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Had a dream that my roommates tied me to the bed with cassette tape and painted my toenails black. Weeks later, we were all talking about weird dreams and when I shared mine they all died laughing because it actually happened. I woke up shitfaced in the middle of them doing it apparently, and just went back to sleep. They pitied me and cleaned up the mess afterwards, hence me thinking it was a dream.
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Jan 21, 2016 04:08
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VendaGoat posted:YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER TELL! < it was pretty common knowledge afterwords because of all the drunkenness
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Jan 21, 2016 04:28
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i got drunk and actually paid to use an internet forum 
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Jan 21, 2016 17:26
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also id rather drive drunk and hungover in wichita than stone cold sober in dallasdad gay. so what posted:+1 at the risk of being a horribly unfunny piece of poo poo i want to double down and point out that driving drunk is not smart and does in fact kill your reaction time and impulse control and all the stuff THE MAN says it does. I just think for me at least hungover is worse because I think you're way more likely to wreck because you forgot to check before changing lanes or something than because of reaction time. Its not a myth that it kills it but if it's the difference in causing a wreck or not either something catastrophic happened or you were driving unsafely to begin with. A Stupid Baby fucked around with this message at 17:51 on Jan 21, 2016 |
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Jan 21, 2016 17:47
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A Stupid Baby posted:also id rather drive drunk and hungover in wichita than stone cold sober in dallas For real. I'm loving the drunk stories but drunk driving is for pieces of poo poo exclusively.
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Jan 21, 2016 20:17
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A Stupid Baby posted:also id rather drive drunk and hungover in wichita than stone cold sober in dallas Wichita is such a terrible town. Is South Broadway still where all the prostitutes reportedly hang out?
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Jan 21, 2016 20:24
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PureEvil6_13 posted:Wichita is such a terrible town. Is South Broadway still where all the prostitutes reportedly hang out? Asking for a friend
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Jan 21, 2016 20:27
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DEAR RICHARD posted:i got drunk and actually paid to use an internet forum Now you're one of us.
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Jan 21, 2016 20:31
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Toadvine posted:For real.
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Jan 21, 2016 21:25
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A Stupid Baby posted:at the risk of being a horribly unfunny piece of poo poo i want to double down and point out that driving drunk is not smart and does in fact kill your reaction time and impulse control and all the stuff THE MAN says it does. Your just a lovely driver.
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Jan 21, 2016 21:29
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Of the 3 levels of impairment (impaired judgement, perception, then motor control), it's the judgement level that'll get ya.
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Jan 21, 2016 21:39
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Tenzarin posted:Your just a lovely driver.
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Jan 21, 2016 21:43
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SaltLick posted:When I arrived back to my house I came across a possum on my back deck. I attempted to scare it away by yelling at it and waving my arms around with minimal success. In a brilliant moment I decided to pull out my dick and start peeing on it. Surprisingly this possum just took the golden shower to the face without moving and let out a small grunt. After I was done it scurried off. As I stumbled into the house I yelled out "King of the jungle my rear end!" and promptly passed out in my bed lol
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Jan 21, 2016 22:06
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tried to get girls to sleep with me but in the end embarassed myself many, many times
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Jan 21, 2016 22:28
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symbolic posted:how many men have you killed with your motor vehicle and/or plan to kill? 0
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Jan 21, 2016 22:31
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I crashed on my friends couch and they woke up to a lot of noise and when they came out I was pissing on the living room floor. Not normal pissing mind you, I am a dude and I was copping a squat. No poo poo, just for some reason I sat down to pee despite there being no seat. I cleaned up the next day and bought my friend flowers to say sorry but there is still a note on her toilet door letting visitors know about the time I got so drunk I copped a squat to pee in her living room and that's fair IMO
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Jan 21, 2016 22:46
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One of the first times I met my 'now ex but at the time future wifes' mom was for her cousins wedding. I didn't know anyone so just hung out at the open bar and drank booze while bullshitting with the bartender for the entire reception. Afterward we went to her moms house and I proceeded to puke all over myself and the bathroom, tried to climb up the stairs to go to bed (even though I don't know who's bedroom was up there) and then, after dragging myself back into the bathroom, puked all over the place again and went to sleep on the floor using my puke stained suit jacket as a pillow. I vaguely remember her mom saying something to the effect of "well he must have had a good time" but I may have made that part up. The next day at breakfast was...quiet.
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Jan 22, 2016 03:00
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I picked a fight with a frat guy when I was taking judo classes in college. He did some pro rasslin pile driver thing and knocked me out. I later set a couch in fire at that place. Fireworks blowing up in my face is pretty common too.
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Jan 29, 2016 05:37
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DEAR RICHARD posted:i got drunk and actually paid to use an internet forum i keep reregging
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Jan 29, 2016 14:45
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Couple days before my college commencement, went out and got shitfaced with some friends. Whilst walking back from the last bar, one of my friends (a girl who I had been flirting all night with) pulled me aside and started making out with me and telling me how she wanted to have sex on the school soccer field before we graduated. Being a rational drunk, and noticing that it had been raining earlier, I suggested we grab a blanket from my dorm room first. As we're walking to my dorm, she gets a running start and jumps on my back. I'm not prepared for this, and as I fall forward, she goes flying into the pavement. She ended up walking at Commencement with half her face hosed up. I shredded my leg on the pavement, and did not have sex. Still feel bad.
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Jan 29, 2016 15:42
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Walking home drunk from town very drunk. Girlfriend wanted to walk through the graveyard, "it's so pretty at night!" ok fine. I dunno how but I end up pants round my ankles, she's kneeling down in front of me, on some poor old geezers grave giving me a BJ. Then she's bending over a gravestone, wants me to DTD (do the deed), I tried but being drunk made the graveyard extra spooky and I got scared. Normally being drunk makes you really brave but I was loving terrified of liches, ghouls and possible group action with said liches. So I ran of. We did DTD once we got home but its never been the same since and I'll always feel like a drunk coward
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Jan 29, 2016 16:00
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slept woth somw reallllllllllllly fat chicks
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Jan 29, 2016 16:35
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Hit on some fat cougar all night in a bar cause she was alone and I wanted to get some strange in Boston
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Jan 29, 2016 16:38
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raw dogged some fatties on a one night stand and went down on one at an inopportune time of the moth i got an hiv test though its all good 
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Jan 29, 2016 16:49
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CabaretVoltaire posted:Walking home drunk from town very drunk. Girlfriend wanted to walk through the graveyard, "it's so pretty at night!" ok fine. I dunno how but I end up pants round my ankles, she's kneeling down in front of me, on some poor old geezers grave giving me a BJ. Then she's bending over a gravestone, wants me to DTD (do the deed), I tried but being drunk made the graveyard extra spooky and I got scared. Normally being drunk makes you really brave but I was loving terrified of liches, ghouls and possible group action with said liches. So I ran of. We did DTD once we got home but its never been the same since and I'll always feel like a drunk coward Gotta watch out for those liches and their spoopy reach arounds. When I was a youngin I tried to choke out someone at a party but was so drunk they just held my head with their palm like a cartoon character. I then puked all over the stairs and tried to clean it up with my hands. One time we lit some newspaper on fire and instead of throwing it out and extinguishing the fire, we threw it into the neighbors truck bed. The firemen and police were called but we ran across a field and creek into a park and just watched them search with a spotlight while we pretended to be walking our dogs at midnight.
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Jan 29, 2016 19:22
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My friend and I were wasted at a diner and went to the bathroom and for some reason decided to sing (read:scream) "money" by Pink Floyd... Except we didn't know the lyrics so it was more like "MONEY!, ba-da-bah! dadada-da-da............... bullshit! Ca-ching!" We were with my ex and he told us he could hear us all the way across the restaurant--it was a big restaurant. Then we told him we had no money so he payed the full $40 bill, when actually we did have the money but didn't realize it (or care?) because we were so drunk. Then we went to my house and played WoW.
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Jan 29, 2016 21:37
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I had a mojito and suddenly went blind, I stumbled to the basement of the bar where the bathrooms were, sat on a chair in the middle of the empty room and people would come down and laugh at me while pissing until my eyes worked again.
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Jan 29, 2016 22:45
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i might tape a video camera to my head tonight because im pretty sure im going to get super drunk
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Jan 29, 2016 23:25
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Back when I was in college I got so drunk that I passed out in a bathroom stall with my pants down. My wife (girlfriend at the time) found me with my rear end sticking out of the stall lol Another time at a party I passed out in a bathtub. I've stayed away from vodka since Jonny_Rocket fucked around with this message at 14:29 on Jan 30, 2016 |
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Jan 30, 2016 14:23
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Pissed on myself. I think. Maybe it was vomit or spilled drink, who really knows?
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Jan 30, 2016 16:44
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I drank a bottle of jagermeister before a lovely seasonal retail job once. I brought a bucket just in case I puked. I did. I redrank it since it was only jagermeister and bile. I don't know how I wasn't fired that day.
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Jan 30, 2016 17:52
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Robokomodo posted:I drank a bottle of jagermeister before a lovely seasonal retail job once. I brought a bucket just in case I puked. I did. I redrank it since it was only jagermeister and bile. I don't know how I wasn't fired that day. lmfao jesus dude hahahahaaha
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Jan 30, 2016 19:45
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Robokomodo posted:I drank a bottle of jagermeister before a lovely seasonal retail job once. I brought a bucket just in case I puked. I did. I redrank it since it was only jagermeister and bile. I don't know how I wasn't fired that day. hahaha why would you post this you halal pig
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Jan 30, 2016 21:31
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Scroto Baggins posted:I got real drunk on newyearseve and made a reddit account. seek help immediately!
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Jan 30, 2016 22:39
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