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Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



basically i'm taking MY GIRLFRIEND to a nice french place for valentines day and she isn't a big fan of wine but she really likes tequila. i dont think they're gonna have tequila so what's the best way to get tequila into the restaurant?

here's some answers i will NOT accept
- ask the cooks in the back (racist)
- buy it at the restaurant (they dont have tequila at the restaurant)
- kill you're self (this doesn't help my issue also its very rude to kill yourself in a nice restaurant)
- hail satan (correct but not germane to the problem at hand)

in all honesty i'm kind of relieved she's not super into wine because i don't want to do that whole ritual of sniffing the glass or whatever. if you subscribe to my posts, i already posted my thoughts on this act of pretentiousness in another thread and i apologize for rehashing original gorilla man content

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AbbadonOfHell
Jul 16, 2004
You know I would try to think of something funny to put here but ill just pass on that and threaten people with a + 2 board with a nail in it.
Just get a flask dude.

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
Do they have BYO licences in us or not? Yiu can bring your own booze to places in aus

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
buy this for YOUR GIRLFRIEND



Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
You brinf your booze and hand it over and pay like $3 eo they serve it back to you

Dr. Fraiser Chain
May 18, 2004

Redlining my shit posting machine


Step one: Call place, ask if they have tequila

Step two: they probably have tequila.

If they don't call and inquire about what bottles of wine they have. Buy yourself a brand of white they carry. Replace that white wine with tequila, stuff in purse. Order the bottle at the restaurant. Waiter leaves, switch bottles.

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
Pretend you are on life support but the drip and oxygen tank and rolling bed are all full of tquilla

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
Fill a camelbak with the devil's mouthwash and convince everybody she's pregnant

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


if you don't love your girlfriend enough to smuggle a fifth of tequila into olive garden in your rear end then just pass her on over here bub cuz you don't deserve her

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
tell her to suck it up and drink some friggin wine youre going to a restaurant not a sorority house

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


oh sorry nice french place just pretend instead of olive garden i said panera bread

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
I dont think ive been to a resteraunt (excluding halal) im my life that dosent have basic spirits

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


Enfield posted:

tell her to suck it up and drink some friggin wine youre going to a restaurant not a sorority house

also this, drink the tequila after while you're gradually peeling off each other's clothes retard

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
I ordered arak shots and a lebanese place and theu brought me free bread so i wouldnt get shitfaced right away

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
Theres a chinese place on lygon st that will sell you a bottle of 65% chinese paint stripper for $30. Its only on the chinese writing part of the menu.

The waiters once carried me into a taxi

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


Isaac posted:

The waiters once carried me into a taxi

please tell me you yelled 'rape!!!!' as loud as you could and head butted one of them in the nuts and threw up all over you're self

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY
Hmm. I was going to say Hail Satan, but if you've already given up on such a proven tactic there's not much I can say to convince you. Might as well go back and re-invent the wheel, dude.

Airplane shots in the bathroom are also okay, but then you can't take them together. Plus public bathrooms are not so romantic.

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe

MiracleWhale posted:

please tell me you yelled 'rape!!!!' as loud as you could and head butted one of them in the nuts and threw up all over you're self

I went there two times.

1st time i passed out and the girl i was with ditched me and came back and had them taxi me to her house to sleep it off

2nd time i was vomiting in a bin at 11am and went back to the same plave and maybe smoked meth for the first and only time

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


Isaac posted:

1st time i passed out and the girl i was with ditched me and came back and had them taxi me to her house to sleep it off

*nod nod* hold on to that one, she's a keeper

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
hand sanitizer bottle

Edmund Sparkler
Jul 4, 2003
For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

Robo Reagan posted:

hand sanitizer bottle

this but don't empty the sanitizer out, just drink it instead of the tequila to get drunk

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
that would probably work

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)
drink it all before you go

simplefish
Mar 28, 2011

So long, and thanks for all the fish gallbladdΣrs!


Nation posted:

drink it all before you go

this you fucken retard

also norwegian for pre-loading on booze is 'foreplay' so you know its the proper start to a good evening

Edmund Sparkler
Jul 4, 2003
For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

Nation posted:

drink it all before you go

seriously

you can even be a normal person and go to a nice cocktail bar or something before the restaurant

Lolie
Jun 4, 2010

AUSGBS Thread Mum
Buy a flask cane.

Or you could just ring and ask whether they have tequila. Restaurants make a lot of money off drinks and it's very unlikely they're not going to have basic spirits.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY
Nothing says Valentine's day like fancy cuisine and a half gallon of Montezuma.

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
plug it with some immodium

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

Nation posted:

drink it all before you go

good idea nay nay

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
How do i sneak a rare burger patty into buegwr king

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

Isaac posted:

How do i sneak a rare burger patty into buegwr king

i think you mean hungry jacks, and by hungry jacks i mean gently caress that and go to oportos

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


Come on really? You're taking your girlfriend to a nice restaurant and you are afraid they won't have one of the staple liquors for any loving bar in the world? If they have a bar at this restaurant, they have loving tequila. If it's a nice place, they probably have something better than Jose Garbage Gold.

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
In your stomach op

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe

Nation posted:

i think you mean hungry jacks, and by hungry jacks i mean gently caress that and go to oportos

I have a localization team in taiwan that makes my posts universally understandable

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


Isaac posted:

I have a localization team in taiwan that makes my posts universally understandable

Hmm, they seem to not be doing a good job.

Scientastic
Mar 1, 2010

TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒


thathonkey posted:

In your stomach op

This, then regurgitate it into her mouth at the table, like a bird feeding its young

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

Hmm, they seem to not be doing a good job.

It's cause he went to taiwan for his talent

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
Oporto used ti be really good but i think i had a few poo poo burgers from them like 7 years ago anf never went again. I figured they were oit of buisnrss

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

Isaac posted:

Oporto used ti be really good but i think i had a few poo poo burgers from them like 7 years ago anf never went again. I figured they were oit of buisnrss

i haven't been to oz for about that long so probably checks out

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thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
Actually really nice restaurants will let you bring your own bottle of wine for special occasions if make arrangements for it and pay their fee while setting up the reservation. Tequila is not a very classy liquor but you might be able to convince them that you have a sentimental bottle you want to enjoy with your meal but theyll prob just immediately smell the classlessness of your request and suddenly notice your table was double booked sooooooo sorry about that

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