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brotato posted:"How many quarters are in a football game?" -- a girl in my section in the high school marching band, at what was easily her 20th football game There's 2 quarters in a football game, four quarters to play but you get a quarterback for both teams.
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Jan 18, 2016 06:38
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Being a college student talking about faith and religion in a pretty casual setting. I make the general statement that I cannot comfortably throw my entire life into something faith based because I think there is better uses of my time. One guy responded with, "You take everything in your life on faith. Faith that cars won't drive into you, faith that you won't be murdered in your sleep. I bet you even take it on faith that the food you put in your body is what is excreted as feces. You never considered that they haven't put a device in your body to manufacture feces."  You're right, I hadn't considered that.A Co worker of mine, a man who worked for the federal government for 15 years told me on no less that six occasions, "Every Wednesday I am visited by an alien species in my back yard. They tell me that the world is being eaten and if I am wise and dutiful, they will tell me how to save us. They have related my wife and daughter with replicants. If I confront them about it, I will be replaced as well and you would never know."
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Jan 18, 2016 06:53
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Just tell him that if he were replaced his simulant would probably be a lot less annoying. That may shut him up :P
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Jan 18, 2016 07:27
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"We didn't want to do this Bob, but we can't let you tell people about our plans. we are always watching. "
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Jan 18, 2016 07:43
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Also whatever's eating the earth seems really rude. If you see a discarded pie cooling on a windowsill do you just walk right up and eat the pie? No! Why do you walk up to a planet that's been cooling for billions of years and think it's OK to just start chowing down? This is our pie! We were saving it for the Sun's funeral, rear end in a top hat! 
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Jan 18, 2016 07:45
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Inzombiac posted:One guy responded with, "You take everything in your life on faith. Faith that cars won't drive into you, faith that you won't be murdered in your sleep. I bet you even take it on faith that the food you put in your body is what is excreted as feces. You never considered that they haven't put a device in your body to manufacture feces." What the everloving gently caress
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Jan 18, 2016 08:01
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"Water isn't a fluid. Oil is. That's why we use oil to lubricate machinery and not water."
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Jan 18, 2016 08:09
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Thump! posted:Oh man, that's the good poo poo right there! I'm just gonna post them all because holy hell these people are almost as dumb as chem trail believers. Hahahahhhhhh oh wow, that Denise Celt woman hijacked a YouTube comment I wrote on a scene from Cabaret once. My comment as basically "gosh darn nazis, I hate them". Her response was that the Jews are a destructive filthy race of subhuman that must be destroyed. I abandoned that conversation there and then but I occasionally get mails that confirm that others picked up the conversation. Some against her line of thought....some....not.
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Jan 18, 2016 08:17
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My ex thought that women's hymens covered the entire vaginal opening. When I asked him how the hell he thought virgins got their periods, he said he "didn't like to think about it too much".
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Jan 18, 2016 08:58
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Inzombiac posted:One guy responded with, "You take everything in your life on faith. Faith that cars won't drive into you, faith that you won't be murdered in your sleep. I bet you even take it on faith that the food you put in your body is what is excreted as feces. You never considered that they haven't put a device in your body to manufacture feces." "Am I a man dreaming of being a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming of being a man?" - Zhuangzi
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Jan 18, 2016 13:39
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My ex went to school with someone who thought that flying squirrels flew by whirling their tails around like a helicopter. This person was 16 years old.
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Jan 18, 2016 16:56
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Big sonic the hedgehog fan
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Jan 18, 2016 16:58
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Axeman Jim posted:My ex went to school with someone who thought that flying squirrels flew by whirling their tails around like a helicopter. This person was 16 years old. So, you're telling me that Rocky and Bullwinkle were lying to me?
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Jan 18, 2016 16:59
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Picnic Princess posted:"Water isn't a fluid. Oil is. That's why we use oil to lubricate machinery and not water." That could be an honest mistake, if someone forgot the word "lubricant" or something, but considering they used "lubricate" right after, I have no idea 
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Jan 18, 2016 17:05
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I was talking about my farm to someone I knew in college and she was telling me how she was a vegetarian and wanted to raise goats some day to have milk without supporting the commercial dairy industry. I replied that milking goats is hard work and you have to figure out what to do with the baby goats every year if you were against eating meat. Her reply? "Why would you have to have baby goats to get milk?" This is a person with a masters in biology and she didn't know that animals need to have babies to start lactating.
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Jan 18, 2016 18:20
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Inzombiac posted:A Co worker of mine, a man who worked for the federal government for 15 years told me on no less that six occasions, "Every Wednesday I am visited by an alien species in my back yard. They tell me that the world is being eaten and if I am wise and dutiful, they will tell me how to save us. They have related my wife and daughter with replicants. If I confront them about it, I will be replaced as well and you would never know." As a federal employee, I can confirm that the federal government employs an alarming number of people who think like this.
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Jan 18, 2016 18:21
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Digirat posted:What the everloving gently caress This is why we used to have asylums. This is also why the workers there would be the poo poo out of patients. After listening to this sort of paranoia day in and day out, who wouldn't snap? Serperoth posted:That could be an honest mistake, if someone forgot the word "lubricant" or something, but considering they used "lubricate" right after, I have no idea See above. This is why free mental health care is a very important thing.
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Jan 18, 2016 18:24
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Serperoth posted:That could be an honest mistake, if someone forgot the word "lubricant" or something, but considering they used "lubricate" right after, I have no idea They probably never realized that Fluid is a term thats widely used outside of car fluids like oil, coolant, brake fluid, etc.
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Jan 18, 2016 18:42
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dirksteadfast posted:As a federal employee, I can confirm that the federal government employs an alarming number of people who think like this. All from ex-coworkers: "I'm okay with the races mixing as long as they go home alone or with their own race" -only would mention this if he saw a pretty white woman with a black man. "Every Muslim is a terrorist. Either they are looking to kill or they will be awakened soon and support jihad." "If I didn't have prostitutes to be my friends, I would have no one." "Government nutrition, the FDA and all of that is bullshit. Yeah, I have Ramen or Hot Pockets for every meal. It hasn't been a problem yet." -is in his early 20's and sweats sitting down. "If women wanted equal pay then they should either start working harder or shut the gently caress up and be happy staying as a kept woman." -Is the lowest rung on the ladder and all of his superiors are women. "I bought her a seven thousand dollar violin and now she won't return my calls." -After one date. You can imagine how smooth of an operator this guy was. "Skyrim is pretty good but it's no Star Wars." "I like the Spider-Man comics alright but they aren't Star Wars." "People who break the small rules should be executed; otherwise how will anyone respect the big laws?" "Breaking Bad is an okay show but it's no Star Wars." -All the same guy who was in the 501st. and a complete loon.
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Jan 18, 2016 19:13
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Inzombiac posted:
With all the Star Wars obsession, it's no wonder he missed the Star Trek episode about how dumb this is.
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Jan 18, 2016 19:25
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ikanreed posted:With all the Star Wars obsession, it's no wonder he missed the Star Trek episode about how dumb this is. Normally I would let his idiocy slide but that one made me question it. "So you drive in to work every day and never speed." "Of course I speed. Well, maybe a little." "Then by your standard, you'd be executed the first time you drove your car." "Well no, not ME. The rules would be for other people. "Like who?" "Anyone who isn't my friends and family." "So you want to be a tyrant." "...pretty much." Keep in mind he was the most rat-fink person I've ever met and has a nasally voice with a speech impediment. So imagine hearing "Stah Wahz" about 100 time a day. And was balding at 19.
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Jan 18, 2016 20:00
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In college, I worked at a quick oil change place. Our service writer was Bill. On the surface he was a seemingly nice guy; he wasn't the brightest person in the world and would do things like blame the air conditioning for his cough and get defensive if you suggested it might have to do with the fact that he smoked 2 to 3 packs of cigarettes a day. I say seemingly nice because he was on his best behavior when I came in with a batch of new hires and it took a few weeks before he went back to his regular outbursts. This is when Bill became Bill the Nazi. When his ticket average would drop, the antisemitic comments started flowing, and in addition to starting every third sentence with "loving Jews," I heard such gems as "Mister Steinberg's car!" (this was his go-to when the customer didn't want any extra services and therefore must be Jewish) "Look at his last name, of course he doesn't want to buy anything." I shrugged it off for the most part since everybody else in the shop was used to it and ignored it, but I finally talked to the manager and asked him to intervene when Bill stomped into the garage from the front office and yelled "loving Jews. Never buy anything. Where's Adolf when you need him?" I met his wife and 7 year old son a couple of times. Ironically, his wife worked at the local Jewish Senior Center. His son was a nice kid, I hope he didn't grow up to be like his father. bleughmacaroni posted:There's 2 quarters in a football game, four quarters to play but you get a quarterback for both teams. 
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Jan 18, 2016 21:24
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Inzombiac posted:"People who break the small rules should be executed; otherwise how will anyone respect the big laws?" Wow, thats almost "Athenian tyrant" level of deluded insanity.
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Jan 18, 2016 22:55
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Sponch posted:My ex thought that women's hymens covered the entire vaginal opening. When I asked him how the hell he thought virgins got their periods, he said he "didn't like to think about it too much". That can happen (imperforate hymen) but it's a birth defect. 
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Jan 18, 2016 23:01
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ikanreed posted:With all the Star Wars obsession, it's no wonder he missed the Star Trek episode about how dumb this is. It's weird that I've barely watched any Star Trek at all and yet, I know the exact episode you're talking about.
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Jan 19, 2016 00:28
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There's a guy I work with who believes that oil is an infinite, self-renewing resource. He used to design valves used for oil drilling and extraction until the company he worked for decided to move out of the country "because our stupid liberal governor decided to start taxing corporations." During our first conversation, he explained, "A lot of people think that oil is made from dinosaurs, but they're wrong. The Earth actually makes oil. If an oil well goes dry, you just cap it off for 2-5 years and it will fill itself back up over and over. I saw it happen." Unrelated, but he also has 27 cats.
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Jan 19, 2016 00:31
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"I read a really good book called Ready Player One."
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Jan 19, 2016 00:53
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I don't recall exactly how it was said, but while doing nursing school pre-requisites my lab partner genuinely couldn't figure out how to divide 13 by 2. Imagine this person doing your dosage calculations in the hospital. From my uncle: "The reason there's so much infertility nowadays is because men are forced to be nice, and it messes up their hormones." From another family member, who I no longer speak to: "There were no birth defects in the world until the races started mixing!" I should mention that at the time both of us were married to men of different races (I still am, which is why I don't care to be around her ignorance), and she has mixed-race kids. And yet one more from that same family member, to her 13-year-old daughter: "It's better to be popular than to be smart." That was very sad to witness.
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Jan 19, 2016 08:58
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Inzombiac posted:"I'm okay with the races mixing as long as they go home alone or with their own race" -only would mention this if he saw a pretty white woman with a black man. Had a dude tell me he was disapointed in me for dating black people because he didn't believe in mixing the races. I'm gay and so was the guy who was saying that to me.
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Jan 19, 2016 09:14
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Inzombiac posted:"Every Muslim is a terrorist. Either they are looking to kill or they will be awakened soon and support jihad." I fear your ex-coworker may be a Vampire: The Masquerade LARPer who went in too deep.
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Jan 19, 2016 09:36
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Tunahead posted:I fear your ex-coworker may be a Vampire: The Masquerade LARPer who went in too deep. Beware the awakened mage ranks of the jihadocracy and their dread Islamagic
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Jan 19, 2016 10:45
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Digirat posted:What the everloving gently caress It's one of the things that religious nuts use to justify their religion to others in the "don't question it because you have faith in X" sense. The most common one I've heard is "well you have faith that the sun will come up every day!" Well, no. The sun has come up literally every single day I've been alive. Based on previous experience I assume that this will probably keep happening. Nobody had to tell me that and there are no guesses. The sun just keeps on comin' up.
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Jan 19, 2016 10:51
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Counter with: The Sun won't come up tomorrow! The Sun doesn't move! We are setting in the Sun's sky! (in so far as it has one :P...)
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Jan 19, 2016 11:42
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Telemaze posted:And yet one more from that same family member, to her 13-year-old daughter: "It's better to be popular than to be smart." That was very sad to witness. Well if you want to be happy she's not wrong
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Jan 19, 2016 16:10
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One of my co-workers told me he owns and X-Box One and enjoys playing it. I didn't even know how to respond to that one.
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Jan 19, 2016 16:34
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little munchkin posted:One of my co-workers told me he owns and X-Box One and enjoys playing it. I didn't even know how to respond to that one. Tell him it has the wrong kind of RAM.
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Jan 19, 2016 16:45
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luloo123 posted:He used to design valves used for oil drilling and extraction until the company he worked for decided to move out of the country "because our stupid liberal governor decided to start taxing corporations." During our first conversation, he explained, "A lot of people think that oil is made from dinosaurs, but they're wrong. The Earth actually makes oil. If an oil well goes dry, you just cap it off for 2-5 years and it will fill itself back up over and over. I saw it happen." He is sort of right... in a really stupid and innacurate way. Existing wells have been known to "fill up" to a certain point because the pressures in the ground equalize and force untapped oil into previously empty reservoirs. They can then be reused if its not expensive to do so. Still doesnt mean new oil is being made though.
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Jan 19, 2016 17:51
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ToxicSlurpee posted:It's one of the things that religious nuts use to justify their religion to others in the "don't question it because you have faith in X" sense. The most common one I've heard is "well you have faith that the sun will come up every day!" Well, no. The sun has come up literally every single day I've been alive. Based on previous experience I assume that this will probably keep happening. Nobody had to tell me that and there are no guesses. The sun just keeps on comin' up. "Tide comes in, tide goes out, you can't explain that!"
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Jan 19, 2016 17:53
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Your Dunkle Sans posted:"Tide comes in, tide goes out, you can't explain that!" Where did the moon come from then, huh 
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Jan 19, 2016 17:58
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people who live in glass houses u can watch poo poo
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Jan 19, 2016 19:16
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