantage of this to draw a diagram that i hope helps illustide the situation...............



This toilet could never flush

get out of there it might be a trap!!

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