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I threw up in my friends car, and called his fiance a oval office
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Jan 16, 2016 22:13
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Nation posted:quote this if you slammed some whale when you were wayyyy too drunk
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Jan 16, 2016 22:22
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Nation posted:quote this if you slammed some whale when you were wayyyy too drunk
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Jan 16, 2016 23:05
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Nation posted:quote this if you were said whale
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Jan 16, 2016 23:07
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Oh yeah one time I lost really hard at king's cup and got everclear trashed, later someone spilled some punch on me and I decided to take my pants off in front of everyone. My poor boyfriend is trying to keep me from flashing all his friends and I keep insisting that it's fine, it's fine, my top is actually a dress so I can take my pants off. We bring it up every time I wear that outfit. Also left a puke handprint on his car window last halloween. My boyfriend puts up with a lot
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Jan 16, 2016 23:26
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i got so drunk i lost my footing and fell into this guy and then i had to marry him and now hes my wife and gosh i just dont know what to do
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Jan 16, 2016 23:29
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I was really craving weed so I went outside and picked up a half joint I dropped from a window a month back opened it up took some mold off and smoked it. tasted like grass and gave me a hella headache
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Jan 16, 2016 23:31
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RadioactiveKid posted:I threw up in my friends car, and called his fiance a oval office  Sharktacular!
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Jan 16, 2016 23:32
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i got lit during a work trip in vegas and spent $1000 at a strip club over the matter of 30 minutes trying to get a stripper to gently caress me in the VIP room she did not.
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Jan 16, 2016 23:34
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I threw up in my friends oval office ,
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Jan 16, 2016 23:34
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Took a taxi home, got the driver to take me to where I lived like 5 years ago
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Jan 16, 2016 23:35
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I'm poosting in a thread! gently caress you, suck my dick, I'm Professor Shark!
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Jan 16, 2016 23:39
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It's not embarrassing but I've nonchalantly dangled my scrote out of my fly in front of a bunch of people before when drunk. one time my friend and i drank 9 beers each, refilled a bottle each with pee, walked over to someones house we didn't like, and left the pee bottles sitting on the table on their front porch.
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Jan 16, 2016 23:42
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theres this dating site here called "badoo" and I once uploaded a lot of nude pictures of myself and a lot of people saw the nude pcitures and it was awkward
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Jan 16, 2016 23:42
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and also a bit of a turnon
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Jan 16, 2016 23:43
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Why am I wearing skin-colored yoga pants? Oh poo poo! I'm not! 
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Jan 16, 2016 23:52
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Say Nothing posted:Why am I wearing skin-colored yoga pants?
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Jan 16, 2016 23:57
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Nation posted:quote this if you slammed some whale when you were wayyyy too drunk Being female I was on the bottom and I literally thought I was going to die because he was so fat and heavy and thus was preventing my chest from moving & preventing me from breathing. Was not a good time.
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Jan 17, 2016 00:36
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Thin Privilege posted:Being female I was on the bottom and I literally thought I was going to die because he was so fat and heavy and thus was preventing my chest from moving & preventing me from breathing. Was not a good time. Oh so females are only allowed to be on the bottom?  
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Jan 17, 2016 00:37
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I think my worst one is in a comedy goldmine somewhere, pretty sure it was heavily edited as I wasn't drunk when posting it.
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Jan 17, 2016 01:06
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Professor Shark posted:I'd take a BITE out of that! I'd filter THAT through ten feet of baleen!
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Jan 17, 2016 01:22
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i once got so drunk i took a step toward more booze but stepped on a banana peel i had been earlier using to shine my boots, causing me to fall back and fall flat on my rear end with my legs in the air, which position caused me to shart on the face of the very chimp i had stolen the banana from earlier that day
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Jan 17, 2016 01:24
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I got so drunk that I tried to drive and killed myself and a family of 8 (grandparents incl)
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Jan 17, 2016 02:04
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Nation posted:quote this if you slammed some whale when you were wayyyy too drunk
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Jan 17, 2016 02:20
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In college I drank too much and threw up on my bed and got some on my collected works of St. Thomas Aquinas vol. 2 as well.
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Jan 17, 2016 02:39
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MiracleWhale posted:I'd filter THAT through ten feet of baleen!
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Jan 17, 2016 02:47
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One time in college I got out of bed and pissed into my backpack instead of walking the 5 feet to the bathroom. My roommate was not pleased.
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Jan 17, 2016 03:02
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Artic Puma posted:One time in college I got out of bed and pissed into my backpack instead of walking the 5 feet to the bathroom. My roommate was not pleased. Why, it wasn't his backpack
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Jan 17, 2016 03:08
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Why, it wasn't his backpack The backpack wasn't completely waterproof so it seeped onto the floor a little and also smelled so bad in the morning. Thank god we had wood floors and not carpet.
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Jan 17, 2016 03:19
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I, too, have peed in weird places or in front of random people (that is, people who didn't need or want to see me with my boot cut cords around my ankles).
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Jan 17, 2016 03:28
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I was so drunk I once objectified the women around me as complete and total sexual objects.
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Jan 17, 2016 03:31
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well my parents got drunk and 9 months later i was born and thats prtty embarrassing
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Jan 17, 2016 03:32
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19, back to college for spring semester early because I did a winter semester thing in London. There's like six people in the dorm so i get drunk by myself and fire up AIM to see who's around. Only girl on is some loving heffer from Alabama. Whelp, whatever. I ask her straight up if she'd blow me. She says maybe and invited me up. I get up there with what was left of the handle of mr Boston and holy poo poo she's fat. I mean like 250 easy. Just loving obese. anyway she won't blow me but I can gently caress her. I'm like ehhhhhhhhhh but the dick is in control. I turn out the lights and tell her to keep her clothes on. I bent her over and just started going at it but my god she was fat and I'm not sure I even got in there. Finally I came to my senses and just stopped. "Th-thanks," I said as I walked out. "drat that poo poo felt good!" Was the last thing I heard as I closed her door. She transferred out shortly thereafter.
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Jan 17, 2016 03:32
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A misanthrope posted:well my parents got drunk and 9 months later i was born and thats prtty embarrassing Sometimes drinking destroys families, other times it creates them 
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Jan 17, 2016 03:33
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Sometimes drinking destroys families, other times it creates them and sometimes it creates fetal alcohol syndrome cases, which explains my posting
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Jan 17, 2016 03:36
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FizFashizzle posted:19, back to college for spring semester early because I did a winter semester thing in London. Just let the fat bitch on top. This way she works harder, burns more calories and can actually satisfy you. Everyone wins.
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Jan 17, 2016 03:36
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i tried to cover my mouth to keep from puking until i got to the toilet, but instead the pressure just forced the vomit into a stream and a bunch got on the ceiling. by that evening i had already told the full, lengthy story four times, and created a lot of joy.
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Jan 17, 2016 03:39
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I once spent a whole Saturday afternoon going to bars, drinking beer flights, then 'stepping outside to smoke' and ditching on the bill. Later that night I woke up to the shift manager at Checkers snatching the keys from my ignition and running inside to call the cops on my drunk rear end. When they didn't show after about 15 minutes, he gave me my keys back and I went home - sans burger. Pretty successful night, really. Also, I ultimately wound up spending a couple years drunk and isolated in a room quite like this:  Fun times
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Jan 17, 2016 03:55
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I was loving around with friends pretty plastered next to my friends cat and just yelled, " I'm a boss nigga" really loud. There was a black dude getting into his car next to us and then I felt very foolish. Convinced them to let me drive us home. On a similar note I was at a red neck 4 wheeler/truck thing with lakes to hang out at. Was with a roommate his girl and a coworker. Drank a poo poo load and blacked out. I drove home and ended up fingering my coworker. I had enough sense not to go all the way though. I really don't remember driving home at all and it was for sure more than 30 mins away. I have no idea how I've never gotten a dui.
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Jan 17, 2016 04:05
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There are at least four women able to tell stories of me having exactly one too many drinks at tha club and then microwaving a cup-o-noodle at my house that night only to get out of bed later and leave a vomit trail of whole carrot and pea and partially digested noodle leading to the bathroom
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Jan 17, 2016 04:25
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