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http://www.bizjournals.com/triangle/how-to/growth-strategies/2016/01/use-power-sentences-to-advance-in-your-career.htmlquote:Power sentences What a great idea! But I don't think it goes far enough. These 'entry level' power sentences will get you a larger cubicle at most. I think we can come up with better ones. So have at it GBS. I'll kick things off with a couple of mine. - I believe that I can bring skills to this company such as working the balls in addition to the shaft. - What I lack in competence and work ethic I more than make up for in having a professional skin tone.
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Jan 11, 2016 21:25
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 09:45 |
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-im what you need, when you need it. followed up with a little riff on haynes pantyhose i.e. -consider the case for haynes pantyhose- according to haynes they will “make you smooth and silky, shapely sexy...” what they don't tell you is that all of the women prancing around on the commercials would be shapely, smooth, and sexy with or without haynes.
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Jan 11, 2016 21:29
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I am the dick to your organizations vagina
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Jan 11, 2016 21:31
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Mr. Lowtax, what you need and what I can deliver is a strong match because your forums are dying a slow death just in the same way I am dying a slow death due to my alcoholism. The opportunity to work together strongly appeals to me for the following reasons; I have no life, I have no girlfriend and I spend all my time on your forums anyways. I am deeply interested in adding my high-level experience that will help make a difference because, well, poo poo. Things could get any worse now, could they?
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Jan 11, 2016 21:31
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You'll have a hard time denying me the position with my gun pointed at your balls because...
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Jan 11, 2016 21:35
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I will literally blow you
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Jan 11, 2016 21:40
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i like to run through the pre-flight checks at the beginning of the interview pointing out all emergency exits and demonstrating the safety features of an average sized aircraft ( i carry my own seatbelt, life preserver, and oxygen mask for personal reasons) after that i sit down and move the chair real close to the interviewer so my face is about 4 inches from theirs and whisper "you know where you are? your in the jungle, baby. youre gonna (start creshendoing into a scream during this part) ddiiiiiiieiiEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" then push the interviewer off their chair and stand above them with arms raised making the hissing applause sound
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Jan 11, 2016 21:42
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I feel that my ability to be a corporate whore is not fully presented on my CV. I am willing to go above and beyond the expectations for me to sell out any friend or colleague to advance myself... and your portfolio!
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Jan 11, 2016 21:47
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i am synergy. i am literally the concept of synergy. if you anger me, no consultant will be able to save your first quarter figures.
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Jan 11, 2016 21:48
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I don't know anything about what your company does, nor do i plan to learn. However, I speak loudly, make decisions instantly, and never admit I was wrong
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Jan 11, 2016 21:50
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*is hired as CEO*
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Jan 11, 2016 21:51
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I can totes leverage all your synergies and whatnots.
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Jan 11, 2016 21:51
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Let me tell you something about myself. I never drink before 8am. Ever. And I'll bring that same level of self-control and determination to this role
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Jan 11, 2016 21:52
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Skeleton Ape posted:I don't know anything about what your company does, nor do i plan to learn. However, I speak loudly, make decisions instantly, and never admit I was wrong Skeleton Ape posted:*is
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Jan 11, 2016 21:55
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your sales trends for the past year are a neg hole and i can poz it
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Jan 11, 2016 21:57
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have you ever googled "goatse?"
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Jan 11, 2016 22:07
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I have very strong hands. I have the strongest hands in this state.
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Jan 11, 2016 22:10
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My boss is a greasy i-tal what should I do GBS?
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Jan 11, 2016 22:11
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Nooner posted:My boss is a greasy i-tal what should I do GBS? fuhgettaboutit!
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Jan 11, 2016 22:18
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Why, sir, I promise you you'll never see anyone bend over and take it as hard as I can.
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Jan 11, 2016 22:18
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Does this scale?
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Jan 11, 2016 22:20
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i'm gay
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Jan 11, 2016 22:21
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LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:i am synergy. i am literally the concept of synergy. if you anger me, no consultant will be able to save your first quarter figures. SCRUMSCRUMSCRUMSCRUM I can leverage this guy's synergy to pursue a CRM strategy to bring in outside-assets. SCRUMSCRUMSCRUMSCRUM
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Jan 11, 2016 22:25
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what eVer happened to HEIL HITLER
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Jan 11, 2016 22:32
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TheShazbot posted:i'm gay same here
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Jan 11, 2016 22:32
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The modern marketplace demands a responsive flexibility oft referred to as being "Agile." I believe, and hope you'll soon agree, that nothing could by more Agile than the ability to effortlessly suck your own dick, as I am prepared to demonstrate.
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Jan 11, 2016 22:48
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- i will suck your dick no question once a week
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Jan 11, 2016 22:52
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I love this company, and I will do anything do advance our quarterly reports. I will kill your child and gently caress your wife if it will please the shareholders. edit: nvm kalel fucked around with this message at 22:58 on Jan 11, 2016 |
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Jan 11, 2016 22:54
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ill deliver action items so hard itll make you moist
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Jan 11, 2016 22:58
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I work well in an open office space, especially when the organization has flattened their hierarchy.
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Jan 11, 2016 23:01
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i can synergize meat and bread into a sandwich
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Jan 11, 2016 23:07
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Parallax Scroll posted:i can synergize meat and bread into a sandwich Congrats, you are now a subway sandwich artist.
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Jan 11, 2016 23:08
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"You know sir, I have the balls to run your company. In fact I believe my balls are larger than yours"
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Jan 11, 2016 23:08
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Congrats, you are now a subway sandwich artist. movin on up
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Jan 11, 2016 23:08
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I am in need of a visa and am not entirely sure what my time is worth. What sounds fair to you?
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Jan 11, 2016 23:11
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I would suck your dick right here but...
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Jan 11, 2016 23:12
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The "wash your hands" sign in the bathroom is not just for employees. In fact, it's not just for anybody at all!
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Jan 11, 2016 23:14
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Apply yourself.
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Jan 11, 2016 23:15
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Power word: Kill
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Jan 12, 2016 00:08
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 09:45 |
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The air is dry and hot. The sun is beating down upon the nape of my neck; my polo is soaked in sweat. Around me, the coliseum of twenty-somethings roars for blood. I look ahead towards my opponent: a burly Irish man, with a red pompadour and a thick curled beard. He's wearing a plaid button-down and a pair of Wranglers; the mixture of the tasteful formality and playful friendliness of his attire astounds me. A gong blasts somewhere up high. The stylish man ahead grins devilishly, and casually pushes some strands of hair back into place on the well-kept crown of his head. He swaggers towards me, and I to him. Each footfall of ours is, behind the veneer of confidence, calculated and deliberate. Finally we meet, a pace away from each other. I can feel the heat radiating from his large form, and a scent passes through the air... Acqua di Gio? A shiver runs down my spine. He extends an arm forcefully. I take one short breath. Remember your training, I think to myself. I extend my hand and grasp his firmly. Something flashes in his eyes. Worry? Fear? I don't ponder it for too long. Finally, he speaks: "Hello there! I'm Bradley Walsh, I'll be conducting your interview today." He turns and grins towards the masses, prompting a loud cheer. This one seems to be a real crowd pleaser. He turns again to me. "What do you consider..."--he pauses for dramatic effect, with some in the crowd still giggling and whooping--"...to be your greatest strengths?" I plant my feet and stare at him, willing my body into place. I must not show weakness now, at this critical hour. Recalling my training, I reply, "I'm a people person, a team player. I love to find ways to enhance communication among members of my group. As you can see on my CV..." I continue a lengthy anecdote about my prowess. I feel beads of sweat coalesce and run down my face, but I do not dare let my voice waver. I can see his expression changing slowly--I can see it more clearly now--a complex mixture of bloodlust, rage, self-doubt, and manic glee. Countless legions of preppy upstarts, fresh from the college mill, have been felled by his hand; but now, what he might've thought to be a routine interview could become a brutal slaughter. I finish my tale: "...so I am certainly an asset to any company looking to leverage their employees and provide real, long-term value." Each word is a sting in this mammoth hipster's pasty white skin, but a split second of shock is all he allows himself to feel before he rights himself, his arrogant airs returning to him. "What do you consider to be your greatest weakness?" he recites with bluster. Calmly, I return with, "I'm guilty of caring..." I pause, emboldened, "too much." At this, everything halts to a standstill. The crowd is hushed. The hip, edgy mountain of a man before me seems to have become a statue. I glare into his clear, focused eyes for a moment, before I allow myself to continue with a small chuckle. He follows me, chuckling and grimacing, his eyes full of fiery hatred for my daring play. The crowd breathes a collective sigh of relief. "Just kidding," I go on. "But to be frank, I have in the past, perhaps, prioritized punctuality over preparedness,"--Bradley snarls at my cunning use of alliteration--"but I have a stern commitment to my work, and, at the end of the day, my strong work ethic shines through, as I've demonstrated on numerous occasions including the projects I've outlined on my resume." The beast is fuming with unbridled rage. He makes a shoddy attempt to compose himself before hastily muttering, "Er, why should we hire you?" I focus all my power and strength. My muscles tense; my clean-pressed slacks ruffle in a small wind; my flowing hair, styled with the perfect combination of Lemon-Lime Garnier Fructis and beeswax styling gel, glistens and bounces. The moment of truth has arrived. "Listen, Bradley--can I call you Brad?" This surprise maneuver threatens to pop one of the veins pulsating furiously on his forehead. "You *want* me at this company. I've gone into depth about my numerous qualities already. I'm..." Here we go. I take one step forward. "...proactive." Brad inches his foot a little behind him. I take another step. "Energized." He stumbles a bit backward. Before he can right himself I move again: "Team-oriented." He falls to his knees, gasping. I stand above him, and he looks up at me as if I could rend the very earth beneath him with a single flick of my finger. I kneel down to him. "And..." I whisper, locking eyes with him. The big finish is here, and the crowd knows it. With baited breath they wait for me to say it, and I hold the moment and stretch the tension for as long as I can. And then, finally--- "...synergized." The crowd bursts into rapturous applause. They scream and holler, with a few voices beginning to chant my name. Several women in the crowd faint. Brad flattens himself to the ground, his head convulsing, his eyes twitching madly. The gong sounds once more to officiate my moment of glory and ascendance to near-godhood. I throw up my hands, grinning wide and true, hardly able to hear the blaring cornets over the wild mania of the people. My people.
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Jan 12, 2016 00:09
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