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Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot

Secks Cauldron posted:

If she was passed out at the time that makes him a rapist. Is there a bingo card for lovely people who should be locked up for life because this kid has got every square covered.

and he hasn't even hit 18 yet!

Quite the accomplishment for such a young age.

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down n out
Sep 16, 2008

Nap Ghost
He's over 18 now. You know what happens to (most) adults that violate probation?

BIG BOY JAIL!
BIG BOY JAIL!

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
Where are people getting that the 14-year-old was passed out from?

quote:

He was driving his mom’s F-150 on a night in February 2013 when a Lakeside police officer found him peeing in the parking lot of a Dollar General at 1 am. In the truck was an unclothed 14-year-old girl, a can of Miller Lite, and a 1.75-liter bottle of Grey Goose. The officer asked the clearly intoxicated 15-year-old Ethan what he was doing.

Ethan replied, “What’s it look like I’m doing?”

Tonya was called to the scene. The officer’s microphone captured the conversation between the mother and son.

“By the way, I didn’t know you snuck out,” Tonya says.

“What do you mean, I snuck out?” Ethan says. “I told you I was—”

“Well you’re not going to tell your dad that after you go out drinking and doing this,” she says.

“I drank one beer,” he says.

“It doesn’t matter,” she says.

Though he’d broken at least six laws, Ethan was only issued tickets for minor in consumption and minor in possession. Tonya drove Ethan home, leaving the truck at the Dollar General. In her deposition, Tonya was asked what happened to the girl. “That morning?” Tonya responded. “Her mom picked her up, I assume. I guess. I don’t know.” Citing the ongoing civil litigation, Lakeside Chief of Police Lee Pitts declined to comment on the incident.

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007
lo loving l

This dickweed and his mom are now fugitives on the run because someone snapped a picture of him playing beer pong.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/17/us/texas-affluenza-drunken-driving-teen-missing/index.html

nigga crab pollock
Mar 26, 2010

by Lowtax
idk about you guys but beer pong is barely a drinking game. its usually a game drunk people play while drinking but it rarely actually involves alcohol

never once seen someone put beer in the cup and drink it or take a drink when their cup is taken out. everyone is just already drunk and wants to throw ping pong balls at other people

WIFEY WATCHDOG
Jun 25, 2012

Yeah, well I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.

Melmac posted:

lo loving l

This dickweed and his mom are now fugitives on the run because someone snapped a picture of him playing beer pong.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/17/us/texas-affluenza-drunken-driving-teen-missing/index.html

but but... but....i thought he couldn't possibly fathom the results of his actions seeing how he's rich

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007

Dr. Tim Whatley posted:

but but... but....i thought he couldn't possibly fathom the results of his actions seeing how he's rich

His lawyer is going to argue that you can't prove the cup was filled with beer is my guess.

nigga crab pollock
Mar 26, 2010

by Lowtax

Melmac posted:

lo loving l

This dickweed and his mom are now fugitives on the run because someone snapped a picture of him playing beer pong.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/17/us/texas-affluenza-drunken-driving-teen-missing/index.html

i like the authorities huffing and puffing and putting on a show for a loving teenager and his mom

theyre not even gonna have to do anything they're gonna turn themselves in in a week or they're gonna trace his twitter account to a fuckin starbucks

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

nigga crab pollock posted:

idk about you guys but beer pong is barely a drinking game. its usually a game drunk people play while drinking but it rarely actually involves alcohol

never once seen someone put beer in the cup and drink it or take a drink when their cup is taken out. everyone is just already drunk and wants to throw ping pong balls at other people

I don't know what CHRISTIAN beer pong you play but I've only ever seen it used. It tends to be piss lite beer so you're half right

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007

nigga crab pollock posted:

i like the authorities huffing and puffing and putting on a show for a loving teenager and his mom

theyre not even gonna have to do anything they're gonna turn themselves in in a week or they're gonna trace his twitter account to a fuckin starbucks

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

nigga crab pollock posted:

idk about you guys but beer pong is barely a drinking game. its usually a game drunk people play while drinking but it rarely actually involves alcohol

never once seen someone put beer in the cup and drink it or take a drink when their cup is taken out. everyone is just already drunk and wants to throw ping pong balls at other people

your friends are just lame, i defiantly play beer pong for reals on the regular

nigga crab pollock
Mar 26, 2010

by Lowtax

Alan Smithee posted:

I don't know what CHRISTIAN beer pong you play but I've only ever seen it used. It tends to be piss lite beer so you're half right

i rushed a frat freshman year and even then nobody did. i was at a party this weekend and it was the same. like every party ive been to its been the same

the best part about parties is the room upstairs where everyone is smoking weed though so w/e

nigga crab pollock
Mar 26, 2010

by Lowtax

please dont post pictures of me tia

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007

nigga crab pollock posted:

please dont post pictures of me tia

one more

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



i'm p impressed with how fast a single goatee took this kid from beans from even stevens to nascar dad

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007

social vegan posted:

i'm p impressed with how fast a single goatee took this kid from beans from even stevens to nascar dad

You ever see "The Machinist"? The guilt from doing something terrible but never serving time makes you look physically ugly after a while.

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

nigga crab pollock posted:

i rushed a frat freshman year and even then nobody did. i was at a party this weekend and it was the same. like every party ive been to its been the same

the best part about parties is the room upstairs where everyone is smoking weed though so w/e

you were so lame you couldn't even find a party where actual drinking games happened

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



Melmac posted:

You ever see "The Machinist"? The guilt from doing something terrible but never serving time makes you look physically ugly after a while.

he looks like tom felton hosed ed norton

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



and then grew up in american history x

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






The feds have joined the search, they'll find them by Monday or some poo poo. Probably at a four star hotel instead of a lovely Econolodge where people mind their own business.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
"i am a remorseless sociopath who remains a danger to society as long as i am free but i have a good reason: my family is rich. therefor i must plead not guilty for that thing i admit being guilty of"

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






I love how the judge who sentenced him immediately retired afterwards. Definitely nothing shady there.

Strategic Tea
Sep 1, 2012

You know whenever someone makes a thread about DUI you people all jump out of the woodwork to say that there's nothing wrong with it and that you can totally be trusted behind the wheel :frogbon:

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
i've done a lot of shameful things in my life but waking up one morning and deducing that i must have drove myself home pretty much tops the list. gently caress that

revmoo
May 25, 2006

#basta

Strategic Tea posted:

You know whenever someone makes a thread about DUI you people all jump out of the woodwork to say that there's nothing wrong with it and that you can totally be trusted behind the wheel :frogbon:

Who is defending driving drunk in here?

wireframeskull
Dec 3, 2006

coronatae posted:

D Magazine did a big thing on this case. Kid had/has a hosed up home life. He should have faced actual consequences but it makes me feel a little sorry for him.

Good article, thanks. I have no sympathy for the kid, though. He'll probably off himself soon if he hasn't already, and the world will be a better place if he does.

At least the families of the people that got gibbed sued the pants (or at least a sock, hopefully) off of Ethan's parents/his dad/dad's company and settled out their claims. His parents also should have been charged to the maximum extent possible under Texas criminal parental liability laws, but, well, you know.

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007
What kind of jailtime is his stupid mother looking at for helping him with his escape?

Still can't believe this is all because he was caught playing beer pong. :cripes:

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
welp there's a felony for him and his mom, they're hosed lmao

wireframeskull
Dec 3, 2006

oh poo poo, missed that mom's involved and also missing

now hoping for double suicide! :munch:

Subvisual Haze
Nov 22, 2003

The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault.
Well I mean yeah he committed theft, and was intoxicated, and had prescriptiption benzos in his system, and was driving underage, and sexually assaulted a minor, and killed a bunch of people, and paralyzed some others. But have you considered that maybe he had a rough childhood?

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007
My guess is Couch Mom and son are on a Caribbean cruise with plans on not getting back on the ship when it docks in the Bahamas. When finally found, they will claim they were both on vacation and wtf they sent an email to the probation officer and everything

Come Home Couch Mom

raditts
Feb 21, 2001

The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.


nigga crab pollock posted:

i rushed a frat freshman year and even then nobody did. i was at a party this weekend and it was the same. like every party ive been to its been the same

Is this the kind of poo poo people are talking about when they complain about millenials

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






The concept of playing beer pong without beer is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of in my life

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007

haljordan posted:

The concept of playing beer pong without beer is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of in my life

He could have used that excuse had he not fled the country.

czarmonger
Aug 16, 2008

ask me about my brothel
ive played a game of beer pong where a splash of whiskey was added to each cup of beer

later that night we rode boogie boards down the indoor stairs and dragged a spare mattress between the outdoor stairs and the pool and used it like a trampoline

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






czarmonger posted:

ive played a game of beer pong where a splash of whiskey was added to each cup of beer

later that night we rode boogie boards down the stairs and dragged a spare mattress between the stairs and the pool and used it like a trampoline

I'll be honest, that sounds like the greatest party in the history of existence.

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR

TheShazbot posted:

Is there a disease for the poor people who are hosed over by the system who have to resort to petty crime to get by?

slow death

Minimalist Program
Aug 14, 2010

haljordan posted:

I'll be honest, that sounds like the greatest party in the history of existence.

yeah, if youre a dweeb who goes to dweeb parties, uh, with dweebs.

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Minimalist Program posted:

yeah, if youre a dweeb who goes to dweeb parties, uh, with dweebs.

As opposed to the party where people play beer pong without beer

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Hardawn
Mar 15, 2004

Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates
College Slice

Three Olives posted:

Yes but I am only verbally abusive to the poor, the closest to physical violence is having the anti-homeless spikes installed outside my condo.

I saw an f350 with wheel spikes driving down the highway hauling a trailer full of scrap. Good to see trillionaires still out grinding.

Hardawn fucked around with this message at 22:14 on Dec 19, 2015

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