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Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers
Hey, I need a job!

I'm pretty good at pretty much most stuff but I'm not an expert on anything. I like to call it "being a jack of all trades" hehehe

But yah I'm pretty good at most stuff. I know a bit of programming, I'm pretty adept at photoshop, I'm alright with 3d studio max and maya, I can bore your grandparents to death [if you'll give me part of their life insurance settlement] with details of Roman history from Cincinnatus to Justinian.

Can live and work anywhere as long as there is 1) 1 grocery store and 2) 2 bars and 3) 30Mbps internet minumum

Thanks!
~Jesus~

Jesus Christ fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Feb 5, 2016

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bing_commander
Aug 14, 2009

In other news..
theres a concession stand worker opening on my towns website

www
Aug 4, 2010

do charity work, meet and help people

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
was all set to PM you an offer letter for $30/hr but then you said need 30/mbps internet, kind of a deal breaker in the shithole i live in

Other Barry
Jun 5, 2012


Dinosaur Gum
have you considered linking your patreon in all your posts

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
I have a position open for Buttucked

Would you be interested in applying for the position of Buttfucked

The Taint Reaper
Sep 4, 2012

by Shine
I turned down a job that offered 90k a year because it wasn't enough and my wife grimmaced at me so then I get offered a higher paying job and when I got hired she ruins everything again by giving me a list of things that she wants now including a 4th baby and a new kitchen.

jobs not even once.

and the kitchen we have is not even 4 years old.

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers
see! I'm clean and organized and I get work done while still having fun!

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

Kuato posted:

was all set to PM you an offer letter for $30/hr but then you said need 30/mbps internet, kind of a deal breaker in the shithole i live in

jokes on you, I'm not gonna shell out for PMs as long as ralp is a mod :)

[pedit] or maybe jokes on lowtax? lol[/exit]

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

by zen death robot

Jesus Christ posted:

jokes on you, I'm not gonna shell out for PMs as long as ralp is a mod :)

this guy has principles, he's gonna go far in this industry (scuba)

The Taint Reaper
Sep 4, 2012

by Shine
The most expensive thing I wanted to get was a dog but like a big dog and not a small dog so the kids wouldn't break it.


but those plans are dashed now she went out shopping with the inlaws for granite counter tops.

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

retard masturbator

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)

The Taint Reaper posted:

The most expensive thing I wanted to get was a dog but like a big dog and not a small dog so the kids wouldn't break it.


but those plans are dashed now she went out shopping with the inlaws for granite counter tops.

souds like ur missus is trying to compensate with material things for living a joyless life married to a goon mate

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

The Taint Reaper posted:

The most expensive thing I wanted to get was a dog but like a big dog and not a small dog so the kids wouldn't break it.


but those plans are dashed now she went out shopping with the inlaws for granite counter tops.

granite countertops are actually a worthwhile investment. I know you probably just microwave hotpockets all day long and put them up ye bum but they're actually very nice for people who cook.

The cool thing is, since you are a bumshover of hopos, that granite counter adds value to your property.





The dog does not. in fact, it detracts value.

But! medium to big dogs are cool. The small yappy dogs are utter poo poo. The hugmongous dogs are utter poo poo. But something inbetween is a good friend. Probably a better friend than your wife.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
I thought you were a carpenter?

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
i too would like a job, that pays more than my present job. i'm virtually useless and don't know much of anything, which is why I've always had to work for some form of government (federal, local, etc.).

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)

Jesus Christ posted:

granite countertops are actually a worthwhile investment. I know you probably just microwave hotpockets all day long and put them up ye bum but they're actually very nice for people who cook.

The cool thing is, since you are a bumshover of hopos, that granite counter adds value to your property.





The dog does not. in fact, it detracts value.

But! medium to big dogs are cool. The small yappy dogs are utter poo poo. The hugmongous dogs are utter poo poo. But something inbetween is a good friend. Probably a better friend than your wife.

what the gently caress are you on about mate

The Taint Reaper
Sep 4, 2012

by Shine

Chomp8645 posted:

I thought you were a carpenter?

Carpentry is historically a dangerous profession if you're jewish.

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

Zzulu posted:

what the gently caress are you on about mate

truth juice

lorn Wayne
Jan 7, 2006

:staredog::meowth::pipe:
I run a startup.

We're making a revolutionary app, think of it as the Snapchat of Tinders for Uber. Heh I don't want to give away too much until you sign an NDA, but we're gonna be massive in the smart kitchenware industry let me tell you.

Your job will be pretty simple, just coding, graphic design, and some minor odds and ends like marketing, finance and legal.

I can pay you with generous stock and whatever beer we have in the fridge.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
I need a friend, I will pay you well in both currency and love

Feedback Agency
Apr 23, 2014

you're cute OP

Pochoclo
Feb 4, 2008

No...
Clapping Larry
I will give you 100 dollars a month to clean my house

EDIT: oh wait you use Visual Studio nevermind

Pochoclo fucked around with this message at 21:06 on Feb 5, 2016

Dr. Dogballs Jr.
Jun 9, 2014

the angriest sex machine

symbolic posted:

retard masturbator

if you're not gonna build stuff or cure diseases...

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy
You sound like a big dork

TK-42-1
Oct 30, 2013

looks like we have a bad transmitter



I have a castle that needs regular pissing on. Are you my man?

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
Pastry chef. Ready... GO! :chef:

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

Feedback Agency posted:

you're cute OP

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY
Why don't you have a seat? Something to drink? Claire, can we have some water, please? Lemon, no lemon?

All rightee, it says here your last job was "selling copper to trick-rear end marks"

What were your responsibilities?

Vaginal Vagrant
Jan 12, 2007

by R. Guyovich
Jesus Christ can you do anything useful?

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
It's Butthead irl.

gizmojumpjet
Feb 21, 2006

Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt.
Grimey Drawer
I really have a need for an experienced operator for a Tigercat 604C cable skidder but heavy equipment operation doesn't seem to be a part of your skillset. I'm pretty bummed because when you said you pretty good at most stuff I sort of got excitied thinking that meant you had some useful and marketable skills but it turns out you maybe, maybe know a little bit about a few software programs every wannabe geek nerd has gotten off a torrent at one time or another.

Joke's on me, I guess.

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

gizmojumpjet posted:

I really have a need for an experienced operator for a Tigercat 604C cable skidder but heavy equipment operation doesn't seem to be a part of your skillset. I'm pretty bummed because when you said you pretty good at most stuff I sort of got excitied thinking that meant you had some useful and marketable skills but it turns out you maybe, maybe know a little bit about a few software programs every wannabe geek nerd has gotten off a torrent at one time or another.

Joke's on me, I guess.

What certifications are required?

Booblord Zagats
Oct 30, 2011


Pork Pro
I thought you were a carpenter

Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice




I'll give you $10 to suck my dick.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe
I hear the Jerk store was fresh out of you, so that's where you should apply.

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





I hear they are hiring at Yahoo :lol:

EvilJoven
Mar 18, 2005

NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?
Fun Shoe

gizmojumpjet posted:

I really have a need for an experienced operator for a Tigercat 604C cable skidder but heavy equipment operation doesn't seem to be a part of your skillset. I'm pretty bummed because when you said you pretty good at most stuff I sort of got excitied thinking that meant you had some useful and marketable skills but it turns out you maybe, maybe know a little bit about a few software programs every wannabe geek nerd has gotten off a torrent at one time or another.

Joke's on me, I guess.

This is the part of the thread where I say I would like do do this job with that cool rear end piece of logging gear and ask how much you'd pay and if you offer training and when you say I need to pay for my own training and starting pay is 9 dollars an hour and I turn it down because I literally can't afford to take a job that pays 9 an hour and you complain that you can't find good workers and hire some illegal and then deny responsibility when he gets himself killed.

gizmojumpjet
Feb 21, 2006

Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt.
Grimey Drawer

Jesus Christ posted:

What certifications are required?

My organization takes a rather pragmatic approach when it comes to certifications, licensure, and permitting.

EvilJoven posted:

This is the part of the thread where I say I would like do do this job with that cool rear end piece of logging gear and ask how much you'd pay and if you offer training and when you say I need to pay for my own training and starting pay is 9 dollars an hour and I turn it down because I literally can't afford to take a job that pays 9 an hour and you complain that you can't find good workers and hire some illegal and then deny responsibility when he gets himself killed.

If he gets himself killed we don't see how that can in any reasonable way be deemed to be our liability.

As our motto clearly states: There's no We in Personal Responsibility!

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Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

gizmojumpjet posted:

My organization takes a rather pragmatic approach when it comes to certifications, licensure, and permitting.


If he gets himself killed we don't see how that can in any reasonable way be deemed to be our liability.

As our motto clearly states: There's no We in Personal Responsibility!

i'm game

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