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Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
My story is I tried to actually pick up a girl and she was having none of that. Very embarrassing.

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happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup
Pillbug
Long story short, you couldn't tell what was chocolate or what was poo poo.

Cool NIN Shirt
Nov 26, 2007

by vyelkin
I went to a concert and was booing some opening act bc he sucked. Everyone was giving me the evil eye for some reason

Turns out that guy WAS the main act lol :D

www
Aug 4, 2010

i got drunk and i hit on a girl and she rejected me. actually this happens quite a lot.

PromethiumX
Mar 5, 2003
I barfed continually in the back of my friends girlfriends SUV.

All the while denying I was actually throwing up. They got one hell of a surprise the next morning.

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014
I once gave a panhandler a whole dollar.

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007

Gaunab posted:

My story is I tried to actually pick up a girl and she was having none of that. Very embarrassing.

To be fair, that's your sober story, too.

JIZZ DENOUEMENT
Oct 3, 2012

STRIKE!
Got drunk with girl, went back to her place. On ground level. We fool around. Then girl asked if I remembered her name. I did not. She bit my nipple really hard. I sprinted out the back door and jumped over the patio. But the house was built on a hill, so the back patio was actually a back deck and I fell a story and rolled my ankle. I hobbled back to my friends and was being all smug, limping around like "lol I got laid".

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014
^^^it's Jackie. Her name is Jackie.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
I professed my love to a lyft driver because tequila is apparently a love potion of some sort.

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
i ran full sprint into a fence in the darkness of the night with such force that when i woke up i was bloody and my (favorite) shirt was hanging off my body by a thread

old fat bird
Oct 27, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
I drank my own pee because I was NOT going to be the dui guy who got arrested with a bottle of his own peepee in the front seat - it tasted like coconut and I got a warning, was stupid anyway since I just slept for two hours when I got back to town anyway before getting in to my shift like 5 hours late

Virginia Slams
Nov 17, 2012
When I was in college I was at a bar with friends and I guess got way too drunk. My friends looked away for like a few seconds and I had vanished around 11pm I woke up on the opposite side of campus from where I lived at 5 am laying down in a mud puddle while it was raining in a parking lot, I only woke up cause I started drowning in the mud. I still have no idea how I got there or how the cops didn't see me for over 6 hours since it was a heavily patrolled lot.

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

Grody posted:

When I was in college I was at a bar with friends and I guess got way too drunk. My friends looked away for like a few seconds and I had vanished around 11pm I woke up on the opposite side of campus from where I lived at 5 am laying down in a mud puddle while it was raining in a parking lot, I only woke up cause I started drowning in the mud. I still have no idea how I got there or how the cops didn't see me for over 6 hours since it was a heavily patrolled lot.

if you were any drunker you wouldnt have woken up and would have died in that puddle.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
Lost $80 I had in my pocket at Ben's Chili Bowl.

Jarvisi
Apr 17, 2001

Green is still best.

Hector Beerlioz posted:

Lost $80 I had in my pocket at Ben's Chili Bowl.

Who the gently caress goes to bens chili bowl. You deserved it

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy
I bought $30 in fried chicken and puked it all back up 10 min later off my friends balcony

yoyodyne
May 7, 2007
My posting history.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Sgt. Anime Pederast posted:

Who the gently caress goes to bens chili bowl. You deserved it

There were a bunch of people there, so I guess me + my friends and everyone else.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
i peed on my brother and his wife

jBrereton
May 30, 2013
Grimey Drawer
I managed to leave my passport on the top of my nextdoor neighbour's wheelie bin somehow without remembering doing so at all and only finding out by checking wtf a passport was doing on top of a bin the next morning. If I didn't leave pretty much down a gully that year at uni I would've had it robbed, no question.

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

jBrereton posted:

I managed to leave my passport on the top of my nextdoor neighbour's wheelie bin somehow without remembering doing so at all and only finding out by checking wtf a passport was doing on top of a bin the next morning. If I didn't leave pretty much down a gully that year at uni I would've had it robbed, no question.

What's a wheelie bin?

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

one time i got drunk and then did 9/11. i was so embarassed

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Parallax Scroll posted:

one time i got drunk and then did 9/11. i was so embarassed

Welcome to the forums, W

jBrereton
May 30, 2013
Grimey Drawer

ChrisHansen posted:

What's a wheelie bin?
A plastic trash receptacle with a standardised capacity of around 66 American gallons, on wheels (hence the name) that you fill with bagged waste.

e: also they have a pretty flat lid that I guess I thought made the perfect place to leave a passport while I presumably hunted through all my pockets for my keys

coronatae
Oct 14, 2012

yoyodyne posted:

My posting history.

this one

and when I got massively hammered at a 20's themed NYE party, danced real trashy, lost all volume control, and basically caused my boyfriend to long for death because this was happening in front of his cousin and her husband

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

ChrisHansen posted:

What's a wheelie bin?

English'men' have some sort of cultural disease where all their slang makes them sound like theyre 5 years old

Ramrod Hotshot
May 30, 2003

Blacked out, poo poo myself, was taken to the hospital

the great deceiver
Sep 23, 2003

why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona
i ate chicken wings out of a trash can. that was last night. technically this morning

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


I peed on thing I shouldn't pee on.

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

the great deceiver posted:

i ate chicken wings out of a trash can. that was last night. technically this morning

What kijd of weirdo theprows away wings

the great deceiver
Sep 23, 2003

why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona

Mange Mite posted:

What kijd of weirdo theprows away wings

thats what i was saying. they were still in the takeout container too so it wasnt gross or anything

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

yoyodyne posted:

My posting history.

Yup

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

killed a man and mixed his blood with tequila

crabcakes66
May 24, 2012

by exmarx
Waking up in a complete stranger's bed.



Oh and I drooled all over their pillows.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

riding my bike to go get money to buy some drugs and i wasnt wearing my helmet so cop stopped me and threw me in the drunk tank even though i had only had like 3 beers

loving horrible experience being mostly sober in a drunk tank all night. my friends thought i just loving ghosted them. woke up right from the drunk tank to do an alley cat bike race like a champ, without the helmet.

Zeroisanumber
Oct 23, 2010

Nap Ghost
I once woke up in the bushes behind a house covered in vomit and having shat myself.

drunkelberger
Jun 8, 2014
When I lived in Virginia Id go to the gay bar to pick up chicks. Problem was too many dudes sucking each other's dicks off in the bathroom stall, so they took the stall doors off and I ain't making GBS threads in there. I did poo poo in the following places though:

outside the bar behind a dumpster, and got spotted by a couple that was walking to their car

On 64 west bound on the hampton roads bridge-tunnel behind my taxi

Also one time we got drunk in Newport News and drove over to norfolk to go to the after hours club and right as we parked I vomitted all over myself and we had to go home.

Drinking loving rocks

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)
quote this if you slammed some whale when you were wayyyy too drunk

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a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)
quote this if you were said whale

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