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Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

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Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
Jesus Christ that's cool

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
Bet his skanky little talons were cold af

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

those look more like airplanes to me.

coolskull
Nov 11, 2007

birds are neat. thanks for the image op.

Forward Toward
Aug 14, 2015

No Tank You. not today tanks. Tank you very much.

TANK TANK TANK


VRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Two birds enter, one bird leaves...

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.
Grimey Drawer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ron-TE0dYjM

these are some birds that live in my yard, well that's my story thanks for watching

naem
May 29, 2011



I like dags

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PParRiWHLlU

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
crows are the coolest birds

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers
what are birds? we really don't know

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home
Is there a meaner animal than a bird?

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
a bird with tits

coolskull
Nov 11, 2007


this is very disrespectful to cockat*s, please be more aware in the future.

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home
There's some birds who hang out in my tree and poo poo all over my car everyday. I got on a ladder and tried loving them up with a broom handle but they won't stop trolling me. I'm about to cut this tree down.

Nucken Futz
Oct 30, 2010

by Reene

Jesus Christ posted:

what are birds? we really don't know

I have long enjoyed a friendly relationship with birds. Save for a few skirmishes with ducks and geese, I have never had a problem with birds in my life. And really, do ducks and geese count as birds? I have always considered them more of an amusement, since they are delightfully fun to incite. Running from bulls may be a manly daredevil sport known throughout the world, but running from a hoard of enraged geese is a much more accessible activity you can swing just about any time of the year.
It seems as though a strange and dramatic shift has occurred in the last few years. Parrots, long a favorite of Portuguese sailors and crazy ladies alike, have developed terrifying telepathic powers. The vanguard of this new race of telepathic parrots is an African Grey by the name of N'kisi, a genius bird with a vocabulary comparable to my own.
The N'kisi Project is a series of controlled experiments and ongoing research in interspecies communication and telepathy conducted by Aimee Morgana and her language-using parrot N'kisi.
Apparently this is all somehow old news. The avian equivalent of the Manhattan Project occurred and I don't recall a single instance where the news media informed me that the sovereignty of my mind was now fair game for nosy parrots. It was shocking, horrifying, and bewildering, like a death row electrocution getting interrupted by an ugly streaker. It never once dawned on me that parrots were reading my innermost thoughts and then probably making wisecracks about them. I have no idea how badly I've been compromised by mind reading parrots, and probably never will. How great is their range? Right now is some bastard parrot in the Congo telling some stranger – or worse, other smartass birds – that I spend my nights wondering why Karen from "The Office" doesn't love me? The invasion of privacy is absolutely chilling.

There is no sanctuary. This epochal development in bird affairs is entirely unacceptable. Let's take a moment to review a few facts related to this matter.
Fact: Nowhere in the Bible does it mention telepathic parrots. Furthermore, it mentions no mind reading animals of any sort to my knowledge, though it does feature interspecies communication in the form of Moses talking to a bush with a fully developed larynx.
Fact: Science books do not mention telepathic parrots.
Fact: Humans are the most advanced species on the planet and still cannot read minds.
Fact: Mind reading parrots are at odds with science and religion.
This brings up two important questions for me.
First, how long have they been telepathic? We have been keeping them in cages and as pets for millennia. There, in the solitude of those cages, have they reshaped their brains to comprehend a realm beyond the physical? Or have they always been listening in since the dawn of time, resting on the shoulders of mankind mere inches from his brain physically, but within it all the while psychically? Who knows what historic events psychic parrots might have influenced. Was there a nefarious parrot whispering in Hitler's ear? One wonders.
Secondly, now that the telepathic abilities of parrots is public, how long until parrots are weaponized? If canaries are good at detecting poisonous gases in mines, why not deploy parrots for use in war? Armies could train parrots to read the minds of terrorist enemies, revealing vital intelligence. Corporations, too, could employ parrots to sniff out details on rival firms or monitor the thoughts of their employees. Expect to see political candidates exploiting pools of feathered procogs and telepaths in their ruthless pursuit of power. I foresee a terrifying Orwellian future where parrots, not nuclear weapons, will be the most dangerous weapon known to man.
Another possibility is that parrots are not telepathic and the great N'kisi is an elaborate fraud. Parrot brains, being about the size of a peanut next to our Arby's Super Roast Beef Sandwich-sized brains, would logically be incapable of digesting the wealth of information circulating at any moment in the vortex of the human consciousness. But still, that doesn't mean that they aren't listening in. You don’t have to hear all of a conversation or even understand the sum of it to repeat part of it. Let's face it: The evidence is overwhelming. Right now your private thoughts are being parroted by parrots.
From these facts we can conclude that parrots are an abomination to everyone and everything, and must be melted down to molten ore like the feathery witches they are. Only then will we be safe. Only then will our thoughts be our own. Until that day comes, anything you think is fair game. Cage the birds all you want, but know that bars cannot confine their evil minds.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Full Metal Jackass posted:

There's some birds who hang out in my tree and poo poo all over my car everyday. I got on a ladder and tried loving them up with a broom handle but they won't stop trolling me. I'm about to cut this tree down.

Fer a while we had robins admiring themselves in the mirrors of our cars. Also dumping mad rear end all down the doors next to the mirrors. Had to put socks on the mirror until they went away / got over it / ran out of birdshit

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Full Metal Jackass posted:

Is there a meaner animal than a bird?

I feel like a bird is pretty gentle and kind animal who would mostly rather fly away than bother u

Genesplicer
Oct 19, 2002

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

Total Clam

As someone who suffers from cold hands and feet, all I can imagine is how chilly those bird toes must be.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

genesplicer posted:

As someone who suffers from cold hands and feet, all I can imagine is how chilly those bird toes must be.


Sheep-Goats posted:

Bet his skanky little talons were cold af

naem
May 29, 2011

Tiny little velociraptors itt

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers
lol if you look at the picture even closer and pay attention to the feet, you can see that one bird was like "alright, take a look" and then walked on ny

uggos exist even in bird life. Chances are, it is you.

SHISHKABOB
Nov 30, 2012

Fun Shoe
Some birds have scary eyes like pelicans. Others are cool like crows. I like eagles and blue storks.

Stork. Haha, what a dumb name.

Bobert Bobertson
Apr 1, 2014
cranes are pretty rad and slay anything they can fit in their beaks. crows also teach their babies what to avoid and poo poo

Lucky Guy
Jan 24, 2013

TY for no bm


this bird is about to drop some sick beats

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015

I like birds a lot, but only because they're going to be in Star Citizen.

AEMINAL
May 22, 2015

barf barf i am a dog, barf on your carpet, barf

Jesus Christ posted:

what are birds? we really don't know

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015

Nolan Arenado
May 8, 2009

Penguins are the best birds. Check out this penguin cam.

http://www.aviary.org/penguin-cam

If you are tuning in soon after I post you will notice a penguin that is sleeping by smooshing his/her face up against a rock wall. That penguin sleeps like that most nights for some reason, it is very cute.

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



who are these loving liberals that are trying to tell me birds are just tiny dinosaurs?

naem
May 29, 2011


:swoon:

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

genesplicer posted:

As someone who suffers from cold hands and feet, all I can imagine is how chilly those bird toes must be.

Lol if you think hardcore mother fuckers like birds give a poo poo about things like "cold"

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
ojsrhb

raton fucked around with this message at 02:48 on Mar 1, 2016

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

Sheep-Goats posted:

I bought a heat rock for my cockatiels in the winter and they loved it a lot and the dominant one wouldn't let the tumblr one sit on it for more than a couple of seconds.

My frumpy female cockatiel bullies the crap out of her husband

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

O_O\

where can I buy this?!

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
Birds are flying dinosaurs that hate you.

AEMINAL
May 22, 2015

barf barf i am a dog, barf on your carpet, barf

criscodisco posted:

Birds are flying dinosaurs that hate you.

wheneber i see them walking around i think of tiny velociraptors

it's craZY

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Gasbraai
Oct 25, 2010

Lictor my Dictor
Its cool how many birds there are when they were only introduced to Britain in the 1960s

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