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Which card are you most excited for? This poll is closed. |
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| UFC Fight Night |
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24 | 52.17% |
| TUF Finale |
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22 | 47.83% |
| Total: | 46 votes | ||
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Looking for the GDT for the big pay-per-view this weekend? Check it out here. Greetings, gang, and welcome to an action-packed MEGAGDT for both UFC Fight Night: Namajunas vs. VanZant and the Ultimate Fighter 22 Finale! We’re in for three straight days of cards that each offer generous helpings of legitimate world-class pay-per-view-quality bouts, so to cut down on the clutter and ensure nothing gets lost in the shuffle, this GDT will serve for Thursday and Friday’s bouts while Saturday’s PPV will have its own thread. I don’t talk a lot about my personal life on SomethingAwful so not many of you know I was doing this, but since my last OP I have completed my training program and am now a GG GL-certified Sexual Appraiser. To celebrate, I will go ahead and appraise the Sexual Market Value of each main card, free of charge! UFC Fight Night 80, 10 p.m. ET Thursday, Dec. 10, on UFC Fight Pass Strawweight  ”Thug” Rose Namajunas vs.  ”12 Guage” Paige VanZant On the certification exam I got my lowest marks on appraising the nuances of the female Sexual Market Value Scale, but I will try my best. We’re kicking things off with what promises to be a really fun fight between two young guns who may well shape the mid-distant future of their division. “Thug” Rose is a little cutie who has already had a taste of the big shot, making up the losing half of the UFC’s inaugural strawweight title bout. While her weakness to strong wrestling games likely lives on, it shouldn’t prove to be a big problem in this fight. She favors forward pressure and flashy submissions, but unfortunately a previous collector seems to have cut off all her hair! It breaks my heart when people don’t appreciate what they have and fail to preserve its original value. In better shape I’d have put her in the PVZ range, but currently I’m afraid unless she’s restored, I must declare, conservatively, ASSESSED SMV: $700-800 retail PVZ is every promoter’s dream, and Dana White has hyped her accordingly. This cutiepie is winning fights — even impressively, on occasion! — and favors an aggressive ground game that can turn up the GNP volume in a relatively short amount of time. This is favored among collectors, as well, who recall the Tito Ortiz and Mark Coleman eras of fighting, but yearn for something less sexually off-putting than either of those legends. Additionally, PVZ is just stunning by current SMV standards: she’s unblemished by unsightly tattoos, and the UFC wisely kept her hair intact. She’s even a former model, which she used as leverage to become a ring girl in the hopes of getting her foot in the fight game, and it would appear it’s worked! ASSESSED SMV: $1 million insurance Lightweight  Jim Miller vs.  Michael Chiesa Jim Miller is a goon favorite, submission machine from Jersey who’s 20-fight UFC streak began back in 2008. Six of those 20 bouts have earned him a $50,000 bonus check, so it’s no wonder he’s a popular fighter. He’s also near the end: after a two-fight skid, he’s back in the win column with a split decision win over Danny Castillo. But while his days of wracking up seven-fight win streaks are a day of the past, he’s still worth a good bit on the Sexual Market. He’s got a neat, well-kempt beard and a number of tattoos, which we know give some major points to overall badboy image, but he also helps take care of his brother’s sick son, showcasing his sensitive and caring side. He also reliably pulls a niche SMV on the goon market, though, earning 15% of the vote for sexiest fighter on the previous sexiest card of all time. If Miller were in mint physical condition I’d be comfortable rating him much higher, but even in this shape I think he is worth an ASSESSED SMV: $25-30,000 auction Michael Chiesa earned some cutie points on TUF Live, earning a lot of people rooting for him out of sympathy after his dad died while he was in the house. That goodwill was squandered when he acted like a gigantic salty pissbaby after his submission loss to Jorge Masvidal, and again after his very justifiable doctor’s stoppage loss against Joe Lauzon. Proven to be whiny and unpleasant, his personality does nothing to bolster his already low SMV due to his crazy hobo beard and greasy topknot. His fighting style doesn’t do his SMV any favors either. He’s also a submission “expert” who’s pulled them off against scrubs and a tuckered, injured and already sub-prone Al Iaquinta, so I’m afraid that he’s simply not worth a whole lot. ASSESSED SMV: $5-10 retail Lightweight  Sage Northcutt vs.  Cody Pfister Sage Northcutt, now that’s a specimen. Undefeated as a professional at just 19 years old, he has clearly earned the adoration of his bosses in the UFC (and possibly brief training partner Georges St-Pierre, if Willie-Dee’s hunch is correct.) He came in and smashed his opposition, an overweight stoned Mexican who slipped in the middle of the Octagon, and for this he is declared the greatest fighter of our generation and the next GSP. While I’m inclined to think this is an overvaluation, he’s definitely got what it takes to move a pretty penny on the Sexual Market. The spiked, bleached hair and smirking smile of a “straight twink turned gay” fantasy, with the rippling and unnatural teenage musculature of a boy groomed to fight from birth by a literal steroid and cocaine dealer. Currently enrolled in college as a petroleum engineer, we can rest assured he is cooking up new and exciting KY jellies we can all enjoy in the future. While some may be concerned with his likely unnatural makeup, rest assured this does not harm his SMV: very few fighters are made up of natural ingredients, and this is considered commonplace by avid collectors. ASSESSED SMV: $1.5 million insurance His opponent, Cody Pfister, evokes a grittier, less glamorous, more pedestrian brand of homosexuality. A self-assured doofy smirk that says “yeah, I’m down.” A grinding, gasping, prolonged affair against a strange Cuban in Las Vegas. A career so unnoteworthy he has yet to earn a Wiki, ensuring complete anonymity. Being nicknamed “the Pfist” completely unironically. He’s expected to lose his bout badly and doesn’t have many people excited, which certainly doesn’t boost his SMV, but true connoisseurs will likely find something to deem him worthy of adding to their collection, if not in a showcase position. ASSESSED SMV: $1,000 auction Middleweight  Elias Theodorou vs.  Thiago Santos This Greek-Canadian undefeated cutie is in high demand and carries a strong market value with it. He became the winner of The Ultimate Fighter Nations: The Greatest Rivalry You Had No Idea Existed by TKOing out Sheldon Westcott, showcasing reasonably decent knockout power. He is easily the most massive Sexual Crossover Star on this card, having appeared on the cover of multiple Harlequin romance novels to which your mom and auntie have most likely masturbated whilst reading. Perfectly feathered hair, a strong jaw line, well-balanced and appropriately sized nipples. This is the complete package. ASSESSED SMV: $ 1352299.99 CAD insurance His opponent is a strong and reliable finisher, most recently earning a big bonus check by kicking hockey star Steve Bosse’s head into the crowd. Unfortunately, however, he does not have similar value on the Sexual Market by any stretch of the imagination. While he’s got the swagger and tattoos of the ever-coveted Bad Boy, his background and middle-of-the-pack skillset leave him as simply one of a plethora of Brazilian fighters mass-produced in the early 2010s. Even his name is generic, with his Wikipedia page specificying he is Thiago Santos (middleweight fighter. Also, he was decisioned by Uriah Hall with one toe. ASSESSED SMV: $550-700 retail OTHER poo poo TO WATCH THIS EVENING Fight Pass Prelims, 6:45 p.m. ET Welterweight Tim Means vs. John Howard Welterweight Omari Akhmedov vs. Sérgio Moraes Middleweight Antônio Carlos Júnior vs. Kevin Casey Bantamweight Aljamain Sterling vs. Johnny Eduardo Welterweight Santiago Ponzinibbio vs. Andreas Ståhl Welterweight Danny Roberts vs. Nathan Coy Featherweight Zubaira Tukhugov vs. Phillipe Nover Women's Strawweight Kailin Curran vs. Emily Kagan OFFICIAL WEIGH-INS, 7 p.m. ET Wednesday, Dec. 9 http://www.ufc.com/media/fight-night-vegas-official-weigh-in Tune in next post for The TUF Finale, the MMA Snack Rating and more! Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Dec 9, 2015 |
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Dec 9, 2015 01:34
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Welcome back! Let’s get started with assessing The Ultimate Fighter: Team McGregor vs. Team Faber (AKA TUF 22 Finale), 10 p.m. ET Friday, Dec. 11 on Fox Sports 1! Unfortunately the final episode of this series will air after the time I will need to have this written and posted by due to my schedule, which means the bout order isn’t finalized and it’s not super clear which bouts will be on the main. It will most likely be these four, though, plus another lightweight bout between two dudes I would have known absolutely nothing about anyway. SO HERE WE GO! Featherweight  Frankie Edgar vs.  Chad Mendes Frankie Edgar is a former Lightweight champion, and was chased down to what honestly should be his native weight class anyway after some bullshit judging. He’s a threat everywhere, has cardio for days, and has just enough cracks in his chin to be hurt in most fights while simultaneously recovering excellently. He’s 4-1 at Featherweight with his only loss coming as a decision to all-time Featherweight King Jose Aldo. He also put away Cub Swanson at a time that was fairly impressive and TKOd the sad rigid specter of BJ Penn. But we’re not here to talk about fights, we’re here to talk about Sexual Market Value. Frankie’s got that “Jersey Street Tough With a Heart of Gold” je ne sais quoi that makes the Bad Boy stereotype so popular: tattoos and an old guy name, but soft facial features and an innate likability. Frankie would pick you up on his motorcycle and take you to the pier for your first date. He’d try and win you the giant stuffed animal but would almost get kicked out for cussing and screaming at the carnival worker because the knock over the milk bottles game is rigged. He’d buy you a giant cotton candy and one of those footlong corndogs even though he knows it’ll upset your acid reflux and make you a little grumpy. He’d kiss you at the top of the ferris wheel and get you back home 45 minutes after your dad insisted. We love you, Frankie. ASSESSED SMV: $800-850,000 auction Chad Mendes is perhaps the second-most successful product of the sexiest camp of all time. His only c areer losses are to Jose Aldo, and he pulled together enough avenues of his game that the second fight was actually insanely close despite being illegally knocked out at the end of a round early on in the fight. While his striking still has some holes, he’s developed massive power and more than a few avenues to execute it. While he’s incredibly successful and rarely wears a shirt, a lack of tattoos and a distinctive facial mole that not everyone is going to like are going to be marks against him on the hyper-masculine male Sexual Market. ASSESSED SMV: $675,000 insurance Lightweight  Edson Barboza vs.  Tony Ferguson Unless he makes some somewhat surprising improvements to his game, Edson Barboza is probably settled into a gatekeeper role at 155. That’s ok though, no matter what, we’ll always have the Terry Etim kick. Edson’s in pretty good shape, and has a long b ut distinguished face. Strong midsection, great definition in the abs. Sometimes he grows a beard to show he can be distinguished and striking. Overall great stuff. ASSESSED SMV: $40,000 insurance Former TUF winner Tony Ferguson is on a strong six-fight win streak over names ike Abel Trujillo, Gleison Tibau and Josh Thomson, the former two being RNC victories. He’s a consistent finisher with power in his hands and a penchant for submissions, and appears to be ready to break through to definite Good Fighter territory, assuming he can get through Barboza first. Amazingly, both of these guys have competitive, close fights with Danny Castillo. But while this may be a strong contender for fight of the night, Ferguson may well be the worst value we’ll see all week on the sexual market. He has huge, protruding ears that are not in high demand, and a resting facial expression that suggests he bet on a fart and lost. His hairline is receding faster than he beat Mike Rio. He’s also demonstrably a huge rear end in a top hat, getting drunk and making fun of a guy going through a custody battle on TUF. That’s the wrong kind of bad boy to make you dating material. ASSESSED SMV: no monetary value Lightweight  Joe Lauzon vs.  Evan Dunham Another lightweight gatekeeper, Joe Lauzon has undeniable skills but has never quite been able to put them together long enough to go on a major run in the UFC. He’s also the promotion’s all-time leader in post-fight bonuses, with 13 to his name. Always expect an exciting fight with Joe. Also always gently caress with the lights off unless you’re into Mad Max War Boy cosplay. ASSESSED SMV: $20-25 retail Evan Dunham was on an 11-fight tear, putting dudes away left and right, until one fateful September night in 2010 when he discovered it was impossible to choke a leaky hot dog casing full of steroids and blood unconscious. Since then he’s never been the same as a fighter, earning his most impressive victory by doctor’s stoppage against Nik Lentz at a time where Lentz thought his father would literally die if he blocked a punch. Sexually speaking, Dunham’s most remarkable trait is he kind of looks like that kid who tries to hard to fit in at his frat, despite being 33. I guess that counts for the cover charge at his chapter’s big party. ASSESSED SMV: $10 or canned goods to donate to Sigma’s philanthropy project Welterweight  Ryan LaFlare vs.  Mike Pierce Ryan LaFlare was somehow undefeated until early this year when he lost what might have been Demian Maia’s shittiest, most Demian Maia fight yet. If you’ve ever wanted to gently caress Gray Maynard but really tall, boy are you in luck. ASSESSED SMV: $15-20 retail While I’m glad for Mike Pierce that he’s finally back after having his leg illegally mangled by Rousimar Palhares, I’m pretty indifferent toward seeing him fight again. He’s been around for a while, lost to some good fighters and beat some not very good ones. He also looks like if Robert Z’Dar had gotten surgery to file down his chin. ASSESSED SMV: whatever a used VHS copy of Samurai Cop is worth to some weirdo collector on eBay OTHER poo poo TO WATCH Prelims, at some point before the fight, on Fox Sports 1 or possibly Fight Pass (seriously Fight Night GDTs are impossible to write before the final episode airs Featherweight Tatsuya Kawajiri vs. Jason Knight Heavyweight Gabriel Gonzaga vs. Konstantin Erokhin Flyweight Joby Sanchez vs. Geane Herrera Weigh ins, 5 p.m. ET Thursday http://www.ufc.com/media/the-ultimate-fighter-finale-official-weigh-in OFFICIAL MMA SNACK RATING: Cheap champagne served by this guy 
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Dec 9, 2015 01:34
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The sheer amount of hot dudes fighting is almost too much to handle.
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Dec 9, 2015 01:40
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-Atom- posted:The sheer amount of hot dudes fighting is almost too much to handle.
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Dec 9, 2015 01:54
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I'm just posting to say that Tony Ferguson actually taps into the Dracula and vampire fetish market and he has surprising value.
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Dec 9, 2015 02:17
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oh hey mike pierce is back in action? right on...
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Dec 9, 2015 02:25
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I really hope Paige loses. Also that Rose wins. If both those things could happen, it would be great.
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Dec 9, 2015 03:06
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Excellent work as usual, but you will be hearing from my attorney for stealing my sick nasty gay joke for your sage writeup 
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Dec 9, 2015 03:25
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I remember when Dunham was hyped to be the total package and new breed of fighter then I remember nothing about him after the sherk fight
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Dec 9, 2015 05:06
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My main memory of Dunham is that he looks like a giant, muscular baby
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Dec 9, 2015 05:07
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david carmichael posted:I remember when Dunham was hyped to be the total package and new breed of fighter then I remember nothing about him after the sherk fight that's cause his next fight was getting demolished by Melvin Guillard. he never really recovered from that.
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Dec 9, 2015 05:08
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my main memory of Evan Dunham is when he stole $50 from me by cowardly wrestling a British man for 2 rounds.
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Dec 9, 2015 05:10
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I remember the time I tweeted at him and Cowboy that they should fight, and then the fight was booked a day later. It made me briefly think I had the power.
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Dec 9, 2015 06:15
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fatherdog posted:My main memory of Dunham is that he looks like a giant, muscular baby I think Benavidez is the true king in that category.
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Dec 9, 2015 06:22
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LeftistMuslimObama posted:I think Benavidez is the true king in that category. Benavidez looks like a normal sized muscular baby.
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Dec 9, 2015 14:50
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quote:If you’ve ever wanted to gently caress Gray Maynard but really tall, boy are you in luck.
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Dec 9, 2015 15:41
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quote:Cody Pfister, evokes a grittier, less glamorous, more pedestrian brand of homosexuality I just want to hear Joe Rogan yelling this on fight night.
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Dec 9, 2015 16:07
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may death come swiftly to the enemies of mike pierce
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Dec 9, 2015 16:29
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Sage's open workout showed him doing a fireman's carry takedown, which if used in an actual fight would be 1000x more impressive than any of his flips. Bonus points if he segues into a la magistral.
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Dec 9, 2015 16:42
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Ditch posted:Sage's open workout showed him doing a fireman's carry takedown, which if used in an actual fight would be 1000x more impressive than any of his flips. Bonus points if he segues into a la magistral. a couple of people have used fireman's carries successfully in mma, i think the best one was joe lauzon using one against like rudiger or stephens where he immediately transitioned into an armbar. fireman's carry is also one of the first takedowns they teach you in high school wrestling gym class, because its a great excuse for a gym teacher to uppercut their biceps into a disruptive student's grundle 
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Dec 9, 2015 16:48
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I hope that someone wanders by from the rest of the forums and this is their first GDT.
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Dec 9, 2015 21:30
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Grifter posted:I hope that someone wanders by from the rest of the forums and this is their first GDT. They will gain a true and accurate idea of what is discussed here.
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Dec 9, 2015 22:56
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david carmichael posted:a couple of people have used fireman's carries successfully in mma, i think the best one was joe lauzon using one against like rudiger or stephens where he immediately transitioned into an armbar. fireman's carry is also one of the first takedowns they teach you in high school wrestling gym class, because its a great excuse for a gym teacher to uppercut their biceps into a disruptive student's grundle After our wrestling coach taught us the High Crotch everyone on the team reached a gentleman's agreement to never use it even in drills.
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Dec 10, 2015 00:58
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This guy loving sucks at working the scale
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Dec 10, 2015 01:20
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Weighins for card #1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvizmEVZyyQ e: someone who I'm assuming is a member of Cody Pfister's family loudly booing Sage Northcutt 
colonel_korn fucked around with this message at 01:26 on Dec 10, 2015 |
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Dec 10, 2015 01:21
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Cody Pfister is the the softest looking 156.
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Dec 10, 2015 01:37
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There's a lot of tomato in that can
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Dec 10, 2015 02:38
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Le Saboteur posted:Cody Pfister is the the softest looking 156. yeah thats guy does not look ready.
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Dec 10, 2015 02:38
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seeing miller made me watch him and lauzon again and that fight is loving grim
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Dec 10, 2015 02:39
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Marching Powder posted:seeing miller made me watch him and lauzon again and that fight is loving grim Yeah, the mat looked like a loving crime scene at the end of that one.
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Dec 10, 2015 02:52
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fatherdog posted:Yeah, the mat looked like a loving crime scene at the end of that one. it was really weird seeing a three dimensional pool of blood just coagulating on the canvas about a foot from where the fighters were actually fighting. i'm not sure if it's actually as offensive a sight as blood literally sheeting over bigfoot's face during one of the cain fights but at least that was mercifully short. lauzon spent 12 minutes hemorrhaging
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Dec 10, 2015 02:57
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That bloodied mat was the UFC boss' christmas present to Joe Lauzon. I was in Indonesia when that fight happened, training Kali and Silat with this nice traditional instructor at a nice gym. That was the first UFC fight he ever watched. He was gobsmacked.
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Dec 10, 2015 06:01
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Wow, had no clue Kawajiri was on the TUF 22 card. The man has a pretty decent SMV, like a few hundred yen below Sexyama but still valuable, tbh
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Dec 10, 2015 06:42
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My goodness, both cards are full of people I actually know. Wild, wild stuff
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Dec 10, 2015 10:20
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Looks like Ryan Hall is in as a late replacement for the TUF finale: http://www.mmafighting.com/2015/12/9/9881672/substitute-ryan-hall-meets-artem-lobov-in-tuf-22-lightweight-finale I'd been wondering why he didn't have a fight scheduled for the card already, they must have known about visa issues for a little while now.
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Dec 10, 2015 12:52
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjgmNBJZLiI
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Dec 10, 2015 17:32
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I take back what I said about my indifference towards Mike Pierce's return, he owns and will own forever.
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Dec 10, 2015 17:37
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Can we get some early SMV assessment's on the TUF fighters up in this thread.
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Dec 10, 2015 17:38
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oh, so this is what love feels like
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Dec 10, 2015 17:40
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Le Saboteur posted:Can we get some early SMV assessment's on the TUF fighters up in this thread. Artem Lobov is a Russian-born Irishman who appears to tan, while this at base value would bolster his SMV, anyone with those backgrounds who cares about skin tone is untrustworthy and will prove to diminish demand. ASSESSED SMV: $300 insurance Ryan Hall is a fighter with chest hair, making him a rarity with strong appeal to the bear market. His facial expression evokes a dopiness that makes him more of a Yogi than a Grizzly, but this is charming and relaxing, like he would enjoy cuddling on the couch with hot cocoa. ASSESSED SMV: $11,000 retail auction
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Dec 10, 2015 17:59
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