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 Welcome, everybody, to the all-new exciting Dungeons and Dragons campaign: UFC on FOX: Johnson vs. Bader, 8 p.m. ET Saturday, Jan. 29! My name is Bluedeanie, and I will be your DM this evening. Allow me to set the stage. You're about to enter the exciting world of Are you ready? Grab your d20s and character sheets, and let's begin! Light heavyweight   vs.   Rumble Johnson is not a good person, but despite all logic he has become a good fighter at light heavyweight. His only loss in his current UFC run is to current champ Daniel Cormier, and that was after Cormier’s soul narrowly clung to its mortal body in the first round. Rumble hits really, really hard. Despite having destroyed his insides making the absurd cut to welterweight early in his career, he also has a surprising amount of cardio if he is allowed to fight on his own pace, as seen in the Phil Davis fight. If his opponent makes him work and he doesn’t get a win out of it, however, he’s still susceptible to gassing, as happened against Comier. There lies Bader’s key to success. Bader himself has a lot of one-punch power, but he has terrible enough defense that the act of rushing in to use it has gotten himself finished against virtually every counter puncher he’s ever faced, including Tito Ortiz in 2011. He seems to have learned this and has fallen back on his college skillset of oppressive, smothering wrestling. This has made him a terror to watch, but also earned him a five-fight winning streak on “decent” (for light heavy) competition. In all honesty he should have gotten a title fight by now, but no one is complaining because they don’t want to see it. If he’s not knocked out early, I’d expect him to grind Rumble for 25 dreadful minutes en route to not getting another title fight because Jon Jones is back. Heavyweight   vs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZRiRuXwKTY  The Warmaster is not on a great run right now either. The disgraced former champion left for less drug-tested waters back in the early 2000s, where he became Not PRIDE Grand Prix Champion and eventually Not Strikeforce Grand Prix Champion. He finally made it back to the UFC in 2013, where the shoot wrestling stud met BJJ ace Frank Mir for 2004’s greatest grappling match of all time (also it was a TKO from a standing position in under two minutes.) After getting destroyed in the Travis Browne Power Position, Barnett took a year off, and returned to win an awful fight with Roy Nelson. When he isn’t fighting, Barnett is playing Warhammer and Magic: The Gathering, and wins the esteemed award of “Fighter Most Likely to Personally Question the D&D Stats I’ve Assigned Him.” While the Nelson fight was dreadful, I suspect this will be forced to be fun. Because he is fighting the dread lord “Big” Ben Rothwell. Rothwell’s a love or hate guy around SA, but he’s absolutely never had a boring fight in the UFC. The closest was when Brendan Vera ran away like a coward, and even then Ben gave us fond and exciting memories of filling up his meter and executing a Perfect Hyper Combo Finish. Ben also wants to win the championship in memory of his friend who died in a drunk driver accident, and he also realized that you need to be a personality to succeed, so he adopted this evil wizard persona that promises to destroy the Lost Continent of Faerun with the Tsunami of Rothwell. It comes off a lot like Professor Chaos, but I find it very endearing and can’t wait for a thousand dark and terrible years under our new Lich Emperor  Bantamweight   vs.   Iuri Alcantara has been around for a while and fought in the same number of weight classes as Rumble. In fact, if Iuri had been in the UFC in 2010, this now-bantamweight could have been booked in a fight against the light-heavyweight headliner of this very card  Alcantara’s kind of weird in that he’s known as a scrambly fighter, but has no sub wins in the UFC. He’s also got really good power in his hands, but hasn’t been terrific at using it, amassing just two (legal) UFC KOs, and three Zuffa ones with a big feather-in-his-cap performance over Ricardo Lamas in WEC. This fight has the potential to be really cool, but also might fizzle out and settle into a puddle of lukewarm piss.Jimmie Rivera doesn’t give a lot of hope for the former, unfortunately. He got a reputation as a boring fighter outside of the UFC, earning all sorts of decisions. He took his time at amassing experience from a young age, though, and is 18-1 at 26. He also apparently found some power, as he finished Marcus Brimage in his UFC debut. You know who else did that? Conor McGregor. If you ignore everything else at play here, then you can focus on that and talk yourself into caring about this fight. Two lightweights fighting at a gentleman's agreement of welterweight   vs.   Straight from the Feywild, a mystical fairy realm in eternal autumn’s twilight, Sage Northcutt has emerged to carve a path into the UFC Media Machine through some exciting performances against trashbag fighters and the Fertitta’s pocket books. He has looked really good at knocking scrubs out, and also looked really bad at getting off his back and staying there. Come March he'll only have to wait one more year to buy a beer (if his daddy lets him) so he has effectively his whole career to get better in this regard, but it remains a pretty clear flaw that may be exploited if someone comes along. He also has five years to break the UFC record for youngest fighter to earn 10 UFC wins, and is already 20% of the way there. Sage's opponent Bryan Barberena is nicknamed "Bam Bam." He's 1-1 in the UFC, dropping a decision to decentish Canadian prospect Chad Larpise and earning a TKO over Jake Ellenberger's smaller, shittier twin brother with a fatal blood disorder. His hair isn't as well styled as Sage's but it is very full and lush, so I'd say he has decent enough odds of joining the boy band as the backup guy. Not a Nick or Justin like Sage, of course, but a solid JC Chasez. Other poo poo to watch FS1 Prelims, 5 p.m. ET Welterweight Tarec Saffiedine vs. Jake Ellenberger Lightweight Olivier Aubin-Mercier vs. Carlos Diego Ferreira Middleweight Kevin Casey vs. Rafael Natal Flyweight Dustin Ortiz vs. Wilson Reis Welterweight George Sullivan vs. Alexander Yakovlev Featherweight Alex Caceres vs. Masio Fullen Fight Pass Prelims, 3:30 p.m. ET Featherweight Levan Makashvili vs. Damon Jackson Lightweight Tony Martin vs. Felipe Olivieri Welterweight Matt Dwyer vs. Randy Brown Official MMA snack rating: Whatever you can afford from the Tavern Food chart with the gp you find in a day's adventuring 
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Jan 30, 2016 02:27
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And if it gets updated in time, don't forget to check Marching Powder's Midcard Madness! Goonweight is taking a break right now.
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Jan 30, 2016 02:30
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Amazing op, unknowable is the greatest of actions, truly!
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Jan 30, 2016 02:42
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What on earth are you talking about, Barnett/Nelson was a fun fight
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Jan 30, 2016 02:43
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fatherdog posted:What on earth are you talking about, Barnett/Nelson was a fun fight I am inherently biased against decisions involving Roy Nelson, and I own that.
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Jan 30, 2016 02:46
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The effort you put into these is awesome and they're a treat to read.
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Jan 30, 2016 02:48
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Bluedeanie posted:I am inherently biased against decisions involving Roy Nelson, and I own that. Watching Nelson get beat up for 25 minutes while occasionally gasping on top of Barnett was fantastic.
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Jan 30, 2016 02:55
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I am surprised and impressed by the amount of effort this lovely card's OP received
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Jan 30, 2016 03:07
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Bryan Barberena is far more attractive than Sage.
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Jan 30, 2016 03:10
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I have no clue what the time traveling drunk driver thing is but it made me lol
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Jan 30, 2016 03:22
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I've put less work into University assignments than you put into your OPs. loving amazing. Also, Northcutt creeps me the gently caress out and I really hope he finds a way to lose.
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Jan 30, 2016 03:23
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Vomik posted:I have no clue what the time traveling drunk driver thing is but it made me lol Ben Rothwell popped for high T after the Vera fight and claimed he needed to be on TRT because he was hit by a car like 14 years ago and it hosed up his balls.
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Jan 30, 2016 03:24
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Big Ben's charisma stat is way too high.
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Jan 30, 2016 03:53
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Bluedeanie posted:Ben Rothwell popped for high T after the Vera fight and claimed he needed to be on TRT because he was hit by a car like 14 years ago and it hosed up his balls. and it worked. i'm trying to think if ryan bader actually has one punch power and i'm pretty sure the answer is no. he knocked out three of the chinniest guys to ever fight. vinny who was knocked out by old man perosh in 14 seconds, jason brilz who was knocked out by old man matyushenko in like 14 seconds, and the dean of mean. he beat the hell out of old man perosh for three rounds without finishing him and he just played pattycakes with rashad and phil davis. i didn't see his fight with feijao but i'm going to assume that it was awful. actually come to think of it he did hurt glover which is probably his most impressive accomplishment to date.
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Jan 30, 2016 03:58
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Bluedeanie posted:Ben Rothwell popped for high T after the Vera fight and claimed he needed to be on TRT because he was hit by a car like 14 years ago and it hosed up his balls. That is amazing. He's earned a fan
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Jan 30, 2016 03:58
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EmmyOk posted:The effort you put into these is awesome and they're a treat to read. Also, D&D and UFC, together at last! I will be playing a 5e session while the card is on so this theme was well-timed.
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Jan 30, 2016 04:35
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Someone please tweet Barnett's character card to him. Awesome OP as always.
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Jan 30, 2016 04:35
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Trast posted:Someone please tweet Barnett's character card to him. Awesome OP as always. done. I tweeted him Rothwell's too, as I figured that was more likely to elicit some kind of "the gently caress is this poo poo?" response.
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Jan 30, 2016 05:17
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God drat that's a good OP. Edit: godsdrat
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Jan 30, 2016 05:25
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thank you Bluedeanie
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Jan 30, 2016 05:33
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"Level 3 can " 
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Jan 30, 2016 05:34
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OP is art
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Jan 30, 2016 05:56
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due to university starting again i'll only be updating mcm for proper numbered ufc's. wonderful op. i usually try not to read into weigh in stuff too much especially after me thinking that holly was shook at the ronda weigh in but rampage hitting 205 in pants gives me amazing confidence in his ability to beat the gently caress out of bader no matter who dictates the pace.
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Jan 30, 2016 06:47
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These are all so good.
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Jan 30, 2016 06:48
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All male creatures who can see Sage Northcutt must make a DC20 Charisma save or be charmed by Northcutt. The effect never ends.
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Jan 30, 2016 06:56
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Marching Powder posted:due to university starting again i'll only be updating mcm for proper numbered ufc's. wonderful op. 
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Jan 30, 2016 07:06
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holy poo poo after the jones / woodley thing you might be right
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Jan 30, 2016 07:10
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Boco_T posted:thank you Bluedeanie Yeah this is a great op.
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Jan 30, 2016 07:25
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Thank you bluedeanie. That was a great op and even though this card sucks I'm excited to see rumble treat Bader like they've been dating for the last 5 months
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Jan 30, 2016 07:31
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This is a really good OP. It made me look forward to watching this and that's something.
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Jan 30, 2016 07:47
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everyone's down to divvy up a medium pizza from Dominoes with mushroom and spinach, right
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Jan 30, 2016 08:00
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This OP is fantabulous.
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Jan 30, 2016 09:30
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Bluedeanie posted:Rothwell’s a love or hate guy around SA, but he’s absolutely never had a boring fight in the UFC. I remember the Gilbert Yvel fight being really bad, but I never rewatched it and it was like five years ago, so I could be wrong.
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Jan 30, 2016 10:33
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Good to see Mac splitting off from The Gang and finally attaining his in-cage Hoop Dreams
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Jan 30, 2016 10:51
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loving great OP. Shame all of these fights are going to be bad.
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Jan 30, 2016 11:19
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Big Ben Rothwell is my boy and I have faith in him
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Jan 30, 2016 11:28
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Barbarena is better looking and actually isn't that bad a fighter. He should beat the kid imo.
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Jan 30, 2016 11:37
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Hace posted:Big Ben Rothwell is my boy and I have faith in him Based on your av you should probably root for Josh Barnett because he is an anime
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Jan 30, 2016 12:00
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Hace posted:Big Ben Rothwell is my boy and I have faith in him i really like big ben. his mummy thing draws obvious parallels to a certain boxer and it's proving extremely effective. i hope he can continue to be successful but i can't shake the impending 3 round fence loving.
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Jan 30, 2016 12:06
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"one a year, josh barnett may fight" lol
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Jan 30, 2016 12:31
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